There are ways to speak and speak skills

Chapter 20 How to Deal with Unconventional Things→The Law of Empathy (1)
The next article There is a way to do things
- Different things use different psychological laws

When unconventional things happen, we often have a sense of unexpected crisis in our minds.The "empathy" in dealing with the world means that we need to know how to adapt measures to local conditions and turn unfavorable factors into favorable factors. Only by understanding this rule of handling things can we save ourselves from danger in times of crisis.

Turning the crisis into safety
Smart people can often not only see the superficial results of some things, but also pay attention to some mysteries behind them, and perform them in public, so as to confuse the public or make up for omissions.

During the Zhengtong period of the Ming Dynasty, Han Yong served as the censor and patrolled Jiangxi.One day, Du Yushi visited late at night, looking very disturbed.

Han Yong was a little strange: "It's so late, you must have something to do with me, right?"

Du Yushi saw that there was no one around, and knelt on the ground: "Please save me."

"What happened?" Han Yong asked.

"It's a big deal." Du Yushi said, "I tore down the edict privately."

"It's really a big deal."Han Yong frowned and said, "Don't worry, let me tell you what happened first."

It turned out that the imperial court had issued an edict to the guarding officer, and the imperial censor thought it was for himself, so he took it apart to read.By the time I know I'm wrong, it's too late.Dismantling the imperial edict privately is a serious crime. He thought about it, and thought that Han Yong was usually very smart, so he came to him for advice.

Han Yong pondered for a while, then said: "Tomorrow you entertain the middle officials, and I will arrange everything else."

The next day, Du Yushi really invited Zhongguan and Han Yushi to a banquet.Han Yong put the old imperial edict in his arms, drinking and laughing with everyone with a calm expression.

Everyone is a little bit drunk.At this time, a postman came in and handed an imperial edict to Han Yong.Without further ado, Han Yong took it apart and looked at it. He just glanced at it and said in horror: "This edict is not for me."

It turned out that this edict was forged by Han Yong in advance, and he deliberately asked the postman to give him the edict by mistake.

With that said, he handed over the imperial edict to the Zhongguan.But at this time the imperial edict had been dropped, and what was handed over to the Zhongguan was the original authentic imperial edict.

"You useless slave, you are so confused that you handed over the imperial edict of the middle official to me, you should fight!"

Han Yong kept apologizing, and also blamed the postman for giving the edict to the wrong person, and wanted to punish him with a stick.

The Zhongguan was a little bit sorry: "Han Yushi is really an honest person. However, the postman was also unintentional. He regarded you as an old man. Let him be spared this time."

Du Yushi quickly said: "This is a misunderstanding, we should all drink."

So, everyone raised their glasses and broke up happily.

Psychological tips:

Embedding flowers and grafting trees is what people often call "substitution tricks".Han Yong cleverly resorted to a subterfuge, and the imperial edict that had been dismantled by the imperial censor came into the hands of the middle official, and an unclear incident became clear and clear.

In real life, whenever we encounter something that we feel we can’t do anything about, we must not try to solve it head-on with a fluke mentality. We must know how to "switch packages" like Han Yong. What we are talking about here "Switching packages" means that some unacceptable realities can be replaced by logical thinking that is easier for others to accept psychologically. Only in this way can we stay calm and turn the crisis into peace when dealing with such incidents.

Taking measures against emergencies
In real life, emergencies happen from time to time, and how should we deal with them, that is to say, how to solve them with your language skills?Let's first look at the story of the famous humorist Chaplin.

One day, Chaplin drove to the country house by bicycle with a large sum of money.On the way, he suddenly encountered a robber who was robbing with a gun.The robber held him at gunpoint and forced him to hand over the money.

Chaplin agreed, but only begged him: "My friend, please do me a favor, shoot me twice in my hat, and I'll go back and explain to my master."

The robber took off Chaplin's hat and shot it twice.

Chaplin said: "Thank you, but please punch two more holes in my skirt." The robber impatiently pulled Chaplin's skirt and shot a few times.

Chaplin bowed and begged, "Thank you so much, please just shoot my trousers a few times. This will make it more realistic, and the master will believe it."

While cursing, the robber repeatedly pulled the trigger on Chaplin's trousers, but there was no gunfire, because the bullets had run out.When Chaplin saw it, he quickly grabbed the purse, jumped into the car and fled away.

You may say that this is just a little joke, not necessarily the real thing.Of course, humor is humorous, but the truth hidden in it is correct, that is, no one can predict emergencies, and the best way to deal with emergencies is to be flexible and adapt to the situation.

There was once a glamorous female singer who tripped over the wires of the microphone before she could take two steps at the end of the song.At this time, the audience was in an uproar and booing continued.

However, the female singer did not lose her composure. She got up in a hurry, stood up, picked up the microphone and said, "I am really overwhelmed by everyone's enthusiasm!"

Suddenly, the chaotic noise turned into bursts of laughter and applause.

The female singer used such a decent excuse to make up for the "ugliness" with "beauty" and saved her own face, which was even more welcomed by the audience.

