Chance encounter

Chapter 2 Live according to your own wishes, others shut up (1)
I will be mourned, I will not fit in, and I will be very boring, so what?

Love is the joyful company of two people.Equality, dignity, and honesty are indispensable.

letter from orange

I have always liked you, Lu Xiaopang, and I like to watch your programs.I have been working for a year, fell in love with a boy, and confessed to him.He is six years older than me.To be honest, I usually have nothing to talk about, no common topics, but I still treat him well in my own way, but it is still useless!He thinks I'm boring, but doesn't hate me.Before I met him, I would enjoy a person's life, but after being with him, it changed.

I tried my best to talk to him, and I felt that I was slowly changing, but the result was still boring.To be honest, I think it's pretty scary.Maybe it's because I live in a small circle and haven't formed my own life.I kind of miss my former self, whether happy, boring, busy, good or bad, I don’t need to care about other people’s evaluation at all.People often say, don't fall in love with boring people.So, a person like me who often makes people feel bored is not worthy of dating?Should I go after my own life first?

Letter from Miss Yun
Hello Miss Luyu!I am Miss Yun, I have always liked you!After graduating from university, I have been very unhappy. I kept going on blind dates, but I couldn't find a suitable one, but I felt that I must find someone who could make my heart flutter.I feel very dissatisfied with my current life. I feel that I have no destination, and I don't know when my happiness will come.I belong to the leftover women in people's eyes.You are right, marriage cannot be settled, but the waiting time is too painful!Some time ago, I watched a program to discuss whether it should be almost enough for leftover men and women to find a partner.To be honest, I'm confused.Sister Luyu, does everyone have their own happiness?

Lu Xiaopang's reply
There is a word in English called doormat, which means a mat at the door.It is said that there is one at the door of my house. It has been used for many years, and it is dirty and smelly. I have to change it quickly. Doormat is extended to refer to people who are submissive.For example, a scumbag may have a wife and a girlfriend at home, and they are also showing affection before and after, so they usually don't have much time to talk to you.You bear, suffer, and look forward to it alone, but he will call you every now and again as if nothing has happened, and you will always respond to him, forgive him, and accept him when he is empty and boring, so you become that person. doormat.

There will always be a time in our life when we allow others to walk all over us (do whatever we want) as if in a daze, and comfort ourselves by saying that it is because of love, a little bit of hurt is nothing, a little bit of self-esteem is nothing . Please!Everyone who thinks that love should be as painful as it is deep has lost its mind (Shanghai dialect: broken), including me.

Love is not going to heaven or earth, it's not a human-machine war between Ke Jie and Alpha Gou, it shouldn't be that complicated.Love is the joyful company of two people.Equality, dignity, and honesty are indispensable.Others don't need to love you, that doesn't mean they are scumbags, but if you allow someone who doesn't love you or doesn't love you enough to use you as a doormat, it doesn't necessarily mean other people's scumbags, but you are stupid.We must have all been stupid, maybe we are still stupid, so wake up.

In the past two days, I heard a "doormat" story, and I was a little stimulated, so I want to chat with you.Cheng Zi's letter asked whether boring people are not suitable for dating.In fact, this question has little to do with love, but with what is the current "political correctness" and popular character.For example, being extroverted, uninhibited, both men and women are a bit "manly", fun, interesting, and even a bit "two", these are all considered correct personality settings, while everything on the contrary is regarded as "pretending" or " boring".

I'm mourned, I don't fit in, I'm bored, I'm delicate and twisted, so what's wrong?In this world, there might be an ordinary person like me, who is not hateful but also not happy.Of course, if I can't meet, I will stay alone. Who stipulates that you must be in love and you must be married?
I am financially independent, independent in life, and independent in personality. I have a job, friends, and family. I don't need anyone to complete my life, because I am complete.I just need to share my life with another person who is just as whole and wonderful.Of course, that's a tall order, but I'm not compromising because I can't see any reason why I should.

Miss Yun, I hope you do the same.

What is your way of participating in the world?
Each of us can be introverted or extroverted, but we must not be arrogant, indifferent, rude, or cruel.

Xiaoyu's letter

Hello sister Luyu, my name is Xiaoyu, today I want to talk to you about my troubles.I am a sophomore with a very introverted personality and almost no friends.So since high school, I have loved reading, and I am willing to read some difficult and obscure books. Gradually, I seldom communicate with people.

