The flowers are still sweet in Pinellia

Chapter 38

Watching Mu Yan who was walking round and round in the dormitory with her bag, Dong Fangjing asked suspiciously, "Mu Yan, do you want to go out?"

Suddenly, Mu Yan stopped in her tracks.She looked at Dong Fangjing and said firmly, "Shusha, I must make it clear to him today."

"Lin Xia?"

Just a name completely broke up the psychological preparation she had made so hard. Mu Yan lowered her head and said a word 'um' lightly.

Lin Xia always came to see You Zimo when she was not with her, and she even wondered if he had planted an eyeliner by her side.

For his dinner invitation, she refused every time with righteous words.But as soon as she walked out of the dormitory door, she would find that handsome figure still standing under the plane tree, waiting for her quietly.

Dong Fangjing smiled slightly, "Since he knows that you are in S University, does it mean that he also knows something else?"

"Probably not." Mu Yan shook her head, but then she suddenly remembered the text message he sent, 'Can we go back? '

Did he really know about that, but how is this possible, Jiang Chenning will not tell him the truth.No one will know about this except the two of them.

How could he forgive her when the truth was concealed?
As soon as she left the dormitory building, she saw him immediately, because that eye-catching figure was still waiting for her under the sycamore tree.

"Mu Yan." He smiled lightly, and looked at the girl walking in front of him with a smile on his face, "Let's have a meal together."

"Lin Xia, what do you mean, what do you want from me?" She looked at him, no hesitation in her eyes, "Let's talk about it today."

However, her persistence completely collapsed after his next sentence.

"What's the matter, can't we talk about it after dinner?" He used a gentle and doting tone, which was the tone he used when he spoke to her before.

There was no reason to refuse him, so she had to follow behind him again.

As usual, a lackluster dinner.

Silently following behind him, the two of them walked to the gate of S University again before they knew it.

However, this time she did not refuse him to send her back to the dormitory, but let Lin Xia follow her into the gate of S University.

Because she wanted to explain everything to him.

The two walked to the grove behind the Foreign Language Institute.Finally, unable to hold back the weirdness gushing out of her heart, Mu Yan said casually, "Lin Xia, what do you mean by coming to me over and over again? We have already broken up."

"Yes, we broke up." Lin Xia looked back at her and said calmly, "Although we broke up, why can't we be friends?"

We broke up, can we still be friends?Do you have this entry in your dictionary?Staring at his clear eyes, perhaps only she can understand the pain that keeps surging in her heart.If we can still be friends, then how did she come here in the third year of high school, doesn't he know?
Don't he know those criticisms, those doubts, those rumors, those words that slandered her, and the harm they caused her?
What was he doing then?
Resisting the sourness in her heart, she said casually, "We are not the kind of people who are suitable for being friends. Whether it is your character or my temper, we will not allow us to be friends again after breaking up. We still choose Let’s forget each other and become strangers. Just like four years ago, as if we have never met before, let’s continue to be a pair of strangers.”

Just like he never loved her, and she never loved him, how nice it is to be a pair of strangers.

"In the future, don't come to me again."

After leaving these words, she suddenly turned around and left, but the sudden shackles made her stop abruptly.

Calmly staring at the slender hand that grabbed her wrist, she turned around slowly and said without any tone, "Lin Xia, what exactly do you want?"

Staring closely into her eyes, he suddenly let go of her confinement, and after a while he calmly said, "I know everything."

Time seemed to freeze right there, and after a while, Mu Yan asked in a daze, "Know, what do you know?"

As if trying to calm down the unclear emotions in his heart, he finally said the words that had been hidden in his heart for three years to the girl in front of him, "In order to separate from me, you deliberately said that you like Jiang Chenning. In fact, you don't like him, you have always liked him It's me, isn't it?"

Bitterness filled her heart, Mu Yan lowered her head, it turned out that he really knew the truth of the matter.Then she also performed such a clumsy and lame play in front of him, like a jumping clown, such a funny play.

Yes, she likes him, has always liked him, and has never liked anyone else.But so what?

She took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears that kept rolling in her eyes from falling, "Yeah, I have always liked you, and I have never liked Jiang Chenning. But even if you know, what's the matter What’s the point? You already have girlfriends, and I’m with You Zimo now, how can we continue? Lin Xia, let’s face it, we can’t go back.”

Never going back.If you miss it, you won't come back.

"Girlfriend?" Lin Xia uttered in a daze, "What girlfriend?"

Seeing the astonishment and astonishment on his face, she couldn't help laughing mockingly, "Don't tell me that the girl you're hugging is not your girlfriend, and there are girls who eat with you, anyway, there are many people..."

"The girl who is hugging, the girl who is eating together?" Lin Xia was still in a daze.

