Ball of Suet: Selected Short Stories by Maupassant

Chapter 14 Little Rock (4)
His heart was pierced by Aunt Rock's miserable cry.He almost knelt before her and confessed his crime.But he didn't, he resisted the urge to do so.However, he always felt uneasy in his heart, so he ran to the river to fish out Little Crowe's clogs from the water in the dead of night, and then brought them to Aunt Rock's house and put them on the threshold superior.

When the investigation is not over and he still needs to create smoke and lead the court astray, he is very experienced and always has a smile on his face.When the judges put forward various guesses, he discussed them calmly; when the judges raised reasonable inferences, he raised objections;He even frustrates their case with a poignant sense of fun.

Later, the investigation was stopped because there were no new leads.From that day on, although he knew that he was becoming more and more irritable and deliberately restrained this emotion, he was still often at a loss because of nervousness, his emotions became more difficult to control, and he became more and more easily agitated.He would be startled by sudden noises and jump up.Sometimes, when a fly landed on his forehead, he would tremble all over.Therefore, activities became his urgent needs.Because of this need, he was constantly moving around the room night after night.

It would be a great mistake to say that this was because he had developed a feeling of remorse and was still suffering from it.He was by nature rude, and neither mental terror nor feeble emotion affected him.He has a violent personality and abundant energy. Fighting wars and massacring the defeated is the most suitable job for him.Like someone who likes to fight, he has a brutal instinct, and human life is nothing in his eyes.Although he respected the church, it was due to political reasons, and he didn't believe in God or the devil at all, so he didn't believe in the afterlife at all, let alone that the actions of the previous life would be punished or rewarded in the next life.A vague philosophy composed of encyclopedic ideas was his whole faith.In his view, both religion and law are invented by people to adjust social relations when they are dislocated.He felt that religion was an affirmation of the law, a spiritual affirmation.

In his opinion, whether it is in war, duel, or quarrel; whether it is for revenge, accident, or bragging, killing is a very interesting thing and a brave thing.He saw no difference between killing a man and shooting a hare.However, the act of killing this little girl has always made him feel anxious.

At the beginning, he was driven by a huge fanatical force, and his sanity was taken away by a carnal impulse, so he did this kind of crazy thing.A beastly sex that still remains on his lips, on his skin, in his heart, even in the fingers that kill little girls.In his heart, there is still a feeling of fear for the little girl who was raped and killed by him.The scene that frightened him would still appear in his mind from time to time.As much as he tried to get rid of the image, to drive it out of his mind, he couldn't.It was still in his head, all around him, and would manifest itself again when the time came.

Turn light into dark night, become his nightmare, make him feel afraid.He has never figured out why he is so afraid of the dark.But he felt that the dark frightened him, and he was instinctively afraid of the dark.During the day, people can see people and things, so it is not scary during the day.However, the night that is thicker than the wall, the endless night, is so vast and so dark.At night, people may encounter terrible things and feel an inexplicable horror hidden around them.The darkness wanted to hide from him a danger that was near him, but vague and at the same time powerful.What kind of danger is that?

It didn't take long for him to understand what kind of danger this was.One night, when everyone else was asleep, he was still sitting in the easy chair.The curtains seemed to shake.He was terrified, his heart beating fast, and he waited silently.Suddenly, the curtains fluttered again, or so he thought.He was so frightened that it became very difficult to breathe and he dared not stand up.However, he is not a coward, he is a brave man. Fights are common. If there are thieves in the house, he will be very happy.

He wondered whether the curtains moved or not.He thought his own eyes could also lie.Besides, the curtain moved only slightly, hardly noticeable.Renardet kept staring at the curtains.Suddenly, he felt that he shouldn't be afraid at all.He got up from the easy chair, went to the window, grabbed the curtain with both hands, and pulled it open with all his might.At first he saw nothing but black panes.Outside is an endless and dense night.He stood there, facing the night.Suddenly, a moving twilight pierced through the dark night and appeared not far from him.He thought it was the light of fishermen stealthily catching fish and shrimp in the Brandier, for the faint light was moving in the big woods by the water's edge, and it was past midnight, when fishermen usually come out. Activity.So, he pressed his face to the glass and looked out.Suddenly, this faint light became a bright light.He saw Little Rock, and saw her lying on the moss, naked, and the dark red blood was particularly obvious against her pale body.

