speak humor, be humorous

Chapter 30 Humor in Negotiations (1)
Negotiation is an indispensable activity for each of us in life and work.When we need to reach an agreement with the relevant party in order to achieve a certain purpose or gain a certain benefit, we need to negotiate with the other party.

There are many kinds of negotiation skills, here I don't want to talk so much about everything, I just want to appreciate the wonderful use of humorous language in negotiation with everyone.

A gentleman is eloquent and humorous

A believer asked the priest: "Can I smoke while praying?" His request was severely reprimanded by the priest.And another believer asked the priest: "Can I pray while smoking?" The latter believer's request was allowed, and he smoked leisurely.

The purpose and content of these two believers' questions are exactly the same, but the way of expression in the negotiation language is different, and the results obtained are completely opposite.From this point of view, only high expression skills can win the desired negotiation effect.

Negotiation language skills used well in marketing negotiations can lead to high growth in turnover.

Coffee and milk are sold in the lounge of a shopping mall. At the beginning, the waiter always asked customers: "Sir, do you want coffee?" or asked: "Sir, do you want milk?" Sales have been mediocre.Later, the boss asked the waiter to change the way of asking, that is, "Sir, coffee or milk?" As a result, his sales increased greatly.The reason is that the first question is easy to get a negative answer, and the latter is a choice. In most cases, customers will choose one.

If you want to take up a certain position in a certain company and hope to have an annual salary of 2 yuan, the boss can only give you 1.5 yuan at most.If the boss says "it's up to you whether you want it or not", it means attacking, and you may turn around and leave.And the boss doesn't say that, but tells you like this: "The salary I give you is very reasonable. Anyway, at this level, I can only pay you 1 to 1.5 yuan. How much do you want? ?” Obviously, you will say “1.5 yuan”, but the boss will seem to disagree and say: “How about 1.3 yuan?”

You continue to insist on 1.5 yuan, and the result is that the boss surrenders.On the surface, you seem to be gaining the upper hand and complacent.In fact, the boss used selective questioning techniques, but you yourself gave up the opportunity to fight for an annual salary of 2 yuan.

When you negotiate with the owner as a customer, do you use your language skills?

Let's start with a joke.

Once, a lady dressed as a lady boarded a bus with a dog. She asked the conductor: "Can I buy a ticket for the dog and let it have a seat like a person?" The conductor said: " Yes, but it must also put its feet on the ground like a human being."

The conductor did not give a negative answer, but put forward an additional condition: put your feet on the ground like a human being.Limit the opponent in this way, thereby subduing the opponent.

Learning to negotiate is not a difficult task. As long as you study hard and master relevant negotiation skills and strategies, you will definitely become a master negotiator.

Use humor to create a good negotiation atmosphere
There is a theory of "gas removal", that is, when the hostile positions of the negotiating parties become more and more sharp, and the smell of gunpowder becomes stronger and stronger, as if the gas is pervasive and may explode at any time, it is necessary to try to remove the gas.

Once, when President Truman of the United States was negotiating with the President of Mexico on the border issue between the United States and Mexico, the negotiations seemed to break down at any time due to mutual refusal and gas.

Seeing this situation, Truman took his time and asked for a temporary adjournment, and then everyone began to drink coffee and chat.He told a joke, and everyone laughed out loud.The Mexican president also said a few Mexican jokes, which added a lot of harmonious atmosphere.

After returning to the negotiating table, the atmosphere became very harmonious, many problems were solved, and the negotiation was completed.

From this short historical story, we learned two of the three principles of the "gas removal theory": remove gas with humor, and remove gas with adjournment or pause.

Another principle of the gas extraction theory is: prepare mediators in advance so that the gas can be extracted in an emergency.

Don't let negotiations break down so easily.Those involved in the negotiations must have the determination and courage to maintain the negotiations, and of course they should know how to pump out the gas.

Since humor is very important in negotiations, but humor is not a personality that everyone may have, so, in addition to genetic, environmental and other factors, it must be cultivated by oneself.

Respond to rude attacks with humor
Negotiating parties should respect each other.No matter how different the representatives of the two parties are in terms of personal identities and status, or how different the organizations they represent are in terms of strength and rank, they are all equal when they come to the negotiating table.

However, some negotiators think that their status is noble, or they are powerful behind them. They are arrogant and rude during the talks, sarcasm and attack the other party, trying to suppress the other party in momentum and force them to submit; When it goes well, he becomes angry from shame and insults the other party.Under such circumstances, if it is necessary to fulfill the mission, maintain integrity, and avoid intensifying conflicts and breaking down the negotiation, the attacked party can use humorous language to retaliate against the rude party to suppress their arrogance.

