I heard that you are always alone
Chapter 3 You Have All the Looks I Like
Chapter 3 You Have All the Looks I Like
When he saw her, a perfect smile appeared on his face, and he walked over in a few steps.
"I was looking for you, Xixi, what are you eating today?"
She smiled softly, took his hand, and said softly: "We'll talk about what to eat later, first send me a friend, Xiao Wu doesn't answer the phone, look, it's raining so much outside, Help me see off Miss Jiu, okay?"
He turned his head, saw me, and was stunned for a moment.
I thought it would be embarrassing for us to meet again, but no, he calmed down, and all the emotions on his face told me only four words: calm.
"Are you okay, Bei Cheng?" She asked.
Seeing that he was silent, I immediately said humorously: "No, no, really, I came here with my assistant, she is still waiting for me, we can just take a taxi together."
"Every time it rains, the most difficult thing is to take a taxi. How about we send Miss Jiu back together and then go to eat?"
Shi Beicheng looked at her, as if he really wanted to avoid such a scene, but after hesitating for a long time, he nodded slightly and agreed.
I scolded myself in my heart, why are you so ignorant, why are you so annoying!How come, like other women, you think that after sleeping for one night, your ghost will linger!He even ran to his fiancée to disturb her!
However, a far-fetched smile appeared on the corner of my mouth: "Then I'm sorry to trouble you."
"It's nothing, we're going out anyway, let's drop by." She turned around, "Wait for me, I'll go back to the office to get something."
"Ok."
Shi Beicheng didn't speak a word along the way, and Mu Linxi chatted with me while listening to the radio.
"I heard that Miss Jiu came back from studying in Milan. Are there many interesting things there?"
I responded casually: "It's okay, you can go shopping there if you have a chance."
"The last time Beicheng went to the fashion week, I planned to go together, but I couldn't leave because of work, and now I still feel regretful when I think about it." She regretted, and suddenly remembered something, and turned her head to Beicheng. Said: "Bei Cheng, why don't we find time to go there after we finish our work?"
Shi Beicheng looked ahead, pursed his lips and said "OK", Mu Linxi smiled lightly, she even smiled so gracefully.
My heart suddenly turned cold, like the heavy rain outside, passing through the city of Beijing hollowly, I looked sideways slightly, and saw Shi Beicheng's tense face again, still without any expression.
It didn't take long after this silence. Xiaozhou and I got out of the car and said goodbye to them.
"By the way, here is my business card. If you have any questions about work, please feel free to contact me." She handed me a business card from the car window.
I hastily took mine out of the bag, exchanged it with her, then lifted the bag over my head and ran back to the company as if fleeing.
"Oh, dead Jiuyue, why are you running so fast! I want to see Shi Beicheng again..." Xiaozhou followed me, shouting behind me.
"What is there to look at? I really don't understand you. He has a girlfriend. Can't you see him sitting next to him? He is more than a hundred times a thousand times prettier than you and me. Is it your turn to see him? "I shouted this string in one breath, and for some reason, my emotions suddenly became uncontrollable.
"Jiuyue, I'm just talking, what's wrong with you?" Seeing my reaction, Xiao Zhou couldn't help asking me with wide eyes.
I hesitated for a while: "Nothing."
Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me either.
Sitting in the car just now, I have been thinking in my heart, if Ji Xiaoqing is here, I will show you what is called a man and woman, what is a radish and a pit, what is Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai.
The nobility and generosity revealed in her natural bones are not comparable to any of you or me.
Her demeanor is calm, graceful and luxurious, plain and natural, and the charm of a real woman exuded by her gestures makes me, a woman who considers herself a beauty, have to admire.
I went back at night and bought a lot of snacks and beer in the supermarket. I was tired of drinking red wine and suddenly wanted to drink beer.
While I was chewing potato chips and holding a can of beer, my phone rang suddenly. I took it over and saw that it was a string of unfamiliar numbers, so I picked it up without thinking twice.
"Hey?"
There was no sound, so I went on: "Hello?—Hello?"
He said "Hello" three times in a row, but he didn't say anything, and suddenly felt bewildered, so he hung up angrily.
Not long after, the phone rang again.
This time I picked it up and yelled: "Who doesn't have eyes? I don't know if my mother is drinking?"
"It's me." He suddenly said on the phone, the voice made my heart beat suddenly faster.
