Speak Well 2: Simple and Effective Communication Techniques with High EQ

CHAPTER 4 CHANGE AFFECTS DECISIONS OF OTHERS
Why is the ability to speak a rigid need?Because no matter how much you don't like to talk, there is always a time when you want to "change others".The problem is, by then it's too late to figure out what talking is all about.

So, you might as well ask yourself a question now: How can you speak so that you will not be rejected by the other party as much as possible?In other words, what are the difficulties in changing others' thinking and practices?

There are three main reasons: (1) Based on instinctual rebellious psychology, others are unwilling to be changed by you; (2) Due to lack of trust, others are afraid to be changed by you; (3) Because of different ways of thinking, others cannot be changed by you .

Correspondingly, if you want to change others through speaking, you also have to prescribe the right medicine. You can practice speaking skills from the following three aspects: (1) How to reduce the resistance of the other party; (2) How to increase the trust of the other party; (3) How to guide the other party to think way of the problem.

The first section uses "choice" to reduce the resistance of the other party
What cannot be let go is a shackle, and what cannot be separated is a cage.It doesn't matter if you say it's stupid stubbornness, or it's a nature that loves freedom, anyway, people are such strange creatures.No matter how good something is, as long as it seems that there is no choice but that it has to be done, resistance will arise spontaneously.Therefore, if you want to speak well and change other people's thoughts and practices, you first need to make the other person feel that you always have the right to choose.

illusion of choice

True or false questions make people think "Yes or no";
Multiple choice questions make people think "Which one is better",
It is equivalent to answering "Yes" for the other party first.

〇 Possible problems

My child always doesn't want to help with housework. Besides rewards and punishments, what better way can I make my child happy to do housework?

A common saying: "You can help wash today's bowls and chopsticks!"

A better way to say it: "You can wash the dishes first, and then play games. Or, you can play games for a while, and then wash the dishes!"

? · Why do you say that

Humans are amazing, and when there is no other option than "take it or don't take it," we tend to choose "no take."This is because people usually have a natural resistance. If I do what others ask me to do, it means I obey. From a certain point of view, obedience means admitting defeat, but no one likes to admit defeat.

Generally speaking, unless we can be sure that this path is safe and happy, we usually choose not to take it.Because we instinctively feel that rejection has no benefits, but it also avoids risks.Even if you have to accept it due to various reasons, you will inevitably have resistance in your heart.

So, don't use the words "Yes/No, accept/not accept" lightly.Take the example of a child doing housework, even though you have politely added "OK" to the child, the other party may still feel that you are putting pressure on him.

However, if you change the "true or false question" into a "multiple choice question", it sounds completely different. "Now go and do the housework, okay?" This is a right and wrong question.And "Do you want to do housework now? Or do you want to play games for a while before doing housework?" Although the actual meaning is similar, it sounds like an optional question.People who hear this sentence will immediately compare which option is better, feel more free space, and make decisions more relaxed and happy.

Many experienced "old Jianghu", especially powerful salespeople, like to use this technique.Use a key sentence pattern "You can... and you can..." to create a "feeling of choice" and reduce the other party's resistance without actually providing new options.

For example, there is a cleaner who works as a housekeeper, and his performance is always better than others.Because when she reminded customers to recharge, she didn't directly say: "The balance in your account is almost used up, can you recharge now? If yes, this recharge will be counted as my performance." Instead, she said: "Your balance is running out soon. If you run out, you can recharge after I go back, or you can recharge now, if you recharge now, the recharge will be counted as my performance, do you think it is okay?"

The former statement is asking "do you want to recharge", while the latter statement is asking "do you want to recharge now and do me a favor by the way, or recharge later, and you can't get a sentence for the same money Thank you?" Most people will feel that when they hear this, it is also spending money, if at the same time it can help the other party to recharge their performance, why not do it?

In the same way, if you are a bank clerk and you face distracted customers in line, in addition to asking them to wait patiently in their seats, you can also give a second solution: first take the number plate and go out for a walk return.Although the second solution does not change the fact that the customer has to continue to wait, as long as you use the phrase "you can...or...", the other party will feel that they have a choice and that you are more considerate. His anxious mood can be soothed.

To give another example, when urging a friend to pay back the money, if you don't want to hurt your feelings, but also want to remind the other party to pay back the money, you can also refer to this speaking technique.You can say: "The money you borrowed from me last time, if you have difficulties, you can pay back a little bit at a time. It doesn't matter if you take your time. Of course, if your money is not so tight recently, it is the best time to pay me back. What do you think? Woolen cloth?"

+ Extended thinking

1. If you want to change others, you must first realize that people are willing to change only when they have a choice.Otherwise, even if the other party is forced to accept your point of view, there will still be resistance and rebound in the heart.

2. The so-called "choice" is actually just a feeling in many cases.You don't have to make any real changes at all, and you can discover options that make the other person feel like they have a choice.

3. This kind of "creating a sense of choice" is not deceiving, but from the perspective of the other party, showing your concern and understanding.

Don't worry, you can always go back on your word
(1) In the face of hesitant people,
The more anxious he is, the more likely he will back away.

(2) As long as people take the first step, they usually don't look back.

〇 Possible problems

I am a salesperson. Sometimes when I am selling a product, I have already analyzed all the advantages and disadvantages that I can introduce to the client.What should I say to make the other party decide to buy my product?
A common saying: "This juicer, today is the last day of our promotion, tomorrow there will be no such price!"

A better way to say: "After you buy this juicer today, if you are not satisfied in any way, don't worry, you can go back and return it at any time within seven days."

? · Why do you say that

The so-called indecision is actually "one step away from agreeing", that is, when your persuasion is closest to success.The more you get to this critical moment, the more you can't be in a hurry, pay attention to the strength, and just "push" it gently.

And this last "push", how can people not refuse it?
Many people think that when the other party hesitates, the most important thing is to urge them to make a quick decision.For example, in the face of hesitant customers, tell them "If you don't buy today, you will have no chance in the future."This kind of tactic may be effective for novices who are not deeply involved in the world, but today, when there are indiscriminate bombardment of "last day big sale" advertisements everywhere, the effect of this tactic will become less and less effective.

Furthermore, the more eager your attitude is, the more it will make the other party feel that they have no choice. Under this kind of pressure, fear of making a wrong decision may make people stop.The other party was already standing at the crossroads. If you urged him like this, he might back off instead.

Therefore, a better way to say it is to tell the other party "don't worry, you can go back on this decision at any time", so as to reduce the pressure of the other party's choice.If the other party feels that there is still a chance to regret it anyway, why not try it before talking, it will be difficult to have a reason to refuse.

In fact, many merchants have launched the service of "unconditional return if you are not satisfied".The main purpose of this kind of service is, of course, to protect the rights and interests of customers on the one hand; on the other hand, it is also to help front-line salespeople push customers to make decisions.

Even if there is no return service, you can still use this principle to speak.Using the car sales example, if you see a customer indecisive, you can say something like, "Sir/madam, I know you think this is a great car, but you just can't make up your mind yet, right? That's ok, I'm I would like to give you a suggestion, you can pay a little deposit today, book this car first, and then go back and think about it slowly. In order to avoid this car being bought by other customers while you are thinking about it. Within a week , you can go back at any time, and please rest assured that if you go back, I will refund the deposit in full."

The above passage did not make the other party pay any irreparable costs, so it is almost impossible to be rejected.And as long as the other party makes the first decision, you have already succeeded more than half.Because repenting means losing the time and energy he has put in when making the choice.Moreover, if you want to let go of the things you have obtained, such as the so-called "returnable at any time", you have to make another decision. Most people will not have such a willingness.This is why even if you provide sufficient "right to regret", there will not be too many people who really regret it.

