Harvard Emotional Intelligence Class

Chapter 52
Taylor Benshahar, who teaches Harvard's most popular "happiness class," argues that pain is our life experience from which we can learn a lot.The growth and leap in life often happen when you feel very painful.

Ben Shahar said that in the long journey of life, everyone will inevitably face sad moments, such as experiencing failure or loss, but we can still live happily.In life, happiness is the norm, while pain is an episode.

(Part [-]: Don’t cry for yesterday
Life consists of three days, yesterday, today and tomorrow.If you cry because of yesterday's failure or misfortune in a busy day, then your today is only tears, how will your tomorrow go?
For many people, it is impossible to let go of the past.Standing in the long river of time, if you don't focus on the beautiful today and tomorrow, it is extremely unwise to always immerse yourself in the past.Yesterday is still relevant to us, but hope cannot be born from yesterday, and the miracle of life is always the theme of today.The sun is new every day, don't be obsessed with yesterday, whether it was brilliant or dark yesterday, it has become history.As a page that has already been turned, why should we spend energy blaming ourselves and regretting it?Grasp today, prepare for tomorrow, not cry for yesterday.

Life cannot be peaceful forever.Sailing in the sea of ​​reality, if you give up today's route because of yesterday's storm, I am afraid that those new continents of life will never be discovered.The same is true for successful people. Looking through the legendary history of those great people, there are some wounds in almost every growth stage.Edison did countless experiments before he found a filament material. Deng Xiaoping's ups and downs finally led China to the road of reform and opening up. On these tortuous roads, did they all waver because of yesterday?No.So don't give up easily and don't allow yourself to get bogged down in the past.Maybe it was precious yesterday, but today it is even more expensive.

★Don't cry because of yesterday's mistakes

One day, before a break, a well-educated eminent monk asked his young disciple to light incense for the Buddha. The rough-handed little monk accidentally knocked over the incense burner, and the incense ashes scattered all over the floor. It broke, and almost set the whole sacrificial hall on fire.The little monk knew that he had caused a catastrophe, so he hid secretly.

On the second day, the eminent monk couldn't find the young monk, so he came to the sacrificial hall to find out the reason. After learning the truth, he was a little angry, but calmed down quickly.He sent someone to call the little monk who was hiding.The little monk cried all night because of fear, his eyes were swollen, and he thought that he would be severely punished this time.The eminent monk glanced at the young monk: "You missed today's morning class, do you know?" The young monk raised his head, looked at the monk very puzzled, then lowered his head and took the initiative to admit his mistake: "Master, I was wrong. I knocked over the door last night. Aren’t you angry when you turned off the censer? Why didn’t you punish me today, instead you just blamed me for missing the morning class?” The old monk said earnestly, “I was very angry for the mistake you made yesterday, but the matter has passed, and I will pursue it later. Whose responsibility is no longer beneficial. The incense ashes were sprinkled yesterday, and the incense has been broken. It is irreparable. The only thing that can be done is to replace it with new incense today, light the incense again, and make up for today's morning class .It is unforgivable to lose today's time because of yesterday's mistake. Do you understand?" The little monk suddenly realized. ★
Perhaps each of us has experienced the role of this little monk. We cried for yesterday's mistakes, and even gave up on the topic we should do today. We will cry tomorrow for today's abandonment. Every day is the same, and life is lost like this. its meaning.When we are unable to change what happened yesterday, then we should face it bravely and grasp today is the most valuable behavior.

On the road to success, there may be thorns and obstacles, but all of these can be overcome. The key is whether you have the determination to overcome them.Yesterday's jungle of thorns has been passed through, even if we are full of scars, it does not mean that we cannot cross this road.Go on bravely, hurt yesterday, be brave today, then success will come tomorrow.

