speak humor, be humorous

Chapter 49 Humor Training (3)
The subordinate replied: "The house that our company went to repair last week needs to install new electric wires. We need to pass the electric wires through a ten-meter-long pipe with a diameter of only [-] centimeters, and the pipe is built in masonry. And made four bends. None of us could figure out how to let the wire go through. Finally, I thought of a good idea. I went to a store and bought two small white mice, one male and one female. Then I put a wire Tie it to the male rat and put it on one end of the pipe. Another worker put the female rat on the other end of the pipe to make her squeak. The male rat ran along the pipe, and the wire behind him was also dragged away. I tied the wire to the wire, and the male mouse pulled the wire and the wire and ran across the entire pipe."

■Imagination is a mysterious appendage of science.Picasso said: "Every child is an artist, the question is whether you can continue to be an artist when you grow up."

◎ Truth

During the festival, my wife invited some friends to have dinner at home. Before the meal, the wife turned to her six-year-old daughter and asked, "Do you want to lead the prayer before the meal?"

"I don't know what to say," said the daughter.

The wife inspired: "Just say what your mother said you have heard."

The daughter looked down and said, "Lord, why the hell am I inviting these people to dinner?"

■Parents are role models for their children, and they should pay attention to the little things in life.A good family education is the guarantee of a child's complete personality.

◎ Dad
On the weekend morning, my husband was still sleeping under the quilt, but his friend Tony had come to visit. I hurriedly said to my three-year-old daughter, "Hurry up and call Dad."

The daughter looked at me, hesitated for a while, walked up to Tony, and called out timidly: "Dad."

■When dealing with children's education, we often use adult thinking to consider problems and solve children's problems in a simple way. This exaggerated conclusion reminds us that we should always pay attention to children.

◎ dreaming
A teacher slept during the day, woke up and made up a lie to deceive the students, saying: "I saw the Duke of Zhou in a dream." The next day, his students followed him and fell asleep on the table.The teacher was so angry that he woke the student up with a ruler and asked him, "Why did you sleep in broad daylight?" The student said, "I'm going to see Duke Zhou too." The teacher said, "What did Duke Zhou say?" I haven't seen your teacher."

■Teaching by example is better than words. The power of example is infinite. Don't use your own bad behavior to tarnish the pure heart of your children.

◎ I am much younger than you!

Dad: "Do you know why I punished you, Arthur?"

Boy: "I don't know, Dad, why?"

Dad: "Because you hit a boy younger than you."

Boy: "So, Daddy, please don't hit me!"

Dad: "Why?"

Boy: "Because I'm much younger than you!"

■Teaching by example is more important than words. Growing children see more with their eyes than listen with their ears.Therefore, it is more influential to teach children ten times than to practice once as a parent.

◎ Wedding night
Jimmy and Kathy are newlyweds, and on the first night of their honeymoon, Kathy freshens up in the bathroom.As Jimmy undressed, he said to himself, "How the hell am I going to tell her? How am I going to tell my new wife that I have the stinkiest feet in the world?" Then he took off his socks and threw them under the bed.When Kathy came out of the bathroom, Jimmy, who was too timid to face his wife, ran past her and into the bathroom.Sitting on the corner of the bed, Kathy said to herself, "How am I going to tell him? How am I going to tell my new husband that I have the ugliest mouth in the world? I have to tell him." That's when Jimmy The bathroom came out.Kathy ran up to him and gave him a very passionate kiss and said, "Honey, I have to tell you something." Jimmy said, "I know, you just ate my sock. "

■When you fully realize your own shortcomings, it is often the time when you can best understand others.

◎ A basket of stupid thieves
A policeman asked a thief who was caught in the act, "Why did you choose to steal from this store?"

The thief replied, "Because this store is very close to where I live. You know, the society is very chaotic at the moment, and I dare not leave my home for too long."

■In yourself, you will always find the epitome of this society.If you have requirements for society, you might as well ask yourself first.

◎ Beard's tribute

An aristocratic lady said arrogantly to the French writer Maupassant: "Your novels are nothing special, but to be honest, your beard is very beautiful. Why do you grow such a big beard?" Give someone who knows nothing about literature something to praise me."

■The social division of labor is becoming more and more detailed, and there are more and more types of industries.There are more and more things we don't understand and are unfamiliar with.When you may be in a situation where you have to speak to something you don't know, don't use your limited knowledge to "make a fool of yourself".

◎ Strong evidence
A patient complained to the doctor that his left foot was very painful.The doctor said, "It probably has something to do with your old age."

"Impossible," said the patient, "my right foot is the same age as my left foot, why doesn't my right foot hurt?"

■Many times, our own assumptions may not be correct.And after others give us advice, we still use our own assumptions to refute it, which is even more wrong.

◎ Replacement
The customer was very unhappy and said to the waiter: "Why don't your crabs have claws?"

The waiter said triumphantly: "This shows that the crab is alive. This is the result of its fighting in the kitchen just now."

Customer: "Okay then, please replace me with the winner of the fight just now."

■In life, don't easily make excuses for being clever.Because the result is bound to be like this: often before you have time to be proud of it, you find that it is actually a trap you set for yourself.

◎ Differences
The Athenian general Iphiklast was born into poverty.Once a descendant of Amodis (the hero of Athens, who defeated the tyrant Hypias in 514 BC, so respected, and his descendants enjoy certain privileges) mocked Ifecrast as the son of a shoemaker .The general replied: "You are right, we are different. The difference between us is that our family starts to prosper from me, while your family starts to decline from you."