"When I was a freshman, during the debate match held by N University and S University, don't tell me that it's not you in the bathroom." She smiled slightly and gave him a "friendly reminder".

Suddenly thought of something, Lin Xia suddenly opened his eyes wide, "You mean Yao Jia?"

Mu Yan was stunned. Although she didn't know who Yao Jia was, she clearly remembered that scene.He hugged her, hugging the girl who attended class with him and helped her carry her luggage.Of course, there is also the girl who ate with him.

Suddenly, Lin Xia burst out laughing, the laughter was unprecedentedly hearty.

"What are you laughing at?" Mu Yan stared at him angrily. Is this a ridiculous thing?

"Yao Jia is not my girlfriend, and neither is the girl who ate with me. I haven't found any girlfriend since I went to college. You have always been the only one." There was a hint of meaning on the corners of the lips Unknown smile, "How do you know Yao Jia, it really is you, right? When I was a freshman, I saw a girl whose back looks very similar to yours. Mu Yan, is it you? You have been to the law building."

Mu Yan was at a loss for words, so she nodded, "I have visited you many times." But after seeing that scene, she never went to N University again.

Hearing these words, a trace of joy flashed across Lin Xia's face.

"But even so, Lin Xia, we can't go back." Mu Yan lowered her eyes, even so, they couldn't go back.

"Why?" Lin Xia asked back, "Why can't we be together?"

"Lin Xia, do you really not understand or are you pretending not to understand. Do you still naively think that I like you? Indeed, I admit that I have not forgotten you until now. However, we cannot go back. Because we have already Not a kid anymore. If we go back, we'll hurt someone else, and I'll hurt the kid whose father saved his life. And those girls like you too, don't they?"

"Mu Yan, I never knew how you became so great." The corners of her lips rose, and the sarcasm from the nostrils pierced her eardrums deeply, "No, I should have done it a few years ago. I have seen it, for me and for my future, you are willing to separate from me. In order to separate from me, you lied to me that you like Jiang Chenning. You are really great."

Listening to his sarcastic words, Mu Yan held back the bitterness in her heart, "Yes, if I said that the teacher and parents separated us, would you listen? You definitely wouldn't, your heart is so arrogant , you will definitely say that I will help you with tutoring and we will make progress together. But do you think I could do it at that time?"

"So you lied to me that you liked Jiang Chenning and transferred to another school because of him?"

Mu Yan didn't speak, but the silence at this moment represented her answer.

"Do you know everything, keep saying you know, but do you really know what I think?" Suddenly, Lin Xia yelled at the girls in front of him, except Mu Yan who proposed to break up with him That time, he had never been so excited.

Mu Yan stared at him blankly, her eyes still filled with horror.

The bitterness overflowing from the corner of his lips tugged at her heart, "Mu Yan, do you know why my studies have dropped so badly? It's because I accidentally heard the news that my parents are going to divorce. If they Divorce is fine, but my father brought a strange woman home, and he asked her to take care of my life. He wants to divorce my mother and reorganize the family with this woman. Do you know what I think?
After graduating from high school, they got married.That woman became my new mother, and she was ten years younger than my father.God knows, I don't want to go back every year when I have a holiday.I don't want to see her and him. In that family, maybe I'm the only one who is redundant.

I was thinking, how good would it be if you were by my side?However, this is not my wish.Because, you are no longer by my side, no longer belong to me.

In my third year of high school, you thought I was like that because of you, right?The teacher thinks so too.Of course, my dad thought so too.You are under a lot of pressure, why not me.As a boy, I know that I have the responsibility to support this family, but I can't do anything.That kind of feeling is stuck in my heart, and I can't let it go.

I really want to explain everything to you, and I really want to lean on your shoulders, but I didn't discuss it with you, because I was afraid that you would be sad if you knew it.

Your father passed away. You must be very sensitive about family relations. I don't want you to worry, so I haven't told you all this time.But at this time, you broke up with me.God knows how I got here during that time. "

My mind went blank because of his words, trembling, trembling...

An indescribable and inexplicable sting was in her chest, making her unable to breathe.

It turned out that this is the truth of the matter.The bloody but painful truth deceived everyone.

His new mother, she doesn't know anything.

She couldn't feel his pain.

She thought she had cheated him, thinking that his decline in studies was because of her.In order not to delay him, she lied to him and broke up with him.

But he, why didn't he hide it from her, fearing that she would be sad, fearing that she would not be able to bear it, so he hid the truth and deceived everyone.

Smug to think he forgot her, smug to think he accepted another relationship, smug to accept another relationship.

It turned out that she was self-righteous in everything.

Four years...

Four years... There is a sea of ​​time that can never be crossed between them.