After reading a lot of books, I feel more out of place with the classmates around me. I have no common topics with them, and sometimes I even feel that they are vulgar.

So I spend most of my time alone, eating alone, shopping alone, and every time I meet a team for activities, I will be the one who is alone.Activities such as speaking on stage are the last thing I want to face. I often suffer from nervous insomnia for a week.

I also tried to join clubs or communicate with other people, but found that I didn't seem to be on the same channel as them.I don't know how to express my thoughts, and I feel as if I have entered a vicious circle: reading a book—not being able to chat with friends—being alienated by friends—and then reading.

But this kind of situation always makes me very distressed. I don't know whether to blame myself or my friends around me, so I want to ask sister Luyu, how can I break out of this vicious circle?
Lu Xiaopang's reply
I am quite interested in Xiao Yu's question about character.I'm an introvert, and I'm more comfortable on my own unless I'm with very close friends.

I need a lot of time to myself, I'm private, and I'm uncomfortable with the world around me, but I don't think I'm weird.There are many people in this world like me, and Xiao Yu is also this kind of person.

Being introverted is not wrong and does not need to be corrected.Of course, an extroverted personality will obviously be more popular, but personality does not matter whether it is good or bad, because every personality is a double-edged sword, and we must not be kidnapped by the outside world.Especially now, what kind of "female man" is admired by everyone, if I just have a glass heart, I am entangled in being graceful and restrained, what if I am not a woman man enough?If I'm a man, what if I'm a delicate man?You can only be yourself, even if you need to keep your "weirdness" sometimes.We can only know, accept, and ideally like ourselves.

Xiaoyu, your problem is that you think it’s not good to be introverted and unsocial, so you must have tried to get close to your team, and you must have tried to change yourself.After hitting a wall, you have the so-called "I read a lot", "They are very boring", "We can't talk" as a barrier of self-protection.

You remind me of a girl in our class when I was in elementary school. I still remember her name is Zhang Xin. She is a very quiet and introverted girl who hardly speaks.Occasionally, when she answers questions in class, her voice is extremely low, but almost all the students in the class like her.I remember that when our classmates chatted between classes, she never participated or spoke. She just sat next to her and listened intently with her eyes wide open, occasionally bowing her head and laughing.

I think kindness, quietness, patience, that's how she participates in the world, that's her presence.Each of us can be introverted or extroverted, but we must not be arrogant, indifferent, rude, or cruel.

I want to say to Xiaoyu in particular, I don't know if you are a scholar, but you have the problem of a scholar.That is, always put on an appearance that is out of tune with the world.Reading is necessary, but reading itself is no great thing.Because reading can only ensure that the person who reads has obtained certain information, knowledge, and viewpoints. Reading does not necessarily make people knowledgeable, tasteful, or have the ability to think independently, and reading does not necessarily make us a better version of ourselves.

Finally, I would like to recommend a great speech I just saw at TED. The speaker is Susan Cain. The topic of the speech is "The Competitiveness of Introverted Personality". Introvert.I especially hope that everyone can accept others, be themselves, and find a way to get along with the world.If we're the "weird" minority, let's keep being weird.Why am I so annoyed that the whole world is rushing towards the so-called correct person setting like chicken blood?What kind of female man, straight, two, don't pretend... I'm sad, I'm delicate, I'm twisted, I'm boring, what's wrong?
Chicken soup is poisonous
Whether you are happy or not does not depend on how many people surround you, but on whether there is a smiling face among those people that belongs only to you.

Letter from Shen
Sister Luyu, I have always been confused.The popular TV series on TV and those women's books all reflect a phenomenon: cool and outstanding boys all fall in love with the hard-working, hardworking, strong, and kind-hearted silly Baitian.But, why in my real life, most boys actually like girls who are very playful, beautiful, and especially good at acting like a baby?
In the past, I was an extrovert. Although my appearance was not the ultimate beauty, many people still liked it.Later, I gradually felt that such a noisy life made me more distressed, so I decided to settle down and read some "chicken soup" books.I really like this kind of book. The persistent attitude towards love described in the book, I think it is very helpful for girls to form three views.