A person's life has experienced countless winds and rains, and countless stumbling blocks.Look at how we learned to walk when we were young. We fell down while learning to walk. We didn't cry because we fell down and refused to walk.On the contrary, childhood courage is great, no matter how painful the fall is, you still have to leave after crying for a while, and even forget about the fall yesterday the next day, maybe this is the strong nature of people.After growing up, this nature still exists. We can't let weakness bury it, and we must be as brave as a child learning to walk.The wounds of yesterday are scarred, let's stop focusing on it.Don't shed tears for yesterday's failure, but learn from yesterday and avoid today becoming the second failed yesterday.

(Section [-] humiliating and achieving the strong

When it comes to humiliation, everyone doesn't want to encounter it, but those who have become big business people often come from humiliation.Here, we are not advocating that the experience of humiliation is an element of a person's success. What we want to say is that if you encounter humiliation unfortunately, don't feel embarrassed, don't feel embarrassed, in fact, be optimistic. For life: Humiliation can exercise resilience and make a strong person.

★Sima Qian who bears the burden of humiliation

Sima Qian, who endured humiliation and completed "Historical Records", is a hero worthy of respect by future generations.Before his death, Sima Qian's father asked his son to complete this task for him.However, when Sima Qian devoted himself to writing historical records, he suffered great hardships.In the second year of the Tianhan Dynasty, Emperor Wu sent Li Ling to accompany Li Guang to escort the luggage.As a result, Li Guang was killed and Li Ling was captured.After the news reached Chang'an, Emperor Wu was very angry when he heard that his generals had surrendered.All the civil and military officials in the Manchu Dynasty followed Emperor Wu's ideas and accused Li Ling of his crimes one after another.However, Sima Qian bluntly remonstrated, saying that Li Ling was outnumbered and had no reinforcements, and Li Ling was not entirely responsible, so he tried his best to defend him.However, his outspokenness caused Longyan to be furious.Sima Qian was sent to prison for this.

After Sima Qian was imprisoned, he was tortured by cruel officials.In the face of all kinds of physical and mental torture, he never yielded nor pleaded guilty.Later Sima Qian was sentenced to corruption.At that time, this kind of corruption torture not only cruelly destroyed the body and spirit, but also greatly insulted the personality.

At that time, Sima Qian even thought of death, but later he thought of the mission left to him by his father, Confucius, Zuo Qiuming, Sun Bin and others, their humiliation, their tenacious perseverance, and their history. The achievements left behind greatly encouraged Sima Qian.He vowed that no matter what kind of humiliation happened, he would finish "Historical Records".

In the second year of Zhenghe, Sima Qian finally completed the basic compilation work.During these years, he endured great physical and mental torture, but none of them brought him down.What he wrote with his life is not only a masterpiece of history, but also an eternal hymn of life in human history. ★
After people suffer humiliation, they generally have two choices: some people can’t bear such torture, and they become pessimistic and depressed, and eventually the humiliation of the body leads to mental depression, and they never recover from it; They endured tremendous torture, but the spark in their hearts was undefeated. With their tenacious will and fighting spirit, they finally won the glory of life.

Treat humiliation correctly and regard it as a driving force to stimulate people to move forward. Those who can do this are the real wise men.

★Cao Yu with a clear mind
Once, the dramatist Cao Yu invited his friend Arthur Miller to his home as a guest.During the chat, Arthur Miller hinted: An old writer like you must be surrounded by glory and adulation.Cao Yu smiled, and took a well-bound booklet from the bookshelf, on which was a letter written by the painter Huang Yongyu, which said: "I don't like your plays after liberation, and I don't like any of them. .Your heart is not in the drama, you have lost the great psychic treasure, and you have been mistaken by your status! The proposition is not solid, not rigorous, and the deductive analysis is not thorough enough. , all the catchphrases have disappeared..." The criticism of Cao Yu in the letter was harsh, even obviously humiliating.Arthur Miller was very puzzled, why such an embarrassing letter was carefully bound in a beautiful booklet?Cao Yu explained that it was this letter that kept pushing him forward. Whenever he felt lazy, he would read it to motivate himself to move on. ★
There will be large and small grievances happening constantly in life, the key is to see your attitude towards them.If you quit your job because your boss made an insulting remark about you, you'll never have the opportunity to show him your strengths.Remember the humiliation, but don't get hung up on it.Some people give up on themselves because of humiliation, and some people spontaneously seek strength because of humiliation. This is the real difference between the weak and the strong.