Damn, am I expecting something?Why is it so difficult to hide the excitement after hearing this voice?
However, another voice is telling me that I can't expect anything, and I can't show my excitement.
Because, he is Shi Beicheng, because, he has a fiancee who is beautiful and beautiful.
I was silent here for a long time before I adjusted my voice and emotions, and asked in a low voice, "What's the matter?"
"Well, can you come out?"
"No." I answered simply and neatly.
"Okay... Excuse me then." After he finished speaking, he hung up.
I hung up the phone and kept beating myself, but at this moment, the phone rang again.
I didn't even look at it, so I picked it up: "I'm sorry, I said I can't..."
"I said Miss Jiu, who is being chased by another handsome guy?" A sweet and greasy voice suddenly came from the other end of the phone, and I knew it was Ji Xiaoqing.
"Oh, Xiaoqing, it's okay." I shook the beer can in my hand, "What's the matter, do you want to call me today?"
"I can't call you if I have nothing to do! I think we haven't got together for a long time, so I miss you."
"Aren't you swaying and waiting to catch your manager every day? How's it going? Is there any progress?"
"Don't talk about it, I'm just annoyed by this, Si Xiangnan is working overtime again, I can't eat and can't sleep, come and save me." She acted coquettishly.
"Coincidentally, I'm also drinking alone, why don't you come out and have a drink or two?"
"Okay, tell me, where?"
I thought about it, and suddenly an idea popped up, "Xiaoqing, shall I call a man?"
"Who is it?" she asked curiously.
"You must be happy, don't say that my sister is not covering you. However, you can just take a look. I just want to satisfy your long-standing girlish heart, but please remember, I am also here to hit you. If you have a girlfriend, you will get married soon."
"Sister, who are you talking about? Who has a girlfriend who will hit me? Besides Bei Cheng, a wealthy second-generation teacher in the jewelry industry, who else can hit me?"
"Okay, it's Shi Beicheng." I said.
It is conceivable how intense the reaction would be. I took the phone away from my ear for a full minute before slowly putting it back to my ear.
"Are you loyal enough? Dress up and come out!"
After I hung up the phone, I called him. He probably didn't expect that I would go back on my word and ask him out for a drink. He agreed without thinking about it.
An hour later, we showed up at the same Yunnan restaurant.
He was the last one to arrive. When he saw me sitting there with Ji Xiaoqing, he could see that he was suddenly dissatisfied, but he didn't say much. He sat down after a brief self-introduction. opposite.
Xiaoqing has been staring at him exaggeratedly, playing with her coquettish curly hair for a while, and stroking her thin and long nails for a while.
"I've heard about you a long time ago, Mr. Shi. As expected, I'm even more handsome than in the photo!" She frankly expressed her appreciation, while I just looked at the menu silently.
Listening to her chattering non-stop, but Shi Beicheng just responded in a low-key manner, I pushed her the menu: "Quickly stop talking, order first."
"I'm whatever you want, whatever you want, why don't you ask Mr. Shi what he likes to eat!" She pushed the menu to him again.
It took me a long time to finally order the dishes. I got up and went to the bathroom, and asked Xiaoqing, "Are you going?"
"I'm not going, I'm chatting with Mr. Shi."
"Okay, then I'll go by myself."
Because I just accidentally dripped coffee stains on my clothes, I stood in front of the mirror and looked at them for a long time before I finally felt that they were not so obvious.
When he came out, Shi Beicheng had a very bad expression, as if he suddenly hated me. I pushed the chair away and asked with a smile, "What's wrong? Is the service attitude here not good?"
He didn't speak, took a sip of tea, turned his head and looked out the window, with thick mist in his eyes.
Xiaoqing didn't know why, so she looked at me and didn't know what to do.
This meal was definitely regarded as indigestion, and I finally finished it. I hurriedly paid the bill and said that everyone should go back to rest.
Yes, the meal was very unpleasant.
When we parted, he didn't say see me off, nor did he look at Xiaoqing again.He got into the car and disappeared in a blink of an eye.
I turned my head and asked Xiaoqing: "What did you tell him?"
Xiaoqing wondered: "It's nothing, I just praised him a few words, and then said that I heard your fiancée is very beautiful, and said..."
"What else?"
"Also, I have always liked to read reports about you in magazines. Thanks to Jiuyue this time, in order to fulfill my wish, I will meet you..."
