The learning methods and training details of Harvard's top students

Chapter 42 Give a child a rational love, but the power is the most lasting (2)
Today's child is "a seedling in a hundred acres of land", and with the living standard higher than in the past, society and families have the ability to "water" this "seedling".We are also confident that we are the most affectionate nation, and we have long regarded the "harshness" of Western parents towards their children as the cruelty between people.Parents are often obedient to their children's requirements, and at the same time, they place too high and too heavy "hopes" on their children.Many parents have designed the "single-plank bridge" for their children to go to key universities since "prenatal education".Because the "design" is unrealistic, it often arouses children's "rebound".This kind of love eventually kills the child.

Parents should be good at guiding their children to overcome difficulties and setbacks, rather than blindly arranging and doting.Some parents are eager to love their children, overprotect and take care of their children, and engage in full-service arrangements.This is actually "softening" the child's heart, implying that the child is incompetent, and depriving the child of the opportunity and right of independent activities and development.Practice has proved that the children raised by such parents are often cowardly and incompetent, immature in thinking, and lack the ability to survive independently.In order for children to withstand the hardships of life and the storms of society in the future, they must try and experience difficulties and setbacks from an early age, and learn to deal with difficulties and setbacks in a calm and reasonable manner.

In stark contrast to our parents’ doting on their children, it is actually popular in many primary and secondary schools and even kindergartens in the United States to eat "recalling bitterness rice". international knowledge.Winton Elementary School in Maryland organized a three-day "begging" class for all students.According to regulations, a small number of students acted as staff members of charity organizations to distribute meals, while most students acted as tramps, beggars or poor people.

For some schools in China, in addition to the enrollment rate, it is still the enrollment rate. If anyone organizes students to eat "recalling bitterness meals" today, it is very likely that people will mistakenly think that the brain is not normal.As for some parents, they are even more reluctant to let their children eat "reminiscing bitterness rice". What they give their children is endless nutrition.

There are indeed many things worth learning about early childhood education in American families.Life, in fact, is a study of life. Giving children reasonable love and cultivating good qualities from an early age can be regarded as laying a solid foundation for success.

In fact, in many cases, parents' excessive care, worry and protection have become a heavy burden for children.

Inseparable supervision and excessive doting will hinder the healthy development of children's body and mind, and make them unable to improve their abilities in all aspects as they grow older, thus causing them to have low self-esteem and depression.Children who grow up in excessive doting tend to be indecisive, timid, afraid of getting into trouble, lack the spirit to face difficulties bravely, and lack the ability to deal with practical affairs.In order to satisfy their false love for their children, parents deprive their children of all opportunities for free movement.Children have to keep company with radios and TV sets, and rarely have contact with the outside world.If things go on like this, it is easy to cause bad personalities such as withdrawn, cowardly, and out of gregarious children.Presumably this is not what the parents who love their sons like their fate expected and expected!For the sake of the children's future, parents, please let go, give the children less doting, and let the children have the opportunity to grow up independently.

[Easy interaction]

1. Think about it, are you good at guiding children to overcome difficulties and setbacks?

2. Through reading, what enlightenment do you get from the stories of American parents educating their children?
3. Think about it, would you prematurely and unrealistically design a life path for your children?

【Parent-child total product】

The British generally believe that doting and spoiling children is the biggest obstacle to the formation of children's independent character.

Although young parents will take good care of their young children, they seldom hold their children in their arms, but let them crawl and play freely, and they will never help those who accidentally fell to the ground. children, but let them stand up on their own.

In an ordinary family, children under the age of five are not allowed to eat at the same table as adults, and they are not allowed to pick and choose what to eat. .

Regardless of rich families or ordinary families, they will consciously "create" some difficult environments to hone their children's will.For example, in the aristocratic public schools with expensive tuition fees, the children of rich families are also proud of enduring hardships and are noble in their determination.The school deliberately made the food poor, and required every public school student to wear shorts on the playground and in class in bad weather, insist on cold water baths, not allowed to cover up with warm quilts, and had to sleep with windows open in winter .

If children are hurt, even if they cry, they will never get comfort and sympathy from their parents. Those children who cannot bear the pain and cry wantonly will be severely reprimanded by their parents.Because all the British believe that children should know how to be patient, and lack of patience and self-restraint are the most contemptuous and uncultivated things.

British parents often strictly control their children on the premise of respecting their children's independent personality, so that children can understand that they can't do whatever they want.British law clearly stipulates that parents are allowed to punish their children corporal punishment, and many schools still retain the rule of corporal punishment of students.

【Harvard view】

Children need equality, don't twist your love for him

Children also have their own dignity and should be respected, insulting and threatening children is not true love for children, but a distorted love for children.As a parent, whatever your "good" motives, don't distort your love for your children.

There are many parents who love their children very much in their hearts, but they don't know how to truly love their children in real life.In fact, the most important thing in educating children is to have a heart that loves children.To love children, one must treat children as equals to one's own personality.

