Harvard Emotional Intelligence Class

Chapter 73 Building a Beautiful Family with Emotional Intelligence (2)
Jim returns to Los Angeles.He often goes to a hill overlooking Hollywood.One night, he was suddenly moved by his father's confidence in his comedic talent, and he signed himself a check for tens of millions of dollars. The memo read: "Repayment for acting services."

Many years later Jim became an A-list actor earning $2000 million for a leading role in a movie.Shortly after this, Patsy passed away.Jim was very sad at his father's funeral, and in saying goodbye to his father's body, Jim expressed his gratitude to his father for the love he had shown him.Jim leaned over Patsy, whispered the last "goodbye," and gently pulled out a check for tens of millions of dollars from the pocket of his suit, as a symbol of the warm support his father had given him all these years, This means that all the years are a reward for his father's ardent support for him. ★
Parents have the single best opportunity to influence their children's emotional intelligence.Patsy Kelly's patient guidance did more than help Jim understand his own gifts.His support and encouragement strengthened Jim's ability to overcome his discomfort and to believe in himself.Patsy taught his son self-management skills, because he knew that these were the skills his son needed most to realize his great potential.Emotional intelligence skills are developed, not born.Parental guidance in understanding and processing emotions is the underlying driving force behind a child's ultimate ability to demonstrate emotional intelligence.

A child's emotional intelligence is a result of a parent's display of emotional intelligence skills, not their personal experience of emotional distress, according to a study.Children learn emotional intelligence skills from their parents, and without parental role models, children miss out on the best learning resources.Every moment you spend with your child is an opportunity to demonstrate emotional intelligence.When you avoid yelling, your child will too.When you pay attention and do it by asking about your child's distress, your child will learn to show compassion to friends.If you model emotional intelligence for your children, they will develop the skills they need to get along better with other people, and they will experience higher levels of success that will continue into their adult years.Parents who practice emotional intelligence with their children raise children who are happier, better socially adjusted, better positioned, and achieve higher levels of professional success.

Most children's emotions fluctuate more widely, more deeply, and more quickly than adults.Ask any parent of a two-and-a-half-year-old and they'll describe a minute of dizzying bliss that turns into utter disappointment the next.During the period between the ages of four and seven, parents enjoy the growing joy of their children's ability to use words while expressing their feelings, but at the same time they are also involved in the trivial affairs that children bring.Teenagers who are approaching puberty begin to take responsibility for their studies, their actions and their emotions.Adolescents can feel a mixture of emotions, but their life experience has not prepared them for it.Every stage of parenting will be marked by strong emotions manifested in some new way.At every age, growing children and parents are amazed by the changes in mood.In order to develop emotional intelligence skills, your child must feel allowed—even invited—to fully experience these emotions and learn to understand them.

To help children understand emotions, you first have to create a relaxed environment for them to accept them.

Acknowledging and accepting your child's emotions is so simple and so common, but if you make it your duty to do so, the cumulative effects on your child can be profound.Acknowledging and accepting your daughter's feelings is as simple as saying, "You're so sad that your favorite blanket is gone," instead of, "Stop crying, we can buy another."The first statement tells her that the feelings she is having are normal and important.Neither statement will take away the pain of losing the blanket, and she will continue to cry no matter which way she chooses.But the first response demonstrates emotional intelligence awareness and tells her that what she thinks and feels has meaning.Small children cannot think about things in a complex way, but their minds absorb their experiences like sponges.You shape your children by teaching them how to deal with feelings.

Acknowledging and accepting your child's emotions when they need reassurance the most can be a difficult thing to do.

Especially when the parents are depressed, if the child does some stupid behaviors under his ability, it is difficult for the parents to avoid losing their temper.When your three-year-old refuses to share a toy with the neighborhood kid and hits the neighbor kid on the head with the toy, you're unlikely to bend over and whisper, "I understand your anger, baby, but hit Lily with your toy truck." The head is not right." (Usually reprimand or beat the child loudly).Neither of these responses is recommended by someone with a high EQ, because your tone of voice, the speed of your actions, and even your actions teach children about emotional processing.A response that shows you understand your child's anger will teach him more about how to control himself next time than grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the house.

Conflict and passive resistance can also create strong emotions in parents.

Seeing your child become vulnerable can be as disturbing as seeing him hurt other children.But careful consideration of the situation reveals that it is through actions that children express their emotions.It is normal for toddlers to hit other children or be intimidated by other children to stand still unless they learn a better way to express themselves.Your job is to show your little one how to be comfortable with their emotions and to train your little one by doing something useful with them.As a parent, you should use your emotional intelligence skills to improve your children's ability to respond in the same way when faced with challenges.Your kids will grow up knowing how to strengthen their relationships and manage their behavior so they get what they want out of life.

