Psychological Suggestion: Awaken Your Best Self

Chapter 10 My Happiness Machine
Section [-] Results Are Not All

Sorry, before I get to the point, I want to tell a story, or an experiment:
The subjects of the experiment were two groups of people who were very similar in ability, education, experience, and work experience.They were voluntarily subjected to the experiment.

At the beginning of the experiment, the experimenter asked them to complete 20 identical tasks in the same time as a group, and both groups agreed and devoted themselves to the completion of the task.However, due to the deliberate interference of the experimenters, one group could not work with peace of mind and did not complete the task when the stipulated time came, while the other group successfully completed the task because it was not disturbed.

The group that successfully completed the task experienced a state of nervousness after accepting the task, but when the task was completed, the nervousness disappeared in them.In contrast to the results, it was the group that did not complete the task.

The group that did not complete the task also had mental tension after the task began, but after the end of the experiment, their tension was not relieved. Because they did not complete the task, they always involuntarily think about the unfinished task. As for work, the three words "unfinished" haunt them deeply like a curse, keeping their emotions from being released, and their spirits continue to be tense, resulting in symptoms such as fatigue, anxiety, irritability, and uneasiness.

What does this experiment prove?It may prove nothing, it may prove a lot, but, obviously, that is not the focus of this book.The reason why I tell you about this special experiment led by the famous French psychologist Zigarnik is just to tell you one thing, or a conclusion, that is-work pressure can lead to psychological tension!

Do not doubt, this is the famous Zigarnik effect, and its scientificity has been verified by countless people.

I still remember that one summer, I was invited to dine with a big entrepreneur.Before the meeting, I would never have imagined that a "gentleman" could be so "rude" when eating.Yes, that big entrepreneur is not elegant. He eats very fast, devours voraciously, and chews slowly. Such adjectives can never be applied to him.I was puzzled, but in the face of my question, the big entrepreneur only answered three words: "I'm too busy!"

Oh, yes, he should indeed be busy. He is the president of a company with assets worth hundreds of millions. There are too many things in the company that need him to deal with, so it is natural for him to be busy.But is he really that busy?Should he really be so busy?Too busy to enjoy delicious food, no time to enjoy any fun besides work?In other words, is his "busy" really valuable?Can his "busyness" allow him to get the fullest display of his intelligence and talents?I am not him, but I can give the answer, from an absolutely rational and objective point of view - no!
This busy president has actually fallen into the vicious circle of the "Zigarnik effect".

Of course, we have no reason to laugh at him, because most of us also live in such a vicious circle. After we accept a job, we will always feel nervous habitually and involuntarily.The tension can be light or heavy, but no matter how heavy it is, it stays with us until we get the job done.

In 1888, on the day of the U.S. presidential election, the results of the voting were still pending. Many people who were waiting for the news felt anxious, but one of the presidential candidates, Benjamin Harrison, fell asleep peacefully.At eleven o'clock in the evening, the statistical results finally came out. Benjamin's friend called him excitedly, but he got a reply that Harrison was already asleep.This made my friend feel annoyed and funny, and when he came to question him early the next morning, Benjamin smiled and said: "Staying up all night will not change the result. If I am elected, I know that the road ahead will be difficult for me. So anyway , resting is a wise choice.”

Yes, work can be stressful, and rest is wise.Benjamin understood this truth very early on, so although the Zigarnik effect inevitably worked on him, it did not affect him.Obviously, he is wise.

In daily work and study, we always tend to complete a kind of behavior, which is a psychological function and an innate instinct.For example, we want to finish reading a book, playing a game, guessing a riddle, finishing a paper... This "desire to complete" dominates and affects us all the time, making us nervous, Go hard and work hard.

This urgent desire to complete and the sense of tension during the completion process are beneficial to people to a certain extent. Appropriate pressure and tension can make people work hard. However, what is appropriate?This degree is not easy to grasp.The ubiquity of the Zigarnik effect also proves that the existence of this desire for completion does us more harm than good.

That being said, you may feel confused and incomprehensible, so well, let's put it another way.

It is understandable that work creates stress, but the reason why stress arises is simple, because we care too much about results.When we accept a task, we want to complete it. When we do something, we don’t want it to be done halfway. We are obsessed with the result of "doing". We are afraid of no result, afraid of being evaluated and criticized, so pressure appears, so We get nervous, we get anxious, we get restless.And once things are done and the results appear, no matter whether we are satisfied with the results, we will breathe a sigh of relief, not for anything else, just because of the results.

