Harvard Emotional Intelligence Class

Chapter 50 Breaking Through Your Own Mindset (1)
There is a poem that says: From the prison fence, two people look from a distance, one sees death, the other sees hope.In the pursuit of a perfect life, everything depends on the views and concepts of oneself, others, life and the world.What we see is what we get.Therefore, if you want to become a more dynamic creator, you must be aware of your concepts, let your concepts get rid of all prejudices, all stubbornness, and all traps, and let all things that are truly alive grow.If one does not change one's view of reality, one does not change one's perception of things, there can be no real change, no real growth.

Once a person has formed a habitual fixed thinking pattern, he will habitually follow the fixed pattern of thinking to think about problems, unwilling and unable to change the direction and think about problems from another angle. This is a kind of stupid and stubborn "intractable disease" for many people ".

(Section [-], fixed thinking restricts your freedom
Many people can't get out of the fixed thinking, so they can't get out of the fateful and sad ending; once they get out of the fixed thinking, they may see many different life landscapes, and even create new miracles.Therefore, one can understand the way of calligraphy from dancing swords, one can build airplanes from flying birds, one can associate radio waves from bats, and one can understand gravitation from falling apples... Those who often climb mountains should go wading, and those who often jump high should play ball People who often row boats should drive cars, and those who often become officials should serve the people.Change the position, change the angle, change the way of thinking, maybe there is a new world in front of us.

★Taken for granted

The baby elephant was born in a circus, and its parents are also old performers in the circus.

The baby elephant is very naughty and always wants to run around.The staff tied a thin iron chain to its leg, and the other end was tied to an iron rod.

The elephant was not used to the iron chain, so he struggled hard, but couldn't get rid of it, so he had no choice but to move within the range of the iron chain.

After a few days, the baby elephant tried to break free from the chain again, but failed, so he had no choice but to calm down sullenly.

Time and time again, the little elephant couldn't break free from the chain.Slowly, it didn't try anymore, it got used to the chain, and it looked the same to its parents, as if it should be like this.

The little elephant grew up day by day. With its current strength, it would be effortless to break the little iron chain, but it never thought of doing so.It thinks that chain is unbreakable for it, and this strong mindset has already been deeply implanted in its memory.

Generation after generation, the elephants in the circus have been tied by a small visible iron chain and an invisible big iron chain, and they move in a fixed small range. ★
Visible or invisible chains are binding you, and only by breaking free of them from the depths of your heart can you have real freedom of body and mind.

Once a person has formed a habitual fixed thinking pattern, he will habitually follow the fixed pattern of thinking to think about problems, unwilling and unable to change the direction and think about problems from another angle. This is a kind of stupid and stubborn "intractable disease" for many people ".For example, when watching a magic show, it's not that the magician has any special brilliance, but that all of us are too accustomed to thinking, and we can't figure it out, so we are fooled.For example, when a person miraculously comes out of a tightly tied bag, we are always used to thinking how he can come out of the tightly tied top of the cloth bag, instead of thinking that the bottom of the cloth bag can be used for fuss, and the bottom can be equipped with a zipper.

In the journey of life, we always operate according to a set pattern for many years, and never try to go another way, which easily leads to negative world-weariness and a sense of boredom.Therefore, if you don't change your mind, life will be boring.

Many people can't get out of the fixed thinking, so they can't get out of the fateful and sad ending; once they get out of the fixed thinking, they may see many different life landscapes, and even create new miracles.

(Section [-] Survive in a different way of thinking
★Insects who don't know how to work around
The famous French scientist Faber discovered a very interesting bug, which has a habit of "followers". When they go out to look for food or play, they will always follow another one of the same kind, and never dare to change. A way of thinking, another way out.After discovering this kind of bug, Farber did an experiment. He spent a long time catching many of these bugs, and then put them end to end around a flowerpot, and placed them not far from the flowerpot. Some of the food that this kind of bug likes to eat.An hour later, Farber went to observe and found that the bugs were tirelessly circling the flowerpot one by one.A day later, Farber went to observe again and found that the bugs were still running around the flower pot one by one.Seven days later, Farber went to see and found that all the bugs had died of exhaustion around the flowerpot one by one.

Later, Farber wrote in his experimental notes: It is not a pity for these insects to die, but if one of them can go half a step beyond the thunder pool and change the way of thinking, he can find the food he likes to eat, and his fate will also change. It will be very different, at least not starving to death not far from food. ★
In fact, it is not only bugs that need to change their way of thinking to survive, but also human beings who are much more advanced than them.

