Love Affair: A Psychological Perspective on Extramarital Affairs

Chapter 1 Definition of Extramarital Affairs (1)
What is an extramarital affair?Determining exactly what it means is not easy and will vary from person to person.It is precisely because of the ambiguity of the definition that people have ambivalence towards it.

Time and space of extramarital affairs

Although in other times and places, extramarital affairs may have a popular pattern and a generally agreed meaning: in some societies, it is a testament to masculine attractiveness, while in others it becomes an expression of idealistic love. .In today's Chinese society, there are several different types of extramarital affairs, each type has its own reasons for its existence, and has its own specific impact on the parties and their marriage.The following scenes are some familiar historical facts of extramarital affairs recorded in our interviews:

"I was the last person in our company who knew that he was having an affair. It was because of a letter that I found out that he was having an affair. This letter was transferred from my hand to his desk. The letter was very beautiful and the address seemed to be a university in Beijing. Yes. I didn't care at the time.

He has a lot of letters to and from him every day, and they are all about business matters. I never read his letters.A few days later, I went to find a document in his drawer, when I saw this letter.The letter has been opened, I do not know why at that time, I opened the letter.My blood froze all of a sudden.Here is a love letter to my husband:
Strong, my love:

As I write this letter to you, we have only been separated for two hours.But I can't help it, I can't miss you.My room still smells of you, and my face still has your kisses.

Counting now, we have been in love for more than a year.Qiang, it's good to know you. I didn't realize until now that it's good to be a woman.Sometimes I wonder if meeting you is a blessing from my previous life.

Qiang, you said you want to divorce and marry me.In this regard, I dare not expect anything extravagantly, I am afraid that God will favor me too much.I just want you to always think of me and love me.
always love you mei

After reading this letter, I stood in his office for a long time, unable to turn around in my mind, as if it was a dream.This is obviously the plot in movies and novels, how could it happen to me?

When I threw the letter in front of my husband that night, he was stunned.That night, I quarreled with him for a long time.He just assured me over and over again that he would never see her again.How did that time pass, I can't remember now.I just remember that I shed a lot of tears at that time. "

In 1.6, Ma Lan, who was obsessed with dancing, met an unattractive man named Guan Zhengyu, who was 45 meters tall and a head shorter than her husband.Often backup dancers, she learned about his life experience.He is [-] years old, from Chongqing, and has a family.During the contact, Ma Lan gradually adored this man.He's capable, rich, and doesn't fuck women.Sometimes, when she was tired from dancing and it was getting late, Guan Zhengyu would invite her to a restaurant for supper.In Ma Lan's mind, he is a man who is sensible and considerate to women.

After the dance, the two came to the restaurant for a small gathering.Ma Lan looked sullen and listless.After ordering the dishes, Guan said to Ma: "You just lack the love of a man." Ma Lan's face was flushed with a word.In terms of body and appearance, the husband is one in a hundred; in terms of the relationship between husband and wife, the husband is obedient to her; in terms of work and career, the two work in a good unit, and both work very comfortably.But why do I always feel empty in my heart?The understanding Guan Zhengyu seemed to see the root of her illness.Therefore, Ma Lan, who needs to be "loved", and Guan Zhengyu, who wants to "love" her sincerely, come together.At the beginning of 000, Ma Lan and Guan Zhengyu finally came together after divorced wives and children, and rented a building. The two lived a romantic cohabitation life. For a long time, their spiritual life was turbulent. freshness.

At a class reunion, a doctor of engineering appeared in front of everyone with his beautiful lover.This girl is outstanding in appearance, very conspicuous in the crowd, but also very immature and shy.She is a small commissioned student from the county.The doctor is 35 years old, looks "not to be judged by appearance", has a happy family, his wife is an experimenter of the research institute, and he has a young daughter who goes to kindergarten.

After the wife knew about it, the two experienced a shameless quarrel.Although his wife still manages the house meticulously as before, she has become very cold to him.This makes him angry.He began to compare his wife with his lover. A housekeeper and a woman in love cannot be weighed on the same scale. Compared with the sharpness of his wife and the gentleness of his lover, the gentleness is even more touching.With this unfair comparison, he thought about divorce because "to be honest, that girl is really cute".

With her plump, tall figure and pretty face, A Ping was successively recruited to work as a waiter in big restaurants and celebrity clubs, and finally moved to "Jinwan Dream City", a well-known entertainment place in P City.The feasting and feasting of the urban nightlife made Aping's heart flutter.She was very envious when she saw all the handsome ladies shuttle back and forth.At this moment, a middle-aged man inadvertently broke into her field of vision.