It's like a writer creating a book. Before the book is finished, the writer will always think about it subconsciously, thinking about the language, characters, structure, and framework of the book, thinking about the market positioning and actual value of the book, and thinking about it. ... In short, the writer will think about what should be considered and what should not be considered, what should be worried and what should not be worried, because all the results are pending, because there is no result yet, so he will be very nervous, very worried, and will have trouble sleeping at night.However, once the book is finished and has a result, the writer can really relax psychologically, because no matter whether the book is good or bad, it has a result, and he can explain himself to others.

But is such an attachment really good?

The result is very important, the result is very important, the result is particularly important, I do not deny this point, however, here, I have to emphasize another point, that is - the result is not everything!
As a result of being too obsessed with one thing and one stage, what you will lose will be many unrepeatable beauties.Work is important, but work is not the whole of life; success is important, but success is still not the whole of life.Perhaps, the generation of the Zigarnik effect is really an instinct of human beings, but this instinct is controllable and can be changed.

Of course, I'm not saying that we shouldn't have pressure, and shouldn't be nervous because of work. I just want to say that proper tension is necessary, but excessive tension is absolutely unnecessary!
We all know that driving at high speed is a very dangerous thing, but we are driving our own cars at "super high speed" every day. What a terrible thing this is.

The Zigarnik effect is an instinct, and the pursuit of results is also an instinct, but when the instinct threatens one's own "safety", any instinct should be abandoned.

Remember, the result is not everything, the pressure also needs to be moderate, galloping is very dangerous, it is better to slow down on the road of life.

Chapter [-] Pretend to be in a good mood

What's your job?writer?singer?architect?official?teacher?Bank employee?President?manager?Cleaner?Salesperson?Courier?police?painter?actor?dancer?screenwriter?farmer?
Well, no matter what your occupation is, you must often encounter a situation in your daily life, that is-fatigue!The fatigue mentioned here not only refers to the fatigue of the body, but also represents the fatigue of the mind.

In most cases, people's feeling of fatigue does not come directly from the body, but from the heart, from the person's mental state.

On the second weekend of June, Emma didn't stay in bed, she was full of energy, because she had made an appointment with her friend Jack to visit the Louvre, and Jack promised to accompany her to the opera at night.What a wonderful time with Jack, Emma began to fantasize.After washing up carefully, she put on her favorite blue dress, and then sat quietly by the window, waiting for Jack's arrival.

It was seven o'clock, half an hour before the appointed time, the doorbell rang suddenly, Emmara opened the door, and there was a colleague Josephine standing outside the door.Josephine told her out of breath: "Emma, ​​the company informed me that I have to work overtime today!"

Josephine's words hit Emma like a bolt from the blue, she shook her head: "No, I refuse, my weekend schedule has been arranged, I won't work overtime." Josephine also shook her head: "Emma , you must go, the boss said, whoever doesn’t go today will never go.”

Well, after struggling for 5 minutes, Emma gave in, and she obediently rushed to work with Josephine.Although she left a note for Jack, although she was really helpless, Emma was still worried about Jack's reaction, and her heart was filled with anxiety.

The overtime didn't last long, in fact, after two hours, Emma was "off work" again.Her workload was less than one-fiftieth of her usual workload, or she actually only took two calls and printed two documents.Emma, ​​however, was very tired.

Are you tired?no!I am tired!I am mentally tired!

In daily life, there are many similar examples, and you must have similar experiences: being forced to do things you don’t like to do, taking up eight hours of time, being busy when you are depressed, and being depressed when you are depressed. I still have to do this and that... Unsatisfactory things keep happening, no one can always be smooth sailing, and no one can always maintain a good mood, so, sometimes, if you don’t want to live too tired, don’t want your own When the mood becomes very bad, then you should learn to pretend, yes, pretend, you know, a good mood is actually faked!

What?You say you don't agree with me, you say you can't pretend to be in a good mood, then well, I will let you agree.

In the previous article, I have emphasized more than once that our subconscious mind is naive. It does not know how to distinguish between good and evil, and it does not know right from wrong. It is the most faithful executor. What kind of reaction will be made, as for whether the suggestion is true or false, whether it is based on reality or imagination, whether it is reasonable or absurd, the subconscious mind does not care at all.It is precisely because of this that we can take advantage of the "loopholes" in the operation of the subconscious mind to achieve our wishes and make fakes come true. Therefore, we can only pretend to be in a good mood.

