The flowers are still sweet in Pinellia

Chapter 39

In just one night, everything changed.

He walked back to the dormitory in a daze, but his swaying figure was suddenly pulled back.

"Mu Yan, what's going on, why didn't you answer the call?" You Zimo looked very worried, and his tone was full of worries and complaints that could not be concealed.

She raised her eyes to look at him, her beautiful eyes full of water had lost the luster of the past, lifeless and empty, as if she had lost her soul.

"What's wrong?" You Zimo suddenly hugged her, "Why is your body so cold?"

So much happened in one night.Everything is wrong.Just like the night many years ago, everything was messed up.

"What happened?" You Zimo asked anxiously, "Mu Yan, did something happen?"

Instead of answering his question, she asked back, "Would you like to be with me, Zimo."

You Zimo was silent, but at this moment he stepped up to hug, which represented his answer.

The falling crystals, drop after drop, dripped onto his clothes, soaking in ripples circle after circle.

"So... even if I still have him in my heart, are you willing to be with me?"

A word made You Zimo's body stiff in an instant, and he loosened his hands a little, but he still didn't let go.

Feeling his change, she suddenly broke free from his embrace.

She had obviously thought about letting this page just turn over like this, to be with You Zimo well, and to be with him forever after he returns to China, but now...

Her heart has been shaken, she has been completely shaken by those words.

There is another him in her heart, and she cannot love him wholeheartedly.

There is another him in her heart, she can't pretend to continue like this.

Because he was the one she loved deeply and hurt deeply, and she could never forget him.

The instigator was her, so all the responsibilities and pains were borne by her alone.

Tears blurred her eyes, but hurt his heart.

"I'm sorry..." She smiled, with an expression on her face that he couldn't bear to look directly at, "Even if you want to, then I can't. Because it's too unfair to you, I'm too selfish to accept it selfishly Your feelings. I was too hypocritical, I hypocritically thought that I had fallen in love with you. I didn't want to hurt you, but I still hurt you from the beginning. It turned out that everything was wrong. I accepted your love selfishly, but I now……"

You Zimo didn't ask her why she said those words, but instead asked, "You saw him, didn't you?"

Without any explanation, he knew why she became like this.

Because only that person has such power.

Lin Xia...

"Yeah." She lowered her eyes, she didn't want to hide it, and she couldn't.

Because of this sentence, the atmosphere fell into unexplainable silence.She said nothing, and neither did he.

Suddenly, a sudden soft call made You Zimo completely panic, "Brother Zimo..."

Mu Yan stared at him quietly, "If time could be turned back, how great would it be if you were still just that brother Zimo? I would write to you to tell you any troubles, and share any happiness with you. If we How good would it be to have that kind of simplicity in your relationship?"

Obviously she couldn't easily accept this relationship, but she still accepted him.Accepting this relationship selfishly hurt him, hurt everyone.

You Zimo did not speak, but also watched her peacefully.

"I'm actually really selfish. He's right, I'm selfish. On the last day of filling out the application form, I changed my choice from N University to S University. But no one knows how much I want to go to that school I want to see him, even if I can't see him every day, but sometimes, no, even if it's a long time, it's good to see him once. Even if he won't forgive me, even if he hates me and hates me, I just need to be able to see him from a distance That's good. But now I don't even have such an opportunity. I don't know, he is carrying such pain. I don't know anything about his new mother.

I want to be by his side and comfort him, but now I don't even have such qualifications.

I used to think that as long as I could see him, I would be able to relax.However, after I saw him once, I still wanted to see him again.

I can't forget his cold eyes.No matter how close the two schools are, I can't feel his breath anymore.However, I didn't expect that he would forgive me and came to me several times.He said he left me a letter, but I didn't receive it.Why, why did things become like this?

Jiang Chenning told him the truth, and he forgave me.But I thought he still hated me, so I self-righteously changed my choice on the last day.If... If I stayed at home during the summer vacation of the third year of high school instead of going to my grandma's house, and if I went home instead of spending the New Year at your house during the freshman year, would this misunderstanding be resolved? "

"I said I would fall in love with you. I am also trying to like you, like a lover, and even trying to fall in love with you. But now I..." But when she heard Lin Xia's words In the end, the originally repressed feelings towards Lin Xia hit her like a raging tide.It turned out that it was wrong from beginning to end.

She didn't know anything, she thought self righteously that he found a girlfriend and forgot about her.Self-righteously accepted another relationship.

"But now I... Brother Zimo, I'm sorry... I said these things to you, but I still want to be with you. I don't deserve it. Dad wants me to be happy, and I also want you to be happy. It's just confined to such a relationship. None of us will be happy.

I don't deserve your love, you have paid so much for me, but I can't give you anything..."

Before she could say the word 'separate', suddenly, a cold male voice sounded in her ears, without the warmth and mellowness of the past, "So, what you said to me means that you want to be like Do you reject me as much as you reject him?"

His expression was as cold as ice, and the cold light and sharpness in his eyes made Mu Yan shiver uncontrollably.She had never seen such an expression on his face.

You Zimo knows that in the world of feelings, there is never a question of who is right and who is wrong, but only a question of the order of first come first.Whoever captures her heart first wins the battle.In the world of Lin Xia and her, he was always just a bystander, and there was never any room for him to stay between them.Because he is just a bystander, he can only communicate with her in letters, learn about her life, and share her feelings.But in real life, he has never had such a qualification, so even when he is by her side, he can't feel the warmth of her heart.