However, one day, I felt that although I became that kind of lady and good girl as I wished, another more serious problem appeared. Greatly reduced, I haven't met new friends for a long time.In the eyes of my classmates, I became a girl who can only study, a girl who is immersed in reading.Even, I think I'm a little boring.

The inner reserve makes me unwilling to reveal and show myself in public.People don't know that I am actually a person with rich hobbies and constantly improving myself, they don't know!

The book says, isn't inner cultivation more important?But now it is obvious that everyone actually likes topics that are not so deep, and everyone likes girls who are not so boring, rather than "good girls" in the traditional sense.

More importantly, during this long practice, I was a little sunk in it.I don't like to actively contact others, I don't like to chat with people who like me, and I start to avoid and procrastinate many things, including love.Gradually, I feel that I no longer need feelings, and I can get self-comfort when my heart is strong enough.

My best friend said that I am a deep poisoning of chicken soup.Then what should I do!

Lu Xiaopang's reply
Hello everyone, I'm sorry, sorry, I'm very sorry, it must be a little late to go online today, and our editors in the background are already going crazy.Let me explain first, because I am in Taipei now and have been filming interviews for the past two days.I put on makeup during the day, interviewed Jiang Youbo this afternoon, and our entire team had to have a very important meal with friends in Taipei in the evening.Because there were elders during the banquet, I couldn't leave too early, so I carried it to the end. I just rushed back to the hotel and started recording now, so I am very, very sorry.

Before we talk about today's topic, we have to go a little further.It should have been a few years ago. One day Yang Lan called me and said, Luyu, do you know that there is such a set of books, one is you teach others how to be wise, and the other is she teaches others how to be happy.She said it made us look so stupid.She was considering communicating with the lawyers whether to sue them, and asked me if I should also sue the publishing house.I am very lazy and afraid of trouble.I was angry at the time because it was fine if you wrote about other things. You wrote about me teaching others how to be smart, as if I was so smart and everyone else was stupid. This in itself is quite stupid.Of course, it was all over later. I don't know how the book sold later.

This actually reflects my views on the so-called chicken soup.Because in life, I never drink real soup. I think I have to eat meat. I don’t like to drink soup. I didn't eat any of them, so I don't want them. I want meat, but I don't want soup.And I always think that drinking chicken soup is something that confinement people do.So I don't drink real soup, and I also resist the so-called chicken soup for the soul.But people are like this, they will always say some so-called golden sentences inadvertently at certain times, and they will also need some golden sentences from others to encourage themselves when they are weak in heart.It doesn't matter, just talk and listen occasionally, enough is enough, don't use this matter to fool others, or be fooled by others. "Let's just say it, let's listen to it" will suffice.

Speaking of today's question, you didn't say how old you are this year, I guess it should be more than 20, anyway, it's impossible for you to change your personality if you're an adult.In the afternoon, I chatted with Jiang Youbo and said that I forgot which classical Chinese article I read, and I saw a sentence called "I have been with me for a long time, and I would rather be me".I felt very reasonable at the time.I have spent the longest time with myself so far in my life.Whether I am good or not, I am very clear.I thought about it, and being yourself isn't that bad.Whether you are happy or not does not depend on how many people surround you, but on whether there is a smiling face among those people that belongs only to you.Of course, as a woman, if someone likes me, I will feel happy, and my little vanity as a woman will be satisfied, but that is not happiness.You should never try to make yourself into something you are not.Maybe your future lover likes a girl who speaks little, is very reserved, and very restrained?You do not know.Of course, people do need friends, and being too withdrawn is really bad. I also need to change myself on this point, because I am also a too quiet and introverted person.

Another point is that we are always easily troubled by problems that have nothing to do with us.You ask what kind of girls most boys like in life, the question is what do most boys have to do with you?As long as the boy you like likes you, that's enough.What kind of cold boys like to be silly and sweet? These are all idol dramas to brainwash you.Girls, women, don't wait for others to save you, you must first make yourself the best you think.You are independent, even if you are not extroverted, but you are optimistic and love life inside.Only by turning yourself into such a person first can you wait for a boy who is worthy of your love and loves you.Others can do whatever they like, you don't care.

Whether it’s love or work, girls don’t be led by these routines

Don't just do and say the "right" thing, do what you believe is right and say what you believe is right.Because the former is to cater to others, while the latter is loyal to oneself.

(End of this chapter)