Yes, you were indeed depressed at the beginning, you were wronged, you were angry, you were in pain, and your heart was full of haze, but the real environment requires you to be happy and cheerful. You have no choice but to pretend that you are in a good mood.But your subconscious mind doesn't know this. It receives the hint of "good mood", and responds accordingly. Well, just like that, your mood really becomes "good".

Don't worry, this is not a delusion, but a fact. If you don't believe in such magic, you might as well recall the simplest facts:

A naughty baby looks at you with tears in his eyes because he didn't get candy. You stretch out your finger and gently tease him: "Baby, come and smile."The baby looked at you and forced a smile. You thought that the next moment, he would burst into tears, but you were wrong. After laughing, the tears in the baby's eyes disappeared. After a while, he was really happy Get up, dance and giggle by yourself.

Why?The baby was indeed unhappy at the beginning, and he was reluctant to smile for the first time, but whether he wanted to or not, he smiled, so the smile sent a signal to the subconscious mind: I am very happy.So, the subconscious reacted, and the baby was really happy.It's that simple.

Pretend to be in a certain mood and you will actually feel it.If you fake anger, it won't be long before you're really angry; if you fake sadness, it won't be long before you cry; if you fake happiness, it won't be long before you're in a good mood.

Believe me, the mood can be changed, and the emotion can also be changed, and the secret of change is only one word, that is - pretend!

So, don't hesitate, don't hesitate, for yourself, for your family, for life, for beauty, for all praiseworthy things, let's "deceive" your subconscious mind with good intentions.

Section [-] Fire Fighting Needs Anytime, Anywhere
Each of us received a gift from God at birth - a mood board.

On this colorful drawing board, we can see many emotions, such as blue tranquility, black sadness, bright yellow joy, fiery red anger... There are all kinds of them, and we look at it and examine it. It wants to discover some kind of secret from it, but everything looks so harmonious.All moods, all colors have the same proportion on the mood board.

Shaking our heads, we put away our emotional drawing board and stepped into our own life trajectory.

Day by day, month by month, year by year, we are growing up, we are constantly interpreting our own life, we are changing, we stand on the ship of life and take out the mood board again, at a glance, we Dumbfounded, yes, dumbfounded, because the mood board has changed so much!

How surprising it is that half of the originally colorful drawing board has been occupied by fiery red!
Staring blankly at the mood board, our eyes were full of fire, and after a long time, we sighed, it turned out that I have been so easy to get angry these years.

That's right, half of a person's life is surrounded by anger, especially people living in bustling cities, who are more likely to get angry, angry, and angry.

So, take my advice and be ready to “extinguish the fire” anytime, anywhere, it won’t do you any harm.

Think about it, in daily life and work, are there too many things that make us angry: the papers written so hard are plagiarized; the boss scolds us after a busy day; plastic bags suddenly fall from the sky while walking; Waiting in line for an hour to buy tickets but being cut in line; returning home from shopping and suddenly finding that your wallet is gone; a nouveau riche showing off his wealth in front of you all day long; watching a football game but suddenly the power cuts off; going to the government hall to do errands But I met an arrogant and rude clerk... There are too many "materials" to "ignite the fire". When you burn others, you also burn yourself.It is really not worth it to suffer the pain of "burning with anger" because of a little thing, a little "spark".

What is anger?What is anger?When reflected on the emotional board, anger is fiery red, like clusters of dangerous and beautiful flames, but reflected in the inner world of people, anger is a kind of tension.Yes, anger is a particular kind of nervousness, and nervousness is known to be the most stressful emotion.We all know that creating too much stress is not a good thing, and we all know that getting angry won't solve anything, but can we ever hold ourselves back from being angry?

cannot!Yes, you can't!At least most people can't!
Just imagine, if you were taunted by a mean person when you were most frustrated, would you be able to hold back your anger?If someone adds fuel to the fire when you are extremely angry, can you hold back your anger?If a person plagiarizes your hard-earned thesis and shows it off in front of you, can you resist giving him a punch?If you can still endure this, then I have to say that your endurance has indeed reached perfection.

To be honest, anger is a very normal emotion, and it is impossible for anyone not to be angry for a lifetime.When we encounter things that don’t go our way and see people we hate, we will naturally feel impetuous; when we encounter things that cannot be handled no matter what we do, and people who add fuel to the fire, our hearts will naturally rise. A raging nameless fire.However, normal is normal, but it does not mean that it is right for us to be angry and angry.Anger never distinguishes between friend and foe. When it hurts others, it will inevitably hurt yourself. In the end, the result of anger is usually a loss for both sides.

