We are all the same in the pursuit of our dreams

Chapter 18 You Are the Warmest Light in My Life (6)
My father was not disturbed by these voices, he insisted on his choice - he would rather pay a sponsorship fee of 5600 yuan, and let me study in H Middle School.The reason is to hope that I can be admitted to university and have more choices in life in the future.

When the school started to register, my father accompanied me to pay the tuition and sponsorship fees. I watched my father take out wads of RMB from the black leather bag he carried with him, and my eyes suddenly felt a little sour.

In the second year of high school, I was divided into liberal arts and sciences. I originally liked liberal arts, but my father consulted a distant relative who worked in a university in Nanjing.At that time, my science subjects were not much worse than liberal arts subjects. In addition, high school was my father’s choice against all opinions, so I followed my father’s advice and chose science subjects.

At that time, the parents of Xiao K, a junior high school alumnus who was also studying in H Middle School, approached my father, hoping that I could move out of the school dormitory and rent with Xiao K outside the school.The reason is that the school dormitory turns off the lights early, and there are many and noisy students, so it is better to study quietly outside the school.Little K's father is a teacher in H Middle School, and little K is also a girl with excellent grades. In addition, little K's parents talked about the various benefits of living off-campus, and his father was moved.In the end, I was persuaded by my father to move out of the dormitory and live with Little K near H Zhong.

I have never dealt with Xiao K before, and I don't know her well.It wasn't until the two of us lived under the same roof that I realized that she and I had different personalities. Moreover, she used to sleep with the light on every night, but it was difficult for me to fall asleep when the light was on.I later bought an eye mask to try to change my sleep, but to no avail. The poor sleep caused me to often doze off in class, and my grades began to decline.

Later, I couldn't bear it anymore and told my father about it, hoping to move back to the dormitory again.But my father reassured me: "Little K's father is your school teacher after all, it's not good for you to quit so temporarily, in case he trips you up behind the scenes, and you will take the college entrance examination in one year, you just have to bear with me." Tolerate."

Because since I was a child, I have regarded my father's words as an imperial decree, and subconsciously believed that as long as my father made a decision, it must be correct.So, this time I followed my father's advice and continued to live with Little K forbearance.

In the third year of high school, the chemical factory where my father worked closed down, so he lost his job.He is getting old, and it is not easy to find a new job, but he can't just sit around and wait for his pension at home.After all, he has to pay for the schooling expenses of four children including me.

He plans to build a few houses to raise pigs and become a professional pig farmer.At first, it was difficult for me to understand how my father could transition from a lofty career to such a down-to-earth career all at once.It is also difficult to understand that the father who used to be so clean and wore a suit and leather shoes every day is now willing to put on work clothes and go to the smelly pigsty to clean up.

Now I finally understand: What my father can’t accept is that the change of his job will lead to a decrease in the quality of life of the children. If he can’t even do the basic duty of providing for the children to go to school, he will be restless because of this, and he must work hard to think about change. He also cared about his own embarrassment and face.

The college entrance examination is finally here, and during those three days, Little K still had to sleep with the lights on at night, and at noon he would drag me to check the answers of the previous subject. If I got a question right and she was wrong, she would yell; When I was wrong and she was right, she would laugh out loud, couldn't take a lunch break and was in a bad mood.In those few days of exams, I was in a daze.

The results of the college entrance examination came out, and I failed the exam.When I heard the score on the phone, my heart sank suddenly: It's over!I inquired with some of my classmates and found out that many people who usually scored far lower than me in the test all performed better than me in the college entrance examination, which made me even more sad and blamed myself.

After my father learned of my score, his face suddenly became very gloomy, as if it was a sign before the storm.

It was hot summer at that time, but our house was like a thousand-year-old icehouse, and my mother and I didn't speak a word.

My father suddenly yelled at me: "How dare you live if you pass the exam like this? You might as well jump into the river!"

Tears were about to come out of my eyes, but I didn't want to cry in front of my father, for fear that he would scold me even more.I hid in the room, crying and thinking: I obviously have an advantage in liberal arts, but you want me to study science, and you want me to live with little K... Once I failed the college entrance examination, I didn’t even have the basic rights to be a human being Yet?Let me jump into the river because of this matter, is this what my biological father said?
The more I thought about it, the more angry I was, I pushed open the window, looked at the quietly flowing river outside, and threw the Huishan clay figurines, Xi'an puppet, Beijing Rabbit Master, Tianjin clay figurine Zhang... one by one into the river. , Then slammed the door and went to the best friend's house.

During that time, our house was always shrouded in dark clouds, and my father’s face was the barometer. He never smiled, and he lost his temper from time to time. Sometimes he suddenly became angry during the meal and overturned the whole table.

It wasn't until I got the admission letter from a certain college that my father's complexion improved. He comforted himself: "College is college, it's a university anyway."

The dark days after the college entrance examination deepened my fear of my father, and I even hated him a little.I hate him for not only not encouraging me, but scolding me when I was most frustrated.