+ Extended thinking

1. As long as people take the first step, they usually don't look back.But because of this, when making a decision, the most worrying thing is that there is no turning back when you make a decision, and there is no medicine for regret in the world.To dispel this concern, it is necessary to ensure that the other party has the right to regret.

2. Don't worry, most people don't really regret it, because regret itself requires giving up what you already have.Psychological research shows that people usually overvalue what they actually own, making it difficult to give up.That's why even if the merchant promises to return the product without reason, there is no need to worry about losing money.

Sweet and salty ratio

Under the same conditions, if you threaten the other party,
the success rate of reaching an agreement,

Only half of not threatening.

〇 Possible problems

When I see something I like but exceeds my budget, how should I bargain with the merchant?

Common sayings: "If you don't sell it cheaper, then I'm leaving, it's up to you whether you sell it or not!" or "Boss, please do me a favor and sell it to me cheaper!"

A better way to say it: "I really like this one and would like to buy it from your store, but there are some stores that sell it cheaper, which makes me hesitate, what should I do?"

? · Why do you say that

As mentioned earlier, in the absence of choice, anyone will have a negative stress response.Even in "negotiations" where many people feel that swords should be at stake, it is still unwise to make the other party feel "forced".Stuart Diamond, an American negotiator, found that under the same conditions, if you threaten the other party, the success rate of reaching an agreement is only half that of not threatening.

However, it is not always appropriate to leave the choice completely to the other party.Especially in scenes where pressure needs to be put on the other party, it is even more important to make the other party realize that he cannot do whatever he wants.

For example, many people think that bargaining is based on threats or acting like a baby. In fact, these methods are either too hard or too soft. The former does not give the right to choose, and the latter gives too many choices, and none of them hit the boss's pain points.

"If you don't sell it cheaper, then I'll leave!" Although this kind of threat works occasionally, but more often than not, the boss doesn't bother to talk to you.There are also people who bargained desperately to act coquettishly: "Boss, please do me a favor and make it cheaper!" The boss may consider it when he is in a good mood, but usually he is indifferent.

The reason why these statements fail is actually because the "sweet and salty ratio" in the speech is wrong.The sweet-salty ratio is a term in the food industry, that is, the ratio of sweetness to salty taste must be just right, otherwise it will not taste good.When speaking, you should also pay attention to the ratio of sweet and salty, and you should speak softly and hard, with softness and strength.

"If you don't sell it cheaper, then I'm leaving!" This is too aggressive, too salty, and people can't eat it; on the other hand, "Boss, please sell it to me cheaper!" Too soft, too sweet, why do people have to agree to you?
Regarding how to say the sweet-salty ratio in bargaining, Diamond has a secret when negotiating, which is the sentence mentioned above: "I really like this one, and I really want to buy it at your house, but some stores sell it. It’s cheaper, so I’m hesitant, what should I do?”

This sentence has three meanings: (1) clearly expressing praise (I like this item); (2) implying negative factors (other places are cheaper); (3) exerting pressure in the form of asking for help (what do you say).

So, a statement like "I like this one, but it's cheaper elsewhere" means that there are sweet and salty, and the sweet and salty ratio is balanced.On the one hand, it is a little sweet, telling the merchant "I really want to buy it at your house", expressing your goodwill and love; but on the other hand, it is also a little salty, that is, "There are other stores, which make me hesitate".

Especially, at the end you politely kick the ball to the opponent: "What do you think I should do?" It looks like asking for help, but it is actually applying pressure.And if the other party gives in at this time and says, "It's rare that you are so discerning and like our things, then it's better if you are cheaper", it will seem like a favor, rather than being forced and helpless after being threatened.

In short, everything that should be said is in place, and it also gives the other party a step down. This is the benefit of the appropriate "sweet and salty ratio".The next time you bargain, don't forget to master the secret of this sweet-salty ratio to increase your success rate.Of course, you don’t have to memorize it word for word, as long as you grasp the essence of this passage, it is called: “You have a chance... but unfortunately...” You can also express this meaning in your own way, learn from life Utilize.

+ Extended thinking

1. The "sweet" in the sweet-salty ratio does not mean that as long as the mouth is sweet, it is right to say good things about him no matter what.The sweet-salty ratio of sweetness must emphasize your wishes, your preferences, and your mood, rather than being specific enough to praise the product for its advantages.

So you can say: "I like you very much", "It's more pleasant to shop with you", "It's more comfortable to do business with you".However, don't easily praise each other's products.For example, you say "the material of your clothes is really good, but other stores sell it cheaper, what should I do?" This is a wrong usage, because since you know that their material is good, you should also know why More expensive, what is there to bargain for?Therefore, praising the product will have the opposite effect.

2. This kind of speaking technique is not only suitable for bargaining.This principle can be used in any situation that requires "fighting without breaking" (that is, it is necessary to put pressure on the other party, but it is not expected to completely collapse).For example, when couples want to give advice to each other, they often feel that it is useless to say it lightly, and it will hurt the relationship if it is too serious.At this time, you can use the "sweet-salty ratio" speaking technique to make an expression like this: "I really like getting along with you, but ××× really makes me very uncomfortable. Tell me, what should I do? ?”

3. Even if you make full use of the "sweet-salty ratio" principle, it cannot be guaranteed to be [-]% effective.For example, a merchant may think: "You said there is a cheaper place, so you can go to their house to buy it!" Your partner may also think: "Since you like to get along with me, there is something you don't like, so just bear with it." !" But the appropriate words of "sweet and salty ratio" have an additional benefit: being gentle and giving the other party the right to choose.When we end with "What do you think?"

Weight Loss Words
People are unwilling to try new things,
Often it is because the cost of trying is too high.

〇 Possible problems

Sometimes I want to ask a colleague out for dinner, but the colleague keeps declining. How can I get him to agree?

Common sayings: "Come on, come on! Tonight's dinner is really interesting, there are a lot of interesting people to chat with, and you can go for a drink after dinner, it's great!"

A better way to put it: "There is a dinner tonight. If you are free, why don't you come and say hello? If you have something to do, it's okay to leave early!"

? · Why do you say that

When we want to ask the other party to participate in something, the common misunderstanding is to say the matter too perfectly and too attractively, so that the other party will feel pressure.

Take the dinner invitation as an example, the reason why some people refuse is not because he is not interested in the party, but because he is worried that as long as he agrees to go to dinner, he will be trapped in the party all night and cannot get out.So, what you promise is full of friends and laughter, the other party may think of a series of questions such as "too many people have to socialize", "it may be delayed", "will leaving early will disappoint everyone", and so on.

When we try to take the first step, what is often in mind is not the benefit, but the cost of this attempt.At this time, if you emphasize your expectations for this matter in a serious manner, it is tantamount to adding weight to the other party's heart.The greater the pressure, the lower the mastery, and the more afraid the opponent is to try.

But if you can take the pressure off him and put him in charge, he'll be more willing to try.For example, you can say lightly: "There is a dinner party tonight, and there are some very interesting friends. If you have nothing to do, let's sit together?" Leave early at night, everyone is very casual, it doesn't matter at all."

And as long as the other party takes the first step, that is, agreeing to "go and sit", at this time, you can start to tell how wonderful the dinner is, so that the other party can look forward to it.Because it has been presupposed that he can leave at any time, after reducing this weight, the rest of the matter will be easier to handle.

To give another example, if you want to persuade your children to go on a blind date, reducing weight will be more effective than adding weight.If you say to your child: "This is a hard-to-find person, your Auntie Zhang worked hard to make an appointment for you!" or "Your second uncle has put in a lot of effort for your affairs, why don't you go and see?" These words of adding weight will only make the children feel a lot of pressure, and feel that the elders are talking about this blind date as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. If the time comes, if the other party is not speculative, they will have to laugh with each other for hours... Therefore, The children will feel that one thing more is worse than one thing less, so it is better to refuse this blind date.

