There are ways to speak and speak skills

Chapter 14 Talking to Your Lover → Harmony Strategies (1)
Only when husbands and wives fully understand, tolerate wholeheartedly, often tolerate, have sincere and unswerving feelings, have the same views on life, and have common ideals and beliefs, can they safely survive the big and small storms on the journey of life and become Harmonious companion.

cherish love mutual respect mutual understanding
From real life, we can see that cherishing feelings and love can help us overcome many difficulties in marriage and family, and make the family full of happiness and harmony.

As every member of the family, especially the main members—the couple, you should learn to replace distress with laughter, express your sincerity and kindness in your heart with a pleasant image, and use your love to make the relationship between you and your family better. Intimacy, harmony, harmony.

The famous American writer Mark Twain fell in love with the black-haired and amazingly beautiful Miss Levi.They held a wedding, and a happy marriage brought them infinite happiness.Soon, Mark Twain wrote a letter to his friend, in which he said humorously: "If a person's whole life after marriage is as happy as ours, then I have wasted 30 years of my time. If everything If I can start from the beginning, then I will marry when I am a dumb baby, instead of wasting time grinding my teeth and breaking bottles and jars." From this, we can see how much he cherishes his love.

The Duke of Windsor, the original Edward VIII, who is known all over the world as a good story, actually gave up his throne in order to obtain love.Once the duke was talking with some friends about how to make the ladies happy.He said humorously: "It should be admitted that I have more advantages than all of you in this regard. When encountering difficulties, if you can remind Madam that it is for her that she gave up the throne, it will be very beneficial to the settlement of the matter. "

Someone asked Ernie Pompey which of the things she bought with money was the most valuable, and she replied without thinking: "My wedding ring. It has not lost its value for many years. In the face of temptation, it Keeps me unmoved. At parties, it reminds me that a husband is home. At dinner parties, it keeps others from getting too sentimental. In the maternity ward, it's my mark as a legitimate wife .For the past 30 years, it has never failed to say, 'Someone loves me.'"

Psychological tips:

The core of marriage and love is dedication, not transaction.Love is an attitude, a spirit between people who share interests, hobbies, successes, and failures.Only with love, with a heart that cherishes love, can both parties feel that they must live together.There are too many examples of this.In short, as long as the husband and wife and even every member of the family cherish their feelings and know how to respect and understand each other, the family will definitely reduce worries and frictions, and laughter will permeate your entire family.

A happy family is like a car driving on a long road. In addition to controlling the direction and adding fuel, you must not forget to add "lubricant" to the car to prevent the machine from overheating due to friction and break down due to failure.I believe that every couple who knows how to praise and cherish love understands how important this "lubricating oil" is to their happy marriage.Cherishing love is just like valuing this "lubricating oil".With the thought and psychology of cherishing love, both parties will understand and tolerate, and maintain a warm and harmonious family atmosphere.

Emotional communication cannot be ignored
In marriage, as the lyrics say, "Loving each other is easy, getting along is too difficult".At the beginning of the relationship, each other felt that they had similar personalities and got along well. Why did they find so many differences between each other once they got married? At this time, language communication plays an extremely important role.

In couples with different personalities, we are often more likely to find some different characteristics, or encounter some unfamiliar and unaccustomed things.If we are too critical of those who have different characteristics, habits, interests and preferences from our own, the results will be unimaginable.

The great tragedy of Lincoln's life was his marriage, not his assassination.After Booth fired the shot, Lincoln fell unconscious and never knew he was killed, but what did he get every day for almost 23 years?"The result of an unhappy marriage," according to his law firm partner Herndon. "Unhappy marriage" is still a tactful way to say it!For almost a quarter of a century, Mrs. Lincoln nagged and harassed him, keeping him restless.

She was always complaining about this and that, always criticizing her husband: everything about him was never right.He always hunched his shoulders and walked very ugly.He picked up his steps, straight up and down, like an Indian.She complained that his walk was not springy and graceful; she made fun of him by imitating his walk, nagging him to walk on toe-first, as she had learned at Mrs. Lexington Dell's boarding school. .

She didn't like the way his big ears stood on his head at right angles either.She even told him that his nose was not straight and his lips were too prominent.Looks like a consumptive ghost, with too big hands and feet, and a too small head.

