speak humor, be humorous

Chapter 31 Humor in Negotiations (2)
■Excessive constraints are always counterproductive. Sometimes, we must learn to master the "degree".

◎ The role of flowers
A young man gave his girlfriend a bouquet of flowers. The girlfriend was happy when she saw her, hugged him and kissed him. He broke free and ran out.

"What's the matter?" My girlfriend asked puzzled.

"Go get some more flowers," he said.

■If a small cost can get more return, such a thing will be carried out again and again.

◎ I can’t afford to pay anyway

Krylov lived in poverty.Once, his landlord signed a lease with him.The landlord stated in the lease that if Krylov accidentally caused a fire and burned the house down, he would have to pay 15 rubles in compensation.After reading it, Krylov did not raise any objection, but added two "000" after 15.The landlord saw it and shouted in surprise: "Why, 000 million rubles!"

Krylov replied calmly: "Anyway, I can't afford it."

■Just like the marginal effect theory in economics: beyond a certain limit, more input can only result in less output.This theory applies to other areas as well.

◎ Ingenious advertisements

The famous British novelist Somerset Maugham lived in poverty before he became famous.Although a valuable book was written, no one paid attention to it after it was published.In order to attract people's attention, Maugham ingeniously published the following marriage advertisements in major newspapers: I like music and sports, and I am a young and educated millionaire.Hope to marry the exact same woman as the main character in Maugham's novel.

A few days later, Maugham's books could no longer be bought in bookstores all over London.

■Propaganda for a thing does not necessarily have to take this thing as the protagonist, sometimes it is necessary to "clearly repair the plank road and secretly hide the old warehouse".

◎ Expensive eggs
"That's crazy asking price! $50 for an egg."

"Sir, but you don't know, it took my hen a whole day to lay this egg!"

■Many times, the cost of many things is not calculated in terms of time, so improving efficiency is fundamental.

◎ Any key

It's confusing that Compex recently changed their product descriptions. "We just can't stand the daily calls, especially from housewives complaining. They always ask us where any key is mentioned in the instruction manual. And a lawyer with a JD from France said we were in Misleading customers." The person in charge of the company explained.

■Consumers are always the gods of manufacturers, and they have the right not to understand the words that commodity producers think everyone should understand.

◎ Psychological warfare
At the entrance of a women's products store in the downtown area, there is a large pile of scattered goods. Female customers rummaged through it, trying to find the goods they need.

Someone asked the boss, why not stack the products neatly.The boss replied: "Do you think I'm crazy? If I tidy up all the supplies in the store, those female customers will not be interested in these supplies."

■People pay much more attention to unknown fields than known fields, and providing an environment for people to actively explore can obtain more business opportunities than arranging convenience for people to enjoy.

◎ Hint of the dog
Joan the furrier came to the Duke's mansion.He saw a big yellow-haired dog lying motionless at the door, so he stopped and thought for a while, then turned and left.

"Well, sir," cried the porter, seeing him, "our dogs never bite. Why are you leaving?"

"I think," said Joan slowly, turning around, "that the dog doesn't bark at me because he's used to the beard and curly hair of a tradesman like me. That means the other tradesmen come around a lot." Here...if this is the case, what business can I do?"

■The intangible information disclosed by the environment often determines people's awareness, views and behaviors first, even if it is a small detail, it is easier for people who are good at observing to make correct decisions.

◎ Jeweler

A jeweler in Phoenix adopted a policy whereby each new customer who purchased an item was asked to leave a name and address, and the jeweler would personally write a thank you note to those customers.One day such a thank-you letter elicited a reply as follows: "I appreciate your acknowledgment. Unfortunately, my wife opened your letter. The gold necklace I bought for my secretary Yes. Excuse me, can you buy a marriage bond for a broken mirror reunion there?"

■Not all nuanced care can achieve the desired effect. It is often more acceptable to use silence to leave a private space for others than to deliberately loudly advocate.

◎ A domestic pigeon pays tribute

At the insistence of a reporter, the rich man finally decides to reveal the secret of his success.

"I started out selling pigeons," he said.

"Really?" The reporter was amazed, "How many pigeons were there when the sale started?" "Only one," replied the millionaire, "but it kept coming back".

■The lack of resources is sometimes not the biggest difficulty you face. Knowing how to use it skillfully can also maximize the value-added of limited resources.

◎ Abide by the contract
A Gabrovo man set up a stall in front of a bank to sell boiled old corn. His old corn was very fresh, and many customers came to buy it, so he soon accumulated a considerable amount of property.When one of his acquaintances heard the news, he came here specially, wanting to borrow a sum of money from him to do business.The man who sold the old corn said to the acquaintance: "I'm so sorry, this matter is not a problem, my friend. But when I started to set up a stall here, I already signed a contract with this bank-never mess with each other. Cruel business competition. That is to say, the bank does not sell boiled old corn, and I will never engage in loan business, so how can I not abide by the contract?"

