Love Affair: A Psychological Perspective on Extramarital Affairs

Chapter 42
Other cases have shown that the experience of extramarital affairs makes it much easier to improve the marriage. After comparing the extramarital affairs, the unfaithful partner may use new eyes to re-evaluate the marriage and even the relationship with the spouse.In this regard, American scholars Dr. YMAN SPOTNIZ (Dr. YMAN SPOTNIZ) and Lucy Freeman (LUCY FREEMAN) expressed their conservative views in the book "The Wandering Husband" view that almost all infidelity is psychologically unhealthy, but they quickly added: "We cannot lay down an iron law, because in some cases, extramarital affairs have saved the marriage, and it may lead the husband to believe that another woman Not only is she not as good as my wife, but she is also much less attractive."

A minority of unfaithful individuals in our sample did claim that improved marital relationships were a powerful consequence of the affair.One in [-] said their first or one extramarital affair increased sexual satisfaction in their marriage; roughly the same number said it brought them closer to their spouse; one in eight said it Brings the couple back into each other's arms and strengthens the marriage.In some cases, once a spouse learns about the affair, both parties are able to re-evaluate the entire marital interaction, which has the potential to greatly improve the marriage.

Here's an example with a smaller improvement:

"I feel that I am much closer to my husband than before. It is not that there is any change between us, but that I have been indifferent to the importance of him to me after being married for many years. This extramarital affair seems to have survived an accidental operation. I've seen more clearly than ever what marriage and affairs look like, and I've made an extra effort to appreciate the married life I have."

Examples of more substantive improvements are:

"After my wife found out, she was worried about our relationship for a long time, but I think this incident made her think of me differently, maybe because I thought of myself differently. Once, she even said to me that in some respects I'm so proud of you. It's as if she found out that I'm no longer a big boy, someone who needs to be protected all the time, but a real man. The funny thing is, every time we have sex now, she almost reaches an unprecedented level Orgasm. Before I had an affair, such an orgasm was rare. I can’t say that we are absolutely happy and happy now, but I think at least things are better than before.”

However, the vast majority of people who end up abandoning extramarital affairs and returning to marriage have not been honored with such positive results as mentioned above.Most of them deny the sexual gratification and emotional toll of an extramarital affair, while affirming that, after the prodigal son returns to his partner, they revisit their partner's flaws and feel strongly the limits of fidelity and the importance of giving up the affair. Sacrifice, in this regard, is especially true for those who are forced to return to their fidelity due to the many threats and pressures from the object world, and who are afraid of serious consequences after the extramarital affair is exposed.

The following passage proves it:

"Guilt nearly broke me down, yet I felt more alive than ever during the affair. Now I'm back in the old familiar pattern of marriage, overwhelmed by its sameness and mundaneness. I'm grateful for the The reality of extramarital affairs feels the weight of marital boredom."

It is worth pointing out that the above-mentioned dissatisfaction is not so much the result of abandoning extramarital affairs, but rather the result of returning to the lack of marriage model.These dissatisfaction have existed as early as the marriage relationship, but after the experience of extramarital sex, it is difficult for them to hide or suppress this dissatisfaction.

People who return to loyalty hope to make another effort to maintain a single and faithful marriage relationship, but their earlier experience of extramarital affairs has given them too much unforgettable freedom, emotional and intellectual satisfaction, so It makes them further see how mismatched they are with their spouses.In the process of returning to married life, the restrictions and deprivations they felt before are still fresh in their memories, and now many new restrictions and deprivations have been added, and they feel more anxious and frustrated about losing their extramarital affairs.

In view of the above two situations, the efforts to return to fidelity are likely to fail halfway, so divorce and resumption of infidelity become important choices for them to escape marriage again.

A way of life

Most men and a minority of women who have had extramarital affairs experience it as a way of life and believe that extramarital affairs are justified for them. Some people adopt different patterns of long-term infidelity according to their emotional needs and marital status. People maintain a series of superficial and short-lived extramarital affairs.These extramarital affairs may follow one another, or they may be intermittent and irregular.In short, the pattern of extramarital affairs depends on the appetite and freedom of action of the individual.

