The learning methods and training details of Harvard's top students

Chapter 40 Teach children to be optimistic so that they can face the storms of life (2)
The difference between an optimist and a pessimist is obvious: in the face of setbacks, an optimistic person often sees the bright side of things, and he will not be entangled in the dark side, so he can keep a clear head and be positive. Thinking, find the best solution in the shortest time, and take action in the shortest time to resolve the crisis and get out of the predicament.In the face of setbacks, pessimistic people often sigh, blame and complain, and even "frustration spreads", even losing confidence in other things that are going smoothly, so that they are surrounded by setbacks and completely lose their sensible mind and rational thinking. Leads to adopting a negative attitude towards immediate setbacks and everything and affects those around you.In this way, for pessimistic people, failures always come one after another, and the ensuing setbacks aggravate his pessimism.

Parents should cultivate their children's optimistic attitude towards life from an early age, and let them have an optimistic attitude so that they can withstand the blows of wind and rain during their growth.Only when parents do this will they raise healthy children.

[Easy interaction]

Are you an optimistic person?

1. If you heard someone knocking on your door in the middle of the night, would you take it as bad news or trouble? (Yes 0 points No 1 point)
whether

2. Do you keep safety pins or a piece of string with you just in case clothing or something comes apart? (Yes 0 points No 1 point)
whether

3. Have you ever bet with someone? (Yes 0 points No 1 point)
whether

4. Have you ever dreamed of winning the lottery or inheriting a large inheritance? (Yes 0 points No 1 point)
whether

5. Do you often take an umbrella with you when you go out? (Yes 0 points No 1 point)
whether

6. Do you spend most of your income on insurance? (Yes 0 points No 1 point)
whether

7. When on vacation, have you ever left without a hotel reservation? (Yes 1 point No 0 point)
whether

8. Do you think most people are honest? (Yes 1 point No 0 point)
whether

9. When you are on vacation, you entrust your house keys to a friend or neighbor. Will you lock your valuables in advance? (Yes 0 points No 1 point)
whether

10. Are you always enthusiastic about new projects? (Yes 1 point No 0 point)
whether

11. When a friend promises to repay you, will you agree to lend him money? (Yes 1 point No 0 points)
whether

12. When everyone plans to go to a picnic or barbecue, if it rains, will you still prepare as planned? (Yes 1 point No 0 points)
whether

13. In general, do you trust others? (Yes 1 point No 0 point)
whether

14. If you have an important appointment, you will go out early to avoid traffic jams. Did it break down or something else happened? (Yes 0 points No 1 point)
whether

15. If the doctor asked you to have a physical examination, would you suspect that you might be sick? (Yes 0 points No 1 point)
whether

16. When you wake up every morning, do you look forward to another good day? (Yes 1 point No 0 point)
whether

17. When you receive an unexpected letter or package, will you be particularly happy? (Yes 1 point No 0 points)
whether

18. Do you spend money as you like, and worry about it after spending it? (Yes 1 point No 0 point)
whether

19. Before boarding the plane, will you buy travel insurance? (Yes 1 point No 0 point)
whether

20. Are you hopeful for the next twelve months? (Yes 1 point No 0 points)
whether

Test Results:

0~7 points: You are a standard pessimist, and you always see the bad side when looking at life.The only good thing about being a pessimist is that you never think of the best, so you are rarely disappointed.However, facing life with a pessimistic attitude has too many disadvantages: you will worry about failure at any time, so you would rather not try new things, especially when encountering difficulties, your pessimism will make you feel that life is more gloomy, Even more unacceptable.Pessimism can lead to depression, confusion, fear, anger and frustration.The only way to solve this situation is to face everything or everyone with a positive attitude. Even if you still feel disappointed occasionally, gradually, you will have more confidence in life than the original negative attitude brought you. impact on you.

8-14 points: Your attitude towards life is relatively normal.You can still go further, though, if you learn how to deal with life's inevitable ups and downs with a positive and optimistic attitude.

15~20 points: You are a standard optimist.You see that life always sees the good side and puts disappointment and difficulties aside.Optimism makes people live more vigorously, but remember, sometimes being too optimistic can also cause you to take things lightly, and the result will be a mistake.

【Parent-child total product】

Lincoln was born poor, but he became one of the greatest presidents in American history; he was ugly, but he fascinated millions of Americans; he fought against the South because of the abolition of slavery, and both North and South mourned him after he was assassinated.Why?

Emerson once commented on Lincoln, "He is a president without a holiday, a sailor without a sunny day." So, what is the strength that supports Lincoln to survive tenaciously?From a psychological point of view, it was Lincoln's optimistic personality that made him persevere in the face of setbacks, never give up, until he achieved the final success.