However, in real life, many parents have wrongly "positioned" their love for their children:
Some parents regard their children as their "inferiors" and make them obey all their parents' orders. If they want to study hard, they must study hard, and no nonsense is allowed. Children become the private property of their parents and can be disposed of at will.

Some children are regarded as "business partners" by their parents, and fathers educate their children with material stimulation.This time you scored 100 points in the test, I will reward you with 100 yuan, and if you fail the test next time, you will be spanked.This kind of success-only love for children often leads to abnormal development of children's intelligence, so that their character cannot grow at the same time as their intelligence.

Some children are the father's "savings bank", and the reason why the father treats the children well is to sow the seeds of "welfare" for their own future.Fathers often warn their children: "We have treated you so well, how will you repay us in the future?" Such fathers believe that when their children grow up, they can give themselves glory to the family, otherwise they will be raised in vain.This kind of education method is also a transaction in essence, and the children educated in this way are often very depressed and difficult to relax their personalities.

And some children are reduced to the "punching bag" of their parents, and are even the objects of wanton humiliation, venting, and abuse by many unhealthy adults. Such children are the most miserable. They are often physically and mentally devastated so that they cannot become normal people.

Parents who truly love their children should neither dote on them nor physically punish them.However, corporal punishment of children in families is still a relatively frequent and common phenomenon.Some parents openly advocate "speaking when it is time to speak, and hitting when it is time to hit" their children, and claim that "slapping should be just right."What is the right time to fight, and how to call it just right? Obviously there is no objective standard. To put it bluntly, it is up to the parents to do whatever they want.The result of this irrational love is very harmful to the growth of children.

In most single-child families, the parents try to meet all the material needs of the children, but do not know how to understand and respect the children spiritually.The reason for this contradiction is that parents always regard their children as private property, instead of treating them as an independent person, and they do not realize that although children are not very sensible, they also have emotions, grievances, distress, and disappointment. , There is sadness, and parents should understand their children's thoughts in order to guide them to grow up healthily.Parents should strengthen their self-cultivation, love their children rationally, and be calm when encountering problems. Only in this way can they find an appropriate and effective way to educate their children.

[Easy interaction]

1. Think about it, in family education, do you respect your children?

2. Think about it, how do you love your children in your daily life?Do you think you love your children the right way?
3. After reading this section, do you think you have a distorted imagination of your love for children?

【Parent-child total product】

In daily life, spoiling habits that parents must quit include:
1. Do it all

Many parents are reluctant to let their children do any housework. As a result, the children do not understand the joy of labor and the responsibility of helping parents to reduce their burdens.

2. Easy gratification
Give the child what he wants.This kind of child will inevitably develop a bad character of not cherishing things, paying attention to material enjoyment, wasting money and being inconsiderate of others, and has no patience and spirit of enduring hardship.

3. Allow yourself to be lazy
Children are allowed to eat and drink, play and study irregularly, do whatever they want, sleep late, skip meals, wander during the day, watch TV until late at night, etc.Such a child lacks self-motivation and curiosity when he grows up, muddling through life, doing things in a whimsical way, with no beginning and no end.

4. beg everywhere
While coaxing, begging the child to eat and sleep, and promised to give the child a reward before finishing the meal.The child's psychology is that the more you beg him, the more coy he will be. Not only can't tell right from wrong, he can't cultivate a sense of responsibility and a generous character, and he will lose the prestige of education.

5. The fuss

It turns out that children are not afraid of water, dark, wrestling, or illness.After wrestling, I often get up silently and continue playing.Later, why some children are timid and love to cry?It is often the parents and grandparents who cause the child to panic when they are sick, and the end result of coddling is that the child does not let the parent take a step away.These children are branded cowardly.

6. Special treatment
The status of children in the family is superior to others, and they are given special care everywhere, such as eating "alone food" and being "only child"... Such children feel special and are used to being superior to others, so they will inevitably become selfish, have no compassion, and will not care about others .

7. Deprivation of independence
For absolute safety, the parents do not let the child go out of the house, nor allow him to play with other children.What's more, some children can't leave their parents or the elderly at all times, for fear of melting in their mouths and fear of flying away when they spit them out.Such children will become timid and incompetent, lose self-confidence, develop a dependent mentality, and often become "gatekeepers", domineering at home, and timid outside, resulting in serious personality defects.

8. Cover up in person
Sometimes the father takes care of the children, and the mother protects them; some parents teach the children, and grandparents will stand up and speak out.Such children have no concept of right and wrong, and always have "protective umbrellas" and "refuges". The consequences are not only distorted children's personalities, but sometimes cause family disharmony.

9. Give in to crying

Because of accommodating children since childhood, children threaten their parents by crying, sleeping on the ground, and skipping meals when things go wrong.Doting parents have no choice but to cajole, surrender, obey, and accommodate.Parents who are afraid of their children crying are incompetent parents; children who beat and scold their parents will become ruthless rebels, sowing the seeds of selfishness, ruthlessness, willfulness, and lack of self-control in their characters.

(End of this chapter)