Chance encounter

Chapter 1 Prologue

In 2017, I became a crybaby.In previous shows, when the guests talked about the emotional part and tears filled their eyes, the audience and even the staff at the scene would cry along with it.Only I, because I couldn't cry, was anxious and ashamed, and suspected that I was either too rational or indifferent.But when I go home alone, watching a drama in a daze, it’s raining and snowing outside, any little thing may make me cry, I know I’m just not good at expressing my emotions in public.

In public in 2017, my tears came too fast.In fact, nothing happened, or some changes kept flowing, anyway, the wall in my heart just collapsed without any warning.Interviewed Huo Jianhua, he said that on the night of announcing their relationship, he and Lin Xinru went hand in hand to eat at the most lively hot pot restaurant in Taipei. I cried because of a simple statement, because they held hands, because they were frank, and because I knew it takes courage to do so .He also said that the moment he held his newborn daughter in his arms, he could hardly cry, because for the first time in his life, he felt that he and the life in his arms belonged completely to each other.I cried again when I heard this, and suddenly felt that having a child of my own was a magical and wonderful thing.

On the stage of "I Am a Speaker", a young reporter talked about people who work hard in big cities at four o'clock in the morning, and those young people who live in the basement but are still optimistic.I was sputtering again.I know the breath and taste of Hong Kong at four o'clock in the morning, the salty and sticky sea breeze, and the quiet streets with only me and my footsteps.The whole of Hong Kong is still sleeping soundly, breathing steadily, but the ubiquitous pressure and vitality, the kind of pressure and vitality that every big city has, followed me so clearly.Countless four o'clock in the morning, I hurried to the studio to prepare for the live news broadcast at seven o'clock in the morning.It's strange, at that time I never felt miserable and lonely, as if everything should be taken for granted.

When I was shooting the cover of this book, I had a whim, I wanted a picture of tears, the expression should not be sad, just silent, with tears, fragile, but warm.I asked a drama friend how to shed sincere tears in front of the camera.He said, you just brew quietly and let the camera wait patiently for capture.Don't worry about whether there are tears shed or not, having tears in your heart is more powerful than squeezing them out.When filming, Adele's "Some One Like You" was playing, and I didn't have those past events, new and old hatreds in my heart, and my heart was so completely open without any cover or hindrance.When Adele sang: "I remember you said, sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead", my tears flowed down unconsciously.

We always shed our tears in other people's stories, but I have been working hard to seal my tears.Because, I am afraid that I will be defeated.I still find it incredible that a person who has not lived a clear life can answer other people's puzzles.In fact, where is the solution, whose life is not a bunch of troubles?All the troubles and pains, except death and time to give the answer, how can there be any other way?Those letters are nothing more than chattering, and my reply is nothing more than chattering company, keeping each other warm.However, the process is incredibly healing.

In the past few days, I have been sorting out the manuscript, reviewing all the audio recordings of the past two years, crying like a dog again and again.My heart is more and more convinced that the life I want is either alone or with love, nothing else.Saying this makes me feel childish.But I believe it with all my heart.We all live according to our own wishes, accepting all the changes in temperature, pain, sorrow and joy in the process.

Since 1995, I read every issue of Vanity Fair ("Vanity Fair" magazine), the last page of the magazine is always Proust Questionnaire (Proust Questionnaire), one of the questions is: Who's the love of your life? (Who is the love of your life) For the first time many years ago, when I saw someone answering that the love of his life was a dog or a child or grandchild, rather than his partner or lover, I was so shocked that I couldn’t express it in words.I thought sadly and fearfully, could it be that the growth process of a person is the process of slowly losing faith and desire for love?I said to myself, if this is the fate of every adult, I want to break the curse, I can get hurt, but I can't lose the ability and faith to love.However, life is extremely tough and dangerous, it forces you to slowly accept and reconcile with yourself while surviving, living, and trying to get ahead, accept the gap between reality and dreams, accept that love is not a necessity for everyone all the time, accept you Love is not cherished, not responded to.But I still stubbornly believe that what is fleeting is just passion, and love will last forever.

What's the use of love?It seems that the pain it brings to people is far more than the sweetness, and people instinctively seek advantages and avoid disadvantages.However, no matter how many people who have been in the sea, their hearts are still like water, and their lives are playing games, once they meet the "terminator" in life - terminator, all doubts, hesitation, defenses, and calculations will disappear. In love, while hesitating, heal the scars and forget Pain is normal for people.Because love is useless, but it fills your heart with beauty like poetry, painting, music and dance.Just like when I went to the Louvre for the first time, I queued up in a long line, and then I was squeezed by a bunch of people, standing on tiptoe, watching the "Mona Lisa" not far away, she looked at me quietly, At that moment, everything around me ceased to exist.I stopped and stared at her smile, with tears streaming down my face.In a short period of time, I was surrounded by the crowd and walked forward again, without any reluctance or nostalgia, because the excitement, ecstasy, and disbelief in my heart were already overflowing.That memory will stay with me for the rest of my life.And love is a similar feeling.That moment, long or short, happened real and sincerely.I still long for that out-of-body bliss if I can.Who is the love of your life?I also asked my guests this question in the program. Some people answered hesitantly, and some people were obviously not sincere. People who live may not be happy, so who is the love of life, as long as you know the answer, it is already a great blessing.

Every time, I will fill out the Proust questionnaire carefully again. Regarding the love of my life, my answer has changed, but it is always clear, such as now.Love and possession may be two different things, but I always believe wishfully that at this moment, if you love, let's be together.On the day I was forced to submit the manuscript by the publishing house, I still couldn’t help but ran out to watch Darkest Hour ("The Darkest Hour"). I won’t repeat how good Gary Oldman played Churchill. A line by Mrs. Churchill’s Clementine made me cry , she said: "I backed off the night before the wedding, but I had already called off my engagement twice before I was 21. I was afraid that I might get the reputation of running away from marriage. It would be too rude to call off another engagement, but I think The real reason for regretting the marriage is because I know that even then, he would put the welfare of the people first, but this will become a young girl's heart disease, worrying that she will always be second in his heart. After marriage, too In this way, it didn't take long before our children had to accept the same fact, and we all accepted it in our own way." Although the relationship between Churchill and his first love Pamela, his second girlfriend Violet and his wife Clementine I didn't have a deep understanding of the emotional entanglement, but I was still moved by such an attitude and confession.No matter how independent, self-willed, self-willed woman is, when she meets someone she thinks is worth it, she puts herself second because of love, admiration, or other reasons, and accepts that she loves him more than he loves herself in this life. Me, I can too.It doesn't need the other party to be Churchill, just need me to love him enough.

This book won't solve emotional problems, but it can give you a sense of companionship in your darkest moments.No matter who we are, we have all experienced or are experiencing the darkest moments of our lives. It is a long, dark, cold, and hopeless tunnel. However, everything I experienced in 2017 tells me that no matter how difficult it is, the light , That warmth is waiting for me at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you for the love in my heart.

Thank you for the past years.

Thank you for 2017.

Thank you to my friends, family, team, viewers, listeners, readers.

Thank you to Meng Yimao, Chen Aya, Fuji, Wei Xiaobao, Yanli, Lu Xiaoxin, Zeng Jingshu who stayed up overnight and worked overtime for "Meet Lu Xiaopang".

thanks……

(End of this chapter)