However, if you use the technique of reducing weight, the feeling is completely different.For example, you can say: "Just take a look and have a chat. If you really don't like it, then you can just find a reason to leave. It doesn't matter. Parents will help you deal with the rest, so there is no pressure!" You will feel a lot more relieved when you do it—since you can leave early, it doesn’t matter if you don’t speculate, why not give it a try!

The same principle can be used for dating invitations.Many people, especially girls, feel that going out alone with a guy is a big deal, which is why they often instinctively say no to an invitation.However, it will be much easier for the other party to accept your invitation if you give the other party the right to "stop at any time without embarrassment" from the beginning.

For example, you can experience this saying: "Have a meal together when you have time? If you don't feel like talking in the middle of the meal, it's okay. I will find an opportunity to go to the bathroom in the middle of the meal. If you want to leave, you can go straight at that time." , I’ll just stay and pay the bill, and everyone won’t be embarrassed.”

Saying this is equivalent to turning "at least finish the meal" into "worst case, it's just a waste of time to eat half the meal".In this way, the weight in the other party's heart has been reduced by half, so the success rate of her agreeing to accept the invitation will be greatly improved, because girls will feel that since they don't like it, they can just leave, so why must they refuse?This is the cleverness of this statement.

+ Extended thinking

When choosing to use the term "add weight" or "reduce weight", it is divided into people and stages.If the other party is a person who is willing to try new things, then you have to add weight at the beginning and explain the benefits of this matter in place.However, if the other party has concerns, then you should instead use the saying of "reducing weight", try to be as calm as possible, and let the other party take the first step before talking.

If you want the other person to agree to you, let him reject you first

In the face of a just,

kind request,
Very few people can refuse twice in a row.

〇 Possible problems

When I volunteer to raise funds from people, I am often rejected. What can I say to increase the success rate of fundraising?

Common saying: "Excuse me, would you like to donate ten dollars to our children's charity fund?"

A better way to say it is: "Excuse me, would you like to donate 100 yuan to our children's charity fund? If it's inconvenient, it's okay, even if it's [-] yuan, it will be very helpful!"

? · Why do you say that

If you are making an "unfeeling request" and the other party has every reason to reject your request, then don't put your real request in the first place.You can compare the difference between the above two statements. The "common statement" is to make a request directly, while the "better statement" is to make a request that you are unlikely to agree to, and let you decline it before making a second request. real request.This way, out of guilt, it will be easier to accept the request.

There was once such a survey in the United States. The researchers asked college students on campus: "Hi, we have a counseling program for juvenile delinquents here. Would you like to be a volunteer and bring those misdemeanors to school on weekends?" How about going astray to the zoo or the playground for a day?" As a result, 83% of the respondents directly refused.

So they changed the question and asked the college students first: "We have a tutoring program for juvenile delinquents. Would you like to volunteer to tutor those misguided teenagers with their schoolwork for two hours a week for two years in a row? "

Obviously, this request made almost all the interviewees refuse, because it is too difficult to be human.But they went one step further and asked each other, "That's okay, so would you like to volunteer and take them to the zoo or the playground for a day at the weekend?"

The requirements are exactly the same, the same is a college student, but the question is changed, and 50% of the students are willing to take these teenagers to the zoo.From the original 83% rejection to the later 50% acceptance, the change in the middle is the result that all persuasion masters dream of.

The reason why this technique of making requests has such an amazing effect is: first, the latter seems to have a much lower threshold; second, you just rejected the other party, and you will always feel a little bit sorry in your heart.So when the second time, the other party suddenly lowered the request, and then asked again, you would somewhat hope to have a chance to make up.

After all, facing a legitimate and kind request, if you reject it twice in a row, you will feel guilty and worry about "if I go too far, what will the other party think of me", which is why the success rate of persuasion has increased significantly .

+ Extended thinking

In daily life, this strategy of "letting the other party reject you once before asking" is also very practical.For example, if you want to borrow money from a friend, it may be inconvenient for the other party to directly ask for 5000 yuan, but if you continue to ask: "Is [-] yuan okay?" of psychological pressure.

But please note that in the previous cases, whether it is fundraising or volunteering, it must be emphasized that it is a legitimate reason, and it is not a market trick of "extraordinary asking price and paying back the money on the spot".You can't deliberately offer a condition that the other party cannot accept, and then "cut the price" to attract the other party to accept it.Because once someone finds out, not only will the goal not be achieved, but it will also damage one's own image.

For example, if you want to ask a girl out for dinner, you can say: "Can I treat you to a meal? If not, find a place to drink something?" But if you say: "Would you like to date me? If not, let's go together first." Have a meal?" This is obviously not feasible, because your request is entirely out of self-interest, and if the other party refuses you, there will be no pressure in your heart.

Section [-] Trust is the stepping stone of influence
We tend to care more about "who said" than "what was said".Because the credibility of the speaker determines our basic attitude when receiving information.Therefore, if you want to speak to the hearts of others, you must first pay attention to establishing your own credible image.

The three "F's" commonly used by salespeople

You can challenge the other party's common sense, experience, taste...

But just don't challenge the other person's feelings.

〇 Possible problems

I work in a gym, and when I am selling to clients, I am often asked: "Why is the membership fee so expensive at 1000 yuan per month?" With my qualifications and level, this price is already very reasonable, but it is still considered expensive by many customers.What should I say to convince these people that my services are worth the price?

A common saying: "It's really not expensive. It costs 1000 yuan a month. In fact, it's only [-] yuan a day on average. It's absolutely worthwhile for us to use this small amount of money to invest in health!"

A better way to say: "Well, you're right, this price is really not cheap. To be honest, if it were me, I might feel that I can only afford it if I grit my teeth. But you get what you pay for. With our service Standard, definitely worth the price. If you don’t believe me, you can try it?”

? · Why do you say that

In many cases, the reason why your words cannot convince the other party is because the other party feels that you have not understood his difficulties at all.The most common mistake is "denying the other party's feelings" - the other party thinks it is expensive, but you say it is not expensive; the other party thinks it is troublesome, but you say it is not troublesome.It's all about blaming the other person: "You shouldn't feel this way."

And this kind of subtext will make you stand on the opposite side of the other party.Once the other party feels that you don't understand him and will only deny him, then for him, no matter what you say, you just stand up and talk without back pain, how can he listen to it?

Therefore, to better convince the other party and make the other party believe your words, you need to know a little trick: the three "F"s commonly used by salespeople.

The first F is "Feel", which means "feeling".In other words, if you want to change the other party, you can't rush to deny it. Instead, you must first admit that "the other party's feelings are true" and take the initiative to take a step closer to him.This will reduce the defensiveness of the other party and make him feel that you are sincere to communicate with him.

The second F is "Felt", which means "felt".After saying that the other person's feelings are true, you have to go one step further and say that you have "experienced the same feeling" to convince the other person that you are in the same boat as him, so that your relationship with him will be one step closer.

The third F is "Found", which means "discovery".When the other party starts to trust you and feels that you are on the same side as him and truly understands his feelings, at this time you change the subject and talk about the new feelings and experiences you have discovered now, and the other party will be easily blamed by you Moved.

The most wonderful thing about the above three "F" steps is that it will make your words not sound like preaching, but a person who has a common experience and is sharing his own experience.The latter is far more persuasive than the former.

A seasoned salesperson will never directly deny his statement when a customer raises a question.For example, when a real estate agency introduces real estate to buyers, the newly hired real estate managers may try to make customers feel that the house price is not so expensive. The common saying is: "This price is really not expensive, and the current house prices are like this. .”