That day, A Ping was serving tea to a guest who was about 37 or [-] years old, and accidentally knocked over the cup, splashing tea all over the guest.In this high-end entertainment venue, if this happens, the boss will be fired.Aping's head buzzed suddenly.While she was waiting for the guest to get angry, unexpectedly the guest stood up with a smile on his face, and instead apologized repeatedly as if he had done something wrong: "Miss, I'm sorry..." The boss came over to inspect, and the middle-aged man replaced her " Covering up", claiming that it was caused by his own carelessness.A Ping escaped this difficulty and firmly remembered the guest's face.After a long time, A Ping knew that his name was Zhang Chao, a small boss who already had a wife and children.Every time Zhang Chao visits, A Ping always rushes to serve him, chatting with him if there is nothing to do.Gradually, she developed an inexplicable special affection for this tall, handsome man exuding a mature temperament.At the same time, Zhang Chao is also attracted by A Ping's beauty, and often invites her out for supper, and A Ping happily attends the appointment every time.The two gradually began to love each other and hug each other. After only three months of acquaintance, they became inseparable and inseparable.

When Yang Li and Gao Yuechun got married in 50, they attracted countless envious looks.In June [-], on the eve of the college entrance examination, candidates had a routine physical examination. The son of He Long, the deputy director of the Public Security Bureau of a district in P City, volunteered to be a police school, but his eyesight was poor, and He Long was worried that he would be dismissed because he failed the physical examination.So, through Nurse Zhang, I found Gao Yuechun, a doctor, who quickly agreed to help and charged [-] yuan.Since then, He Long has paid attention to Gao Yuechun, who has a good appearance and temperament.He first met her out of "thank you", and then made up various reasons to invite her to some high-end entertainment venues for dinner, singing and dancing, saying that it was to let Gao Yuechun "experience".In the face of a powerful money offensive, Gao Yuechun "entered the water"... After each tryst, He Long would use a car to drive Gao Yuechun to nightclubs and dance halls "straight down" (Cantonese means eating, singing, and dancing all at once) .Gao Yuechun often came home late at night, her husband, children, family... everything this intellectual woman was once proud of faded into pale color amidst the feasting and feasting.

"I participated in the 'Advertising Professional and Technical Position' qualification training course organized by the Municipal Administration for Industry and Commerce purely for our boss. He said that he was busy with official duties, so he asked me to attend the class and then gave him the notes. After getting married, I felt that the so-called marriage is a big deal. In fact, there is no meaning at all. It is just two independent and free people tied together with a piece of red paper. When you are not married, you can kiss and hug and have sex. After marriage, it is still the same. The only new content is From non-quarrels to quarrels. And there is no respect and sweet talk in the past. The mouth is full of naked personal attacks, very vicious, and often quarrels over trivial matters. Of course, having children is also a must in marriage. Necessary new content, but I don't plan on having kids at all.

'The world is too small.People who don't want to meet meet again'.

1 times I didn't expect the witty, sarcastic tone to reappear here after three years of disappearing from my own life.Really, that voice has been with me for two full years, so that I don't need to look at the person, but just listen to the voice to know who it is.Why did he sit next to me all of a sudden, as if he had fallen from the sky.

Tasteless conversation, tasteless dinner, when I finished my last sip of milk, I stood up and said to go.He said he would drive me.I said forget it, there is the No. [-] bus.He said to send me to Andingmen Subway Station.At that time, a strong sadness filled my heart, I opened the door, stepped out, and secretly vowed in my heart: I will never step through this threshold again in this life.

After stepping out the door, I turned my back to him, and when he closed the anti-theft door that I pushed to the outside, he touched my armpit lightly with his hand, signaling me to get out of the way.I twisted my body and found his face right in front of my eyes. I closed my eyes because of the sweet smell of alcohol, and I couldn't help but get close to him.

I didn't leave that night.That was the first time I touched his body. Although I had been in a relationship with him for two years, he just held my hand and occasionally kissed my forehead very gentlemanly.Thinking of my husband and I sleeping together hundreds of times in our marriage, none of them were as thrilling as this one.

I spent the nights with him for the next few days, and I was inexplicably excited by an almost new feeling.

"I fell in love with Xu Yunhui after returning from Nanjing, the ancient capital of the Six Dynasties. In Nanjing, he took great care of me. His wide knowledge and pertinent appraisal of antiques and jades undoubtedly attracted me like a magnet.

After marriage, facing my husband and "mentor" directly, I realized that I had become the continuation of his ex-wife.

Once I accidentally broke a jade hanging of "Gecko Play Basho", he was furious, and then let out a cry of grief.It turned out that this was the relic of his ex-wife.Gradually, I discovered that in his obsession with jade, there was still his grief for "her".His ex-wife turned out to be the daughter of a jade dealer. She came from a wealthy family and was crazy about jade.This woman who died early is like Rebecca in "Butterfly Rebecca", she is long gone, but her shadow is always everywhere!In the semi-dark study room, Xu Yunhui looked at the jade block with fascination, which made me feel the bleakness of life.