Former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev and his wife Raisa visited the United States. On the way to the White House to attend Reagan's farewell banquet, he suddenly got off the bus in the downtown area and shook hands with American pedestrians standing by the roadside.The Soviet security personnel hastily turned the car back, rushed out of the car, surrounded it, and ordered the Americans standing beside Gorbachev to quickly pull their hands out of their trouser pockets (for fear that they might hide weapons in their pockets).Pedestrians were at a loss for a while, and someone asked why?Raisa, who was standing behind Gorbachev, was very witty, and quickly smoothed things over, explaining to the questioning Americans: "They mean that you stretch out your hands and shake hands with my husband."

This ingenious method of adapting to the situation and pushing the boat along the way to solve the crisis incident maintained the friendly feelings of the Soviet leaders towards the Americans.Immediately, the Americans around stretched out their hands to shake hands with Gorbachev and others.

Psychological tips:

Like the above example, Chaplin suddenly encountered robbers, if he resisted a little, his life would be in danger.The beauty of Chaplin's response is that he completely obeyed the robber's will, and "sincerely" begged the robber to help him overcome the difficulties after being robbed, and induced the robber to be fooled.When the robbers ran out of bullets, the situation turned around, and Chaplin calmly survived the catastrophe.

The best way to deal with emergencies is to adapt to the situation, because the accident has already happened, and we cannot restore it to nothing, so we have to calm down and calm down to face it calmly.The measure of adapting to the situation lies in the fact that we must follow the current situation and the situation in front of us, so as to buy time and alleviate the unfavorable status quo, and then quickly use our brains to find a solution to the crisis.

Of course, the vigilance and brevity of language will play a key role at this time. This requires a lot of reading and training.

The way to get things done is very
"There are unpredictable things in the sky, and people have blessings and misfortunes overnight."In a person's life, more or less, there will be some unsatisfactory or even disasters, and no one can avoid them.Realizing this, you don’t have to sigh for your own predicament. On the other hand, those wise men can always take the predicament as an opportunity and deal with it skillfully, so as to turn danger into good fortune. Of course, this requires courage and courage. resourcefulness.

The great writer Han Yu's way of dealing with things is worth learning from.

Han Yu's official career was not smooth at the beginning. He began to take the imperial examination when he was around 20 years old. He failed in the imperial examination three times in a row.According to the imperial examination system at that time, one could not be awarded an official if one passed the Jinshi examination, and had to pass the examination of the Ministry of Officials, and those who passed the examination could be formally awarded an official. So Han Yu took the exam again, but unexpectedly failed three times in a row.

Like other literati, Han Yu wrote letters to the dignitaries at the time, recommending himself, and wrote letters to the three prime ministers three times within two months, but still did not win their favor.So Han Yu had no choice but to seek the next best thing, and defected to the Jiedu envoy of the feudal town, and went to two Jiedu envoys one after another, but after a short time, the Jiedu envoy died, and Han Yu had to find another backer.

Han Yu returned to the capital again, and this time he chose Jing Zhaoyin and Li Shi.According to the old method, Han Yu first wrote a letter to Li Shi, and there were many compliments in the letter.He said: I have been in the capital for 15 years, and I have seen countless ministers and ministers. They are all mediocre people who do not seek meritorious deeds, but have no faults. I have never seen a person as loyal as you. People who are loyal to the emperor and worry about the country like family.This year, the weather was severely drought, there was no rain for more than 100 days, the seeds could not fall to the ground, and the fields did not grow grass. However, the thieves could not afford it, and the price of grain did not rise; the people in the capital, every household, felt your care.And those treacherous people who used to like to do evil have also disappeared.How could there be such a happy situation if you hadn't personally handled the uniforms and publicized the kindness of the emperor?I have been reading the books of sages and sages since I was a teenager, praising sages and sages. I admire people who are loyal to the emperor and filial piety even thousands of years ago. By your side to repay my loyalty!

He understood Li Shi's heart of being a man and an official very well, that is, he liked the words and deeds of others to flatter him, and Han Yu just followed his psychological feeling and achieved his goal.

Soon, Han Yu was indeed promoted to supervisory censor and became a Beijing official.

Is this Li Shi really as good as Han Yu said?On the contrary, he is a complete treacherous generation.

According to historical records, everyone in the capital hates Li Shi's treachery. He is vain and likes to listen to flattery.With Han Yu's insight, of course he can clearly see what he is like.

Han Yu immediately wrote a letter to Emperor Dezong of Tang after he served as the supervisory censor, reflecting the drought in Guanzhong and the people's deprivation. In fact, he was suing Li Shi without naming his name.

Psychological tips:

From flattering Li Shi to suing Li Shi, it can be seen that Han Yu's use of Li Shi is still very successful, and the success lies in his grasp of Li Shi's psychology as a man and an official, using the other party's vanity to make himself get promoted.Of course, in the end, Han Yu also knew that this was a measure of rights and interests, so he could naturally get the general idea, understand the overall situation, eliminate harm for the people, and finally wrote to Tang Dezong to make him get the punishment he deserved.