Experienced real estate agents will not deny the customer's feelings. On the contrary, they will first express that the current housing price is indeed too high, and then share their complaints about the high housing price, and even vomit bitterness to the customer: "Take people every day. Look at the house, but I can’t afford it myself.” Conveying the feeling of “I have had a common experience with you”, and finally led the topic to “buying a house, you have to pay for what you pay for”.

+ Extended thinking

The three "F" persuasion skills can also help you calm down other people's emotions and persuade them to change their minds.For example, when faced with a child who is afraid of exams, parents usually say: "Don't be afraid, what's so scary about exams? You won't lose a piece of meat!" This kind of statement is typically denying the other person's feelings. Preach.

In Feel, Felt, Found terms it would be: "I know, exams are really worrying. I was a student before, and I was afraid of exams. But then I found out that exams are all about what the teacher said. , as long as you put your heart into it, there is nothing to be afraid of."

You say it's flawed, but I want it more

than a perfect thing,

People want more of an "I need" thing.

〇 Possible problems

I am a salesperson of a cosmetics counter. Although I know the advantages of the products well and introduce them fluently, my performance is still not very good.How else can I improve my salesmanship?

Common sayings: "What do you want to know? Want to whiten? Then this mask is perfect for you! Its whitening effect is super good, even if you just want to moisturize it is also very suitable!"

Better to say: "Which function do you value? Do you want to whiten or moisturize? If you want to moisturize, then I don't recommend this one, its moisturizing effect is only average; but if you want to whiten If it is, then its whitening effect is super good! You will definitely like it very much!"

? · Why do you say that

There are two main reasons why others will discount your recommendation: First, they think your recommendation is insincere.Once the other party feels that you have selfish intentions, it is easy to suspect that you are exaggerating and deliberately concealing it.Especially for salespeople, the defensive mentality of the other party is an important reason why many cases cannot be closed.

Second, the other party does not feel that this thing is particularly suitable for him.Indeed, a thing can be excellent "objectively", but generally speaking, as long as the other party does not feel that it is particularly suitable for them "subjectively", your recommendation will end without a problem, that is, there will be neither strong opposition nor Can't get real approval.

Therefore, instead of boasting that the things you recommend are so good that they can meet all needs, it is better to make your recommendations look sincere and real by "exposure yourself".

The American sales guru Harry J. Friedman (Harry J. Friedman) shared his sales secrets, which is to first admit that your product is defective, so that the other party will feel that this person is very real, not Do whatever it takes to sell something.As long as the other party has the impression that "he is reliable and his recommendation is sincere", what Friedman recommends next will be in every way.

From Friedman's experience, a very useful principle of speaking can be extracted, that is, negate first and then affirm.The next time you make a recommendation for someone, try saying something like this: "If what you want is ×××, then it is not suitable for you, but if what you want is ×××, then you must choose this !” Saying this will make the other person feel your sincerity, and feel that you are considerate and recommend things according to his needs.

People are funny, and we often prefer a "feature" product to a "do-it-all" product.We are often more inclined to choose something that “better fits my needs” than an “anything is good” thing.Because we instinctively believe that "comprehensive" must mean that every feature is not prominent enough.That's why, smart stores will use a little trick - for almost two skin care products, they will put one in the whitening section and the other in the moisturizing section.Even if the functions of the two models are not much different, the merchants want to deliberately create a sense of distinction.People with different needs will feel that they can find the most suitable product for them.

The principle of sales can also be used in other occasions where you want to recommend.For example, if you want to recommend a drama, instead of talking about how wonderful it is and assuring the other party that he will like it, it is better to say that this drama is particularly suitable for the other party's taste.You can say: "This drama is super good-looking. Although some people may think that the pace is relatively slow, I know that you like this delicate style and the meticulous production that perfectly restores historical facts, so I believe that you must watch it. Will really like it!"

+ Extended thinking

Disadvantages and characteristics are only separated by a thin line; characteristics and advantages are two sides of the same body.If the shortcomings in the eyes of others are the advantages in your eyes, then you will be more interested in this object.It's like laptop users usually hate "bulky", but in the eyes of gamers who pursue extreme performance, "textured" is a symbol of performance.

Therefore, if you want people to accept what you recommend, instead of highlighting its advantages aimlessly and indiscriminately, it is better to admit that it has flaws, but this flaw just meets the needs of another aspect, so it can also be an advantage in reverse.The advantage of turning such a corner is the most easily accepted advantage.

Of course, the original meaning of this speech is not to emphasize these shortcomings and deliberately belittle what you recommend, but to focus on "inappropriate", that is, pure "needs do not match".Everyone can become a gold medal salesman as long as he thinks about the problem in accordance with the idea that "the disadvantage is probably the advantage on the other hand".

I'm not standing across from you, I'm standing next to you
Once the other party feels that you understand him,

What you say is what he wants to hear.

〇 Possible problems

I am an insurance salesman. When I sell insurance, I am often interrupted and rejected as soon as I introduce myself. How can I make customers more willing to listen?
Common sayings: "Hi, I'm an insurance salesman from ××, I'll take your time and let me introduce our company's insurance business to you..."

A better way to say it: "Hello, I'm an insurance salesman from ××. I guess you must have received a lot of similar insurance sales calls. I also know that most people will find it annoying, but..."

? · Why do you say that

When introducing something to others, sometimes you will encounter a problem, that is, the other party has heard similar sales pitches countless times, and it is really difficult to keep the other party interested in what you have to say.

Therefore, if you want others to be willing to listen to your introduction, you must first attract his attention and make him curious about what you are going to say next.The specific method of operation can use the "I guess you must have heard a lot...but..." technique.

Take insurance sales as an example. If the insurance salesman starts to introduce insurance as soon as he comes up, most people will think "here again, it's really boring".Because people have heard a similar pitch many times, and this time you are on the opposite side of it.

However, if your opening line is: "I guess you must have taken a lot of insurance sales calls like this, and I know that most people find it annoying. But..." It will feel different .

Such an opening will make the other party interested in continuing to listen, because you have told what the other party has experienced and expressed the other party's feelings-this will make the other party feel that you are not standing opposite him, but standing in front of him. by his side.

Moreover, in addition to taking into account his position and understanding his mood, this opening statement will also make people curious: since you already know that I have heard many sales pitches, and you also know that this will make people very impatient. You still have to tell me, it seems that what you are going to tell next may really be different, right?

And at this time, you have actually attracted his attention and completed a crucial step.Of course, maybe what you say later is the same as others, but it doesn't matter, at least your beginning has successfully attracted the attention of the other party.

Still take the matter of selling insurance as an example. Insurance products have both attributes of "commodity" and "guarantee".From the former perspective, the other party will think that you just want to make money and rely on him to get a commission, so you are not trustworthy; but from the latter perspective, the other party will think that you are thinking about his future and helping him Plan for the long term.If you don’t believe me, imagine how different it feels when you say the phrase “I want to buy insurance to give my family peace of mind” from a stranger’s mouth than from a friend’s mouth?
Therefore, successful insurance brokers have a unique charm, which is to make customers feel that "this person is different from other salesmen, and he is really thinking about me."And the secret is in the way they talk, it gives off that "I'm on your side with all those other annoying salesmen" vibes.And an opening line like "I guess you've heard a lot of...but..." works well to create this effect.

Summarize the two purposes of this sentence: (1) Make the other party curious and attract his attention; (2) Adjust your position, you are no longer standing on the opposite side of the other party, but standing beside him.

+ Extended thinking

In addition to sales occasions, you can use this speaking skill in daily interpersonal communication to make the other party feel that you and him are on the same side, thereby increasing their trust in you.