It turned out to be like this.No wonder he was angry, but what am I?I asked him out, even if it was just to satisfy my friend's liking for him, so what.
I ripped off my clothes annoyed, and patted Xiao Qing on the shoulder: "Forget it, what he likes, you can see this time! The man you miss every day is actually just such a stinky skin."
"No way! Only after I met him did I realize that this thing really should only exist in the sky, but in the world..." She crossed her hands on her chest, full of nympho.
I laughed out loud, this thing, yes, this thing!
"Okay, I've seen you, let's go home."
I looked up at the night sky in Beijing, only to find that it was the same as Milan, it was pitch black and I couldn't see the stars.
It has been several months since I came back to Beijing, and I suddenly miss my dad a little bit.
So I called my aunt at night, and she said, everything is fine with Dad.
I thought about it and said, go see him next week.Then hung up.
Yes, without thought, without soul, without worry, without unhappiness, what could be bad?
If he was awake and knew that his wife never missed him, that his daughter was abandoned by her boyfriend who had been in love for four years in a foreign land, and that his daughter had a one-night stand with a strange man who had a girlfriend, wouldn't he be very sad?
Will he no longer believe in so-called love?
Even if I don't believe it, how can he believe it.
But even so, even if I came home drunk in the middle of the night, I still got up early the next day, took a shower, put on delicate makeup, and went to work brightly.
It turns out that life is like this, hardship, poverty, fatigue, and running around.
I thought that during those few years in Milan, I was at ease. I didn’t need money from my family or go out to earn money. I could buy whatever I wanted, wear whatever I wanted, and drive whatever car I wanted. It's just attached to a rich man.
Now that man is gone and left me, I have to live hard alone.
Even late money can't be deducted.
When I saw Ou Yao while waiting for the elevator, he asked me what was going on with Katie, and I said, "Very well, I didn't expect their design director to be Mr. Shi's fiancée. It's really rare."
"Yes." He said with a smile: "Speaking of which, the relationship between the two of them is rare. In our circle, they are the perfect couple that everyone marvels at."
"Really?" I teased with a wry smile, "What about Mr. Ou? Why haven't I heard about your girlfriend? As a big shot like you, there are so few gossips."
At this moment, the elevator came, and the inseparable assistant behind him hurriedly pushed everyone away and invited us in.
He smiled, "I'm too busy with business, and I don't have time to care about feelings."
"There are very few successful men like you," I said.
"Actually, Jiuyue, you don't have to speak to me so politely, just call me Ou Yao from now on."
"How can it be!" I stuck out my tongue in fright, and fiddled with my hair embarrassingly: "It's my general manager, and I'm going to be called Mr. Ou, and I can't break the rules of superiors and subordinates."
"However, I felt awkward when I heard you yelling 'Mr. Ou' one after another."
I was embarrassed: "Besides, you are older than me, how can I have the nerve to call Ou Yao directly."
He smiled and didn't force it. At this time, the elevator arrived and we walked out together, but suddenly we heard an excited scream: "Jiuyue! Ou Yao!"
I turned around and looked in surprise, and found that it was my college classmate Linda, who introduced me to the design job for Ouyao Company.
"Why are you here?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'm here to attend a meeting. Is there any cooperation with your company?" She took my hand affectionately and looked at Ou Yao: "How is it? Did Young Master Ou bully our little beauty Jiuyue?"
"Are you kidding? He took too much care of me. Speaking of which, I am very, very grateful to you, Linda. Without you, he wouldn't have taken care of me, a fool like this." I replied.
"Hey, I haven't seen you for a few days, and you're just so glib. Society really hurts people!"
Ou Yao looked at our closeness, hurriedly ordered a few words to his assistant, then turned to us and said, "Why, let's have dinner tonight? It's hard to get together once."
"Okay, okay! I haven't seen Jiuyue for a long time. The last time I saw Fu Heng, he was holding a bird woman who was so coquettish and dying. I asked him in front of her if Jiuyue took you Dumped——Jiuyue, what happened to you guys?"
I felt a pain in my heart, but I just said lightly: "It's okay, it's over."
"Huh?" She said in disbelief, "If you say it's all right?"
"Yeah, he's married, what else can he do if he doesn't know, let's go, I'll clean up and go eat."
