Harvard Emotional Intelligence Class

Chapter 1 Emotional Intelligence - We used to ignore it (1)
In the past, we always used the level of IQ to judge whether a person is a talent in the future and whether he will be promising in the future.However, we found that many people with high IQs let us down. They did not grow into the talents we expected. Instead, they could not survive because of some small setbacks and difficulties, and became the opposite of the public. Teaching materials, why is this?Because their emotional intelligence is low.Emotional intelligence, we've been ignoring it.

(Section [-]: Why do suicides happen frequently in colleges and universities?

At 2005:4 pm on April 23, 4, a sophomore girl from the Chinese Department of Peking University jumped from the 2th floor of Science Building No. 9 of Peking University, and died after rescue efforts failed.Later, it was confirmed that the female classmate committed suicide because of excessive psychological pressure and chose to commit suicide.Half a month later, a male doctor in the Department of Mathematics jumped from the same place and died on the spot.The cause of death is unknown, but it is certain that he committed suicide due to emotional or psychological problems.

On the morning of June 2005, 6, a South Korean student at Beijing Normal University jumped to his death from the 4th floor of the school's apartment building.That afternoon, a sophomore girl from the Sociology Department of China Youth University for Political Science jumped from the 7th floor of the student apartment.The moment she stood on the window sill, the classmates in the same dormitory tried their best to pull her, but in the end they failed to save her life.

At around 2005:8 pm on August 20, 4, Meng Yi, a doctoral student at the Shanghai Institute of Organic Chemistry, Chinese Academy of Sciences, jumped off the 7th floor of the teaching building of the institute and ended his 26-year-old life. Yi did not show any signs before deciding to commit suicide, and in his suicide note, he stated that the reason why he chose to jump off a building to end his life was "world-weary and depressed".

On the morning of September 2005, 9, the body of Mao Guangjun, a postdoctoral fellow at the Institute of Theoretical Physics of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, was found downstairs at Building 14 of the Institute of High Energy, Chinese Academy of Sciences in Beijing.Police later ruled out homicide. 28-year-old Mao Guangjun is a postdoctoral fellow at the Institute of Theoretical Physics of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, a German Humboldt scholar and a Japanese STA scholar. He became a full-time researcher at the age of 36. Everyone who knows him evaluates him as "excellent".Mao Guangjun is usually relatively taciturn. Many people find it hard to believe that this popular and promising postdoctoral fellow at the Institute of Theoretical Physics of the Chinese Academy of Sciences would choose to end his life in such a way.

In 2005 alone, 15 university students in Beijing committed suicide. In 2004, 19 students committed suicide in Beijing.Shocking numbers!The alarm bells have been sounded, and we must face up to some unwelcome problems.Students trained in these countries should have no doubts about their IQ and undeniable knowledge. Why would they end their own lives in such a regrettable act?A copy of "Suicide Diary" was quietly popular in the campuses of universities, middle schools and elementary schools.It can be seen that a book with such content caters to the psychological needs of these school students. Why does such a book have the soil to survive in that sacred place?
After the problem appeared, everyone began to think about the psychological problems of college students, a high-IQ group. What is the reason for the problem?We found a huge influence of the factor of "emotion".

When students with high IQ cannot control their emotions, they often have many psychological problems. Not only can they fail to develop their talents, but on the contrary, they will have terrible consequences for themselves and the whole society.However, suicide as an abnormal death is not the natural end of the development of physical life, but a decisive choice of human free will.The famous French sociologist Durkheim defined suicide in his famous book "On Suicide": "Anything that is directly or indirectly caused by the victim's own positive or negative behavior, the victim himself knows that it will inevitably produce suicide. Death of this consequence." According to this definition, Durkheim divided suicide into four types: first, egoistic suicide.That is, under the domination of extreme individualism, individuals are divorced from society, far away from the collective, empty and lonely, lose their social goals and commit suicide.Second, altruistic suicide.This is often caused by the subordination of individual interests to certain collective interests, such as the suicide of the elderly or sick in order not to burden their relatives.Third, abnormal suicide.It mainly occurs in periods of great social change or economic crisis, when individuals lose their ability to adapt to social development, conflicts between old and new values ​​cannot be resolved, or personal sinking is caused by social changes.Fourth, fatalistic suicide.This is caused by too many regulations and constraints imposed by the collective on the individual. Individuals feel that the future is bleak and depressed, so they choose to commit suicide to end their own lives.Classify the current juvenile suicides according to these types, and you will find that most of them belong to the first and fourth types, and among the two, fatalistic suicide is the most.A few years ago, the "China Youth" magazine published a thought-provoking suicide note: "I was watching TV that day, and I saw a cowherd boy interviewed. The cowherd boy said that his ideal is to herd the cows well, and then sell them for money. Money to build a house, build a house to marry a wife, marry a wife to have children, and let him herd cattle after giving birth. Afterwards, I thought of myself—why did I study? I went to college. Why did I go to college? Find a good job Work. What if you have a good job? Find a good wife. And then? Give birth to a child, let him go to college, find a job, marry a wife..." Finally, he came to the conclusion: "This kind of life is meaningless, this kind of life is meaningless. value.” Thus, an outstanding young man who had been a three-year-old school-level student and monitor for three consecutive years committed suicide by taking poison.The young man's suicide shows that he has the ability to think and think independently, but such a thoughtful young man with high IQ can't consider that life is not such a one-dimensional straight line, the meaning of life lies in the process, the ultimate meaning It is death.The mind of a genius cannot understand the simplest truth.College students with high IQs may have lower emotional intelligence than people think.According to reports, a "genius" in a junior class of college students has various hidden dangers in emotional regulation and psychological development, manifested as withdrawn, locked-in, communication barriers, and weakened intelligence.According to the data of a college student psychological counseling center, 3% of the students who suspended school in the school in recent years were due to mental illness.