Of course, getting angry is also a way to vent our emotions. Many times, after we get angry, we will feel relaxed and the resentment in our chest will be relieved a lot.I do not deny this, but this ease is based on moderation.Moderately venting, moderately venting anger can indeed achieve the effect of calming emotions and moods, but once venting excessively, the consequences are quite serious.Not to mention how many stupid things people will do when they are angry, the fact that anger hurts the body is enough to make us vigilant.You must know that when a person is angry, the body is stimulated, and the secretion of adrenaline and hormones in the body will increase, which will cause a certain burden on the cardiovascular system and the heart. If things go on like this, people will suffer from chronic cardiovascular diseases, Liver disease, heart disease, etc.In addition, getting angry not only hurts the body, but also is the biggest killer in interpersonal communication. There are many tragedies caused by "momentary anger".In ancient times, there was Wu Sangui, who became a confidante in a rage, but after being irritated, what he left behind was infamy through the ages. I am afraid that General Wu will regret it later in the army.

Having said so much, in fact, I just want to emphasize one sentence, that is: getting angry hurts others and does not benefit oneself, so fire fighting should be put out anytime and anywhere.

Well, extinguishing the fire is important, but how exactly is the fire going to be extinguished?

Don't worry, I will introduce you to three fire fighting tips below:
Tip one: relax.

Speaking of it, relaxation is the most common way to control anger.When you are ready to get angry because of someone or something, you might as well take a deep breath first.Yes, inhale deeply, exhale deeply, several times in a row, while taking deep breaths, tell yourself: "Relax", "Don't get angry", "Calm down", "Take your time".Then, delay the time to get angry, it doesn't need to be long, 1 minute, 2 minutes, or even a dozen seconds.If you do, you will find that your anger has subsided quite a bit before you know it.Of course, if you can postpone getting angry for a day or two, you will find that the original anger in your heart has been extinguished long ago.

Tip [-]: Re-judgment.

Re-judge what?Of course it's someone or something that makes you angry.

A wild flower is beautiful in the eyes of positive people, but small and ugly in the eyes of negative people; the same person is full of advantages in the eyes of those who appreciate him, but full of advantages in the eyes of those who hate him. shortcoming.In daily life, many people's criteria for judging things are actually unscientific, and they all depend on their own mood, state, likes and dislikes. Therefore, sometimes, if you look at the things that make you angry from another angle, the anger in your heart will not be so angry. big.For example, you are driving normally on the road, and a car suddenly overtakes another car from behind, which makes you very angry.However, if you think about it from another angle, maybe the owner of the car has something urgent, maybe there is a patient waiting to be rescued in the car. Thinking about it this way, do you feel a lot more comfortable? It is necessary to get angry.Well, once you think about it this way, your anger will gradually disappear.

Tip three: exaggerated humor.

What?Are you already on fire?Anger is already burning in your chest and can't be contained?Are you already pissed off?Are you about to jump and yell?Well, don't scold, look at the person who made you angry, don't you think he looks like a funny monkey?Isn't it exhilarating to watch a monkey waddle in front of you and perform a funny show?

Yes, you guessed it right, my third method does just that.If you have been dazzled by anger, if you can't bear it, then try to make the object of your anger ridiculous and animal.

If a dog bites you, can you bite back?The rooster scolds you, can you scold back?You are in a hurry, stuck in traffic, the car owner behind you is chattering, you can’t stand his nagging and annoying, what are you waiting for, turn him into a big cock in your heart, the cock’s mouth opens and closes, spit splashes, it’s not very Ridiculous picture?It's ridiculous to laugh, and as for anger, let it go to hell!
Section [-] Benefits of No Distraction
"How do you evaluate your current work and life status?"

An authoritative psychological research institution once conducted a special survey on this issue, and the survey subjects were all over the whole of France, all aged between 20 and 40 years old.The investigation lasted half a year, and after the investigation results were calculated, many people were dumbfounded.

Because many people have amazingly consistent evaluations of their life and work status, nearly 40.00% of the five people gave the same answer, that is - chaos.

Yes, that's right, chaos.

Can you guess such an answer?If you were asked to answer the above questions, what answer would you give?Or, may I ask this carefully: Is your life chaotic?Is your work chaotic?
Don't rush to affirm or deny, it doesn't make sense.It doesn't matter whether it's chaotic or not, because what we're going to talk about today is happiness, yes, happiness.

Of course, before talking about happiness, we might as well talk about chaos first, not for other reasons, just because the chaotic life or work state is just one of the culprits that make us unhappy, and it is the most annoying one.

