The learning methods and training details of Harvard's top students

Chapter 33 Correct bad habits in time, so that children can thrive
(Harvard Representative: John Adams) The habit of success itself is the greatest driving force behind success.

—Iller Art, former president of Harvard University
【Wonderful Guide】

biography of john adams

John Adams (1735-1826), who was extremely intelligent since he was a child, enjoyed the reputation of "child prodigy". At the age of 20, he received a master's degree from Harvard Law School and became a respected lawyer.

John Adams has always been passionate about politics. He is one of the main leaders of the American Independence Movement. Together with Washington and Jefferson, he is known as the "Three Heroes" of the American Independence Movement.During the American War of Independence, he stepped in and was sent to France and the Netherlands to participate in the conclusion of the peace agreement, which made these two major European powers stand on the side of the United States, which was struggling for independence, and broke the British colonialists. The attempt to strangle this nascent country in its cradle won extremely valuable material and moral assistance for the nascent United States, which was not recognized by most countries at the time.For this reason, the British regard him as the second "evil figure" after Washington, the founding father of the United States, and they must get rid of him quickly.During his mission to Europe, the assassins sent by the British pursued him and locked on his rebellious figure many times, but he, who was extremely alert, managed to get rid of them one by one.He accomplished his mission brilliantly, opening up the diplomatic situation for the nascent United States of America.

One of the most important leaders of the American Independence Movement, Adams was elected to first and second terms in Congress after the Revolutionary War. From 1789 to 1797, Adams served two consecutive terms as vice president in the team of founding father Washington. In March 1797, he narrowly defeated Thomas Jefferson, his old comrade in the Revolutionary War, in the general election and became the second president of the United States.

In addition to making outstanding contributions to the independence of the country, Adams' other outstanding achievement is to train another president for the United States-his son John Quincy Adams, the sixth president of the United States .

【Character Story】

Transformation from playfulness to hard work

When Adams was an urchin, his father, a farmer and cobbler, taught him to read and write. At the age of 6, he was sent to the elementary school in the village to study. At this time, Adams was a playful student. He only liked arithmetic, reading and other subjects. He was not interested in Latin, and his grades were very poor.His father was very worried.

Old Adams patiently persuaded his son again and again to concentrate on studying, but Adams remained the same.

"What do you want to do in the future?" Old Adams asked angrily one day.

"Be a farmer." 10-year-old Adams said decisively.

"I'll show you what it's like to be a rancher," said old Adams, "and you'll come with me to Penny's Ferry tomorrow morning and help me weed."

The father and son set off early the next morning and worked all day along the creek.At night, a muddy Adams returned home weary, with a look on his face that suggested his enthusiasm for farm work had faded.

In addition to letting his son learn, his father set an example for the young Adams in terms of diligence and integrity.

Old Adams often worked hard on the land, and in winter he made leather goods such as shoes and harnesses by hand; when he was a municipal councilor, he took it as his responsibility to check whether the poor in the town were cared for; even under the scolding of his wife , or formed the habit of bringing poor children home.All of this deeply affected Adams Jr.

At the age of 16, Adams was admitted to Harvard College.

At Harvard, Adams loved mathematics and philosophy most.The four years at Harvard have changed his learning attitude.

He said in his autobiography: "I soon found that my curiosity was growing, and I loved books and learning. This dissipated all my addiction to sports and even dispelled my interest in socializing with ladies." At that time Adams also joined a reading club, in which members took turns reading from new publications, poems and plays.Recitation requires a certain acting talent, and his enthusiastic performances often received enthusiastic applause, which prompted him to consider becoming a special trial defense lawyer.

【Harvard view】

Bad habits must be corrected in time
"Rather than giving a child gold and silver, it is better to correct his bad habits." Children cannot do without education in the process of growing up, and education is the process of correcting children's bad habits and cultivating good ones.

Bad habits are often a chronic disease, once formed, it is difficult to change.Not every child is lucky enough to get rid of it easily.Losing your temper, or even beating and scolding your child will not only fail to help your child correct bad habits, on the contrary, it will also affect the parent-child relationship.