From this, we can find that for a person's success, more factors must be considered, and some non-intellectual factors must be taken into consideration.The inevitable relationship between high IQ and success has collapsed, especially in this ever-changing information society.The importance of knowledge is undeniable, but the power of faith and spirit cannot be ignored.The concept of talent should not focus on IQ. It is precisely because the problems of people with high IQ are astonishing. When the concept of "emotional intelligence" appeared, it was immediately exciting, like grabbing a life-saving straw.Psychology, success, management, and education are all talking about this concept.What we want to talk about here involves a wide range of fields, and we try to take a comprehensive look at the application of the concept of "emotional intelligence".The core question discussed is how to achieve a brilliant life and how to make life meaningful.

If you want to ask, what exactly is a successful life?Simply put, success is becoming the best version of yourself.What more college students need to know now is not how to go from good to great, but how to go from confusion to positive, from failure to success, from low self-esteem to self-confidence, from melancholy to happiness, and from fear to optimism.Because now, most of them are students who long for self-confidence but always feel sorry for themselves, long for happiness but don't know what happiness is.An extreme example is the Ma Jiajue incident at Yunnan University in February 2004.He brutally killed four of his classmates.However, judging from the content of Ma Jiajue's conversations with his relatives and psychologists after his arrest, he should not be an evil person. He said, "Sister, let me tell you the truth now. The biggest problem with me is my What do I think the meaning of life is for?... After this incident, at this moment, I understand that I was wrong. In fact, the meaning of life lies in the true feelings in the world.” Unfortunately, he only realized it after the crime was arrested. out.He's just a disoriented, self-confident, closed-off college student who desperately wants to know what it takes to be successful, confident, and happy.Success, self-confidence, and happiness are a virtuous circle: you can get confidence and happiness from success, you can get happiness and success from self-confidence, and you can get success and self-confidence from happiness.

There is a common problem in Chinese society, that is, a unified standard is adopted to measure whether an individual is "successful": one looks at grades in school, and one looks at fame and fortune in society.People's pursuit of wealth bears the brunt. In all walks of life, the evaluation of a person's success is more based on personal wealth as an indicator.However, success is not about comparing yourself with others, but about understanding yourself, discovering your goals and interests, and striving to improve every day so that you can be better every day than you were yesterday. "There is only one life, and I think the most important thing is to have the greatest influence, be able to help yourself, help your family, help your country, help the world, and help future generations, and make their lives better and more efficient. Bring them happiness and joy." Kai-fu Lee has regarded "influence" as his life goal since his sophomore year in college.At the beginning, he gave up his job in the United States and came to China to establish Microsoft China Research Institute alone because he felt that the latter job had greater influence and was more in line with his life goals.

Whether it's for true love, for influence, or for happiness, family, morality, desire, seeking knowledge... Once you determine your life goals, you can decisively make major decisions in your life under the guidance of your life goals.Everyone's life goals are unique.Most importantly, you have to take the initiative to grasp your own life goals.But you must not be too hasty, let alone arbitrarily set your own goals in pursuit of the so-called "noble" or in order to imitate others.

Try new fields and discover your interests.First of all, you should separate your interests from your talents. Doing what you are talented is easy to produce results, but don't think that it is your interest just because you are doing well.In order to find real interest and passion, you can ask yourself: For something, are you eager to repeat it, and can you complete it happily and successfully?Have you always yearned for it in the past?Is it always easy to learn it?Does it always satisfy you?Is the happiest thing in your life related to it?If you can answer the above questions clearly, then you are in luck.If you still haven't found the answers to these questions, there is only one suggestion: give yourself the most opportunities to reach the most choices.Only by touching you can you try, only by trying can you find your favorite.