For example, when reporting a proposal to your boss, you can express your boss's concerns at the beginning to gain more trust from him.For example, if your boss is a picky person who always cares most about the budget, then you can start like this: "I guess your main concern now is where the budget will come from, but wait a minute. Let me introduce you to..."

When you clear up the boss’ concerns as soon as you come up, then he can concentrate on listening to what you say later, otherwise the boss will listen to your report while muttering in his heart: "What about the money? Where does the money come from?" You may be white said.

say eight full

sometimes,

You describe things too well,
Others will instead suspect that you are exaggerating.

〇 Possible problems

In daily life or at work, when someone asks me for my opinions and opinions, how can I make my comments more authoritative and credible?For example, if someone comes to ask me what I think about a novel, what should I say to make my review appear more credible?
Common saying: "His novels are so wonderful! Definitely the strongest writer I have ever read!"

A better way to put it: "I have only read two of his novels, and I dare not say anything else, but as far as these two are concerned, I think he is the best of his kind!"

? · Why do you say that

Many people think that when expressing evaluations and opinions on other things, if you express full confidence in what you say, it should be more credible than eight-point confidence.In fact, on the contrary, people's mentality is very subtle. When you speak too absolutely, the other party will suspect that you are exaggerating and not pertinent enough.If you want to make your comments more authoritative and credible, you can use the little trick of "speaking eight points".

Take "opinions on a certain novel" as an example. The wrong statement is to say something completely without reservation, without any room for discounts.The correct way to say it is to have some reservations, and only speak to the full eight points, which means that your comment has prerequisites, leaving some room for it.

American consumer behavior scholar Uma Karmarkar once conducted a survey: Let different gourmets comment on the same restaurant, and all of them are positive comments, to see which kind of comments consumers will listen to more.

It turned out that, compared with comments with absolute confidence, comments with reserved language and eight-point words are more convincing and can win the trust of consumers.

For example, if you directly say: "The grilled fish in this restaurant is definitely four stars!" This kind of statement is not as good as saying: "I have only been to this restaurant once. I don't know if its quality has always been stable. But based on my experience that time, its grilled fish should have four stars.”

Speaking in this way will not only make your comments more reliable, but it will also help you avoid a lot of conflicts.After all, your reviews can't all be positive, but there are also negative ones.If you talk too much at this time, you will easily offend people.For example, if you criticize and say, "This movie is really ugly!" chances are your friend loves the movie, and embarrassment is inevitable.

However, if you say it conservatively: "It may be my own aesthetic problem, and I don't like the narrative style of this movie." In this way, even if the other party disagrees with you, it is because of your words that there is room for negative comments. It is limited to the limited scope of "narrative style", which shows that everyone just has different preferences, and there is nothing to argue about.

This technique can be used not only to evaluate objective things, but also to recommend people.For example, if your company wants to recommend the person in charge of a project, you want to recommend a certain colleague, but you are afraid that his performance will not be as expected in the future, and then you will make yourself very responsible and feel embarrassed for everyone.

At this time, you can say: "Although I have not cooperated with him many times, he has shown great leadership in those few experiences. If he can show the same strength this time, I think He is very suitable for this job!" In this way, not only does it sound pertinent, but if the other party's work is not effective, you don't have to be so stressed, after all, it is because his performance is not as good as before, not because your recommendation is exaggerated.

In short, use your own experience as the basis for the review, and actively limit the scope of application of the review.By doing so, you can not only avoid yourself from taking unlimited responsibilities, but also increase the credibility of your words, and make others think that you are a reliable person, which can be said to kill three birds with one stone.

+ Extended thinking

A comment can be authoritative and credible not because it cannot be wrong, but if it has mistakes or inaccuracies, you must properly explain what your basis is and what it means As mentioned above, what kind of specific problems are there, what kind of scope and limits are there, so that your evaluation can be authoritative and credible.

The imagination of details, let the behavior fall into place

Motivation alone, even if you talk about it for 1 years, you can't talk about it.

〇 Possible problems

Leaders or colleagues often call for a dinner together, but it has been unsuccessful for more than half a year. How can we implement this proposal for dinner?
A common saying: "Everyone agrees to have a dinner party, but don't be lazy!"

Better: "If you want to have dinner together, what time is convenient this weekend or next weekend? What type of restaurant do you want to go to?"

? · Why do you say that

If you don't act on many things, you just stay in the "pleasure of motivation".For example, everyone knows that losing weight is good for the body, and having dinner together can enhance the relationship. However, motivation alone, even after 1 years of chatting, cannot become action.

Everyone has this kind of experience to some extent. Some people say they want to watch a movie together, and some people say that they will treat you to dinner another day, but it often ends in the end, which is very disappointing.At this time, you can use the technique of "detailed imagination" to make these "casual talk" things into practical actions.

Take "company dinner" as an example. When everyone talks about dinner, you can ask "what shall we eat?" Hot pot bar".At this time, you can continue to ask: "Where to go? Which day to eat?" In these small chats, the ideas that were originally "casual chats" will become more and more specific.

Of course, just because you ask this doesn't mean that these details have to be finalized immediately, because you are not the boss and have no right to make decisions directly.But you can discuss with everyone as an ordinary employee: "If you want to eat Japanese food, which one do you recommend? The one at the last party was very good, should we try something else?"

And this questioning process gives everyone a hint—we really want to do this.

Even, you can not only ask "what to eat", but also ask "which dish".For example, you can say: "I recommend to eat ice-seared three-layer meat. The one at the party last year was even more delicious than the local one in Guangzhou! It's a pity that I didn't eat it last time. We will order two large plates this time!"

In this way, the listeners will start to imagine the taste of "Iced Roasted Three-layer Meat", and their saliva will almost flow down.Soon, you ordered a restaurant and I reported the menu, and the idea slowly became a step closer to reality.

This is the skill of making people "do what they say"-in words, arouse the other party's imagination of details.The specific statement is: When and how do you plan to do this.

In short, when you want to promote the implementation of something, don't let people think about "do it or not", but let people think about "if this thing is done, what details will it have".The imagination of details can help implement one thing.In the process of discussing the details, people seem to be "involved" in it immediately, so this matter is no longer out of reach, but is pulled in front of us all at once.

+ Extended thinking

Don't think that this trick is only suitable for enticing people to eat. In terms of enhancing self-discipline, such as making people go on a diet, "imagining details" is still a successful thinking-guiding speech technique.

For example, your friend wants to lose weight, but always keeps talking about it. At this time, if you only talk about "diet control", it is useless. It is better to ask him directly: "Then what do you want to eat at night?" As a result, "diet control" has changed from an empty principle to a concrete detail.And as long as he starts to seriously imagine what a dieter's recipe should be like, the possibility of actually going on a diet at night will be relatively high.

Of course, here, the party asking the question is not using higher discourse power to force the other party to act, but to let the other party enter the imagination of the details through discussion, making him feel that he is really going to do this. It will be easier to put it into action.

Section [-] Six Strategies to Guide Others to Think
Differences of opinion are usually due to differences in thinking.If you want to change other people's thinking, you must pay attention to understanding how the other person thinks, and be good at guiding others to your preset thinking.

Reverse aggressive method
most of the people,
They are all pushed away by rewards and forced to retreat by punishment.

〇 Possible problems

My child keeps watching TV and swiping his cell phone when he gets home, and only does his homework until very late. How can I make my child do his homework well?
Common sayings: "Did the XX next door pass the No. 1 exam again? I heard that the first thing he does when he comes home every day is to finish his homework. He is so good, can you learn more from him?"