Mu Yan once remembered that she had excerpted a sentence from a novel, "You can't survive the years that go by, you can't escape the youth here".

How nice it would be if you could turn back time.However, everything can be restarted, only time cannot.

Just like what she is facing at this moment is the boy she once loved deeply and hurt deeply.

He is no longer the boy he was then, and she...

Four years, what are they supposed to do?
"Mu Yan..." The bright Mo eyes stared at her tightly, and he told the whole story, "After the graduation dinner, Jiang Chenning once came to the hospital to look for me."

"Hospital?" Mu Yan asked in a daze, "How did you go to the hospital?"

"During the dinner party, because I drank too much and got alcohol poisoning, I was sent to the hospital for gastric lavage."

Gastric lavage?

"How could you do this?" The tone was full of complaints, and the worry that could not be concealed was overflowing. "Stomach lavage is very painful, don't you know?"

"You still care about me, right?" Although it was just a complaint, Lin Xia happily shouted, "Mu Yan..."

A complaint made her surrender completely, Mu Yan turned her eyes away, her tone was uncomfortable, "Don't change the subject, Jiang Chenning told you everything, right?"

"Yeah, he told me everything. Do you know what I thought at the time?" Lin Xia smiled self-deprecatingly, "I really want to strangle you and myself."

Suddenly, she felt a cold, shivering cold.She thought that Jiang Chenning would abide by the agreement with her and not tell Lin Xia the truth of the matter, but she didn't expect him to tell it in the end.Perhaps, he was doing it for their own good.However, he didn't tell her, he told Lin Xia everything.And she, thinking that Lin Xia would never forgive herself, changed her volunteering on the last day.

Lin Xia seemed to be recalling that when Jiang Chenning came to him, he still turned Jiang Chenning away, but Jiang Chenning just said mockingly, "Do you think I want to see you very much?"I just don't want to see her sad.

Lin Xia, I just want to tell you one thing, she has never liked me, she has only liked you from beginning to end.It is said that Lin Xia Bingxue from Class [-] is smart, but she was still deceived by a bad acting, and she was deceived all over the place.For your brilliant and great future, she asked me to act in a play, a ridiculous play.As for why she separated from you, you have to ask your perverted head teacher and your father who has the power of life and death.Ask what they have done to her?
The remaining pain from gastric lavage was nothing compared to the sudden pain in my heart.

It turned out that this was the truth about her breaking up with him.He thought she had lied to him, but she... didn't say anything... He didn't dare to recall how she got here in the third year of high school...

"Mu Yan, after I found out, I rushed to your real home desperately, but I couldn't find you. No one answered whether I called the landline or the mobile phone. Did you change the number? I waited for two days. Zhou, I haven't seen you for two whole weeks. As a last resort, I had to leave a letter to the gatekeeper of your community. He said he knew you, so I gave it to him. I hope you understand my intention after reading the letter. Thoughts. I know, you applied for N University. You did well in the exam, even better than I imagined.

I thought we could meet again at N University, but when I searched through the list of freshmen in the School of Foreign Languages, I didn't find your name.I frantically searched all over N University, and no college has your name.I also tried to contact Mr. Yan, the former head teacher, but the school told me that she had retired and went to France with her daughter.I continued to search for N University, but I only forgot the S University next door, so you applied for S University, and the S University next door..." It was a big joke, God had a big joke with him, and he couldn't bear it. It turned out that there was only a wall between her and him.

"During the Chinese New Year of my freshman year, I went to look for you once, but I still couldn't contact you. So, I gave up..." The unwillingness and regret in the tone clearly conveyed to the girl in front of me.

He had come to look for her, why didn't she know?
She lowered her head and murmured softly, "Then how do you know I'm here?"

He sighed softly, "Zhang Yuepeng told me that a friend of his is at S University. His friend said that there is a beautiful girl named Mu Yan in the foreign language college of their school. I asked him, who Did the girl named Mu Yan come from the Affiliated High School of W University in City A? He said yes... Do you know how surprised I was when I heard the news? It turns out that we are so close...

Mu Yan, I don't need you to arrange any future for me, I can't get into N University, I have many other choices, I don't have to take this path, you are not me, you don't need to arrange any way out for me.Do you understand, I don't need your well-intentioned pretensions. "

His accusations are justified.Indeed, she couldn't arrange anything for him... But the situation at that time left her with no choice...

"Yeah, there may be many choices if you don't get into N University, but then we still can't be together." With a sob, he blurted out, "Because I don't want to bear the infamy of being a disaster."

"Maybe you won't blame me if you can't get into this school, but what about others, what will they think of me, what will they think of us, is it possible for us to be together? You say you won't blame me, but when you listen When enough of other people's gossip, when those words come into your heart, do you really promise you won't think so?"

