Harvard Emotional Intelligence Class

Chapter 10 Smartness equals EQ plus IQ (2)
Social competence is centered on the ability to understand others and manage relationships.It is the result of applying two emotional intelligence skills: social awareness skills of understanding others and relationship management skills.Social awareness skills are the ability of an individual to accurately recognize another person's emotions and understand the real reasons behind those emotions, which often means being able to perceive what another person is thinking and feeling even if the individual does not feel the same.It is very easy for a person to understand his own emotional feelings, but the difficult thing is that he often forgets to consider the problem from the perspective of other people.No matter how frustrated Lily is, she's able to put herself in her boss's shoes and see what it's like, which shows her social awareness skills.She captured the boss's anger and confusion early in the session, and went straight to the point, showing what she knew would interest him: the data she had gathered and the results of her analysis.Her social awareness skills opened the door to successful meetings with her boss.

Relationship management skills are the product of applying the first three emotional intelligence skills—self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness. Honest communication and effective conflict management.During Lily's meeting with her boss, who was angry and confused about her demands, she provided timely and effective feedback to her boss' anger and doubts to manage their relationship, keep things moving forward, and control the relationship with her. Discomfort when talking to superiors (discomfort that most people experience).Over time, we will discover that relationship management skills are also what create bonds with others.Those who manage their relationship well focus on finding value in that relationship, seeing the benefits of connecting with these different people even if they don't like those people.A strong relationship is an asset that should be sought out and cherished.

In Daniel Goliman's bestselling books Emotional Intelligence and Using Emotional Intelligence, "Emotional Intelligence" is a term that is used frequently.Prior to this, psychologists had been studying the issue of "communicative intelligence" and reached conclusions in the early 20th century.Later, Howard Gardner's research showed that in human intelligence, in addition to language and mathematical intelligence, there are kinetic intelligence, spatial intelligence and musical intelligence, interpersonal and personal inner skills.Personal inner skills refer to having a good understanding of one's inner world of thinking and feeling. Both the inner world of thinking and inner world of feeling are closely related to emotional intelligence.

In the past decade or so, psychological research has made great progress in the field of emotional intelligence.Much of the research to date has focused on education (using emotional intelligence education to help children learn), personality (distinguishing emotional intelligence from other types of intelligence), and business (characteristics of high-performing managers and teams).

(Section [-] Emotional intelligence is more important than cognitive ability
To be exemplified by others as someone who is “clear-headed” is a compliment to us, and it means that we have developed the capacity for self-awareness.Likewise, if you are considered gregarious, it is reasonable to believe that you already possess the skills to develop good social relationships.Finally, if someone describes you as "the early bird gets the worm" or that you are a person who "would never let grass grow under your feet," chances are they are praising your motives.

Nearly 300 companies from various industries funded a study.The results of this study show that emotional skills are more important than cognitive skills for high performance in a wide variety of jobs.For salesmen, the most important competencies of top performers stem from emotional intelligence.As far as scientists and professionals are concerned, the importance of analytical thinking ranks third, after charisma and achievement motivation.This shows that talent alone is not enough to make a scientist a hero, unless he (she) is also good at influencing and persuading others, and has the internal control ability to go all out to achieve difficult tasks and goals.A genius who is lazy or unwilling to communicate with others may already have the answer in his head, but it doesn't help if no one knows, or no one cares.

Take the techies, for example.The usual title for these people is "corporate consulting engineer"—high-tech companies always keep some top problem-solvers on hand, and they can call them at any time when engineering projects go wrong.They are highly regarded in the company, and the company's annual report includes them in the company's management.What makes these technical aces so special?Susan Ellis, a consultant at Bank of Boston, said: "Almost everyone who works in these companies is extremely smart. What makes these technical elites different is not intelligence, but emotional ability. They are good at listening to others. Opinion, good at collaborating and being able to mobilize people's enthusiasm, raising one's arms, responding to gatherings, and being able to lead everyone to work together."

Of course, many people are among the pillars of the pack despite their imperfect emotional abilities, and this has long been the reality of companies.But as jobs become more complex and collaborative, companies whose employees work closely together stand out from the competition.