■Sincerity is the alliance, and faith is the cause.In business competition, "integrity" is double insurance, which can not only protect the interests of the other party but also protect oneself from infringement.

◎ A coin

Li Ka-shing is very rich. Once when he went to a hotel, the doorman ran up to open the door as soon as the car stopped. Li Ka-shing turned around and gave him a tip of 50 Hong Kong dollars.When he was taking out the money, he suddenly dropped a one-dollar coin, and the coin rolled away far away. Li Ka-shing, ignoring the eyes of everyone, ran over, picked up the coin, and put it in his pocket.The people present felt very strange that this billionaire would not let go of even a small coin.

■ Li Ka-shing is not short of that small coin, but he has developed a thrifty habit.In fact, a successful person is not very extraordinary, but he often has very good habits.

◎ Knife kills water vapor
The owner of a soon-to-be-opened hotel asked someone to write a sign for the sale of liquor.After the man finished writing, he drew a knife on the signboard.The host felt very surprised and asked, "Why did you draw this knife?" The man smiled and said, "I want this knife to kill the water vapor in the wine."

■The saying "no business, no fraud" has a long history, and the writer reminded it well-the most basic way of doing business is to emphasize credibility. If you blindly see profits and neglect righteousness, you will lose your credibility, and at the same time lose the foundation of your foothold.

◎ Boss cheated
A boss goes to his factory to check the situation.When he walked to the door, he found a man leaning against the wall and drinking wine leisurely. He was very angry and asked the young man, "How much money do you make a day?"

The young man replied: "80 yuan."

The boss threw him 80 yuan and said, "Go away! Never come back."

After a while, the foreman came over and asked the boss, "Where did the delivery guy go?"

■It is best to press for three seconds before making a decision.The so-called impulse is the devil, and people are often easily influenced by appearances.In the ups and downs of the business world, smart people tend to be calmer and more stable.

◎ Extra instruction

A hotel manager questioned the waiter: "I usually tell you to be careful when you check out. Just now the fat man asked for five bottles of beer, but you gave him six bottles."

"But I charged him for seven bottles."

■When you know confusion, you are not pitiful, but when you don't know confusion, you are the most pitiful.Don't always try to take advantage, because the result is often counterproductive.

◎ The most expensive panties

A few people drank together, and everyone drank too much, so they started bragging.

Boss Chen, who is engaged in construction, untied the belt on his stomach and said, "Look at my belt loop, which is made of special titanium gold used for aircraft, and it costs more than 8000 yuan."

Boss Nie, who is engaged in foreign trade, raised his foot, pointed to the leather shoes and said, "I bought these shoes in Italy. Guess how much they cost? Five thousand dollars! It's equivalent to more than 4 RMB!"

Boss Ma, who is engaged in printing, curled his lips in disdain, took off his glasses for comparison, put them on again, and said, "Tortoiseshell, do you know? My glasses are made from a huge giant called "King of Kings" from the deep sea of ​​Madagascar. Made of tortoise shell, there are more than 3000."

At this time, a rough voice sounded from the corner: "What's so great about this!" When everyone saw it, it turned out that it was Boss Jiang from a large state-owned company. 10 yuan, 10 yuan! Which of you can compare to it?"

He is a big state-owned boss with a lot of money. Everyone couldn't help but look at each other, but some people expressed disbelief and said, "You don't need 10 for gold!"

I saw Boss Jiang uttered a "bar" and said, "Last month, I had a room with a young lady. I didn't expect her underwear to be hidden by her. She asked me for money and threatened that I wouldn't pay, so she sent the underwear to my wife." , In the end, I gave her 10 yuan."

At this time, Boss Fan, who was engaged in transportation, stood up and said, "Oh! So last month you asked me for 10 yuan just to buy a pair of underwear!"

■Entrepreneurship depends on diligence, and keeping a business depends on frugality. Such extravagance and corruption, advocating comparison, even if there is a million-dollar family fortune, it will eventually be lost.Moreover, as a shrewd businessman, no matter how big or small the funds are, he must have the correct and reasonable investment direction. If he invests blindly based on his enthusiasm and friendship, not only may it be unprofitable, but he will even be ridiculed like paying for a client!
◎ Social survey
As soon as the "grape news" that the waterworks in County A planned to adjust the water price again by a large margin came out, the public was indignant, and there was a tendency that the mountain rain was about to come.In this case, the County Price Bureau dare not approve the relevant price adjustment application as scheduled.There was no other way, the director of the waterworks had no choice but to ask for the name of Mr. Y, the deputy county magistrate.

Mr. Y asked the factory manager: "How big is your price adjustment this time?"