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In real life, quite a few married men are engaged in a special war between indulgent desires and abiding by morality, pleasure-seeking and loyal marriage because they are tired of their spouse's face: they are used to On occasions, I fall in love with another opposite sex randomly, and I love the other when I see one.They are always playing the role of Don Juan who lures women into the water.They will never let go of the opportunity to steal chickens and dogs outside of marriage, although they are often tortured by personality, dignity, conscience and shame deep in their hearts.They have also been engaged in a bitter human struggle in private, but they can't stop, and they don't know what price they will pay for this hobby of changing their minds.

I am a husband who has been married for ten years. I am the manager of the public relations department of a high-tech company. My wife is a senior employee of a bank. She is kind and gentle.My wife was a beautiful girl when she was young. Because she has been exercising for a long time, her appearance is still young and full of youthfulness. She is a very charming woman among young women of the same age.After seeing her and my daughter, my colleagues and friends envied me for having such a charming wife and a happy family.I also loved my wife and my family very much during the first few years of our marriage.I have always been loyal to her and to the marriage, and have never done anything wrong to her.Although my job income and even my handsome appearance made many girls around me secretly fall in love with me, I have always strictly adhered to my single-minded image of marriage and love as a husband.

To be honest, it took me a lot of trouble to get my wife.She is a girl that everyone loves, and many wealthy people in the society are pursuing her openly.

In order to get close to her, they would not hesitate to deposit large sums of money with her, so that they could get close to her by withdrawing deposits.And I was just a program operator who just came out of university, and my future was still in an uncertain factor.In addition to being young and handsome, I don't have much advantage in other aspects.And I don't have much time to pursue her and can't even bring her an umbrella when it's raining because I'm too busy.

But under such circumstances, my wife still kept her life as a jade and established a love relationship with me. When I had no money to hold a wedding, and when I couldn’t afford a house, I had to rent a two-bedroom apartment with the help of the company. I am married.

So I have nothing to say to my wife from an emotional point of view.What's more, since I'm so busy all year round, she takes care of our house completely by herself, including raising our daughter by herself.I have sworn to her many times that I only love her as a woman in my life.I will not change my mind halfway like other men, because I am not a man from a commoner family. Deep in my soul, I don't have the mentality of a nouveau riche who is eager to make up for the loss in the early years.

I grew up in a good living environment with no shortage of food and clothing. I have too much traditional culture and moral self-discipline in me. I always think that I will not be easily tempted.What's more, my wife and I seldom have conflicts after marriage, and our emotional life is quite harmonious. I used to think that I was the happiest man in the world.I have no complaints about my wife's family and everything that exists.I was very content with my life during the first few years of my marriage.

Really, I think I will be loyal to our love for the rest of my life.My marriage is entirely a product of love, the result of my hard pursuit of my wife.What's more, my wife still maintains a relatively slender figure after ten years of marriage. Her cultural temperament is more prominent than when she was just married. She has the charm and charm of a mature young woman. Peeping woman.I can even say that after seeing my wife, any man will say that I want such a wife, and I will never pay attention to other women in my life.

I am a person who has no reason to let myself be different outside of marriage. I neither lack love nor lack a common language, and my married life is happy.Our family walking on the street is simply a beautiful scenery, I don't know how many men and women are looking at each other, we are a perfect couple, I have nothing to be dissatisfied with.To this day I am content with my destiny and all the work I have enjoyed.

But after five or six years of marriage, I began to tire of my wife unconsciously.I often don't have sex with her for a month, and it's hard to fall in love with her no matter if I see her naked or other gestures that used to make me beast.I don't even have a noticeable impulse response physiologically.I don't even want to chat with her as often as before. I don't know why I have such a change. I can only use my career to avoid such embarrassing situations.Although my wife hasn't changed much, she is still the same as before, but I have gradually lost interest in her, including that I am less and less willing to touch her, and I am unwilling to talk about some profound topics with her. , unwilling to pay attention to her behavior inside and outside the home.