After I finished speaking, I hurriedly fled the scene. I don't want to hear any more news about him. I think my injury has healed.Really, I was just a little bit hurt, not obsessed with it.
This is not self-deception, I have forgotten him, and all my tender feelings about Fu Heng have been completely wiped out by that man named Shi Beicheng.
We enjoyed this meal very much. Xiaoqing and Xiangnan were called, plus Ou Yao and Linda. Trying to put on the appearance of a "professional lady".
I drank a lot of wine, and it was far from enough.
As if I suppressed some unspeakable emotions in my heart, I kept talking, laughing and drinking that night.
"Xiaoyue, is there something unhappy about you?" Finally, Xiangnan couldn't help asking me.
"No! What can I be unhappy about? I'm so busy with work that I wish I had 48 hours a day. How can I have time to be unhappy?"
"You can't lie to me." Xiangnan looked at me deeply.
This dead woman is always so self-righteous, thinking that only she can see through all my emotions.
But—but she was right.Except for her, there is probably no one who understands my habits so well. Only she knows that I always tell the happier jokes when I am sadder, the sadder I am, the crazier I am.
I slowly picked up a piece of boiled fish, flicked off the peppercorns on it, put it in my mouth, looked at her with my eyes bent, and said with great enjoyment: "Mmm! It's delicious!"
"I'm asking you! Don't interrupt, is there something unpleasant?" She turned to look at Linda: "Did you tell her about Fu Heng?"
Linda nodded: "Tell me a little bit."
"No wonder, I said Jiuyue, you have to look forward, don't be like a resentful woman all day long, thinking about the trivial things in the past."
Ou Yao listened all the time, and when he heard this, he suddenly asked Xiangnan: "May I ask, the Fu Heng you mentioned bullied Jiuyue?"
"Of course, who else but him." Xiangnan took a sip of strong wine, as if wishing to kill that kid.
"Why do I feel that we, Jiuyue, have a new love..." Xiaoqing spoke suddenly, her eyes rolling.
"Who?" Xiangnan and Linda stared at her curiously at the same time, waiting for her latest gossip.
"It's just..." She glanced at me cautiously, and I didn't show any expression, because I didn't expect her to think of him at all.
"Who is it?" Xiangnan asked.
"My dream teacher, Bei Cheng!" She slapped the table angrily, and then turned her eyes on me: "You loose woman, no matter how I think about it when I go back that day, I feel that he left because of what I said later. It's not easy, you and him! You snatch my man!"
"what?"
Everyone was stunned for a while, including me.
I quickly took a sip of my wine, pretending to be relaxed: "Are you kidding me, Ji Xiaoqing, I told you that he has a girlfriend, you can't eat it yourself, and framed me."
However, even though I pretended to explain it nonchalantly, they still didn't quite believe it. I raised my head and took a peek at Ou Yao. His expression was weird, and the chopsticks paused for a moment, but he didn't say anything.
I don't want my boss to think that I'm a woman who only knows how to mess with men and women, and doesn't care about serious work at all.
After dinner, Ou Yao sent me home.I got in the car and kept thinking on the way whether I should explain Xiaoqing's "destructive" personal attack on me. Just as I was thinking about it, he said, "Jiuyue."
"Huh?" I turned my gaze back to his face from the car window, his profile is really pretty.
"Some things, I don't know if I should tell you." He looked ahead and said in a low voice.
"Say it, say what you want, I am your subordinate, no matter what dissatisfaction you have with me, or what you want me to improve, I will definitely do it!" I said with a smile.
"Not these."
"What's that?" I asked curiously.
"If it's possible...or...is it possible..." He struggled to think of words, "Can you spend more time with me for dinner?"
"What?" I didn't understand what he meant.But my heart was in a mess.
"I like your casualness very much. I feel very comfortable eating and working with you without restraint and pressure at all."
"Boss Ou..."
"Call me Ou Yao."
"No." I said seriously: "Mr. Ou, I also like working in your company and doing the designs I like, but it's only limited to this."
"Is it because of Bei Cheng?" His voice was almost inaudible, but I still heard it.
I really want to deny it, but somehow, this ungerminated feeling is suppressed in my heart, and no one can tell it. It seems that I will collapse after a long time. After hesitating for a long time, I actually admitted to him frankly: "Yes .”
If possible, I really want to lower my heart to the dust.I didn't even admit it to myself, but I easily said it in front of this man.