He was terrified by this scene, and quickly backed away.His seat blocked his way back, and he tripped over it and fell to the ground.He was terrified and lay on the ground for several minutes in a state of disorientation.After that, he sat up and began to think seriously.He thought he was only hallucinating, like a corn-stealer walking by the water at night with a lamp.Besides, isn't it quite normal to see visions of the dead because of recalling the crimes one has committed?
He got up from the ground, drank a glass of water, and sat down on a chair.He was worried about this situation happening again because he hadn't thought of a way to deal with it yet.He felt quite sure that this scene was still before him.He felt that the window was drawing him, calling him.He turned his chair around to avoid looking at the window again.Afterwards, he picked up a book and read it.However, he couldn't read at all, and he always heard vaguely something moving from the window.He turned sharply.The curtains were still moving, and he could see clearly that they were indeed moving this time.He strode to the window, tore off the curtain, and threw it aside.After that, he looked out again, pressing his face against the window glass and looking out.It was pitch black outside the window, and he saw nothing.He breathed a sigh of relief, feeling a kind of joy of being resurrected from the dead.

So, he returned to his seat.But as soon as he sat down, an urge to look outside occupied his heart again.A window without curtains is like a frighteningly gloomy hole looking out into the fields.He knew that he had to resolutely resist this dangerous temptation.So he took off his clothes, blew out the lamp, and lay down on the bed with his eyes closed.

He lay on his back on the bed, sweat all over his body.He looked forward to falling asleep.Suddenly, his face was pierced by a burst of bright light.He thought there was a fire at home and immediately opened his eyes.All I saw was darkness.He looked at the window and tried to see it clearly, for the window held a great attraction for him that he could not resist.He found that several stars were hanging in the sky.He got out of bed, found the windowpane in the dark, and pressed his forehead to it.The little girl's body glowed like a will-o'-the-wisp under the tree, completely illuminating the darkness around him.

With a cry, Renardet fled back to bed.He covered his head tightly with a pillow and slept until the next morning.

From then on, his life made him feel very miserable.During the day, the fear of night haunts him; at night, visions will appear before him again.The moment the door closes, he's in a war, he's fighting his fears, but it just doesn't work.He will always be dominated by a huge force, and he will walk to the window glass unconsciously, as if calling the ghost.And it appeared at once, and at first it lay where he had committed the murder, sprawled as it had been found.Afterwards, the dead man came towards him like a girl coming out of a river.He walked softly towards him along the grass and the dry round flower beds.Then she floated up, floated in the air, and floated towards Renardet's window.She walked towards him as she had walked towards the murderer the day she was killed.Facing the ghost, Renardet kept backing away until he reached the bed, where he collapsed in despair.He knew that the little girl had entered his room, and she was behind the window.I don't know when, she will still move.All night, he kept looking at the curtains, thinking that the little girl would come out from behind the window.However, she didn't come out.She stayed behind the occasional fluttering curtain.Renardet was terrified, and his hands gripped the sheet as tightly as he pinched Roque's neck.He listened to the swing of the clock's pendulum, the sound of the clock striking the hour, and the dull beating of his own heart.No one ever suffered what he suffered.

He was finally relieved when a white light appeared on the ceiling, announcing the end of the night.He felt himself alive.He fell asleep again.He fell asleep in a panic, the visions he had seen at night reappearing in his dreams.

After a few hours of sleep, he got up and went downstairs to eat lunch.At this time, he felt extremely tired and uncomfortable all over.He was always worried that the little girl would show up in the night again, so he couldn't eat at all.

However, he knew very well that people would never be resurrected after death, so it was not a ghost at all.He also knew that the real and only cause of his suffering was something wrong with his soul, haunted by memories.It was for this reason that the dead little girl was able to come back to life and reappear before his eyes, leaving a very deep impression on him.However, he also knows very well that his memory will always torture him, and he will never be able to return to normal.He didn't want to live in such pain anymore, he wanted to make a break.

So, he began to think about the method of suicide.He didn't want others to see that he committed suicide, so he needed to find a simple and casual way to die.Because if others knew the cause of his death, the reputation passed down to him by his ancestors would be destroyed.He is a man who takes his reputation very seriously and he will never allow this to happen.If people find that he died unexpectedly, they will definitely link him with the case that has not yet found the real murderer. People will think that he is the murderer and will charge him.

He thought of letting the tree that witnessed the tragedy of Little Rock's murder kill him.That's a really weird idea.So he had his great wood cut down, and purposely stood under the beech tree when it fell.However, this plan was not successful.The beech missed his body as it fell.

After that, he returned home and wanted to shoot himself because he couldn't bear the torture anymore, but he didn't have the guts to shoot.

At this time, the servant knocked on the door, and it was time for dinner.After dinner, he went back to his room.His mind went blank and he didn't know what to do.He considers himself a coward.Just now he was full of determination and courage, but now he is a coward again.Death and the dead little girl frightened him.

(End of this chapter)