Ball of Suet: Selected Short Stories by Maupassant

Chapter 15 Little Rock (5)
He said to himself: "I don't dare, I don't dare." He was terrified, and his eyes kept moving between the pistol on the table and the curtains on the window.He felt again that something terrible would happen immediately after his death.What terrible thing?Maybe it's their reunion.She appeared in front of him every day just to take him away and let him die.That's why she watched him, called him, and waited for him.

He cried helplessly and said repeatedly: "I don't dare, I don't dare." After that, he knelt down and said, "God, God!" But he didn't believe in God at all.He no longer looked at the table, nor did he dare to look at the window, because the gleaming pistol was on the table, and the ghost was hiding behind the window.

He stood up.At this time, he said loudly: "It's time to end, and we can't drag it on any longer." He was trembling with fright from his own voice in the quiet room.However, when he tried to end his life, he couldn't make up his mind, knowing that his fingers would never pull the trigger of the pistol anyway, so he went back to bed, covered his head with the quilt, and carefully thinking.

He needed to come up with a strategy right away that would kill him very quickly without leaving any regrets.He felt that the condemned prisoners who were brought to the guillotine were very happy, and he especially envied them.what!It would be great if someone could shoot him!It would be great if I could find a friend who would keep this secret forever, tell him the crime I committed, make him understand how I felt, and ask him to shoot me!But who to turn to for help?Who can help?He is considering suitable candidates.doctor?No, he might make it public.Suddenly, a very strange idea appeared in his mind.He would write a letter to the examining magistrate, tell him all about his crimes, and surrender himself to him.He wanted to write down his crimes of rape and murder, the pain that tortured him, the thought of death, courage and determination, fear, hesitation, etc., in a letter and let the judge know.He will tell the judge that by the time the judge reads the letter, he will be dead.He also begged the judge to recall the years of friendship between them, and for its sake destroy the letter as soon as he had read it.Renardet knew the judge well enough, that he was a man of prudence, reliability, firmness of faith, and cool head, so he pinned his hopes on this judge.

The plan filled him with an unaccountable joy.He calmed down and prepared to write the letter slowly.He planned to write the letter and put it in the letter box at daylight - the letter box was nailed to the wall of his tenement house, and then he climbed to the tower and watched the postman in the blue work coat come by, and when the postman left , he jumped headfirst from the tower and fell onto the rock at the base of the tower.He envisioned himself being the first to be seen by the loggers working in the woods.So he will climb up to the protruding steps where the flagpole for the festival flag stands.He will shake the flagpole so hard that it will break and fall with it.One must think it was an accident.The tower is very tall, and he is huge, so he will die immediately after falling.

He started writing letters right away.He described in detail the process of the murder, the pain in his heart, and his remorse for this incident.At the end of the letter, he stated that he would take his own life, and at the same time asked his old friends to keep the secret for him, so that his name would not be tarnished after his death.

By the time I finished writing the letter, it was already daylight outside.He enveloped the envelope, sealed it, addressed it, and went out quietly.The little white box nailed to the wall in the corner of the farm was his target.He walked straight towards it.With trembling hands he put the letter into the mailbox.Immediately afterwards he returned, bolted the gate, and climbed to the tower.There he waited quietly for the postman to arrive, and he would watch the postman take away the letter announcing his death.

Now, he feels very peaceful because he is finally free and has escaped from the sea of ​​suffering.

A dry, icy wind hit his face.He opened his mouth and breathed heavily, swallowing the comforting cold wind into his stomach.Under the red sky, the silvery plains glowed incessantly in the morning sun.Renardet was not wearing a hat.He stood there, looking ahead.The vast land is in front of him.He saw the pastures on the left and the village on the right.At that time, the villagers were busy making breakfast, and the chimneys of every household were smoking.

He looked down and saw that the Brandier was flowing through the rocks on both banks.Soon, he'll jump off and let those rocks take his life.This beautiful and cold morning gave him a feeling of being reborn.He felt that he was full of strength.He bathed in the morning light, and he saw hope again.He recalled countless past events.On those mornings like this, he would go hunting by the pond, and how happy he would be when he walked quickly on the hard ground, making the earth cry under his feet!He recalled all kinds of good things.They baited him with hope, and all the desires in his strong body were awakened.

Did he just die like this?Foolishly taking his own life for fear of a ghost, of some trivial matter?He is still young and has a lot of money and property.How silly!And he just needs to travel for a while, let himself relax, and forget about those things.The little girl didn't show up tonight.This is because he was busy doing other things and his mind was completely concentrated on that one thing.Maybe she'll never show up again.Even if she still haunts him, she will only appear in this house.If he went to another place, she wouldn't follow him.The future is still far away, and the world is so vast!He has many choices, why should he choose to die?

He saw a blue dot moving along the path of the Brandier.That was Medalik, who delivered the letters from the city here and took the letters from here.