Therefore, when I was in junior college, my father and I were basically in a cold war. Every time I go home on holidays, I like to hide in my room and avoid communicating with my father.When I had the opportunity to take the "specialized transfer" exam in my sophomore year, I deliberately chose a university far away from home. I wanted to leave the shackles of home and the control of my father.Looking for a job after graduating from university, I also chose Beijing, which is far away from home.

However, I always have to wait until I leave home to experience the warmth of home; I always have to wait until I grow up to understand my father's painstaking efforts.

You know the kindness of your parents when you raise a child. When Xinbao came to my world in June 2011, seeing her so weak in her infancy, watching her go from babbling to learning to walk, and watching her grow up day by day, I suddenly I understood many things, and also understood what my father had done.

Parents always have a natural desire to protect. No matter how old the child is, in the eyes of the parents, it is always the child who needs protection.

My father also watched me grow up from a baby in the swaddle. To him, he is like my wings, hoping to care for me and grow up every day of my life.

The father has reached the age of enjoying his old age, but he is still busy every day, in order to do his best and lend a helping hand when the children need help.

When I went back to my hometown on National Day in 2014, I suddenly remembered that I collected a lot of stamps in high school, and wanted to find them out and show them to BOB.Because the house has been renovated, my mother put all my things in the cabinet in the storage room.

When I was looking for stamps, in the corner of the cabinet, I saw those Huishan clay figurines, Xi'an puppet, Beijing Rabbit Master, Tianjin clay figurine Zhang...

I was surprised how these things are here, and my mother said: "After you ran away from home that day, your father jumped into the river to fish for these things..."

What else did my mother say later, I didn't hear clearly, and when I turned my back, my eyes were full of tears.

I seem to have seen that day 15 years ago, in the waist-deep water, my father used his hands with limited mobility to struggle to salvage the gifts he gave me, or, in his eyes, he salvaged What I want is not an ordinary gift, but my whole childhood.

With tears in my eyes, I finally understood: whether he was in a suit or a work uniform, he just wanted to play his role in life well, and the name of this role was—father.

luckily met

—Written on my 33rd birthday

I have a dream
that one day——

You are not Mr. He who manages every day

Not He Luo, who insists on words

Not the sleepy bug in Xinbao's eyes
you are just happy yourself
Facing the Ocean, Spring and Blossom
luckily met

Holding the hand of the child, grow old with the child

happy birthday baby

When I turned on my phone early this morning and saw this WeChat message, thousands of thoughts came to my mind, and my eyes almost turned red.

When others only care about whether you fly high or not, only he cares about whether you are tired or not.

On the day of his 33rd birthday, the first blessing he received came from him.

Since our acquaintance in 2002, we have inadvertently gone through twelve springs and autumns hand in hand.The love that started in college, I didn't expect to be able to withstand the pressure from graduation, separation between the two places, and all aspects of family pressure, and blossom and bear fruit in reality.

The world is so noisy, how lucky it is to be with someone who loves you.

Some people say that one of our missions in this world is to find the same kind.

I often say that it is enough to have confidants in life.

Life is alive, a lifetime is short.If you are lucky enough to find someone who loves you and a confidant who understands you, it will be more satisfying than having the whole world.

I didn't expect my birthday to be so lucky this year, and many wonderful things are happening one after another.

On November 11th, my best friend Ye Xuan came to Beijing. We sat together drinking coffee, chatting about creation, and spent afternoon tea time together.I have known Ye Xuan longer than I have known Bob. She almost witnessed my youth and love.

She seems to be another me, knowing everything about me.

Our experiences are so similar—we published articles in magazines when we were young, and started to contact original literature websites when we were in college. Even though we worked in different jobs after graduation, we never gave up writing. Writing is a sacred thing.

In terms of relationships, we have all experienced getting married and having children, and we have all entered a new stage of life where the upper part is old and the lower part is young.I often feel that the time with her is short, and I am reluctant to part when we part.But I firmly believe that every parting is for the next reunion.

On November 11th, my birthday, Gu Xijue and I woke up in the same room.She originally planned to return to Hangzhou on the 16th after finishing her business in Shanghai, but when she learned that I was in Shanghai, she decided to stay in Shanghai for two days to see me.We always have endless topics to talk about together, just like what I said in her new book "Where is warm in winter, where is cool in summer", we are not only confidants, but also family members, she is like my sister , we have no privacy from each other.Coincidentally, today is also Xiaoxi's birthday in the lunar calendar.

Before going to bed last night, I suggested: "Let's talk about dreams." I said three dreams, and she said two dreams.In the late autumn night in Shanghai, the moment we utter our dreams, the word dream can warm our souls.

I always feel that no matter how old you are, you must have dreams.It's never too late to pursue your dreams.

The world is so big, how lucky you must be to meet people who understand you.

Fortunately, I met BOB, Ye Xuan, and Gu Xijue; fortunately, I met all my writer friends, my college roommates, colleagues who started businesses together, tacit partners, readers who have never met before, and everyone who passed by my life.

(End of this chapter)