At this moment, the Sui and Tang Dynasties appeared.We are destined.From the first sight of each other during a visit to Liulichang, our hearts were shocked.There are too many disharmony in life, how lucky it is to encounter some harmony.

Later, we often met in Liulichang.Sui and Tang's historical knowledge and ability to appreciate cultural relics are so superb, no less than Xu Yunhui.The deeper the relationship with Sui and Tang, his calmness seems to be many years older than mine.His eyes were always full of melancholy, brooding and dreaming.I am obsessed with such a pair of artistic eyes between children and men.

The first real encounter with Sui and Tang was the night when he was going on a long trip.A Taiwanese jade merchant invited the Sui and Tang Dynasties to Luoyang to buy jade.That night, in the hut where he lived, he held me in his arms. The heart of the young man was beating resonantly and vigorously, and he was extremely healthy.I cried.Yes, there is no reason for anyone to ask his soul to suffer, suffer, and suffocate. Any perfunctory approach to life is a blasphemy against life itself.At that moment, I really wanted to get rid of the gloomy life in the past, not for anything else, just to make life truly easy and happy.

Sometimes extramarital affairs scenarios occur on these occasions:
Late in the evening, in the paper section of a supermarket, a man in his forties and a younger woman parked their trolleys side by side, looking at the goods on the shelves and talking softly.She looked like a country girl, healthy and simple; he was tall and well-built, well-dressed but slightly disheveled.They were busy flipping napkins whenever anyone passed by.They had been lovers for three years.She had never experienced this level of ease of communication and total focus with him in her marriage; he had never been with her in his marriage and the three previous affairs. Such enthusiasm and genuine love.Her marriage was painless, but empty and businesslike; his was chronically cold-war and asexual.He and she go through the initial joy, the subsequent pain of guilt and begging for rationalization, and finally enter the stage of finding a radical solution.However, her father is a prominent and conservative professor, and she cannot face the humiliation that divorce may bring to him and the inevitable consequences of estrangement from father and daughter.Meanwhile, the contractor has put off the divorce efforts pending her action.

They had reached this impasse about two years ago and had given up discussing the issue lest it hasten their breakup.The two arrange to meet for a few minutes at supermarkets, libraries, large bookstores, or hospital lobbies Tuesday or three times a week, just to hold hands, glance at each other, and chat about everyday matters.This situation has been going on for a long time, each of them maintains the facade of marriage, but under this frozen surface, the river of their love is quietly trickling, which is his real living entity.

In a restaurant, a 35-year-old man with bright clothes and dark complexion is sitting on the bed and looking out the window.It was getting dark outside, and the long empty night was coming.He flipped through a small phone book with a green cover, and dialed the number.

"Xiao Ke, dear!" He said, "I'm Angie! I wrote to tell you that I will be here this week. Didn't you receive my card? ... Is it not convenient for you to talk now? Well, I ask, can you just answer yes or no? Yes! There is someone else in your family, another friend from out of town. No?... Then, relatives. No... You won't be Are you married? Yes?... Hey, sweetie, that's great! A girl like you, that's the best thing to do. Congratulations!... Well, I'll hang up right now, so I don't mess with you Trouble. Goodbye, bless you!"

He hung up the phone and muttered a curse.There are still four days to kill, let's go out, he told himself.He smoothed the hair on both sides, adjusted his tie, and set off to find a replacement for the black tea shop in the downtown area. "

A new Pasca Santana taxi was parked in front of a dilapidated apartment building, and a young, demure, plain but buxom woman stepped out of the taxi, looked around nervously, looked at the dark street, and hurried into the apartment.She went up to the fourth floor and knocked on the door.A burly man with shirt buttons unbuttoned to his waist let her in and locked the door.

Before she left, it suddenly occurred to her that in the nearly two hours, the words she had talked with him did not exceed ten words.On the drive home, she contemplated with a mixture of shame and pride that she, the wife of a university dean, herself a Ph.D.And indulging in sexual acts of primitive animal desire.He, a long-distance truck driver, a man with a wife and three children six hundred miles away.Every time she meets him, she always has an irrepressible eagerness, but every time she imagines spending a whole day, or even a weekend with him, she can't help but shrink back: once the two of them are exhausted, what else can they have? What to talk about, what to do?This relationship has lasted for five months, and she is still amazed that a woman as shy, intelligent and idealistic as she is can enjoy the pleasure of fish and water with this libertine.And she was actually a "bold and unrestrained woman" as he said.

(End of this chapter)