Finally, according to your own interests, set goals and move forward step by step.First of all, it is necessary to objectively evaluate the necessary requirements that are far from your own interests and ideals?Is it the need to take a class, read a book, be a more gregarious person, control your temper, or something else?How will being the best version of yourself in five years be different than who you are today?Or something else?You should do your best to bridge these gaps.Secondly, give full play to the traditional virtues of the Chinese people - diligence, improvement and perseverance, and strive to achieve goals.When setting specific goals, you must understand your own abilities, "He who knows others is wise, and he who knows himself is famous."It is unrealistic to set goals too high, but it is also not possible to set goals too low.Any goal must be a practical and measurable goal. For example, when Kai-fu Lee, who jumped from Microsoft to Google, talked about his successful experience, he said: "I have a goal to expand my business in the company. network, but the goal of "knowing more people" or "increasing influence" cannot be measured and implemented. I need to find a practical and measurable goal. So, I asked myself to "talk with a competent person every week. Influential people have dinner, and in the process of eating, I want this person to introduce another influential person to me'. The standard to measure this goal is to have a meal with one person every week, and get to know one person after the meal. Of course, we don't Will be satisfied with these basic 'indicators'. The purpose of expanding the network is to make the job more successful, so, I will also measure how much information I get in the 'meal of the week', how many people my department employs in this A year later, I do see a significant increase in my network by these metrics.” The goals are all yours, and only you know what you need.Set the most appropriate goals, take the initiative to improve yourself, and objectively measure the progress during the improvement process, so that you can succeed and become a better version of yourself.

(In the second section, the distance between "genius" and "idiot"

On the road of life, of course there are many times to win with wisdom, but psychological quality has a significance that cannot be ignored on the road to a person's success.

Everyone knows that there is a famous "fudge experiment", which can explain some problems:
★Gummy test

In 1960, the famous psychologist Walter Michel conducted a soft candy experiment in the kindergarten of Stanford University. He called a group of four-year-old children, sat down in a hall, and placed a soft candy in front of everyone. Candy, say to them: children, the teacher will go out for a while, don't eat the soft candy in front of you, if anyone eats it, you can't add another soft candy; if you control yourself not to eat this soft candy, the teacher will come back Will reward you with another one.The teacher pretended to leave and peeped outside.These four-year-old children, after the teacher left, looked at the fudge, sweet.Some children stretched out their hands after a period of time, retracted them, went out again, and retracted them again. After a period of time, some children began to eat.But quite a few children persevered. After the teacher came back, he rewarded one of the children who persisted without eating fudge.Is the trial over?No, the focus is on the following process: experts began to analyze those children who did not eat sugar, what strength did they use to persist?Some children just count their own fingers and don't look at the fudge.Some put their heads on their arms, others slept and tried to sleep.For these children, they continued to observe and analyze. When these children entered elementary school and junior high school, they found that those who could control themselves not to eat jellybeans, after entering junior high school, most of them performed better and had better grades. Well, the spirit of cooperation is also relatively good, and those who have perseverance, but cannot control themselves, do not perform well, not only in middle school, but also in society after entering the society. ★
What does this "fudge experiment" tell us?That is to control oneself, control force.This not-so-mysterious experiment has brought to light the fact that intelligence has historically been overvalued in terms of its role in life, and that there must be many other factors in our path to success.For example, Zhou Yu in the Three Kingdoms period had a high IQ, and his ability to lead troops in battle can be described as resourceful.He became a general and a governor at a young age.At first, many veterans refused to accept him. How can such a young junior take on such a big responsibility?Later, Chibi was burned and a great victory was won, and everyone looked at him differently.How did a person with such a high IQ die later?It's ridiculous to say that Zhuge Liang died of anger. Chapter 56 of "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms" is recorded. Whether it is true or not, this story tells us that there is such a kind of person, even if he is successful, he still has weaknesses. If he cannot overcome them, he will be fatally wounded.Kong Ming took three breaths, and he fainted immediately and died.He looked up to the sky and sighed: "Since he was born Yu, He Shengliang." He was only 36 years old. This should be the best moment for Zhou Yu's career to flourish. When faced with adversity, he became depressed and sick.In short, because he is a narrow-minded, intolerant, angry, angry, jealous person, he tried to kill Zhuge Liang many times.Therefore, not only did he fail to achieve greater victories, but he died early because of excessive anger, which is sad and lamentable.It can be seen that a person's psychological quality determines what kind of major tasks he can undertake in the future and to what extent he can achieve.There are many such situations in modern society. Many child prodigies, in the end, did not grow up to be as promising as people imagined. Why?The reason can only be found in the character.

(End of this chapter)