In the future work, more emphasis will be placed on flexibility, teamwork and accurate customer orientation. Therefore, no matter what kind of work you do, no matter where you are in the world, if you want to achieve excellent results at work, these key emotional abilities must be more and more important.James, in the example below, is excellent at being kind to others in order to achieve a mutually beneficial outcome.

★James and Peter

James was a talented sales manager who was recognized as capable of climbing into the top management positions of the company.

According to the idea of ​​the sales director, James is considering the issue of reorganizing direct sales, and the sales director asked James to express his opinion on this issue at the board meeting.Before the meeting, James reached out to several other departments that might be affected by his proposals to investigate their views.He then made some adjustments to his thinking to suit the stated interests of all parties involved without sacrificing his whole purpose.However, what caught him off guard was that when he talked about his proposal at the meeting, the treasurer made sharp criticism, which was something he hadn't expected.The financial executive, who is not very familiar with James, pointed out that there was a financial loophole in James' proposal of rising costs, and proposed his own cost-cutting plan.James was very frustrated, but he always maintained a calm mind.He explained and explained the questions raised by the treasurer, and listed some favorable conditions for adopting his suggestions now or in the future.However, his proposal was unfortunately rejected by the board of directors.After reflecting on his failures, he decided to test his proposals on a small scale so that his proposals could be checked and validated without incurring undue costs.

Peter is also a very capable manager.He was a quick-thinking, ambitious, and resourceful man when it came to improving the effectiveness of the company's product marketing.

Peter's supervisor asks him to express his views at the board meeting.Peter delivered his advice with passion and enthusiasm, direct and unabashed enthusiasm at all times.Unfortunately, the head of sales and marketing and the head of finance rejected his advice.Because his proposal sounded too costly and in conflict with the new marketing strategy.Overwhelmed by their negativity, Peter walked out of the conference room in a daze.As he reflected on the blow he had taken, his anger grew and he stubbornly believed that there was no room for anyone with a new idea in this company.He began to play tricks, trying to attack those members of the board who did not seem to "buy" his views.Soon, he was alone and removed from important decision-making positions.Soon after, he was rejected for a major promotion, and he resigned in great exasperation.His experience with this company ended in failure.

Unlike James, Peter lets his emotions control him.Instead of examining things calmly and carefully, he immediately draws emotionally destructive conclusions that irritate him greatly.He was unable to free himself from these assumptions, to free himself from the influence of negativity, and as a result, he ended up in a situation of desertion.It would have been entirely possible for him, by fruitful action, to better develop his ardent qualities, to attract others and win their support, without involving himself in unproductive conflicts. ★
When evaluating a candidate for a vacant position, the usual evaluation criteria always tend to pay too much attention to some external factors such as education background, technical training, and oral expression ability.However, in a business environment, clear and thoughtful thinking and problem-solving skills are as important as excellent writing, verbal and communication skills.In certain fields, the possession of certain special intellectual gifts has become an essential condition for pursuing these occupations; however, for long-term career success, the possession of interpersonal and personal inner skills is also an essential condition.The reason for this is that managers must have the ability to work with and manage others.Psychological research shows that among all the people who finally succeed, the proportion of people with high IQ is only about 10%.It is a real-life phenomenon that a lot of very gifted people get knocked out because of their lack of emotional intelligence in forming coalitions, managing conflicts, resolving crises, and maintaining balance and achieving equilibrium.Still, we need not be discouraged, and the good news is that, with a few exceptions, most of us can learn the skills of emotional intelligence.