You do not believe?Then think about your own experience: Do you feel that work is a mess?Are you worrying about a pile of documents on your desk?Do you feel like you are too busy?Do you feel like you are out of control?Do you have to do many things at the same time?Is it possible to look forward and not look back?Are you driven mad by work?
Well, it’s true that heavy work and trivial life things make you burnt out, but in fact, it’s not the work itself that makes you unhappy, but yourself.

Are you used to reading documents while drinking coffee?Are you in the habit of talking on the phone while driving?Are you in the habit of thinking about your schedule for the week while receiving guests?Are you used to thinking about difficult problems at work while eating?Are you used to reading books while watching TV?Are you used to chatting while writing emails?
yes!You admit it without hesitation, because it doesn't seem like a bad thing to you, on the contrary, it looks like a good skill, and perhaps you are proud of it: See, I made good use of my time; see, How efficient I am.

Well, I have to admit that doing several different things at the same time has become the normal life of many people. People are used to this kind of life and this kind of work, and they are not surprised by it, and even appreciate it.However, did you know that at the same time, a person can only concentrate on doing one thing at a time, if he wants to finish all the things at once and solve all the problems at once, the result is that he can only do one thing at a time No, not a single problem can be solved.

To give you the simplest example, you are given a plate with different quantities of soybeans, mung beans, red beans and black beans. Please report the quantities of these four kinds of beans within 5 minutes.

simple right?There is no difficulty in completing this matter, and both Calvin and John think so.

Calvin is a fast-paced and vigorous person. He doesn't want to waste time, so he uses the method of counting four kinds of beans together. One mung bean, one red bean, one soybean, and one black bean count as one serving. When you have enough, count the remaining three beans as one and continue counting, and so on, until there is only one kind of beans left.To put it bluntly, one of each of the four types of beans counts as one serving. Keep counting until a certain number, such as 30, is reached, and the black beans are gone. Then, it can be proved that there are a total of black beans on the plate. There are 30, and then count one red bean, one mung bean, and one soybean as one portion and continue counting until the number is clear.

In Calvin's opinion, this method is very simple, practical, and saves time, but when he counted, he got confused. Dividing beans one by one is really a technical job. up.

Compared with Calvin, John is not a smart person, and his method of counting beans is also very "stupid", that is, counting one by one, counting the red beans and counting the mung beans, counting the mung beans and counting the soybeans, and counting the soybeans Counting black beans, 5 minutes passed, and John finished counting, and he reported the number of beans accurately.

Counting beans is just a trivial matter, but from this trivial matter, it is not difficult for us to find a fact: doing several things at a time is equivalent to doing useless work, doing one thing at a time, doing it several times in succession, To get things done.

What?You do not believe?You said that there are many people who can do several things well at one time?Well, I admit that there are indeed quite a few such people, but how many of these people finally reaped success and happiness?
A really good salesman will never call a client while walking on a bustling street, because everything around him will distract him, and it is obviously impossible to do things well if he is not focused or even absent-minded.

A really good professional manager will never answer the phone or meet customers while browsing important information, because no matter what he does, he will be distracted, and the result of not being able to concentrate [-]% is likely to miss an important one. information and key points.

There is an old saying in Eastern China called "one careless move, and the whole game is lost", and what is the reason for "one careless move"?distraction!Why the distraction?Not focused enough!Why not focus?Because something else bothered him!Or to put it more bluntly, he was thinking or doing other things while playing chess, so he lost!
This is the case in playing chess, so why not in doing things.In daily life and work, doing several things at a time happens to us too frequently. Maybe we get used to it and don't care about it, but I have to say that this is really not a good thing.

In the previous article, we have already talked about the Zigarnik effect. After a person accepts a job or a task, he will feel nervous and anxious because of the pressure of work and tasks. Dissipates when the task is completed.

Let's do the math, one task creates one tension, one stress, what about two tasks, three tasks, ten tasks?What about twenty tasks?At the same time, the same person should only bear one part of the pressure, but suddenly bears ten or twenty parts of the pressure. What will happen?One serving of nervousness creates a dash of anxiety, a dash of unease, ten servings?What about twenty?To be attacked by so much anxiety, so much uneasiness at the same time, what is the result?Can we bear it?The answer is self-evident.

People, of course you have to be ruthless to yourself, of course you have to learn to fight and struggle, but you also have to learn to stop when enough is enough, learn to combine work and rest, and learn to loosen the reins on your body.There are endless things in the world, and the tasks are endless. Therefore, there is no need for us to put too much pressure on ourselves. Relax, decompress your body, and decelerate your mind. Nothing bad.

(End of this chapter)