Pessimists take humiliation as a blow, while optimists take humiliation as motivation. Their different life attitudes lead to different life outcomes.Try to smile at those humiliations, turn the depression they bring into a powerful motivation, and use them to stimulate our forward motor.Perhaps it is these humiliations that let us know our shortcomings earlier.If there are always flowers and applause on the road of life, it will blind our hearts and cover our eyes.Thanks to those rotten eggs that flew at the right time, perhaps it was they who woke us up in time.

(The third section smiles to face the predicament
There are two situations in life: good times and bad times.Everyone may be able to face good times with a smile, but very few can face difficulties with a smile.You might say: What, I smile at difficulties?Is this possible? Difficulties are as scary as snakes, scorpions and poisonous insects. I'm afraid it's too late to cry.However, the more accomplished and accomplished a person is, the more calmly he will face difficulties.Their experiences tell them that trials and hardships are what help them succeed.

Balzac once said: Difficulty is a precious gift, it is the step of advancement for geniuses, the water for cleansing believers, the priceless treasure for capable people, and also the bottomless abyss for the weak.The predicament appears in its terrible appearance, but when you move forward forever, explore bravely, and uncover its true face, you will find that the beautiful scenery is hidden in it.

Life is a mirror, if you smile at it, it smiles at you; if you get angry at it and smash it, then you will only see the fragmented self.And adversity is just a form of life, so you also smile in the face of adversity. This smile is not a meaningless smirk, but a kind of encouragement to yourself, a kind of confidence.Only those who dare to face life and difficulties are the masters of destiny.

★Through the experience of talents

Lu Guanqiu, president of China Wanxiang Group, was once the fourth richest person in mainland China according to the statistics of the world-renowned financial magazine "Forbes".He is a self-made entrepreneur, but also a strong man who is not afraid of difficulties and works hard.From starting from scratch to today's achievements, the difficulties may not be what you and I can imagine.Is Lu Guanqiu afraid because of these difficulties, has he stopped?No.Let's take a look at how this master of life walks through difficulties with a smile.

Lu Guanqiu dropped out of school when he was 15 years old and became an apprentice blacksmith. After three years of apprenticeship, Lu Guanqiu is very familiar with mechanical farm tools, which also gave him a special feeling for mechanical equipment.

In 1969, he boldly took over the Ningwei Commune Agricultural Machinery Factory.In fact, the agricultural machinery repair factory at that time was just a mess with only 84 square meters of dilapidated factory buildings. The economic benefits were not good, and it seemed to be unable to support it.A large number of universal joint products produced by the Ningwei Commune Agricultural Machinery Repair Factory are still in the warehouse.Due to the lack of sales, the factory has been unable to pay wages to employees on time for half a year.Facing the difficult problem he had just taken over, Lu Guanqiu did not flinch, but also had a frowning face.He took active actions, carefully analyzed the situation of the factory, and prescribed the right medicine.

In addition, he always has a smile on his face, which not only encourages himself, but also lifts up the atmosphere of the whole factory. Everyone thinks that this smile means that the factory is saved.Lu Guanqiu organized more than 30 business backbones, divided into several groups, and went everywhere to inquire about the production and sales of automobile universal joints, and dealt with auto parts companies in various places to find sales for the products.

Later, he turned a blacksmith shop into the production of auto parts, step by step out of the difficulties.Lu Guanqiu once said: "In the face of setbacks and disappointments, I once wandered alone by the Qiantang River. At that time, seeing the rolling waves, the depression and disappointment pressing on my chest disappeared, and I was full of passion and hope for life again. .I don't believe that fate is always so ruthless to me. And my mentality of bearing depression and disappointment is formed from countless times of depression and disappointment!"