He sighed again, bitterness filled his chest, "In the final analysis, you are still for yourself."

"Yeah, an immature me fell in love with an equally immature you."

The relationship between them when they were young made the two think that they did this for the benefit of each other, but in the end they still hurt each other.

She lied to him, and he hid her.

"Now that the misunderstanding is resolved, why can't we still be together?"

Mu Yan lowered her head, "Lin Xia, if he was an ordinary boy, maybe I would be selfish and irresponsible to separate from him. But You Zimo... I don't want to hurt him, because he was bought by my father with his life. I can't bear to hurt him."

The dignified air fell into a deathly silence because of her words.Suddenly, his voice rang in his ears, "So your father died because of him?"

Mu Yan didn't speak, but just nodded.

"You Zimo." Lin Xia smiled self-deprecatingly, "So I don't know anything."

He never knew that the relationship between her and that boy named You Zimo was so complicated, and Mu Yan never mentioned this boy to him.It's just that he once saw a framed photo in her home. The young man in the photo was wearing a police uniform. He knew it was her father. It turned out that he died to save that boy.

With her head down, she said softly. "Yeah, you definitely won't know." Because she never told others about her relationship with You Zimo, even to Lin Xia, she never told anyone.Everyone will have their own space in their hearts. No matter how close they are, there will always be a private place in their hearts that no one else can touch.

"Have you been in touch?"

"Judge Lin, are you investigating the household registration? I have the right to remain silent."

"I'm just looking to see if I have a chance of winning." The desolation and loneliness in her eyes made her turn away hastily.

"A person as outstanding as you is sure to be liked by many girls." She deliberately changed the subject and turned her eyes away slightly, "As for us..." She didn't want to tell the story between You Zimo and her, not because she was worried about Lin Xia would tell it, but she didn't want to see him with that hurt expression, the lonely, abandoned look in his eyes.

"Why, is it so difficult for us to be together?" He smiled softly, unable to hide his melancholy in his tone.

In high school, regardless of the opposition of teachers and parents, stealing the fruits of love will be punished.They have all tasted this kind of punishment, but now, they are obviously free, so why are there still so many restrictions and obstacles?

Mu Yan lowered her eyes and didn't answer.

This is life, a life that is helpless but has to go on.There is no limit to loving someone, but no matter how much you love, if it is involved with responsibility and family, then the purest feelings may become unworthy of mentioning.

With the last hope in his arms, he asked, "Then do you love him, the boy named You Zimo?"

His questioning made her fall silent.Yes, does she love him?She was also confused.

"Even if you don't love me now, then you will fall in love one day." Taking a deep breath, she looked up at him and smiled sweetly, "He treats me very well, and I don't want to hurt him."

"Really..." Bitterness filled his chest, he was very kind to her.As for him, he would only make her sad, make her sad.Sure enough, he is still inferior to others.

"I'm sorry..." She apologized to him again, just like she did years ago.

"I don't want to hear it. What's the use of apologizing now?"

His words made her fall into silence. Indeed, there is no use in apologizing now.Because they are both hurters and victims to each other.

"Since apologizing is useless, so be it."

Let them continue to pretend to be a pair of strangers who have never met in the crowd, each with their own lives.Perhaps, this is the best ending.

She couldn't understand the pain in his eyes, so he just said softly, "I wish you and him happiness."

Opening her cherry lips lightly, as if she had exhausted all her strength, she whispered three words, "You too..."

Lin Xia left, his back straightened, his figure was no longer decisive, but there was more desolation and loneliness that she would never understand.

Staring at the direction in which he left, just like four years ago, she didn't come back to her senses for a long time.

Such a truth, a truth that she would never be able to bear.

Suddenly, she remembered the summer vacation of the second year of high school. In the car driving to the beach, she once asked him, 'Did something happen to you recently. '

He smiled slightly, let her rest on his shoulder, and said casually, 'Don't worry, there's nothing wrong. '

In fact, he wanted to talk to her at that time.Just why didn't he say it?

He was afraid that she would be worried and that she would be sad.

She thought she loved him and separated from him for his own good.

But he, why not?

He loves her, so he hides it and drinks the pain himself.

He kept his promise and had been waiting for her.

And she selfishly accepts another relationship.

Hid each other, but hurt each other.

Suddenly, tears flowed wantonly in the night wind.

Regardless of the gazes cast by passers-by, she burst into tears without any image.

Can I come back?
'You are the first and the last. '

'I will be by your side, I hope you will show a happy smile. '

'I love you and we will always be together. '

'It's always just you. '

'I wish you happiness with him...'

Happiness, can she still have this luxury now?
Everything was wrong, from beginning to end, from beginning to end.

Lin Xia...

(End of this chapter)