自来水厂厂长答：“从每吨1元2角调整到每吨1元8角，幅度为50%。”

Mr. Y pondered for a while, and said: "The range is a bit big, but as long as the work is done at home, it doesn't necessarily mean that the masses will not support it. How about it, you should conduct a social survey and respect the opinions of the masses."

Therefore, Mr. Y personally drafted the questionnaire questions: "Excuse me, what do you think is a more reasonable tap water price in the future: A. 1.80 yuan/ton, B. 2.40 yuan/ton, C. 3.00 yuan/ton."

Half a month later, the social investigation ended.Among the answers received, 1.80% of the masses agree with the water price of [-] yuan/ton. The work of the water supply plant in County A to adjust the water price was completed as expected.

■The so-called business activities are not behind closed doors. To create maximum benefits under limited conditions, we must consider the bearing capacity of the market in many ways, study consumer psychology, and skillfully use people's habitual thinking to divert conflicts to achieve our own goals.

◎ Lose weight
In a bookstore, an obese woman asked the clerk: "Young man, do you sell any books on how to lose weight?"

The young clerk scanned the bookshelf, took down the book "How to Gain Your Weight" and handed it over.

"Oh, you are not playing a prank!" The woman became angry.

"No, no," the young man explained earnestly, "If you reverse the method described in the book, you will lose weight!"

■Reverse thinking is often something that most people lack, but reverse thinking often produces unexpected results.Everything has its two sides, it depends on how you treat it.The market does not require you to play cards according to the routine. Under the premise of abiding by laws and regulations, only selling goods and making profits is the last word.

◎ Skillful in making money
Two friends meet by chance.One said: "You are so rich now, where did you get the money?"

Another said: "Simple, I partnered with a rich guy - he has money and I have experience making money."

"And then what?"

"Later, naturally, I had money, and he had experience in making money."

■ Wisdom is an intangible asset, and intangible good ideas can be turned into tangible profits.At the same time, if you want to swim in the business world, only money or ability can only be regarded as a pair of successful wings. Mutual benefit, exchange of needs, and a spirit of cooperation are the two wings that fly. Space.

◎ The lady and the beggar

In a beautiful house in the suburbs, there lived a beautiful lady.

On this day, a beggar came, with ragged clothes, white hair, and a pitiful appearance.The lady moved her compassion and gave him 10 yuan.

The lady asked the beggar, "Apart from begging, what else do you do every day?"

The beggar said, "Make up."

"Makeup?" The young lady was very surprised, "Do you have to wear makeup when you ask for money?"

"Yes, I make myself older so that people will sympathize with me more and give me more money. Miss, what do you do but go to work?"

The lady said: "Make up."

"Where does Miss work?"

"In the dance hall, I have to dress myself younger, so that the guests will like me and give me more money."

The beggar immediately returned the 10 yuan to her.

The lady was surprised: "Why? Don't you want it?"

The beggar said: "Yes, there is a rule in our line of work: you can't ask for money from your colleagues."

■No rules, no circle.Even if you are begging, you must abide by the rules and promises and be honest. This is the foundation of being a person and doing things.Only in this way can we gain a firm foothold and make great progress.

◎ Lying employees

The boss was very angry and yelled at the new employee: "Not only are you late, but you also make up reasons. Do you know how bosses treat employees who lie?"

The clerk said calmly: "I know—assign him to be a product salesman immediately."

■Make the best use of people and make the best use of things.The boss has a unique insight, understands the strengths of employees and allows them to put their fists in suitable positions, creates a good development space for them, and makes them work and be happy. In fact, it paves the way for them to make profits.

◎ The princess is pregnant
There was a professor in the literature department who had a reputation for difficult students.One day he gave students a very depressing topic: to write a composition, the content should include nobility and love.

The students conceived in great pain.One student handed in his homework the next day.The professor fainted immediately after seeing the homework, and there was only one sentence in the composition: "The princess is pregnant."

Naturally, the professor was very angry at this speculative attitude. He called the student and asked him to add science fiction elements.

The student took out a pen at the time and happily added a few words in front, which has now become: "Princess Aquarius is pregnant."

The professor became exasperated and asked the student to add suspenseful elements.

The student happily added another sentence, which became: "The princess of Aquarius is pregnant, who did it?"

The professor ran away like a madman for a few seconds, and finally he resorted to his trump card and asked the students to add religious elements.

The student walks away in embarrassment with his notebook. The professor looks at his victory triumphantly and smiles.

The next day, the student happily handed over his finished manuscript to the professor.The professor fainted after reading it. The article is like this:

"Princess Aquarius is pregnant, Oh my god! Who did it?"

■Innovative awareness is the premise and key to success. Only with innovative awareness can we seize innovative opportunities, initiate innovative thinking, generate innovative methods, and obtain innovative results.

(End of this chapter)