A sudden brake, the car stopped.His hands rested on the steering wheel for a long time.
"Boss Ou..." I called him.
"Why?" he asked, "Why him?"
So, that night, I sat in his car and gently told him about the acquaintance of Shi Beicheng and I in Milan.
"You can't like him." He said, "You know, he has a fiancée who has been in love for many years."
"I know." I whispered: "So, I will sort out my mood, maybe this is not love, but just a momentary infatuation."
God, what am I talking about, "obsession"?
I was thinking about him, I actually missed him every minute and every second!
Thinking of this, I can't wait to see him in the next second, I opened the car door, and quickly got out of the car: "Mr. Ou, I'm sorry, I'm glad you took care of me. I'm very grateful to you, even grateful to you, really. I'm sorry !"
After finishing speaking, I hurried to the other side of the road, it was a red light, I picked up the phone in my pocket, and when the "beep" sound came to mind, I could clearly feel my heartbeat.
It seemed like a century had passed before the other party finally picked up.
"Hi, I'm Jiuyue, I want to see you." I couldn't calm down my shortness of breath.
He paused for a few seconds and said, "Where are you?"
I said the address.Then wrapped in a coat, squatting there, holding the phone and burying his head in his body.
I don't know how long it took, but I felt the sound of footsteps in front of me. I raised my head slightly, and what hit my eyes was a full black coat.
He leaned down and gently lifted me up.
I already have a height of 168, but standing in front of him, I can only reach his broad shoulders.
He is so tall, so tall, so handsome.
He appeared at my most vulnerable moment, at my most embarrassing moment, on the streets of Milan where I cried so hard that night.
Possess me when I'm totally drunk.Then leave without a word.
However, after a few months, separated by two countries, I was able to meet him again.
Even though I clearly understand that we have no possibility of love, no possible ending of staying together.
Even if I try to resist, try to calm myself, and try to be indifferent to my expression and voice.
However, at this moment of the night, when I honestly expressed my heart to Ou Yao, I completely collapsed.
I held on to his black coat tightly, even if he had a fiancée, even if he was a dandy, I still wanted to ask him if he liked me or not.
He looked at me, his eyes were slightly red, he also tightly held my hand holding his coat, and called my name in a trembling voice: "Xiaoyue."
I never thought that love would be so turbulent when it came, it beat my heart hard, as if as soon as I closed my eyes, I would be dizzy with beauty.
He lowered his head and kissed me earnestly, from the eyebrows, to the tip of the nose, and then to the earlobe...
His breath softly and warmly enveloped my whole nerves, and touching tears flowed from the corners of my eyes.
However, none of us thought about it, all this completely reflected in Ou Yao's eyes.He was in the car at the other end, lighting a cigarette, watching our deep kiss with a tense face.
It was already 11 o'clock when I woke up the next day.
I stood on the sunny balcony and called Ou Yao.
"Mr. Ou, I'm sorry. I'm not feeling well today, so I'm taking a sick day. If you have anything to do, call me at any time."
The other end said without any emotion: "Okay."
I wanted to say something more, but after all I didn't know how to speak, so I had to say goodbye and hung up.
"What to eat?" He suddenly hugged my waist from behind, and the familiar smell on his body made me so sweet that I was going crazy.
I turned around, spread my arms around his neck, looked at him quietly, and didn't speak.
"Why, do you want me to cook it for you?" He lowered his head and gently stroked my forehead with his thin lips.
"You will?" I asked, but my mood became uncontrollable in an instant.
He was about to answer when he noticed my lonely expression.
"What are you thinking?"
I was wondering, do you make breakfast for her every day?
However, I didn't ask, I just shook my head and looked at him with a smile.
"Never understand what you're thinking." He poked the tip of my nose. "Tell me, what do you think about every day? When did you start—uh—thinking about me?"
When I saw that he was also shy, I couldn't help laughing.
This big man looks really cute now.
Yeah, when did I start thinking about him?I don't even know myself, I don't know when it started, my mind is full of him.
His deep and magnetic voice, his resolute and stern face, his tall body, and the faint smell of cigarettes on his body.All make me nostalgic.
Even including the slightly raised corners of his mouth when he looked at Mu Linxi, so soft and doting, I couldn't tell whether I was envious or jealous, or, the pain in my heart gripped me until I couldn't breathe.
If you don't drink, you can't sleep all night.