A better way to put it: "Do you have a classmate named XX? At the parent meeting, his mother complained for a long time, saying that he scribbled all his homework, and it was really wrong for his mother to worry so much. Fortunately, you didn't Same, after all the fun, at least I will finish my homework well, so I don’t have to worry so much, right?”

? · Why do you say that

When urging others to do things, many people will use the "provoking method", that is, by criticizing the target object or praising his opponent, arousing his sense of shame and making him work hard to avoid guilt, but this is actually a misunderstanding.

The most typical example is that when we were young, our parents often compared us with "other people's children", and sometimes we were devalued as worthless.Your parents may mistakenly think that since they are close people, they can speak more harshly and directly, "I'm doing it for your own good anyway", but as a child, the most common reaction is "other people's children are so good, then you find He's going!"

Therefore, it is often wrong to use the aggressive method in daily life, because the "aggressive method" is fundamentally a punishment, and punishment will definitely bring a strong sense of frustration.Especially when someone close to us does this, we can feel particularly frustrated, even betrayed.

Not everyone can face such setbacks and still move forward without flinching.The vast majority of ordinary people are pushed away by rewards and forced to retreat by punishment.Therefore, if you want to motivate others, you can use more rewards.

Furthermore, it is actually very simple to turn punishment into reward.You just need to use the aggressive method in reverse, that is, by belittling other people, and raising the self-esteem of the target audience.Here's the key takeaway: It's a good thing you're different.

For example, to encourage children to do their homework mentioned above, your statement should be: there are many misbehaving children, but "fortunately you are different", and you can add a question "is it right" at the end to wait for the other party's confirmation.In this case, in fact, no matter whether the other party is good or not, almost no one will answer "no".And as long as the other party confirms with you that he is such a good person as you said, it is equivalent to building his self-esteem in this regard.Then, he has the motivation to maintain this self-esteem.

To give another example, between couples, there is often one party who hopes that the other party can make some changes. Suppose a girl wants a boy to spend more time with her. In many cases, the girl will directly ask and praise the opponent of the target object.The usual way of saying it is: "Xx's boyfriend often takes her out to play! What about you? You only play games in your world!"

A better way to put it would be: "I heard that XX doesn't care about his girlfriend's feelings at all. He hangs out with friends from all walks of life all day long and doesn't spare any time for his girlfriend. Fortunately, you are different. I My girlfriends say that you are a very considerate boyfriend, you will accompany me no matter what I do, right?"

Therefore, the difference between these two kinds of speech is that the "reverse aggressive method" relies on praising the target object and belittling his opponent to stimulate the target object's sense of pride and let him work hard to "maintain pride".This will not only maintain the relationship between the two of you, but also allow the other party to have a driving force from the inside out.

+ Extended thinking

The premise of the "reverse radical method" is that everyone has self-esteem and hopes to maintain this self-esteem.So, is there anyone who has a fundamental lack of self-esteem?

First of all, most people are not like this, and generally speaking, people who appear to be "skinless" and lack self-esteem in some ways often just hope to cover up their inner weakness through this kind of hippie attitude-and That said, it might just be his way of maintaining his self-esteem.The logic here is something like "I'm already lying down first, so you can't knock me down".But if you think about it, don't people who do this have already admitted psychologically that they are very afraid of being knocked down?And this is where his self-esteem lies.

Secondly, even if a person really lacks self-esteem in a certain aspect, if you want to urge him to change, it is not through further stimulation and pressure, but to help him build self-esteem first, and then make changes.

positive test strategy

If you want others to look good,
Then ask in a good direction.

〇 Possible problems

I am a cosmetics salesperson. When customers buy products, they often show hesitation. How can I push customers to buy my products?

Common Sayings: "What do you not like about this lipstick? Is it the color that doesn't fit you well, or does it feel like it doesn't show?"

Better to say: "What do you like about this lipstick?"

? · Why do you say that

The reason why customers hesitate when shopping is because when customers choose, they find that there are aspects they like, but there are also disadvantages.

Usually, there is a good side and a bad side at the same time.Smart people will take advantage of this, use words to guide the other party, let the other party pay more attention to a specific aspect, and then affect the other party's evaluation of something, which is called "positive test strategy" in psychology. ).

Positive inspection strategy is a kind of psychological inertia of people. To put it simply, when you ask the other party's opinion on a matter, he will tend to try to find a place that can match it from past impressions according to the direction of your question.

For example, if you ask the other person: "Are you an independent person?" He will recall what independent things he has done to prove that he is an independent person.But if on the contrary, you ask "Are you a person who likes to work in a team?" It is easier for him to recall the examples of cooperation with others.

American psychologist Robert B. Cialdini (Robert B. Cialdini) conducted an experiment based on this theory.Ask the first group of respondents: "Did you have a bad weekend?" Ask the other group of respondents: "Did you have a good weekend?" The happy" group was nearly four times more likely to answer "Yes! I'm just not happy" than the group that was asked "Are you happy?"In fact, the living conditions of these two groups of people are similar, and there is not much difference in happiness.

Therefore, if you want to strengthen the other party's good impression, you have to ask questions in a good direction and let him associate in a positive direction.

Take product promotion as an example. If a customer hesitates after trying a lipstick, how can you strengthen his impression of the product?Many people will rush to ask: "What aspect of this lipstick do you not like? Do you think the color is not suitable, or do you think it does not show color?" The direction of this question is "What do you not like?" It will lead the other party to think negative place.Next, the customer will probably start to complain: "Oh, the color rendering of this lipstick doesn't seem to be very good!" "Although the color is pretty, it doesn't match my skin tone well..." And by this time, you It's basically powerless.

Therefore, if you want to strengthen the other party’s good impression of the product, you can use the technique of "positive inspection strategy" to say: "Excuse me, what do you like about this lipstick?" The direction of this question is "Where do you like it?" Will guide customers to think positively.He may think: "I like the packaging design of this one, it's pretty decent" "It looks very elegant" and so on.At this time, if you knock on the side drum again and say: "Yes, this package is a limited edition of cherry blossoms this spring, and it's very face-saving just to touch up makeup." The deal is almost done.

+ Extended thinking

This technique can be used not only to sell products, but also to encourage others to think positively.Take encouraging children as an example. As a parent, you hope to give your children a good impression of the school. You can also ask your children: "Which class do you like the most at school? Why?" "Which classmate do you like to be with?" Play?" "Did anything fun happen at school today?" Asking questions like this can cultivate children's optimism better than asking questions like "Is school fun" or "Do your classmates treat you well?"

Conversely, if you want others to vent their dissatisfaction or grievances, you can also try the reverse operation to induce the other party to actively express negative emotions.For example, your partner usually has a lot of work pressure. After returning home from get off work, you can ask him: "Is there anything annoying in the company today?" "Is the case in hand very troublesome recently?" If you ask a question like "how is your day?", the other party will be more willing to tell you the bitterness, and the mood will be relaxed a lot.

In short, you can decide whether to operate this "positive inspection strategy" forward or reverse according to different purposes.If you want others to think good, then ask in a good direction, if you want him to vent his emotions or dissatisfaction, then ask in a bad direction.

President Reagan's Salesmanship

Compared with other conclusions,
People are more confident in their own answers.

〇 Possible problems

Whether I am pitching a solution to a client or giving advice to a friend, they are always skeptical of my advice.For example, I saw that my girlfriend's skin condition was not very good, so I suggested that she take care of it in time, but she felt that I was making a fuss out of a molehill.How can I make others recognize me?

A common saying: "Your skin is very dry and your pores are a bit enlarged. If you don't take good care of it, it will be too late when you get old."

A better way to say it: "Compared to previous years, do you feel like your skin has gotten better?"