People with good emotional intelligence are able to use both personal inner skills and interpersonal skills. Interpersonal skills are the ability to understand and work with others. It is based on a sincere willingness to understand the interests of others.Personal Inner Skills is the ability to look within and develop self-knowledge as the basis for effective action.These two skills are complementary and indispensable, because understanding one's own mental state is the premise and key to understanding other people's emotional changes, and practicing self-restraint is the basis for maintaining good interpersonal skills.Emotional intelligence, therefore, refers to a person's ability to recognize their own emotions as well as those of others, and to make productive decisions based on this emotional information.The following example can illustrate the problem well:
★Miranda's way of doing things

Miranda runs and manages her own company and has had a successful training career.She is a mother of two teenage children.Sometimes these needs collide when they occur in different arenas of life.When there is a conflict of needs, she sits down with her husband, children, or her colleagues, employees, and customers to negotiate in order to reasonably solve the problems that arise.Most of the time, she is able to get the approval of the other party and achieve a win-win result.But sometimes, it is impossible to satisfy all parties. In such a situation, she always calmly accepts the reality she is facing, and at the same time, tries her best to maintain the relationship in the best state .Her colleagues have great respect for her because all of them have experienced her generosity and caring.She has a positive, well-balanced emotional bank with all her colleagues, and there is a sense of harmony and joy in her company.The company often holds some activities to entertain the company's employees, customers and relations, and these activities help to cultivate their loyalty to the company.Customers have given high praise to the company's training, of course, it has brought considerable benefits to the company.These results were achieved in part because Miranda and her colleagues sincerely wanted to build strong relationships, and ideal relationships always strongly motivated them.

However, her career has not always been smooth sailing.In the early stages of the company, Miranda's business was almost on the verge of bankruptcy.The company was struggling, but she retained the ability to persevere and take productive action.The extensive network she has has provided her with someone who can provide her with financial support and who has supported her until her company has weathered the storm at the time.She also appointed an experienced manager to help her arrange strong financial controls after consulting with management experts.Her business has gradually embarked on the road of orderly development.During this period, she also had a feeling that she was under too much pressure to persist, but this feeling was short-lived. Her inherent optimism supported her and enabled her to quickly overcome the negative Emotions. ★
Specifically, the main skills of emotional intelligence shown in Miranda and the implications for us include:
1.self conscious

With it, you can understand your emotions and recognize them as they occur.Your emotional responses guide you into different situations, and when you fully recognize your limitations, you can maximize your energies.

2.confidence

Confidence is built on a realistic awareness of your limitations.Confident people know: when to trust their own decisions and when to defer to the opinions and opinions of others; in order to exert their best energy, confident people dare to face new challenges continuously, because these challenges can continue Expand personal potential.

3.self-regulation

This ability can urge you to always focus on your goals, and you will not stop because of too small progress until the goals are fully realized; it can also enable you to quickly recover from setbacks and see yourself clearly ultimate goal.In order to better achieve goals, destructive emotional responses must be ruled out.You'll be constantly motivating yourself by staying in touch with your most important desires.

4.excitation

This ability enables you to motivate others by focusing on their needs, preferences, values, goals, and personal strengths.

5.Empathy

With empathy, you are attuned to the needs, values, hopes, and perspectives of another person, and you can sense the other person's feelings and thoughts by actively putting yourself in the other person's shoes.

6.social sensitivity

Quick and good reading of the situation, both verbal and non-verbal, enables you to understand and adapt to the intentions of those with whom you have a good relationship.Your sensitivity in group interactions enables you to identify who is most powerful in the group and to align with the cultural types of others.

7.persuasive
People with good emotional intelligence are adept at reading the intentions and wishes of others and creating mutually satisfying outcomes.They have a habit of constantly developing win-win thinking, striving to find ways to align their own goals with those of others.

8.conflict management

With this ability, you can preview conflict before it occurs and shift your focus to more productive courses of action.If a conflict escalates, you can resolve it by focusing on the intentions of both parties, because both parties have their own best interests at heart.

Research shows that looking at IQ alone says little about whether people are successful at work or happy in life.If there is much relationship between IQ level and people's career success, the highest estimate of the role played by IQ level is only about 25%.A more cautious analysis report believes that the more accurate figure is no more than 10%, probably 4%.

However, there are also disciplines that emphasize cognitive abilities where emotional intelligence seems to have little effect.This contradiction arises because the entry requirements of these disciplines are extremely high.The IQ threshold for entering the professional and technical field is usually 110 to 120. Overcoming the obstacle of high IQ, the result is that everyone who enters is the best. In undertaking relatively independent professional and technical work, there is no competition for emotional intelligence. up.

(End of this chapter)