Abraham Lincoln and Mary Todd were opposites in every way: education, background, temper, hobbies, and ideas, all were opposites.They often make each other unhappy.

"Mrs. Lincoln's high, high-pitched voice," wrote former Senator Albert Beverridge, the most eminent Lincoln authority of her generation, "was heard across the street, the continual scolding of her rage. , spread far and wide to nearby neighbors. Her ways of expressing her anger were often more than just words. Her violent behavior was simply too numerous to describe."

To take one example, the Lincolns, immediately after their marriage, lived with Mrs. Jacoby Ollie, the widow of a doctor, and circumstances made it necessary for her to share the house and provide meals.

One morning, while the Lincolns were having breakfast, Lincoln did something that aroused his wife's violent temper.What happened, no one remembers now.But Mrs. Lincoln, in a fit of rage, threw a cup of hot coffee in her husband's face, in the presence of many other lodgers.

When Mrs. Ollie came in and wiped his face and clothes with a wet towel, Lincoln sat there silently in shame, without saying a word.

Mrs. Lincoln's jealousy, so stupid, violent and unbelievable, just read the pathetic and indecent scenes she puts out in public - and it's all astonishing 75 years later .She ended up having a mental breakdown and going crazy.

Psychological tips:

Some experts pointed out that Mrs. Lincoln's bad temper was largely due to the lack of emotional and psychological communication between husband and wife.It can be seen that frequent emotional communication is a common feature of loving couples. On the road to love and harmony, there is a price to pay. Love needs the test of time, spiritual investment and positive emotional communication.

There are still many aspects to be paid attention to between husband and wife, but as long as we treat each other with sincerity, pay attention to each other's self-cultivation, pay attention to the art of conversation, and clarify each other's psychological needs, we can make the married life happier and more loving.

Seasoning life to resolve crisis
Humor can come into play in many situations, and life as a couple is no exception.Humor is the spice of a married life.

For humor to work, it has to be used at the right time.Sorrow and excitement often appear alternately in the life of a couple.Appropriate joking and joking can relieve couples from unnecessary troubles.When the other person is in a bad mood, try not to say unpleasant things.In this case, you might as well say something interesting and interesting.

A young wife got impatient waiting for her husband, and when he came home, she pouted and ignored him.The husband said humorously: "How come it feels like three autumns since I don't see (me) every day, don't you think I'm upset?" The wife was amused by her husband.

In addition, when the other party is happy, you must not be disappointed, because this is an expression of mutual respect.Marx once talked about his life with people: "She is happy, and I let her enjoy herself; she is troubled, and I want to let her troubles go away." Jenny was sewing a child's clothes with great interest, and Marx stepped forward and said: "Honey, let his father take a look. Without my efforts, you will be disappointed." In one sentence, it was humorous and witty, and Jenny blushed.

The husband and wife can constantly adjust through humor, which can continuously eliminate obstacles and make the boat of love sail far.

A wife often babbled endlessly in front of her husband, and the husband said humorously, "Okay, let me wash my ears and listen again." In a word, the wife felt that she had talked too much.Persuasion and arguments between husband and wife should not only pay attention to the beauty of language, but also pay attention to propriety, pay attention to convincing others with reason, so as not to hurt the self-esteem of the other party.

Humor can also turn conflicts between husband and wife into friendship.Bacon said, "All noble families are always attracted by a kind of beautiful pleasure."

When Mr. John came home from get off work, he found his wife packing her bags. "What are you doing?" he asked. "I can't stay here any longer," she cried, "I'm going to leave this house for all the quarrels all year round!"

John stood there in bewilderment, watching his wife walk away with her suitcase.Suddenly, in a hurry, he rushed into the room, grabbed a suitcase from the shelf and rushed to the door, shouting to his wife who was leaving: "Wait a minute, dear, I will stay in this kind of home too." I can’t go on anymore, I’ll go with you!” When the angry wife heard his words that were both funny and full of love and apology for herself, it was like a ball full of air was pierced with a hole, and all the grievances were gone slowly disappeared.