Watching Shu Qi in the film that day said with a numb face: I have been torn to pieces.
I feel that if I continue to entangle with him like this, I will be injured like Shu Qi by the tools attached to the vigorous love.
But, why did it come to this point.
I pressed against his chest, closed my eyes, and just thought, well, since this is the case, then tear me apart.For this moment of stability, I would rather be torn apart piece by piece.
"I wanted to make myself more handsome. So I tried to look tolerant."
At night, in front of the computer, I quietly typed out such sentences on my Weibo.
Since that day last time, we have been in contact every day, but he rarely comes to me.
I know that when he is rational, he can't ignore Mu Linxi.
So I was very generous and didn't ask him for anything, and I always obeyed his control.
He said, Xiaoyue, come out for dinner.
I would dress myself up and wait for him 200 meters from the downstairs of the company after get off work. When he arrived, I got into the car gently, always avoiding being seen by acquaintances.
It's not without expectations, but he never gave me too many surprises, always silently.
On Sunday, he called early in the morning, his voice was hoarse and tired, as if he hadn't slept all night: "Are you free today?"
I thought about it, and I agreed to see my father today.So, hesitantly said: "Not today."
"Really?" He was slightly disappointed, but he had no choice but to say, "Well, call me when you're free."
"Ah."
I hung up the phone silently, got up and looked at the clock on the wall, it was only seven o'clock.
He never gets up so early.
However, I didn't think too much about it. I got up and washed as fast as I could. Half an hour later, I asked the driver to stop at the entrance of a nearby bank.
Holding a passbook with a green cover in his hand, he counted for a long time, and the deposit was only so small.
I think of the sentence I read in the book: No matter how much you have in a small town, you can only squander, and no matter how little you can live.
After queuing for a long time, it was my turn. I took half of the money, wrapped it in an envelope, and packed it up to go to that cold big house in the outskirts of the city.
But as soon as he came out, he bumped into her.At this moment, she is laughing and standing shoulder to shoulder with a man who is much taller than her. From the back view, she is not Shi Beicheng.
My heart thumped, and I couldn't tell what it was like.
I thought to myself that maybe I was thinking too much, nothing, nothing.
When he turned around, he saw her gracefully hiding in the car under his arms, and that car was not Shi Beicheng's car either.
When I went to the suburbs, I felt mixed feelings in the car. I felt sorry for him, but also doubted whether his heart for me was true for a moment.
I wondered if he knew about it a long time ago, that's why every time the word "marriage" was mentioned, he had serious hesitation, and that's why he called me early this morning, with a sleepy and hoarse voice.
My aunt was already waiting at the gate of the community. I got out of the car and saw her from a distance, so I smiled and waved.
In three steps and two steps, she walked in front of her with a big bag and a small bag. When she saw me, her eyes were moist.
"Aunt Chen, where is my father?"
"In the house." She took my hand, took my bag, and went upstairs.
I can't remember how long I haven't seen him. It seems that since I went abroad, I have been avoiding coming back and avoiding reminding myself of these things.I always feel that there are many things, as long as I don’t think about it, it’s fine. If I don’t want to, my heart won’t hurt, and I won’t feel how difficult life is.
But in the past few months of work, it seems that I have grown up suddenly, and I know that some things don't exist as long as I escape.
I followed my aunt up to the sixth floor, and she opened the door with the key. The room was full of the smell of medicine, but it was clean and tidy.
"Aunt Chen, thank you for taking care of my dad so hard."
"This is what I should, go now, he must miss you very much." She held my hand and shook it firmly again.
Dad's room is in the sunny one. I walked over, put the daily necessities and nutritional products by the bed, bent down, and looked at him.
The stubble of the beard is light and not very long. I think my aunt will shave him every few days.
"Dad." I stroked his thinner and older face, "I'm back."
Even though I endured it and tried my best to endure it, when the word "Dad" was just uttered, tears flowed down my face in an instant.But what should I do? I thought it was me who was strong, but in the end I found that it was fate that was weak.
"Dad, you're still asleep." I whispered in his ear, his eyes were lifeless looking at the roof, as if he didn't feel my presence.
In just a few years, my dad has aged so much, and all the anger in my life has disappeared. I can't even remember the high-spirited British appearance of my dad when I was a child.
At that time, I clamored for a rag doll that every girl had, but he insisted on buying me a long curly white puppy that could bark. He said, "Look, knock it, and it will bark three times." .”
