The learning methods and training details of Harvard's top students

Chapter 41 Give a child a rational love, but the power is the most lasting (1)
(Harvard representative: Al Gore) 20% IQ+80% EQ=100% success.

—Daniel Goldman, professor of psychology at Harvard University

【Wonderful Guide】

biography of gore
Al Gore (1948～), was born in Cartage on March 1948, 3, and spent his childhood in Cartage, Tennessee and Washington, DC.In summer he works on his father's farm.

In June 1969, Gore graduated with honors from Harvard University. In August of the same year, he entered the army and served as an intelligence officer at the US Army Aviation School.

Gore went to Vietnam in 1971 and began his trip to Vietnam as a military reporter.He was assigned to the No. 20 Engineer Brigade at an air base 20 miles northeast of Saigon. After that base was withdrawn in 1971, he was assigned to a large Army logistics base near Saigon. In 1971, Gore retired from the Army and returned to the United States.He and Tipper settled in Nasville, where he began working as a reporter for the Nassell Tennessee newspaper and took courses at Wider Butte University's Graduate School of Religion.He later studied at Widerbitt University School of Law.

Gore uncovered a cheating scandal involving Nasville City Council Chairman Jack Clardy while working as a reporter for the Nasville Tennessee newspaper.At the time, Jack Clardy owned stock in two companies with which the municipality did business.In addition, Gore also revealed that Jack supported the expansion of the sewer for a commercial center in order to obtain benefits from the developer.Jack Crady was later found guilty of taking advantage of the deal.

1976年11月2日，戈尔当选为国会众议院议员，他在1976年的大选中以90%多的支持率获得了田纳西州第四国会选举区的胜利。1978年8月16日，戈尔主持了有关制药业控制物价的国会听证会。

1984年10月6日，戈尔以超过60%的选票当选为美国参议院议员。1988年，作为民主党1988年总统候选人，他在大选中共赢得了300多万张选票；还在阿肯色州、北卡罗来纳州、田纳西州、俄克拉荷马州、纳华达州、怀俄明州获得了初选的胜利。

On November 1992, 11, Gore was elected as the 3th Vice President of the United States.

【Character Story】

From rational love to success
Gore Sr. was a senator during his lifetime. He ran for vice president in 1956, but unfortunately he was unsuccessful.Gore Sr. hoped that his son would also become a good politician.

Gore Sr. chose St. Albans Primary School for his son.Because it has a free and strict learning atmosphere.

St. Albans Primary School follows the style of study in British public schools, and students are usually required to wear suits and ties.As a result, when Gore was 9 years old, he had already learned to tie several kinds of tie knots. On weekdays, he always stood up straight, with his small chest raised high, and his steps were steady when he walked.

In the senior grades, he will participate in any major school activities without exception.He is not only the core of the school football team, but also a member of the school track and field team, and a member of the school art troupe.During the performance, he acted as the leader of the Liberal Party, and his demeanor, knowledge and sharp-tongued debating style during heated debates were exactly the replica of Old Gore.

When he was in school, Gore often worked part-time while studying. He collected tobacco leaves, sold livestock, and sold radios door-to-door.In fact, Gore's family is still relatively well-off, and the old Gore only supported him in the hope that he would become a hard-working, hard-working person.

As a child, when Gore and his father were doing farm work in the fields, they often slipped aside and practiced speaking to a large forest, imagining the trees as the audience.Old Gore never criticized him because of his "not doing his job properly". On the contrary, he highly praised him and sometimes gave him pointers on his speech skills.

Once, he even drove his father's car into a ditch, and the car was scrapped.Old Gore did not blame his son severely, because he believed that young people must dare to take risks, and they should have this spirit even more if they want to become a politician.

As long as he had the opportunity, Gore took his son with him and tried to get in touch with politicians as much as possible.

During his political career, Gore helped the government draft and pass a series of bills, including the establishment of the Interstate Highway System.At that time, he often brought the young Gore, who was only 8 years old, into the Senate building and asked him to observe the discussions of the Senate.Hearing the senators arguing about where the superhighway leads, how wide the road should be, and whether the road signs should be blue or green, Gore was deeply fascinated.

Gore Sr. often consciously debated some political issues with his son, and seriously.The topics discussed were all big topics such as "Federal Reserve", "Youth Education" and "Infrastructure Construction". Generally speaking, the father and son talked about it with gusto.

The dining table at home is also regarded as a classroom for educating his son.Mother Pauline said: "We often choose guests for our son. If there are good guests who come and talk about topics that are good for the child's growth, I will let Gore join in."

So influenced by his ears and eyes, Gore became better day by day.

【Harvard view】

To love children responsibly is true love

It is natural for parents to love their children. However, once this kind of love turns into doting, it will change its nature and become irresponsible love for children.We often say: "Irresponsible love is tantamount to obliterating a child, and moderate love is a proper parent."