? · Why do you say that

When we make suggestions, we often give our conclusions directly.However, when most people hear the conclusions drawn by others, they will instinctively have a little doubt.Therefore, rather than directly giving the other party a conclusion, it is better to throw out a question and guide him to find the answer by himself.After all, you also trust your own answers more than anyone else's.

Reagan, who was the president of the United States, did a particularly good job of leading others to think for themselves and draw conclusions. In 1980, Reagan participated in the presidential election as the Republican candidate. He wanted to compete in a televised debate with Democratic then-President Carter.There are two languages ​​below, you can compare which one is better.

First, Reagan said, "Guys, America sucks right now. The economy is bad. We're worse off than we were four years ago. If you don't want this to go on, please vote for me!" Nothing wrong with it, but nothing special either.These words are nothing more than the usual political figures attacking each other in the US presidential election.

In particular, when Reagan said, "We are worse off than we were four years ago," this can easily make voters feel an inexplicable sense of vigilance. Will voters feel that this is really the case?Is this a campaign trick?Are you scaremongering?

And the second is what Reagan said when he held a televised debate: "Everyone, are you better than four years ago? Do you think the economy is better than it was four years ago? If the answer is yes, then you vote Give it to the Democrats; if the answer is no, then you have other options."

Do you feel that the effect of this passage is very different?Reagan asked voters "Are you better off than you were four years ago?" Instead of drawing conclusions, he asked questions and asked voters to find out the answers themselves.And it sounds more personable to say it than to attack the Democrats directly.

However, do you have a small question: If everyone thinks that life is indeed better now than it was four years ago, wouldn’t it be self-defeating?This is rare because most people look back on the past as a better place than the present.There is a saying in English called "Good old days", which refers to this phenomenon.

Even if the past life was a little bad, the problems have been solved. Some of the bitterness is sweet, and it becomes sweet in retrospect;However, the setbacks and pressure you are facing now are still testing you, and the pain in your heart is difficult to resolve.

For example, at a class reunion, many former rivals can shake hands and make peace, and everyone chatting about the old days feels very good.If you ask those old classmates: "Compared with middle school, do you feel happier?" Many people will answer "No, it was better in the past".This is because although studying hard in middle school is a thing of the past, and the pressure of life we ​​are facing now cannot escape.

Therefore, the real cleverness of Reagan's rhetoric lies in the use of this psychology-few voters feel that the present is better than the past.In the end he did win the televised debate and the presidential election.

Going back to the example at the beginning of suggesting skin care for girlfriends, if you tell the other party: "Your skin condition is not very good, you need to take care of it quickly", even if she accepts it, she may think that your words are too aggressive.However, if she feels that her skin condition is not as bad as you say, the other person may be a little angry or even offended.

If you use Reagan's speaking skills to ask the other party: "Compared with previous years, do you think your skin has become better?" Generally, no matter men or women, we will feel that our skin condition is not as good as it was a few years ago. If you give skin care advice to your best friend from time to time, she will be more able to listen to it, because "my skin is not as good as it used to be, so I need extra maintenance", this is the conclusion she came to "by herself".

+ Extended thinking

When you ask the general public to compare the past with the present, it sounds like you're asking what they think, but in reality, the population as a whole can almost only come up with one answer: The past was not as good as the present.And when a person is dissatisfied with the status quo, he will be more willing to agree with your point of view.

The point of this statement is that you have to think in advance what the other party's most likely conclusion is, and then let the other party draw a conclusion "by themselves".If you're not sure, don't ask this question.For example, Reagan's set of questions will not work well for a person who is enjoying himself and feels that his fortune has finally come.

pretend to flip a coin

For fear of regretting,
So get confused.

〇 Possible problems

Emotional issues are often difficult to decide.A friend came to consult me. Recently, there were two suitors with good conditions, and he didn't know which one to choose.Then I found that when I suggested that my friend choose suitor A, he would talk about the benefits of suitor B; if I suggested that he choose suitor B, he would be reluctant to part with suitor A.I want to help the other person make a decision, what should I say?

A common saying: "This is indeed a question that requires careful consideration! You must consider it carefully. Let's analyze the advantages and disadvantages of A and B together!"

Better to say: "Just toss a coin! Heads is A, tails is B!"

? · Why do you say that

For an indecisive person, the real problem he encounters is not that A and B are good or bad in nature, but that this person "cannot convince himself".Whether he chooses A or B, he can't convince himself that "this is the best".I struggle because I'm afraid of regretting it.

So, how should we help people with consultation, how can we help the other person make the decision he really wants?At this time, you can instead use the matter of "repentance" to help the other party find out what he really wants in his heart, so that he can make a decision.There is a little trick called "fake coin toss".

Take the aforementioned friend asking you about emotional issues as an example. When the other party is undecided between options A and B, and he can’t tell who he likes, you can say something like this: “Since you can’t figure it out, Why not just toss a coin! Heads is A, tails is B!"

The subtext of this sentence is: between two options, the more hesitant you are, the more it means that the two options are actually about the same.Otherwise, if the gap is huge, it won't be that hard to decide at all.Since the difference is not big, even if you choose one at random, whether it is A or B, it is actually not wrong, and you can accept it.

And the reason why you are embarrassed is just because you are afraid of making a decision, afraid of regretting it later.That being the case, it might be a good idea to see if you'll regret it now, and a coin toss can do just that.

If the result is positive, that is, choose A, the other party may have two reactions at this time.In the first reaction, the other party said straightforwardly: "Okay, I see, I will reject B and stay with A!" Of course, this kind of reaction is the best, because he has already made a decision.

However, the more subtle reaction is the second one, that is, when he sees that the coin is heads, he hesitates immediately, even a little sad, and he may say: "But...is this really good...would it be a bit It's too hasty... That B... The conditions in all aspects are really rare..." The repentance at this time is actually a kind of decision.Because this shows that the other party has tilted the balance to B without knowing it.

Human psychology is very wonderful. When there is no limit, one will feel that this is good and that is also good, and it is easy to fall into a dilemma of indecision.But what if there is no choice now?If the first reaction of the other party at this time is to try to accept, it means that this choice is no problem.

On the contrary, if at that moment, the other party suddenly wants to regret, this feeling of wanting to regret will be firmly entrenched in the mind of the other party. Even if he is asked to make another choice, he will never forget the feeling of "wanting to regret" at that time. Feel.

In this way, the two options that seem to have similar conditions will be distinguished.At this time, you can tell him: "It's okay, we just tossed a coin, but it was just a game. The final choice is of course yours. However, when you saw that the coin was heads just now, did you feel it was a pity? Why? Woolen cloth?"

When the other party expresses his thoughts and the answer comes out, he will realize that what I really like is not A but B.

What needs to be noted here is that our purpose of tossing a coin is not really to help the other party make a decision, but to help the other party clarify their own minds and convince themselves.After all, compared with the actual difficulties encountered, "missing" is what makes us most unwilling.Unfortunately, most of the time regrets come after the fact.Even if you want to choose again at that time, it is often "regret".And this "pretend to flip a coin" game can make people feel the feeling of regret before choosing.

In short, to convince a person, the most powerful and effective weapon is actually this "feeling of regret".Since we do many things to avoid regret, we can just use the matter of "repentance" to help others make decisions.

+ Extended thinking

1. You should try to make the matter of "tossing a coin to make a decision" as serious as possible, and let the other party feel that the result of the coin is the final decision before tossing the coin.Only in this way, the subsequent regret can reflect his true intentions.

2. If the other party always feels that flipping a coin to make a decision is too much fun, you can also directly tell the other party the reason, that is, "When the two options are similar, which one will make you regret more?" Seriously think This question is helpful for self-confirmation and self-persuasion.