As the saying goes, doing things pays attention to conscience and principles, but in a certain situation, for the sake of temporary interests, we can tentatively, like Han Yu, make more use of the people around us, and use the psychology of the other party to achieve the effect of doing things. This is worthwhile. advocated.

There are many roads to success, some people can succeed easily, but some people are still stuck.In addition to various objective factors, whether the correct path can be found is an important reason.When you can't achieve results through conventional channels, you might as well adopt some extraordinary measures.Of course, this extraordinary measure is only an expedient measure. If there are any adverse consequences, it must be made up for after success.

Calm and resourceful to save the day
There are different people in the world.Whether in social situations or in the course of business, we may encounter people who disagree with us and disagree with us.They often have ulterior motives, and deliberately use some tricky and weird questions to make things difficult for us and put us in an embarrassing situation.

The art of war says: "Braking with stillness." For anything, as long as you can be calm and resourceful, you can always come up with a way to win.

Embarrassing occasions and embarrassing situations often occur in an instant. If you lack composure and are shocked, you can only be at a loss and add chaos to the chaos.If you can maintain a psychological balance and stability, face the problems that arise calmly and calmly without changing your expression, you may be able to deal with embarrassment cleverly and wittily.

In the 70s, Dr. Kissinger, the special assistant for national security of the United States, was humorous, resourceful, and a diplomat who was good at dealing with embarrassing situations.

In May 1972, after the end of his visit to the Soviet Union with President Nixon, he went to Tehran for a short stay.On the evening of his arrival in Tehran, Iranian Prime Minister Huweida invited Kissinger to watch the performance of the dancer Pasha.Pasha's superb dance skills made Kissinger see God.

After the performance, he talked with Pasha for a long time before returning to his residence.The next day, on the president's landline, the American "New York Times" reporter Max?Frankel quipped to Kissinger: "Do you like her?"

The average person would be embarrassed by such abrupt and malicious teasing.Without thinking, Kissinger replied solemnly: "She is a charming girl, and she has a strong interest in foreign affairs."

The reporter got it wrong and excitedly asked: "Is this true?"

Kissinger said in more detail: "Is that still true? We discussed the plan to limit strategic weapons together, and I spent a lot of time explaining to her how to modify missiles to be on submarines..."

The reporter felt fooled when he heard this.

Answering irrelevant questions is a skill to adapt in an awkward situation and an avoidance tactic to answer questions.If the other party asks a question that we cannot answer or do not want to answer, we can cleverly use other factors to shift the topic so that the other party cannot get the answer they want to know.

In the process of doing business, we will often encounter some difficult questions to answer.What measures should we take to deal with extremely complicated things in a very short period of time?
There was a famous calligrapher and painter Wang Sengqian in the Qi Dynasty of the Southern Dynasties, who was the grandson of Wang Xizhi in the Jin Dynasty.

At that time, Emperor Qi Gaodi Xiao Daocheng was also a master of calligraphy, and he was arrogant, and he didn't like to hear others say that his calligraphy was inferior to his courtiers. Therefore, Wang Sengqian was very restrained and did not dare to show his talent.

One day, Qi Gaodi Xiao Daocheng proposed to compete with Wang Sengqian in calligraphy.

So both the monarch and his ministers carefully finished writing a picture.After finishing writing, Qi Gaodi Xiao Daocheng proudly asked Wang Sengqian: "You say, who is the first and who is the second?"

If it is a general courtier, of course he immediately replied: "Your Majesty is the first" or "I am not as good as a minister." But Wang Sengqian did not want to belittle himself. It is clear that his calligraphy is higher than that of the emperor, so why would he answer against his will?But he didn't dare to offend the emperor, what should he do?Wang Sengqian rolled his eyes and said a wonderful answer that has been passed down through the ages: "The letter of the minister is the first among the ministers; the letter of your majesty is the first among the emperors."

He cleverly divided the calligraphy competition between the officials and the emperor into two groups, namely the "official group" and "emperor group", and compared them. He put a high hat on the emperor and said that his calligraphy is "the best among emperors". Number one" satisfies the emperor's desire to be a champion, and at the same time maintains his own honor and character, making the emperor respect his character even more, and feel that he is not the kind of guy who specializes in flattering.

Sure enough, Qi Gaodi Xiao Daocheng laughed when he heard it, and stopped asking the two who was the number one.

Psychological tips:

When encountering such thorny problems, it is best to avoid confronting them head-on. You can use your wisdom, wit, and calmness to find another breakthrough, win by surprise, and save the day.The mouth is calm and calm, and it is surprising.

When you are in embarrassment, the general direction is to be sensible and speak appropriately; proceed from reality, depending on the situation, and take whatever action you have.It is necessary to solve the problem and satisfy both parties.

But there is one thing to pay special attention to: if someone deliberately wants to make things difficult for you and cause you all kinds of troubles, you must not get angry and get angry. If you can’t control your emotions, it will only intensify the conflict and expand the situation. Fight, lose both sides.

So at this time, you can neither lose your temper with emotion, nor be tongue-tied and at a loss. The only way is: calm your mind, control your emotions, use quick-witted and flexible handling skills, especially use your contingency skills to deal with potential crises.

(End of this chapter)