How can parents help their children correct bad habits?Harvard experts recommend:
1. Be tolerant and patient
Adults should talk to their children in a calm and loving tone, so that children can emotionally connect with their parents and communicate with each other.If parents are condescending, domineering, or even angry, children will emotionally stay away.

2. Seize the moment
Guidance and education for children should be timely. Under normal circumstances, it can be carried out immediately after the emergence of bad habits. The next time the child eats food, he washes his hands first, and he will praise it in time.

3. Be a role model

As the saying goes: "The power of role models is infinite." Sometimes parents may wish to set an example for children in their daily life for bad habits that are difficult to correct. Over time, bad habits will be corrected unconsciously.

4. Use stories to correct shortcomings

Criticism and lessons are not the only way to correct children's bad habits, because children's self-knowledge ability is not perfect, sometimes parents criticize blindly without giving examples to explain why, children will have a rebellious mentality, and they will not listen to their parents The teaching of others will strengthen their own bad habits.

Under such circumstances, parents may wish to let the children realize their own shortcomings by telling them stories, reading nursery rhymes and other moral forms.

5. Don’t ignore the little things

"Education is no small matter", everyone knows this truth, but it is not easy to do it.Children snatching things and toys from others, if adults think it is a trivial matter, think that children will naturally change when they are older and sensible, and if they are left alone, it may become a hidden danger in the future society.

6. Be free from prejudice
When children have bad habits, even if they are "repeatedly taught and committed repeatedly", adults should not hold prejudices and feel that children are "children who cannot be taught".Because this kind of attitude will hurt the child's self-esteem, and will strengthen the child's motivation to form bad habits from the negative side, which is not conducive to correcting the child's bad habits, and is also not conducive to the child's development and growth in other aspects.

7. Divert attention

When you find that your child's bad habits are always "repeatedly taught", don't think that the child is deliberately disobeying you, maybe the child has made a mistake again without realizing it.Parents can divert the child's attention according to the child's characteristics and preferences. For example, when you find that the child is biting his nails again, you can ask her to help you clean the room, so that the child will forget what he did just now.

If you are a careful parent, you can also paste some simple and clear reminder pictures in conspicuous places at home to remind your children from time to time.After a long time, children will naturally forget the bad habits they once had.

[Easy interaction]

1. Teen friends, do you usually have the habit of playing, smoking, drinking or being addicted to the Internet?What good and bad habits do you have?
2. Find the growth stories of some outstanding people and learn their good habits.

【Parent-child total product】

After a Nobel award ceremony, a reporter asked a winner: "Professor, which university and laboratory did you learn the most important things in your opinion?" The white-haired professor said without hesitation: " I learned it from kindergarten." In kindergarten, I learned to wash hands before meals and rest in the afternoon, not to take my own things, but to share half of my own things with my friends, and to put things neatly after use. I learned to make mistakes in elementary school. To admit it, to apologize.

The story reveals a truth: a person's good habits are developed through training since childhood, and it also shows that habit formation education is an education that affects a person's life.

Sun Yunxiao, a well-known expert in youth education in my country, said: "For children, good habits are the master of life, the track of success, the wealth of life, and the style of life." Liu Yiting, known as "Harvard girl", was carefully cultivated by her parents since childhood She develops many good habits.From elementary school to high school, she has been excellent in character and learning. After graduating from high school, she was favored by four famous universities in the United States, but she finally chose Harvard University.

【Harvard view】

Procrastination is often the enemy of excellence

The tendency to procrastinate is common among teens.Many people put off doing everything until the last minute. They don’t learn when they are not under pressure, and they don’t go to class if they can’t. Frustrated with poor grades.Even if you pass the exam by luck, you still bring yourself pain.The serious consequence of procrastination is lower academic performance.