Psychological tips:

The few small examples mentioned above directly cut into the other party's psychology with humorous and witty language, thereby moving the other party and dispelling the contradictions and resentments.

In this social environment where the pace of life is getting faster and faster, people often feel a kind of inexplicable psychological pressure and anxiety, and humor is the best "relief valve".It can not only make your mood relaxed and happy, but also contribute to the harmony and happiness of your family life.

cheers for it happy forever
Every man knows that by flattery he can get his wife to do anything and do nothing.He knew that if he only praised her for how well she managed the household and how she had helped him without costing him a penny, she would have lost every penny she had.Every man knows that if he tells his wife how beautiful she would look in a certain dress from last year, she'd rather not buy the latest import from abroad.

Every wife knows her husband knows these things, because she has told him all about how she has been treated.But he would rather disobey her, spend money on bad food, and waste money on new clothes and new luxury cars for her, instead of spending energy to flatter her a little bit, and give her what she wants. way to treat her.She really didn't know whether to like him or hate him.

Paul Popino, president of the Los Angeles Family Relations Society, said: "Most men, when looking for a wife, are not looking for a capable person, but looking for an attractive and willing to satisfy their vanity." people who have a heart and can make them feel superior. So a female executive of a company or an institution may be invited to dinner, but only once. She will probably take what she remembers and read " "The Mainstream of Modern Philosophy" and even insisted on paying her own bill. As a result, she had to learn to eat alone in the future. The typist who never went to college was different. When people invite people to eat, she will look at her flower guardian with enthusiastic eyes and speak with infinite affection. "Now please tell me something about yourself." As a result, the men said to others, 'She's not exactly beautiful, but I've never met a better talker.'”

A man should show his appreciation for the thought a woman puts into being beautiful and stylish.All men know that women pay great attention to what they wear, but they often forget it.For example, there is a man and a woman who meet another man and woman on the street. The woman rarely looks at the other man. She usually pays attention to how the other woman is dressed.

Carnegie's grandmother died at the age of 98.Shortly before her death, they showed her a photo taken more than 30 years ago.Her eyes are not good enough to see the photos clearly, but she only asked one question: "What kind of clothes am I wearing?" With all her energy spent, her memory is fading so fast she can't even recognize her own daughter and still wonder what she was wearing 30 years ago!
Men don't remember what suit or shirt they were wearing 5 years ago, and have no intention of remembering these things at all.But women are different.The men of the upper class in France are quite aware of this aspect.They not only admired the dresses and hats women wore, but praised them not once, but several times in one evening.Tens of millions of French men do this, and there must be a reason for them.

Why don't you do that to your wife?Next time, when the drumstick sauce is tender and tasty, say so to her and let her know how much you appreciate her cooking.If you are like that, she will know in her heart that she is very important to your happiness.

Psychological tips:

So if you want to maintain a happy family life, please remember this rule: always praise your lover.Don't criticize, but try to praise.

We will do everything we can to let our lover know that we applaud her (him).In this way, she (he) will accept your appreciation psychologically, so that your life will be more harmonious.In other words, if a couple wants to get happiness from each other, it must come from their mutual appreciation and faithful love.If the admiration and faithful love come from his heart, they will be happy from the bottom of their hearts.

Reduce quarrels and learn to be patient
When a family is just born, it is like a bud that breaks through the ground, very fragile.Statistics prove this fact. The divorce rate in this period was very high, equivalent to 1/6 to 1/3 of the sum of the divorce rates in all periods. What makes young people's families so unstable?

According to the survey of sociologists, an important reason is the supremacy of emotion (or the omnipotence of emotion).The young couple looked forward to their family life and saw it as dazzling and colorful.Ah, what a bright future, what a desirable family life!People who are passionately in love are fearless, as long as they can be together, they will be invincible!Indeed, it is important to believe in the role of emotion.However, never think that as long as there is love, everything else will be solved.Sooner or later, young couples have to understand how difficult it is to spend all the time together!The happiness of a family depends not only on people's feelings, but also on their inner qualities and virtues: kindness, good morals, respect and humility, knowledge and understanding, concern for others, altruism.Love needs to be cherished, loved, and more importantly, warm and bright.Without these, the family may sooner or later wither and even die.

(End of this chapter)