During the Warring States Period, Yan Zi, a doctor of the State of Qi, was sent as an envoy to the State of Chu.The king of Chu wanted to insult him before meeting him, so as to frustrate Qi's prestige.The king of Chu sent someone to close the city gate tightly, and then dug a small hole on the side of the city gate that could only allow one person to pass through, so that Yan Zi could enter the city through this small hole.If it were someone else, they might lose their temper or return in anger, which would make it difficult to complete the mission.

Yanzi just smiled contemptuously and said: "Only people who are envoys to the dog country enter through the dog gate. Now I am an envoy to the mighty Chu State, how can I enter through such a dog gate?" The king of Chu was speechless after hearing this. Therefore, he had no choice but to order the National People's Congress to open the city gate and welcome Yan Zi in.

When the king of Chu met Yanzi, seeing his short stature, he said sarcastically, "Is there no one in Qi?"

Yanzi replied casually: "There are too many pedestrians on the main street of Linzi, the capital of Qi State. You can cover the sun with your sleeves, and the sweat is like rain. People are walking shoulder to shoulder. How can there be no one?"

"Since there are so many people, why would you send a dwarf like you as an envoy?"

"Our king of Qi has standards for sending envoys. The most capable person is sent to the wisest king. I am the most unpromising person in Qi, so I was sent to Chu."

Faced with the personal insult of the King of Chu, Yan Zi counterattacked calmly. He followed the King of Chu's words to belittle himself and elevate his country.

With his wit and eloquence, Yanzi defeated the opponent's arrogance and maintained his own dignity, thus paving the way for subsequent negotiations on the basis of equality and mutual benefit.

Necessities to turn hostility into wealth

Smart people always like to pretend to be confused, because being confused can reflect wisdom.There are many occasions where accidents often occur. If they are not handled properly, embarrassing things will happen, which will destroy the atmosphere of the scene.At this time, you might as well be humorous and just roll around, maybe you can save the seemingly irreparable embarrassing situation.

In a pharmacy, a customer angrily said to the manager: "I bought the body cream I bought here a week ago and it didn't work at all. I want a refund."

"why?"

"You say it works against hair loss, but it doesn't work."

"Try it again. I said this body balm can be used to combat hair loss, but I didn't say it will win in the end."

In business negotiations, not only do you have to maintain the rigor of your language, but you also have to carefully consider the language of your opponent, and find out the key words. Maybe you can give the opponent a fatal blow at any time.

In a Jewish gathering place in the United States, a rich man asked a Jewish painter to paint a portrait for him.The Jewish painter carefully painted a portrait of the rich man, but the rich man refused to pay the agreed 5 yuan remuneration on the grounds that: "You are not painting me at all." Soon, the painter put this portrait on public exhibition, titled "Thief" .When the rich man found out, he was very angry and called the painter to protest.

"What does this have to do with you?" the painter said calmly, "Didn't you say that? It wasn't you who painted that picture!"

The rich man had to buy the painting and renamed it "The Philanthropist".

When the other party is unwilling to fulfill the promise, when the fruits of your labor are about to go to waste, you should calmly deal with what you encounter, find out the key point of the other party, and force the other party to submit in the most ingenious and economical way.

Bargaining success with humor
In business negotiations, the price issue is the most critical link.The two sides often argue endlessly on this issue and are at a stalemate, both wanting to maximize the price that is beneficial to themselves.Let's look at two examples of successful bargaining done in a humorous way.

Kollontai, the world's first female ambassador, was once appointed as the plenipotentiary trade representative of the Soviet Union in Norway.Once, she negotiated with a Norwegian businessman to buy Norwegian herring.The Norwegian businessman bid surprisingly high, and her bid was surprisingly low.The two sides began to bargain, and in the heated debate, both sides tried to weaken the other's confidence and refused to make concessions, so the negotiations came to an impasse.Finally Kollontai smiled and said:
"Well, I agree with the price you have proposed. If my government does not approve the price, I am willing to use my salary to pay the difference. However, this will naturally be paid in installments and may be paid for a lifetime."

The Norwegian businessman had no choice but to agree to reduce the price of herring to the level approved by Kollontai.

Kollontai used a tactic of feinting. She agreed that the other party's asking price was fake, just to let the other party understand!Such a high price will not be approved by the Soviet government at all, and even if she makes personal concessions, it will be useless.

On one occasion, three representatives of Japanese airlines had a business negotiation with a manager of an American company.The American managers were shrewd and capable, talking endlessly for two and a half hours, demonstrating their offer with various data materials.At the same time, several Japanese businessmen sat there without saying a word.