A painful sensation arose in Renardet's body.He rushed down the spiral staircase at once.He will ask the postman for the letter back.Now, he no longer cared about being seen.A thin layer of frost lay on the grass.He ran across the meadow to the mailbox at the corner of the farm.The postman got there at the same time as him.

The postman opened the small wooden door of the mailbox and saw several letters dropped in by the villagers.He took out the letter.

"Medalic, hello!" Renardet said to him.

"Mr. Village Chief, hello!"

"Medalik, I put a letter in the mailbox, and then I remembered that it has other uses for me. So I hope you return it to me."

"Mr. Village Chief, no problem, I'll return it to you right away."

The postman looked up.He was terrified by the appearance of Renardet.Renardet looked terrible.His face had turned purple, his hair was a mess, two dark circles under his eyes made his eyes look sunken in his skull, and his beard was long and matted together.This fully shows that he did not close his eyes all night.

"Are you sick, Mr. Mayor?" asked the postman.

Renardet suddenly realized that he must look and move very strangely.Unable to control himself, he stammered, "No...no...I'm sleeping...I thought of asking you to reply to this letter...so...I came to you...do you understand?..."

The postman felt that the words of the village chief were a little strange.He asked, "What letter?"

"The letter you returned to me at once," replied the mayor.

Medalik felt that the village chief's attitude was unnatural.He wondered whether he should return the letter.Perhaps a political secret was hidden in this letter.Renardet was not a republican, as the postman knew very well.He also knows a thing or two about the machinations people use in the electoral process.

"Who is the recipient?" he asked.

"Mr. Petouin, the examining magistrate. He is my friend, and you know that very well."

The postman quickly found the letter.He held it in his hand, looking over and over.He didn't know what to do.He is also very scared.This letter may make him an enemy of the village chief, or make him make a very serious political mistake.

Seeing the hesitation of the postman, Renardet reached out to snatch the letter from the postman's hand.By this sudden gesture the postman was convinced that the matter was of great importance, and he resolved to do his duty, no matter the cost.

So he opened his envelope, threw the letter into it, and closed the envelope.He said, "Mr. Mayor, I cannot return it to you. Because it is addressed to the court, and I will send it there."

Renardet felt an uneasy panic.He said brokenly: "But you know me very well. You can even read my handwriting. I tell you, I need this letter."

"I can't give it back to you."

"Medalik, I will never lie to you, and you know that. I need it."

"No. I can't give it back to you."

Renardet was quite annoyed, and trembled all over.

"Damn guy, be careful. You know I'm telling the truth. I'm not kidding you. If you don't return this letter to me, I'll make you a postman right away and throw it away. Besides, I am the head of the village here, and this place is under my jurisdiction. Listen carefully, and I will ask you to return this letter to me right away."

"No, Mr. Mayor, I cannot return it to you," replied the postman very clearly.

Renardet went into a frenzy.He reached out and grabbed the postman's arm, trying to wrest his mailbag from him.However, he was unsuccessful.The postman wrenched his hands free and stepped back, raising his thick holly cane.He didn't get annoyed by this, but said in a calm tone: "Mr. Village Chief, I'm doing my duty. If you touch me again, be careful that I'm not polite to you."

Renardet felt himself on the road to ruin.His attitude suddenly softened, and he begged humbly: "Good friend, don't be like this. Give me back the letter, and I will give you the money. I will give you a hundred francs, a hundred francs."

The postman turned and left.

Renardet followed behind him panting, begging constantly: "Medelick, I will give you a thousand francs, as long as you return the letter to me, the thousand francs will be yours."

The postman ignored him and continued on his way.Renardet said: "I will give you a lot of money to make you rich... Listen, I will give you fifty thousand francs... If you return the letter to me, I will give you fifty thousand francs... How? No?... Well, I'll give you one hundred thousand francs... Do you understand?... One hundred thousand francs... One hundred thousand francs..."

The postman turned around and looked at the village chief with angry eyes: "Stop talking, or I will tell the court exactly what you just said to me."

Renardet stopped immediately.He was completely screwed, and there was no hope left.He turned and ran towards his house like a wild animal being chased by a hunter.

Medalik was stunned by the village chief's actions.He also stopped and watched the village head run towards his house.Until the village head returned home, he still stood there.He waited, because his senses told him something amazing was about to happen.

It didn't take long before he saw Renardet's huge body on the top of the Renard Tower.Renardet ran around the platform in a frenzy, and then, with both hands outstretched, he grabbed the flagpole and shook it with all his strength, as if he wanted to break it.However, he didn't do it.Suddenly, he raised his hands high and jumped into the air, like a master swimmer jumping into the water.

Medalik ran to the tower.He wanted to save Renardet.As he walked through the garden, the woodcutters who were going to work in the big wood happened to be passing there.He called them back, and told them aloud what he had seen.The lumberjacks went with him.When they came to the corner, a bloody corpse lay there, its head smashed on the rock.This rock prevents the Brandier River from flowing forward.Around it, the river forms an open water surface.People saw that the blood and brains were being carried away by a thin stream of red.

(End of this chapter)