As challenging and uncomfortable as it is for you to face your own emotions, training your child to deal with them takes time.

Like many things in life, if we don't choose our actions carefully, then we are bound to repeat some patterns from the past.Progress comes from choosing the kind of feedback that works best, not the easiest and most receptive.

(Create a high EQ life in the third section
Emotional intelligence is a result of how well you understand yourself and your surroundings.If you practice a new skill repeatedly, you train your brain to make it a habit.Emotional intelligence skills can be practiced in every area of ​​your life, at home, at work, at school, with friends, and in your community.Improved emotional intelligence should continue to be deeply applied in everything you do to make your life happier.

Keep exercising regularly.Regular exercise serves three important purposes: maintaining a healthy weight, improving physical fitness, and improving the cardiovascular system.

As many of us lead sedentary lifestyles, we face obvious health problems.In addition, many people watch at least two hours of TV every day (by the age of 6, children already spend more time on TV than they spend their entire lives talking to their fathers), so it is easy to expect that this will have a big impact. Their long-term physical and psychological effects.Exercise can counteract the negative effects of both, avoiding a potbellied and pear-shaped figure.

One of the benefits of regular physical activity is that it improves not only your physical appearance but your mental health as well.This increases the self-esteem of the individual.It provides energy to allow individuals to have more energy throughout the day, focus better and experience depression less frequently.Exercise gives people the necessary energy to cope with the stress of unexpected events.Individuals who are physically healthy are less anxious and less sick.Researchers have discovered the chemical basis for exercise's physiological benefits: During intense physical activity, the brain releases endorphins (similar to morphine), which numb pain and create a feeling of well-being , similar to the brisk and relaxed feeling of a long-distance runner.

Another important benefit of exercise is that it strengthens the cardiovascular system.Aerobic exercises work best when inhaling no more oxygen than a person can comfortably absorb (unlike sprinting or long-distance swimming, which require inhaling large amounts of oxygen).This type of exercise includes brisk walking, jogging, cycling, or climbing stairs.However, cardiovascular system function is enhanced only when the following two conditions are met.

1．整个练习过程需要保持一定的心率水平。这个水平是最高心率的60％～80％。要计算这个水平，用220减去你的年龄，再取这个数的60％～80％。你应该在一开始的练习中保持60％的水平，然后逐渐增加到80％。练习的过程中检查你的心率，测出心脏6秒钟的跳动次数，然后乘以10。

2．这种练习每周进行3—4次，每次20—30分钟。因为心血管48小时之后耐受性下降，所以至少每两天锻炼一次是很重要的。

In addition to regular exercise, you must also eat a reasonable diet.To eat properly, do the following:
1.About 40 to 60 nutrients are needed to eat a variety of foods to maintain health

These foods include unprocessed or lightly dehydrated vegetables, fruit juices, grains, soybeans, dried peas, nuts and seeds.These complex carbohydrate foods combine starches, fiber, sugars, vitamins and minerals.Simple carbohydrates such as flour, white rice, refined sugar, processed fruit juice products and overcooked vegetables should be avoided.Nutritionists recommend that adults should consume the following balanced diet: three servings of fruits and vegetables, three servings of pasta or cereals, two servings of milk or yogurt, and two servings of meat, fish, eggs, soybeans or peas.

2.Weight maintenance is most effective when combined with the right diet and exercise

Although there are many popular diet methods, some correct and simple methods can help individuals avoid overeating.

(1) Eat some low-calorie appetizers before each meal.

(2) Drink a large glass of water or fruit juice, such as grape juice or plum juice, when you are hungry between meals.

(3) Half an hour before meals, eat some carbohydrate foods, such as two soda crackers.

(4) Eat more vegetables to keep calorie intake low.

(5) Eat slowly.

(6) Eat regularly and avoid excessive eating and drinking.

(7) Don't eat because of irritability, fatigue or anxiety, try to relieve them through exercise.

3.Particular emphasis is placed on controlling the following elements:

(1) Reduce sugar intake

While sugar gives a lot of energy and a feeling of restlessness, it also stimulates the pancreas to secrete insulin, which reacts against the sugar in the blood. The pancreas is overactive in 60 percent of people, which can lead to feelings of irritability, depression, nausea and anxiety, and predispose to diabetes.

(2) Reduce sodium intake

Sodium is found in salt (40% is sodium) and other condiments, including processed foods, soft drinks and salty snacks.It is unwise to consume more than 5 grams of sodium per day, especially for those with high blood pressure.

(3) Avoid drinking alcohol

Alcohol, which is high in calories and low in other nutrients, also depletes the body of B vitamins, which are important for coping with stress.

(4) Limit caffeine intake

Caffeine is a chemical irritant that induces the fight-or-flight response.Also, it depletes the B vitamins in the body.

(End of this chapter)