When everyone is envious of his outstanding achievements today, few people will think that he has actually stepped out of the predicament step by step.In the course of more than 30 years of growth, he has led the company through countless trials and tribulations. In the exploration of these difficulties, he found the right direction and created a Chinese multinational group company. ★
Difficulty is a gift from God. Only by accepting it with a smile, opening it, and understanding it, can you truly enjoy the gift of God.When many people encounter difficulties, they only hang their heads down, so that they get stuck in it and cannot extricate themselves.Difficulties are the funnel for screening talents. Accept it bravely and overcome it, and you may be able to avoid the danger of being screened out.Look at those successful people, which one does not have a strong soul and dare to smile at life?
(Section [-] humor regulates body and mind
In modern society, everyone is under great pressure to survive.Social surveys show that many people are in a sub-healthy state due to an overly depressive social life.Calm down and ask yourself, how long has it been since you smiled happily, maybe you don't even know yourself.Such a life is not healthy, and a positive life needs humor and laughter to embellish.

Humor is the most effective way of spiritual massage. If a person is often in a decadent, depressed, and gloomy state of mind, then the probability of suffering from some diseases is much higher than that of those who are humorous, cheerful, and cheerful.Therefore, for contemporary people who live under a lot of pressure, learning humor is undoubtedly an effective way to regulate the body and mind.

It is said that some scientific research institutes in the United States have implemented humor therapy. Humor can relax the muscles of many patients and relieve the mental state of worries, guilt, and depression, which is more conducive to the treatment of diseases.Studies have shown that humor can reduce the depression caused by troubles, alleviate the pain caused by illness, and help regulate emotions and eliminate physical and mental fatigue.

★I still have two legs
The best healthy old man in the country, Sun Yi, a century-old general known as "the young pine in the army", is an old revolutionary general full of personality and humor.On the Long March that year, as the instructor and chief of staff of the Military Commission, he should have been equipped with a horse.However, Li De, the military adviser sent by the Communist International, disqualified Sun Yi from riding horses on the grounds that "Sun Yi came from the White Army".Faced with such discrimination and injustice, Sun Yi laughed it off: "I don't have four legs, so I still have two!" In this way, he walked the Long March with his iron feet without any hesitation.Whenever someone mentions this unpleasant past, the general always jokes openly: "I really want to thank that Mr. Li De, he made me exercise my feet and laid the foundation for fitness." Full of the spirit of a general, I think the reason why General Sun Yi can live a long and healthy life is inseparable from his humorous outlook on life. ★
On the road of life, depressing things often happen.If you can have a smart and humorous heart, you can turn depression into motivation, and you can have a happy life.Humor is not the patent of successful people. In fact, it can be expressed as a kind of self-mockery, as a kind of ridicule, and as a humorous attitude towards life. It is not only beneficial to our own mood, but also affects our surroundings. people.

★I really only have one day

There was a young man who had just bought a motorcycle when it was hit by an accident and turned into a useless wreck.Facing the car that caused the accident, many people thought that he would yell at him to relieve his hatred, but this smart young man said: "Oh, I always said that it would be great if I could have a motorcycle one day. Now I I really have a motorcycle, and it’s really only for one day!” Everyone around laughed, and even the perpetrator couldn’t help giving the young man a thumbs up, and he took the initiative to dig out the car before the young man opened his mouth. paid for all compensation. ★
Emotionally intelligent people know how to have a good sense of humor.For this young man, the fact that the car was crashed has become a reality, even if he yells at him, it is irreparable. It is better to use such a kind of humor to make himself feel less uncomfortable and easily win compensation.In fact, humor is not mysterious, every ordinary person can do it.We should keep our eyes open and experience our life seriously. Humor is in every bit of our life.

(End of this chapter)