★Instead of passively waiting, it is better to take the initiative
A very well-known company wanted to recruit a business manager. The generous salary and various benefits attracted hundreds of job seekers to apply. After some initial and re-examinations, 10 job seekers were left.The examiner said to the 10 job applicants: "Go back and prepare well. After a week, the president of the company will interview you in person." A week later, 10 job applicants who had prepared came as scheduled.As a result, an unattractive job applicant was retained. The president asked the job applicant: "Do you know why you were retained?" The job applicant honestly replied: "I don't know." The president said: "Actually, you are not this The best of the 10 applicants. They did a lot of preparation, such as stylish clothing, good interview skills, but nothing as pragmatic as your preparation. You used an unconventional way, and the company The market situation of the product and the situation of similar products of other companies have been thoroughly investigated and analyzed, and a market research report has been submitted. Before you were hired by the company, you did so much work, who would you use without you? "★
Things in the world are sometimes so unbelievably simple: If you stick to the rules, you will only fail; on the contrary, if you use your brain a little bit and innovate the traditional way of thinking, you can succeed.For example, why can't the kind of bugs with the habit of "followers" use their brains and innovate on their own inherent habits - instead of running aimlessly behind others, they change their jobs like that ugly job seeker? What about a way of thinking?
(Section [-] Only by changing your views can you change your mind

In real life, some people will jump off a building because of failure, and some will achieve a bigger career because of overcoming failure; Complaining about the product, the company, and the customers because the product cannot be sold, some people innovate new products and new services that are popular in the market because the product cannot be sold; "Strict teachers produce high-level apprentices" so that I can continue to be promoted to high positions after being competent for more complicated jobs!
Views on things, there is no absolute right or wrong.But there are positive and negative points, and everyone must bear the final result for their own views.Negative thinking people will always find negative explanations for things, and can always find excuses for themselves to complain, and finally get negative results.Next, the negative results will reversely strengthen his negative emotions, which will make him become a more negative thinker, forming a vicious circle...

All of this is just as Schopenhauer said: "Things themselves do not affect people, people are only affected by their views on things!" Even if we cannot change the environment, at least we can change our inner thoughts and attitudes towards things.We can't change our appearance but we can smile; we can't control others, but we can control ourselves; we can't predict tomorrow, but we can make good use of today; we can't win every battle, but we can do our best...

★One side is stars, the other side is dirt
In the United States, a lady named Selma was full of worries, and life was already a torment for her.

why?Because she joined the army with her husband.Unexpectedly, the troops were stationed in the desert, living in iron houses, and could not speak the language of the surrounding Indians and Mexicans; The expedition left her alone.So she frowns all day long, and lives like a year.We can imagine the pain in her heart, just as we often experience it ourselves.

How to do it?In desperation, she had to write to her parents, hoping to go home.

The long-awaited reply finally arrived, but when she opened it, she was greatly disappointed.Parents neither comforted themselves, nor told her to go back quickly.The letter was just a piece of thin letter paper with only a few short words on it.

What do these lines say?

"Two people looked out from the prison window, one saw the dirt on the ground, but the other saw the stars in the sky."

She was very disappointed at first, and a little bit angry. Why did her parents reply with such a letter? !But despite this, these few lines still aroused her interest, because after all, it was the concern of parents far away in their hometown for their daughter.She watched and pondered over and over again, and finally one day, a flash of light passed through her mind.The flash of light seemed to completely illuminate the darkness in front of her eyes, and she was very surprised, and the brows that were frowned every day suddenly relaxed.Do you know why?

It turned out that in these few short lines, she finally discovered her problem: she used to look down habitually, but only saw dirt.But why don't you look up?Look up and see the stars in the sky!And there must be more than dirt in our life, there must be stars!Why don't I look up to find the stars, appreciate the stars, and enjoy the beautiful world of starlight?
She thought so, and began to do so.

She began to take the initiative to make friends with Indians and Mexicans, and the result surprised her, because she found that they were very hospitable, warm, and gradually became friends, and gave her many precious pottery and textiles as gifts; Studying the cactus in the desert, taking notes while studying, she never thought that the cactus is so varied and intoxicating; she appreciates the sunset and sunrise in the desert, feels the mirage in the desert, and enjoys the new life brought to her. everything that comes.Unexpectedly, she found the stars slowly, and really felt the splendor of the starry sky.She found that everything in her life had changed, and it made her feel like she was bathed in spring every day, and she seemed to be surrounded by laughter every day.Later, after returning to the United States, she wrote a book based on her true inner journey, called "Happy Castle", which caused a great sensation. ★
Let's see, isn't this thing too interesting?For this lady, the front and back are completely different: one is infinite pain, the other is endless happiness; the other is rainy, and the other is sunny.But for this lady, his circumstances have not changed!Let's think again together: Has the desert changed?No change!Has the tin house changed?No change!Has the 125-degree heat in the shade of the cactus changed?No change!Have the Indians and Mexicans changed?No change!None of this has changed, so what has changed?Obviously, it has become her heart, her habitual way of thinking—in the past, she habitually chose to look at the dirt and choose the negative side of things; later she habitually chose to look for stars and choose the positive side of things.You see, nothing else has changed, just a little bit.But with such a small change, the results are very different: one pain, one happiness; one failure, one success.This is very much like a fork in the road, there is a slight deviation at the beginning, but in the end, the difference will be so large.Therefore, we have to develop in-depth on this point, because this point is too precious and important.Each of us desires pleasure rather than pain, success rather than failure, and all of this is closely related to this.

(Section [-] Inertia of thinking is a heavy burden

★Throw the fattest scientist down
(End of this chapter)