It would be a great injustice to say that the vast majority of Chinese parents do not love their children. "Poor parents in the world", the time, money, energy and affection that parents invest in their children are almost unparalleled.On the surface, parents love their children very much, even too much, and they are reluctant to let their children do it themselves. They are afraid that the children will be tired, worried that the children will suffer, and do not want the children to be wronged. .Many parents think that this is a kind of love, and even think that this is a great love full of self-sacrifice.In fact, this is a very big misunderstanding. This kind of love can only be regarded as an irresponsible love for children.

It is difficult for children who grew up with excessive pampering to have a strong ability to adapt to the environment. They not only lack the habit and ability to live independently and think independently, but also seriously lack love, compassion and sense of responsibility; The bitterness of the child, lacking both sense of responsibility and the ability to take responsibility, always thinking of letting others satisfy him, but he can do whatever he wants, as a result, he can only hit the wall everywhere after stepping into the society, becoming the irresponsible love of his parents. victim of.

We say that a person's growth is mainly affected by three aspects: family, school, and society, and family is crucial.Because the first thing a person sees when he comes to the world is his parents.It's no wonder that the first address we learn from childhood is "Mom" or "Dad", followed by "Uncle", "Uncle", "Uncle", etc. As for teachers and friends in the future, it is even farther away.Therefore, the words and deeds of the parents are deeply engraved in the hearts of the children.If parents love their children too much and replace their children to do what they can, then objectively, parents have obliterated their children's ability to live independently, let alone self-innovation and practical ability.

Loving irresponsibly reveals a destructive parenting motivation in the parent's subconscious.As the givers of love, parents often use the name of love to satisfy their strong desire to control their children.Parents love their children on the surface, but this kind of love is only responding to or satisfying the parents' own needs, while ignoring the needs of the other's spiritual and personality growth.

One of the biggest misconceptions parents often have about love is to equate dependence with love. "I really love you, I can't live without you!" Many lovers often confess this way, as do parents and children. Parents often show their love to their children repeatedly to strengthen the parent-child relationship.However, in this way, the relationship between parent and child will be reversed, and the child will become the spiritual nanny of the parents.

Children who grow up in the irresponsible love and attachment of their parents for a long time tend to form a passive and dependent personality.Those children who have experienced real, continuous and responsible care and warmth from an early age usually can deeply feel that they are lovely and precious as adults, and as long as they are honest with themselves, they will be loved, Being cared for, and those children who grow up in irresponsible love do not have this sense of security. Even after they grow up, they always have a sense of insecurity in their hearts, always feeling that "I don't have enough", Feeling that you are always neglected, that life is impermanent, that the world is cold, and that you are unlovable and worthless.Such children always think that they must strive for love and attention everywhere, and when they find love, they will hold on to it, and do irrational, destructive, and unscrupulous behaviors for this, which will eventually lead to separation from love and even crimes. .

Parents who really love their children, in the process of loving their children, will give them a rational love instead of irresponsible love.

[Easy interaction]

1. Think about it, do you think you are responsible for your love for your children?

2. Think about it, do you think you have misunderstood your love for your children?
【Parent-child total product】

Former US President Roosevelt, who graduated from Harvard, was loved by his parents when he was a child, but his parents did not spoil him, but strictly controlled him, especially Roosevelt's mother.The mother arranged a very strict schedule for Roosevelt Jr.: wake up at 7, eat at 8, study with tutors for two or three hours, rest, eat at 1 pm, study at 4 after lunch, rest (free activities).

Little Roosevelt was always accustomed to being the winner when playing games. In order to educate him, once the mother and son played a board game, the mother deliberately refused to let him, and defeated the son one after another.Little Roosevelt was angry, but his mother deliberately ignored him and insisted that his son apologize.As a result, Roosevelt Jr. conceded defeat.

Roosevelt's family was democratic again.One day, Roosevelt Jr., dissatisfied with the strict work and rest system established by his mother, protested and asked his mother to give him "freedom".The mother took her son's request seriously and allowed him to be "free" for a day.In the evening, the 6-year-old son came back covered in dust and tired.What did your son do today?Mother didn't ask.

Roosevelt's mother knew to respect her child and meet his reasonable demands.Strict control does not mean restraint. Give children time to move freely, let them relax in an unrestrained way, and enjoy the joy of childhood to the fullest, which is good for the development of children's personality and the formation of good character.

【Harvard view】

Spoiling, setting traps for children's growth

Doting, like drowning, is very dangerous to children's growth. People often desire love and are willing to fall into love. There is no clear boundary between true love and doting, but doting often has a greater temptation, attracting you like a magnet Fall into his trap.Once you realize that you have to climb out one day, it will not be so easy.

A few years ago, some serious sociologists said that after the ancient matriarchal society and patriarchal society, human beings are about to enter a "child-right" society.Regardless of whether this theory is true or not, it cannot conceal the fact that the more parents love their children, the more they will feel disappointed in their children's expectations.

(End of this chapter)