But even so, he was willing to be with her and love her.

It can be said that his life was re-given by Mu Yan's father.And he is willing to spend the rest of his life loving her.Except for the gratitude that will always exist in his heart, all his feelings for her are the love of a man for a woman, the most primitive and purest love.

But, is she willing to give him this chance?

You Zimo smiled, "Mu Yan, it's impossible not to be jealous. Sometimes I hate myself and what I'm doing. I love you, but I can't get close to you. Even if we're together, I still feel You are so far away from me."

"You have stubbornly called me Brother Zimo from the very beginning, even if I tell you to change your mind, you are not willing. Because in your heart I am always just the person who communicates with you through letters, right? I have been looking forward to Looking forward to when you will open your heart to me.

Until the day you accepted me, you called me "Zimo..." for the first time, do you know how happy I was, they all thought I was crazy.However, only I know that I am not crazy, I am sober.Do you really love me, is it just to take a gamble, because you saw him being intimate with that girl, you were very sad, very sad.Did you agree to me because you were angry?
When you took the initiative to hug me, my heart beat wildly.I was thinking, are you slowly falling in love with me?
From your eyes, I can feel your changes.But I..."

She stared at the boy in front of her in silence, his words pierced her heart like needles.

She wanted to stay by his side and walk quietly by his side, but Lin Xia's appearance disrupted everything that seemed to be stable.Lin Xia's words caused her originally suppressed feelings towards him to surge violently due to the resolution of the misunderstanding, making her breathless.

He smiled slowly, as if recalling the past, "Mu Yan, when you wrote to me for the first time when you were 14 years old, I was so happy that I was going crazy. I was wondering if you would forgive me. After that, we kept in touch through letters until you were in the second year of high school. You said that I was going to take the college entrance examination, because you were afraid that it would affect my study, and you didn’t want me to be distracted, so you didn’t want to write to me anymore. I said it’s okay, still Insist on correspondence with you. For only in this way can I understand you.

Although I can't see you with my own eyes, I can feel your growth and maturity from your letters.

Actually, every year I go back to City A to see Auntie and you, but you must not know.Because I hid in her office, just to take a peek at you, to see what kind of changes have taken place in the person I miss.In fact, I really want to go out to see you, but I never stepped out of that room.Because I am afraid of hearing that sentence, although you will not say it again, but I am always afraid in my heart.

But, do you know, when you wrote that you fell in love with a boy named Lin Xia, do you know what I was thinking?That kind of pain cannot be expressed in words. Seeing the girl I love ask myself about the psychology of boys, I can only answer everything and talk endlessly.Every line in your letter reveals the sweetness of that love, but you know, for me, this is really cruel.

And when you wrote to me and said that the head teacher and aunt asked you to separate from him, do you know what I was thinking?I did write a letter urging you to separate, but in the end I didn't send it, but wrote another one.I say respect your own heart.

However, in the end you still separated, and it was you who chose to cut off this relationship with your own hands.Since then, you never wrote to me again, you said it was because you were in your third year of high school.But I understand, you're sad, aren't you?

I thought that being by your side can make you happy, make you forget the pain slowly, and even leave a space in your heart that only belongs to me.but now……"

"Mu Yan, can our relationship really only be limited to letters?" These were the last words You Zimo left her before leaving.

Mu Yan didn't know either.She, Lin Xia, and You Zimo were all caught in a strange net.

When all the misunderstandings were resolved, the originally suppressed feelings towards Lin Xia hit her like a raging tide.

It turned out that he had shouldered such a burden and such pain.But she didn't know anything.Selfishly thinking that it was his own fault that hindered his progress.

The misunderstanding has been resolved, but can the two of them still be together as innocently as before? They are no longer the teenagers and girls they were back then.It is impossible for them to abandon everything selfishly and simply be together.

Because she has You Zimo, it is impossible to abandon him because of Lin Xia again.

Even though Lin Xia no longer hates her, the crack that separates the relationship between the two will always exist, and it will always exist in each other's hearts.

The broken mirror can still be reunited, but there is always a crack in the middle, a bloody scar separating the two.

If she hurt him, he will always remember it.Even if he pretends to forget, he will suddenly remember one day, because those words have been deeply engraved in his mind, deep in his soul, reminding him at any time that she has hurt him deeply.

Will such two people still be happy?
But for You Zimo, she is trying to like him, even trying to fall in love with him.It's just that he understands everything about her and Lin Xia, and he sees it all. What would he think, even if she is by his side, he can't feel the warmth of her heart.

Even with him, if she still has the shadow of Lin Xia in her heart, it will be even more harmful to You Zimo.

When she was nine years old, she hurt him with one word.And now, she still hurt him.Among the three, the one she hurt the most was You Zimo.Her brother Zimo, the boy who has been with her since junior high school until now, she hurt him, hurt him from beginning to end.

She rejected Lin Xia, and then You Zimo.Two boys who loved her deeply, but she hurt them deeply at the same time.

She thought that such a choice was good for the two of them, but from the beginning to the end, she still hurt them.Whether it's Lin Xia or You Zimo.

(End of this chapter)