I laughed and played in surprise, knocking on its head and clapping my hands in front of it, and it really kept barking.
However, there is still a little regret in my heart, I think, after all, I don't have the dolls that every girl will have.However, the corners of his eyes were still narrowed, because Dad likes it, and because of the stubbornness in his temper, he said, "Even a girl must be strong and independent, don't make dolls all day long, that will make people become weak."
I nodded obediently, and my father laughed and stroked my neat short hair: "Our Xiaoyue is the most obedient."
I like to see him smile like that, with the long dimples on his cheeks.Although I was young at that time, I already knew how to make my father happy, how to please him, and how to get him to spoil me more and more.
I love him so much, more than my mother.
So later, when my mother left him, I desperately thought at that moment, no matter what, I will live with my father.
But, it's really strange, that's how fate played its own tricks on me. I chose my mother in the end, but my extremely handsome father became like this.
30
Dad, I'm sorry, after I left you, I still forgot to be strong and how to live alone.
I forgot your advice, and lived a life of ignorance every day, and even paralyzed myself with alcohol.
Not anymore, now I want to be strong and independent as you said, and live a good life.
"Auntie." I turned my head, and Auntie Chen was standing at the door, looking at us with relief, "Can my dad eat by himself now?"
"Still not," she said, "only with the catheter."
"Oh." I nodded, got up, and took out a thick envelope from my bag: "Auntie, the money is for you and my dad. I believe you will take good care of my dad."
She took it over, "Xiaoyue, you don't have to thank me, I just want to thank you. Without you, my son doesn't know if he can afford to go to college. He will graduate soon, and I tell him every day, After graduation, don't forget sister Xiaoyue's kindness, that child is sensible, I don't even say he is grateful to you."
I smiled wryly: "Do you think I am particularly unfilial?"
"How could you say that!" Aunt Chen shouted quickly, "Without you, I really don't know if your father would have survived until now. You are busy on weekdays, and Auntie knows..."
"No, I'm not busy." I interrupted her, "I just don't want to see him..."
"Then I also understand." She took the lead, "If I were you, maybe I don't want to see him like this, Xiaoyue, don't blame yourself, you are the best daughter, really."
"Really?" I looked at the top of my head, "What is Dad looking at every day? There is no writing on it, but he is so absorbed in looking at it."
"Xiaoyue..." She hesitated, "Did you go to your mother's place after you came back?"
I nodded, "I've seen it."
"Did she ask about your father?"
"No." I shook my head, "Why would she care? She is doing so well now. Apart from shopping for beauty, she just keeps cats and dogs. She looks like a lady, and she can take care of my daughter. Alright."
"Don't say that. No matter how wrong your mother is, it's still your mother. At most, it's because of her unfeeling towards your father. She has fulfilled her mother's responsibility to you. After all, you are her own."
"I know." I looked at my watch and said, "Auntie, let me cook for you today. It's still early. I'll go shopping."
"Yeah good," she said with a smile.
The meal was very rich. I cooked the braised fish that my father used to love most, and some simple western food that I learned in Italy, a dinner combining Chinese and Western food, but there were only me and Aunt Chen at the table.
Dad really has no luck.When my daughter finally grows up and can stretch out her hands to eat and open her mouth without clothes, he can't eat the dishes I cook.
While washing the dishes, Shi Beicheng called and asked me, "Where are you?"
I just felt a surge of blood in my head, and said coldly: "Outside."
"Where is it outside? I'll pick you up."
"why?"
"miss you."
"Didn't she come back?"
I felt a little regretful when I opened my mouth, but the words had already been spoken, and the other end was silent for a long time, and there was no explanation at the end. Only then did I realize how overwhelmed and unreasonable I was when I asked this question.
Even if you know the answer, you have to confirm it again.
How well said the lyrics, I fired a gun hard in my heart, and let everything return to zero in this loud bang.
It's just that the person who shot was not him, but myself.
It may be that I have always been calm, self-restraining, tolerant and generous, so he sternly dropped the phone for this small-minded sentence that I blurted out, and I didn't call again for several days afterwards.
I am also content with the status quo, arriving late for work and working overtime at night.
Seeing me like this, Ou Yao adjusted the working hours for me. As long as I work eight hours a day, it doesn't matter when I come or leave.