3. This game can also be played by yourself: When you are in a state of indecision, such as choosing to find a job or continue your studies, you can toss a coin, and then notice that when you see the head and the tail, you will immediately take a risk. What idea came out.Is to accept or want to go back on it?How strong is the urge to repent?
self-consistency

People who will find fault with the product,
Precisely the people who are interested in the product.

If you're not interested, why bother talking.

〇 Possible problems

I am a fitness coach, and I often encounter customers who refuse to apply for a gym card with reasons such as "I am afraid that I will not have the perseverance to persevere", "I am too busy at work", "The membership fee is too expensive" after visiting the gym.How can I convince them?

A common saying: "Fitness is very necessary! Although it will take some time, as long as you persist in doing it, it will be of great help to your body and health. Would you like to apply for a fitness card and try it?"

A better way to put it: "If you want to work out, you must be a positive person who is willing to make a difference, right? I know it's not easy to stick to fitness. Many people are unwilling to step out of their comfort zone. Would you like to ?"

? · Why do you say that

As the saying goes, "the buyer is the one who dislikes the goods", a person will find fault with the product precisely because he is interested in the product.If you have no interest at all, you won't waste your time talking.Therefore, in the face of those who show hesitation and find reasons to refuse, you should not repeat the advantages of the product, or argue with the other party about the pros and cons, but should strengthen the other party's "internal incentives."

According to this analysis, the first statement emphasizes the objective advantages of the product and hopes that the other party understands the value of the product.But many times, others refuse, not because the product is not good enough, but just because the cost is too high.In this case, no matter how much you emphasize the external benefits, the effect will not be obvious.

The brilliance of the second statement is that it escapes the external advantages and disadvantages, appeals to the other party's internal incentives, and uses people's "self-consistency" to persuade.For a person, if he is willing to admit that he has a certain "personality", then he will try his best to maintain this personality to ensure that he can try to maintain consistency and implement this personality at all times.

There used to be an ice cream manufacturer who invited people to try their new products on the street.It turned out that if you directly ask passers-by: "Would you like to try the new flavor of ice cream?" the rate of rejection is very high.However, if you ask first before explaining your purpose: "Are you a person who is brave enough to try new things?" Then the success rate of asking the other party to try new flavors of ice cream will be much higher.

This is because few people will admit that they are conservative and unwilling to try new things, and once they confirm their "personality" of "dare to try", at this time "trying or not" is no longer just a matter of pros and cons , but a question of "who am I?"Even if it is a waste of time, even if the new taste is not necessarily good, in order to maintain this "dare to try" personality, the other party will be willing to try it.

In the same way, if whether to apply for a gym card is a question of "how are the gym conditions" or "can I persist", the other party has countless reasons to convince themselves not to worry.But if it becomes a question like "Am I a positive person" or "Am I a person who is willing to improve myself", then it will be difficult for him to comfort himself if he wants to be lazy.

In other words, your recommendation should make it difficult for others to say "no". You should not only emphasize how good it is objectively, but convert the other party's pros and cons into questions like "what kind of person am I?" Convince yourself.

+ Extended thinking

1. This persuasion technique is especially suitable for occasions where people need to be motivated.But for the choice of character setting, it is not necessary to ask the other party to confirm verbally.In many things, as long as a person takes the first step, he has already shown what kind of person he is.At this time, you only need to point out this fact to remind the other party that his behavior has proved a certain "personality", and he will make changes in order to maintain "self-consistency".

For example, as a teacher, when a student complains that the homework is too hard and the requirements are too strict, you can ask the student "what kind of person do you want to be in the future?" Starting from certain performances, such as "I can see that you are self-motivated", summarize a certain positive "personality" for the other party, and then guide the other party to step out of the comfort zone and study the course seriously.

2. What needs to be vigilant is that sometimes liars will also use your self-identity to frame you in his preset personality.For example, first ask you "do you want to get rich", and then tell you the principles of "seeking wealth and insurance" and "give it a try, turning a bicycle into a motorcycle", so that you will lose all confidence in any unreliable business plan. Defensive mind.So, when you feel something is wrong, realize that the persona is not absolute.For example, "I am a person who can accept risks and challenges" does not mean "I am a person who will be tough no matter how big the risk is."

The characteristic rhetorical question that makes you say "YES"

your shortcomings and failures,
On the contrary, it is the most suitable topic for enhancing intimacy.

〇 Possible problems

I am a mobile phone salesperson, and I know the advantages and disadvantages of different mobile phones. However, I often introduce the advantages of the product one by one, but the customer still does not buy it.

Common sayings: "I have used many mobile phones, this one is the best!" or "The rear camera of this mobile phone is a dual 2000-megapixel, wide-angle and telephoto lens with 10x optical zoom. A11 processor! How about it, it’s amazing!”

A better way to put it: "This phone has 2000 million pixels front and back, and the camera is very good-looking. Now that the functions of mobile phones are similar, shouldn't you choose a mobile phone with strong camera functions?"

? · Why do you say that

Sometimes, if you lay out all the advantages without omission, the other party may not be able to understand the benefits of something.For example, the salesman memorized all the technical specifications of the mobile phone. Although it sounds professional, if the customer is very layman with mobile phones and cannot understand those terms, he will still listen to how good the mobile phone is and what is good about it. There is no reason why.

Conversely, if you don't talk about objective data, but just appeal to your own experience, such as "I have used many mobile phones, this one is the best!" , your recommendation is not very convincing.If you appeal to personal feelings when you recommend something, then if the other party is distant from you, he will not adopt it.

In response to this situation, the American sales guru Harry J. Friedman (Harry J. Friedman) summed up a "characteristic rhetorical questioning method" to implant the advantages of the product into the other party's heart.The trick of this "characteristic rhetorical questioning method" is to include three elements in a sentence: characteristic, value, and rhetorical questioning.

Taking the recommended mobile phone as an example, using the "characteristic rhetorical method" will say this:

(1) Features: "This mobile phone has front and rear 2000 million pixels".

The so-called "feature" is to pick out a certain feature of the product to focus on the introduction.For example, the pixel of the camera is high, which is the characteristic.Also, don't get greedy and emphasize one feature at a time so as not to distract from the focus.

(2) Value: "It's really nice to take pictures!"

The so-called "value" is to specify that feature and what practical benefits it can bring to users.For example, the camera has high pixels and is especially suitable for taking pictures. This is the value.

(3) Reverse question: "Nowadays, the functions of mobile phones are similar. Shouldn't you choose a mobile phone with a strong camera function?"

The so-called "reverse questioning" is actually seeking sympathy, improving the benefits just explained into a standard for measuring the pros and cons of products, and then asking the other party whether they agree or not.This "standard" can be the standard for selecting similar products. For example, when buying a mobile phone, you must choose high pixels. You can also say that this is an important value for modern people's lives.

In the same way, if you feel that your friend’s eating habits are not healthy and you want to recommend a vegetarian restaurant to him, you can also use the "characteristic rhetorical question" to express: "(1) I recently found a vegetarian restaurant with very refreshing dishes. (Features); (2) Less oil and less salt are very healthy (value); (3) Isn’t eating the most important thing for health (rhetorical question)?”

+ Extended thinking

In particular, it should be noted that the standard of "measuring the quality of a product" is more likely to be recognized by the other party with "rhetorical questions" than "declarative sentences".

For example, if you use a declarative sentence "buying a mobile phone is to buy a good camera", it will appear more arbitrary and easily resist.But if you use rhetorical questions, your attitude will be softer, as if you are asking for the other party's opinion, so that he will not resist so much.

And when the other party agrees to your last rhetorical question, it is tantamount to acquiescing to the characteristics and values ​​explained above.Although, this does not mean that the other party will agree to you in everything next, but you at least let him start to agree with you, which is convenient for you to carry out further persuasion.

(End of this chapter)