Lincoln proved to the world with optimism that a carpenter's child could become President of the United States through personal efforts.His optimism also prevents him from giving up on himself because of the ups and downs in life. On the contrary, he constantly learns lessons from setbacks to become more mature and intelligent.More importantly, Lincoln's optimistic personality endowed him with a sense of humor from the heart, which is not only an important means of his self-balance, but also a favorable weapon for him to be liked.Although Lincoln was an imbecile in life ability, he was a winner in optimism.

【Harvard view】

Getting out of the shadow of setbacks is an excellent starting point

For children, it is beneficial to suffer a little setback since childhood. It not only allows children to understand society early, but also enhances their courage in facing difficulties.If parents blindly protect their children from suffering and setbacks, the children will become flowers in the greenhouse, unable to withstand any wind and rain.

Generally speaking, children of different ages will have different setback experiences and different performances, which requires parents to guide their children by discovering their different performances.

For young children, his frustration comes from parents not allowing him to eat something by himself, or not allowing him to play, or even falling down can cause a child's frustration.Facing setbacks, young children often show it by crying or throwing tantrums.Parents should reassure their children and let them stop this negative behavior.

His setbacks were different for school-aged kids.His setbacks may come from the incomprehension of his peers; he cannot be praised by the teacher; Parents need to find out in time and help their children get rid of the bad emotions of frustration.

For example, when children fail in exams, they often have negative reactions, such as dejected, sighing, and so on.If parents scold and scold their children again, the children will tend to be more frustrated, and their resistance to setbacks will be even weaker.When their children encounter setbacks, parents should encourage them in a timely manner, let them face setbacks bravely, and actively help them get out of the shadow of setbacks.

A father once said distressedly: "My daughter's academic performance is poor, and she is timid in doing things, thinking that she is inferior to others. I often can't help but criticize her, scold her for being hopeless and hopeless. I hope she can get better. , but the more this is the case, the worse her grades are, and the more withdrawn her personality is, she is really anxious, what should I do?"

In fact, this kind of problem is quite common. Because the child's psychological development is immature and the ability to resist setbacks is poor, parents' scolding of the child can only have a negative impact on the child.For example, when a child suffers setbacks in learning, parents hate iron for being weak and hope that their child will become a success. They often make rude remarks, calling the child "too stupid" and "not learning material at all."Children often accept such wrong judgments under the repeated "hints" of these languages, and take these judgments as part of their self-evaluation. In the long run, they form a cowardly and inferior mentality, thinking that they can't do anything.They tend to underestimate themselves, lose the courage and motivation to overcome difficulties, cannot effectively resist setbacks, and may end up accomplishing nothing.

Only when parents help their children get out of the shadow of setbacks constantly, will they bravely face them when they encounter major setbacks.If children cannot get out of the shadow of setbacks, they will often fail to stand the test when encountering difficulties and setbacks again.

Parents should learn to timely relieve their children's bad emotions after suffering setbacks, and be good at making use of some setbacks, so that children can learn to face difficulties and setbacks from an early age.

For example, when a child is young, whenever the child needs something that he cannot get, parents should not give it to the child immediately, but let the child use his brain to find a way to get it; When there is a conflict between children, encourage the child to negotiate with friends; when the child fails, encourage the child to find the reason, sum up the experience and lessons, and avoid the next repetition; when there is a major misfortune in life, guide the child to face it optimistically.

It can be seen that it is very important to help children get out of the shadow of setbacks and establish an optimistic attitude.Therefore, when the child encounters difficulties, the father should challenge the difficulty together with the child and encourage the child to overcome the difficulty; .

[Easy interaction]

1. Think about it, do you think your child has strong resistance to setbacks?

2. When the child encounters setbacks, can you help the child get out of the shadow of setbacks?

【Parent-child total product】

At Harvard, there is such an intriguing story:
An American child fell down, and the mother said: "Baby, stand up by yourself!" Then she looked at the child with encouraging eyes until the child stood up by herself; an African child fell down, and the mother did not speak, but repeated imitation next to the child Fall down and stand up, teach the child to stand up by himself with silent practical actions; a Chinese child fell down, and the mother ran over immediately, helped the child up, and kept saying, "Baby, don't cry, did you fall?" Some mothers even stomped on the ground: "It's not good to blame the ground. If the mother hits the ground, the baby is good!" So the child stopped crying.

Among the children who will grow up in the future, American children are independent and strong, and have learned to take care of themselves since childhood, and children from rich families will use their own hands to support themselves; African children can also take care of themselves, leaving their parents since childhood Go out into the world; while Chinese children seem to live forever in the "protective umbrella" of their parents, unable to live independently.

American education experts believe that cultivating children's ability to resist setbacks is to cultivate children's ability to live independently.

(End of this chapter)