All in all, I was alienating her emotionally and spiritually.But my eyes are paying more and more attention to those girls outside.Including our company and my men who just came from college.The current high-tech companies are the most attractive employment units, especially the public relations department I lead.We are responsible for dealing with domestic and foreign customers, responsible for product planning, publicity release, sales and reception tasks.Therefore, we are dealing with agents of various media advertising companies at home and abroad.Therefore, any girl who can enter my public relations department must be a woman with outstanding cultural temperament, profound humanistic knowledge, good expressive ability, good looks or considerable talent.What is even more tempting are the young women in the advertising agency and the media industry. These units have gathered many outstanding girls, and we are very familiar with each other because of our business contacts.Including that they often invite me to participate in some activities. Their youthful appearance, youthful atmosphere and slender figure are all stimulating my sight, which makes me suddenly lose my mind.

Since then I have lived a double mask lifestyle.I went from being sexually seduced by girls who wanted to get more ad business from me to me constantly seducing girls inside and outside the company with ads or other partnership business, and I didn't know why I was doing it.

I am a highly educated person, and I have strong self-esteem, personality, justice, and integrity. These things are all restricting my behavior of changing my mind, but I can't resist the desire from my biological instinct.Whenever I see a pretty or attractive girl, it automatically triggers a lot of nasty thoughts that I can't even talk about.For example, I imagine what this girl will look like after the bath, and I imagine the scene of having sex with her. My heart is full of such erotic thoughts, but I have to pretend to be a gentleman on the surface, and I have to use My decent appearance to quietly approach and seduce certain women.

In fact, my conditions are fully capable of developing a fixed lover relationship.For example, there are several female college students in our company who come from other places, and their looks and temperament are quite good.They all live in the houses rented by the company for them, and they are all living a single life. They all expressed affection for me to varying degrees. If I can take the initiative to develop a lover relationship with them, we can become regular lovers Relationship.

I wanted to do the same in the beginning. I was in a romantic relationship with one of them for quite some time.But that doesn't stop me from still having a solid sexual interest in other girls.Once I went after one of her female classmates behind her back.In the end she told my lover about it.In a fit of anger, she took the initiative to sever relations with me after demanding a sum of mental damage from me.When she broke up, she publicly accused me of being a bigot, saying that I was a greedy man who ate from the bowl and looked at the pot, and that I was a hypocrite wearing a gentleman's coat.She said she couldn't believe that I was such a womanizer at heart, because my appearance couldn't let girls see my inner desires, and even I was surprised by my own greedy desires.I don't know when this monster took up camp deep inside of me.

In fact, when I took the initiative to seduce girls, when I had to spend a certain amount of energy, wealth, and express my wishes against my will in order to pursue the pleasure of adultery outside of marriage, my heart was very contradictory, and I looked down on it in private Myself, especially when I have to betray my wife in front of a seducer, I feel very mean and shameless.

Most young women, even when they are interested in a better man, they will not have sex with him easily.They always have to find a moral excuse for their behavior, for example, some women go for your business or the benefit of small favors, some want to marry you in the body of a third party, and some do nothing Chong also just has a good impression of me, a mature man, and admires my business ability or talent. She thinks that she is very happy with me and can learn a lot.

So I can use my power to win the body of the first type of woman, and I can also bribe the second type to be my lover, but in the end, I can only win by making them sympathize with my painful marriage Develop a special relationship with them.

For example, when I was having dinner with them, I would tell them about my misfortune in marriage with a painful expression and tone of voice. I had to fabricate some unwarranted charges and impose them on my wife, saying that she was not so unreasonable and lacked femininity. How the relationship between husband and wife has existed in name only a few years ago.I reluctantly maintained a husband and wife relationship with her because I couldn't bear to let the child lose his father.I can say it to the point of tears at best, and I have to reach their hearts through my own marital misfortunes and miserable love lives.I have long found that this is the easiest way to seduce women. They will always sympathize with a man who has suffered emotional misfortune. When they are aroused by my unfortunate marriage, they will approach me and unconsciously Fall into the trap I have carefully planned for them.

In fact, I never mentioned my wife in front of them if I didn't ask me.I was always acting like a bachelor in public, and I was always avoiding my marital status from women who caught my fancy.And once they asked me about my marriage, I would sigh and pretend to be in pain and make up my misfortune in marriage.After a long time, I became a habit. I was so shameless and inspired to make up lies to insult my wife. In this way, I tricked several girls into sympathizing with me.

(End of this chapter)