Harvard psychologists have found that many children who procrastinate may attribute poor academic performance to being late, rather than to poor ability.In any case, poor grades are, after all, the result of not doing your best.Too much pursuit of perfection can also create procrastination problems.If you have too high expectations of yourself, you will find it difficult to start doing something.The higher the standard is set, the more difficult it is to achieve the desired goal, and eventually people will develop the habit of aiming high.Some people are very sensitive to what others think of them, and often put things off for fear of losing face.

If the child's procrastination in learning is not corrected in time, it will form a bad study habit over time, and may also form a procrastinating character, which will affect future development.

So, how can parents help their children overcome the habit of procrastination?
1. Provide role models for children

The role model provided for the child should be the friends or classmates he is familiar with, so that it will be meaningful to the child.You can even let children study and play with these role models, and through the influence between children, help children gradually get rid of the bad habit of procrastination.

2. Find more reasons and less urging
Some children are reluctant to do their homework. Sometimes the homework may be difficult, and sometimes it may be too much and annoying. The more parents nagging, the more rebellious they are and the less they want to do it.Parents must first ask their child about the reasons for his procrastination, and take corresponding measures instead of just urging him constantly.

3. Let the child study in a fixed time
There are strict time rules for children's study in school, and they should also have fixed study time at home.You can ask your child to do homework after school and then play, or take a break after dinner and do homework immediately.Help your child develop a study schedule, let the child start and end study on time every day, and stick to it to form a habit.This is mainly to enable students to form a time orientation, and when the time comes, they will naturally have the desire and emotion to learn.

4. Change the single mode of learning and change the learning subjects in time

If the homework takes too long and is difficult, the child will naturally feel impatient and bored, and will not be willing to do the homework.In response to this problem, parents can sort out all the subjects that their children need to learn every day, and arrange the order and subjects of learning for their children in an order from easy to difficult.For example, first let the child do relatively simple writing exercises, and then do the next subject after completing one subject. If the child feels tired, take a rest in time.For another example, do math for a while and then Chinese, or read the text first and then English... In this way, the subjects are constantly changed, and the children are allowed to rest in time, so that the children's interest in learning gradually becomes stronger.

[Easy interaction]

see if you procrastinate

1. The bedroom and desk are always in a mess, and the bedroom and desk are often not cleaned;

2. Unable to complete homework for a long time, or procrastinating, turning on lamps and burning oil to drive all night;

3. Refuse to accept a certain task by throwing cold water or criticizing;
4. Suspected that there is a health problem, but refused to go for a physical examination;
5. Can't put one's heart and soul into learning, but cover up with boring learning;

6. There are many new ideas, but they are never implemented.

7. Afraid of difficulties and delaying difficult tasks until the end;
8. Lack of adventurous spirit, unwilling to change the environment;
9. Frequent illnesses or minor accidents when encountering difficult or thankless things;

10. When being treated unfairly, even if you are justified or have the right to defend yourself, you still swallow your breath and avoid conflicts with others;
11. Always blame others;

If you have committed the above two to three problems, it can be concluded that you are a person who tends to procrastinate and should be corrected in time.

【Parent-child total product】

For children who procrastinate, parents should pay attention to the following points:
1. To lead by example, family activities should be scheduled, punctual, and completed on time; emphasize the concept of time for children, arrange some simple housework and games first, and complete them within a specified time.

2. Every day, children are required to complete their homework 1 to 2 minutes earlier, and pay attention to consolidation and persistence.

3. Ask the child to do a simple physical activity, such as doing push-ups, sit-ups, and lifting dumbbells. Start with doing 10, increase by 1 every day, persist for 1 month, and then maintain or increase in time.

4. To wake up the child, you can use the alarm to wake up, instead of the parents trying to coax the child to get up over and over again, never wake up the child in advance without restraint, otherwise the child will develop trust, the parent is very hard, and the child will also Can't rest well.

5. When the child is watching TV, negotiate with the child the time to watch TV, instead of blindly blaming the child for only watching TV and not doing homework.When asking your child to do homework, lower your voice instead of yelling.

(End of this chapter)