In the end, the American manager believed that he had made sufficient arguments and was confident that he could get a price favorable to him, so he asked the Japanese hopefully:
"Okay, I'm done, what do you think?"

"We didn't understand." The Japanese replied politely.

The American side was dumbfounded: "What do you mean? Didn't you understand? Where did you not understand?"

"All you said." The Japanese asked politely, "Can you tell us again?"

The confidence and enthusiasm of the American manager were poured with cold water. It turned out that his long speech was for nothing, and it was obviously impossible to state it for two and a half hours again.The United States had to agree to lower the price.

Convince negotiating opponents with humorous language
In negotiations, sometimes the negotiating opponent is stubborn and insists on obviously incorrect and unreasonable requirements. At this time, we can break the conventional thinking and put forward an absurd opinion from an unexpected angle, so that the other party can understand their own views while laughing If it is not appropriate, we will be able to win the negotiation if we strike while the iron is hot.

In May 1946, the International Military Tribunal for the Far East tried 5 Japanese Class-A war criminals headed by Hideki Tojo. Judges from 28 participating countries had a heated debate because of the seating arrangement.Chinese judges should be ranked second to the left of the president.However, due to China's weak national strength, it was denied by the major powers.

Under such circumstances, the Chinese judge Mei Ruao faced the powers of various countries to argue hard.He first clarified from the front that the seating arrangement should be arranged in the order of the signatures of the surrendered countries when Japan surrendered, which is the only correct principled position.After speaking the truth head-on, he still couldn't convince the great powers, so he used humorous tactics next.

He smiled and said:

"Of course, if colleagues do not agree with this method, we might as well find a weight measuring device, and then arrange the seats according to the size of the weight, with the heavy ones in the middle and the light ones on the side."

Judges from all over the world couldn't help laughing."Your suggestion is good, but it applies only to boxing," the president said.

Judge May went on to say:
"If the seats are not arranged in the order of the signature of the surrendered country, they should be arranged according to the weight. In this way, even if I am placed at the bottom, I can feel at ease and can explain my country. Once they think it is inappropriate for me to sit on the side, they can Replace me with someone fatter than me."

This made everyone laugh out loud.

Judge May's humor has a strong irony.It is absurd to arrange seats according to weight in this world-renowned international court.Although this absurd proposal makes people laugh, it can effectively explain that the great powers of various countries are bullying the weak with the strong, which is unreasonable.This humorous approach is more persuasive than positive reasoning.

1 minute of little humor and great wisdom
◎ Rich people stay
John Rockefeller is a world-renowned rich man, but he is very economical in daily expenses.

One day, he went to a hotel in New York to lodge and asked to live in the cheapest room.The hotel manager said:
"Sir, why do you want a cheap little room? When your son comes to lodge, he always chooses the most luxurious room."

"Yes," said Rockefeller, "my son has a millionaire father, but I don't!"

■ Only after you have experienced the hardships of starting a business, can you understand the principle of saving, the hardships of creation and the hard-won wealth.

◎ Advertising
In response to the practice of some couples quarreling over trifles and throwing bowls and dishes, a French porcelain manufacturer ingeniously declared in its product advertisement: "For the harmony of your family, throw it hard! Don't lose the big because of small things."

The advertising slogan of a French perfume manufacturing company promoting a certain new product is: "Our new product is very easy to attract the opposite sex, so a self-defense teaching material is included with the bottle."

■Accurate positioning and provocative slogans are the guarantee of product sales.

◎ Reference
The tavern manager is struggling with bad business.One day, he happened to go to a bookstore to buy books, and saw a large banner on the wall of the bookstore: "Find readers for good books, find good books for readers."

As soon as his eyes lit up, he ran home immediately, asked someone to write a large banner, and pasted it on the front wall of the tavern.The next day, many people gathered around the door of the store, pointing and waving. It turned out that the banner read: "Find drunkards for good wine, find good wine for drunkards."

■People say that a good idea can save a company, and a good name can prosper a place.I remember that there is a teahouse in Beijing called "Friends come to respect first", and I was very impressed.Learning to learn from knowledge is also a way to make money.

◎ Feeding pigs fined
A farmer in a certain county fed pigs swill every day, but was fined 1 yuan by the Animal Protection Association for cruelty to animals.Later, the farmer switched to feeding pigs to eat Tianshan snow lotus, and was fined 1 yuan by the Animal Protection Association for wasting food.One day, the leader came to inspect again and asked the farmers what to feed the pigs.The farmer said: "I don't know what to feed. Now I give it 100 yuan a day and let it eat by itself."

(End of this chapter)