■The prosperity of a family or a nation requires the efforts of several generations; and the decline of a family or a nation requires the efforts of one generation.

◎ Six legs are faster

A messenger nicknamed "Scud" was sent to deliver an urgent document.Fearing that he would run slowly, the officials specially allocated a fast horse to him.But he didn't want to ride a horse, but walked closely behind the fast horse, panting with exhaustion.Others asked him, "Why don't you ride a fast horse for such an important event?" He replied, "Isn't it faster to run on six legs than on four?"

■Everything is relative and complicated at the same time, and is restricted by various factors. It doesn't mean that the more legs you have, the faster you run.That simple one-to-one relationship is often not feasible to apply in real life.

◎ Hunting time
The husband came back from hunting empty-handed.In order not to be scolded by his wife, he bought a hare from the store.The wife asked suspiciously: "What's the matter with the label with '10' written on the rabbit's leg?"

"Uh... that... oh, that's when I hit this rabbit."

■When we think we are cleverly playing tricks, we don't know that there is a big trap behind the cleverness, and in the end, we are still deep in it!

◎ The cat wears the rosary
The cat occasionally wore a rosary around its neck, which the mice saw.The mouse thought that the cat was eating vegetarian food and praying to the Buddha, so he jumped for joy and announced everywhere: "The cat is vegetarian." He also led his descendants to thank the cat.When the cat saw the mouse, it yelled loudly and killed several little mice in a row.The big mouse fled for its life in a hurry and returned to the nest, still in shock, said: "I didn't expect the cat to be more powerful after eating vegetarian."

■When we understand things, we should not only look at the phenomenon, but also look at the essence.Don't be confused by the appearance, complacent, and lose your due judgment.

◎ Too much talk is useless
Someone asked Mozi, "Is it beneficial to talk more?"

Mozi answered him: "Frogs and toads crow all day and night, so dry that no one notices their existence, but the rooster crows on time every day. Once it crows, the world knows that it is dawn. It can be seen that There is no advantage in having more, as long as the time is right."

■In order to show that they are very knowledgeable, some people always talk big and brag about themselves, and in the end, no one pays attention to what they say, and they are annoying; People admire from the bottom of their hearts, such talents are the ones we should learn from.

◎ Why study
There was a man who wholeheartedly wanted to be promoted and make a fortune, but he was still a small civil servant from a young age to gray hair.This person was very unhappy because of this, and shed tears every time he thought about it, and one day he burst into tears.

There was a new young man in the office who felt very strange and asked him why he was so sad.He said: "Why am I not sad? When I was young, my boss was fond of literature, so I learned to write poems and essays. Unexpectedly, I just felt that my grades were a bit small, but I changed to a boss who was fond of science. I quickly changed it again. I studied mathematics and physics, but unexpectedly, my boss thought I was too young and not mature enough, so he still didn’t want to use me. Later, I changed to my current boss. I think I have both civil and military skills, and I am also an old man. Who knows that my boss likes young talents. I ... I see that I am getting older and will be forced to retire, and I will not accomplish anything, why am I not sad?"

■Studying knowledge and learning skills should be to enrich oneself, and must not waste the precious time of one's life in vain to cater to other people's wishes.

◎ Scorpion and Frog

One day a scorpion was standing by the river. It wanted to cross the river, but it couldn't swim.Then it saw a frog, and it said to the frog, "Can you carry me across the river?" The frog said, "No, you will attack me." The scorpion said, "No, if I Attack you, and I, too, will fall into the river and drown."

So the frog agreed to carry the scorpion across the river.When they swam to the middle of the river, the scorpions attacked the frogs.Just as they were about to sink to the bottom of the river, the frog asked the scorpion, "Why are you attacking me?" The scorpion replied, "This is my nature."

■Remember, evil thoughts and behaviors are your scorpions, be careful that the scorpion stings you.No matter how much the "scorpion" promises you, its nature still wants to drag you into the water.

◎ Length and length of the speech

Someone asked Woodrow Wilson, the 20th and eighth president of the United States, how long it took to prepare a 10-minute speech.Wilson replied, "Two weeks."

"How about preparing a one-hour speech?"

"A week."

"A two-hour speech?"

"You don't need to prepare, you can talk right away."

■The more refined something is, the more time it takes to sharpen and refine it. All the information that can be conveyed within 10 minutes is worth much more than two hours of procrastinating words.

◎ wish
The young man asked an old man: "You are almost seventy years old, have all your wishes come true when you were young?"

The old man: "When I was young, my father always pulled my hair when he scolded me. At that time, I thought it would be good if I didn't have hair. Today, this wish has come true."

■Youth means hope and passion, hard work and hard work—nothing is a problem—except looking for troubles and not doing a proper job—don’t wait for nothing, the white head of a young man is empty and sad!

◎ Aircraft
During a military exercise, a certain team was ordered to wait for the arrival of the helicopter at a designated place, but the plane never arrived.At this time, the captain saw an old woman planting vegetables in the field.So, he stepped forward to ask.In order to let the old woman understand, he said: "Ma'am, have you seen an iron bird flying by?" The aunt thought for a while and said, "I didn't see the iron bird, but the helicopter saw one."

■In this world, who is smarter than whom?But some people just think that they are much smarter than others - unfortunately, they don't even understand the truth that being smart is wronged by being smart!

(End of this chapter)