(End of this chapter)
When he saw her, a perfect smile appeared on his face, and he walked over in a few steps.
"I was looking for you, Xixi, what are you eating today?"
She smiled softly, took his hand, and said softly: "We'll talk about what to eat later, first send me a friend, Xiao Wu doesn't answer the phone, look, it's raining so much outside, Help me see off Miss Jiu, okay?"
He turned his head, saw me, and was stunned for a moment.
I thought it would be embarrassing for us to meet again, but no, he calmed down, and all the emotions on his face told me only four words: calm.
"Are you okay, Bei Cheng?" She asked.
Seeing that he was silent, I immediately said humorously: "No, no, really, I came here with my assistant, she is still waiting for me, we can just take a taxi together."
"Every time it rains, the most difficult thing is to take a taxi. How about we send Miss Jiu back together and then go to eat?"
Shi Beicheng looked at her, as if he really wanted to avoid such a scene, but after hesitating for a long time, he nodded slightly and agreed.
I scolded myself in my heart, why are you so ignorant, why are you so annoying!How come, like other women, you think that after sleeping for one night, your ghost will linger!He even ran to his fiancée to disturb her!
However, a far-fetched smile appeared on the corner of my mouth: "Then I'm sorry to trouble you."
"It's nothing, we're going out anyway, let's drop by." She turned around, "Wait for me, I'll go back to the office to get something."
"Ok."
Shi Beicheng didn't speak a word along the way, and Mu Linxi chatted with me while listening to the radio.
"I heard that Miss Jiu came back from studying in Milan. Are there many interesting things there?"
I responded casually: "It's okay, you can go shopping there if you have a chance."
"The last time Beicheng went to the fashion week, I planned to go together, but I couldn't leave because of work, and now I still feel regretful when I think about it." She regretted, and suddenly remembered something, and turned her head to Beicheng. Said: "Bei Cheng, why don't we find time to go there after we finish our work?"
Shi Beicheng looked ahead, pursed his lips and said "OK", Mu Linxi smiled lightly, she even smiled so gracefully.
My heart suddenly turned cold, like the heavy rain outside, passing through the city of Beijing hollowly, I looked sideways slightly, and saw Shi Beicheng's tense face again, still without any expression.
It didn't take long after this silence. Xiaozhou and I got out of the car and said goodbye to them.
"By the way, here is my business card. If you have any questions about work, please feel free to contact me." She handed me a business card from the car window.
I hastily took mine out of the bag, exchanged it with her, then lifted the bag over my head and ran back to the company as if fleeing.
"Oh, dead Jiuyue, why are you running so fast! I want to see Shi Beicheng again..." Xiaozhou followed me, shouting behind me.
"What is there to look at? I really don't understand you. He has a girlfriend. Can't you see him sitting next to him? He is more than a hundred times a thousand times prettier than you and me. Is it your turn to see him? "I shouted this string in one breath, and for some reason, my emotions suddenly became uncontrollable.
"Jiuyue, I'm just talking, what's wrong with you?" Seeing my reaction, Xiao Zhou couldn't help asking me with wide eyes.
I hesitated for a while: "Nothing."
Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me either.
Sitting in the car just now, I have been thinking in my heart, if Ji Xiaoqing is here, I will show you what is called a man and woman, what is a radish and a pit, what is Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai.
The nobility and generosity revealed in her natural bones are not comparable to any of you or me.
Her demeanor is calm, graceful and luxurious, plain and natural, and the charm of a real woman exuded by her gestures makes me, a woman who considers herself a beauty, have to admire.
I went back at night and bought a lot of snacks and beer in the supermarket. I was tired of drinking red wine and suddenly wanted to drink beer.
While I was chewing potato chips and holding a can of beer, my phone rang suddenly. I took it over and saw that it was a string of unfamiliar numbers, so I picked it up without thinking twice.
"Hey?"
There was no sound, so I went on: "Hello?—Hello?"
He said "Hello" three times in a row, but he didn't say anything, and suddenly felt bewildered, so he hung up angrily.
Not long after, the phone rang again.
This time I picked it up and yelled: "Who doesn't have eyes? I don't know if my mother is drinking?"
"It's me." He suddenly said on the phone, the voice made my heart beat suddenly faster.
Damn, am I expecting something?Why is it so difficult to hide the excitement after hearing this voice?
However, another voice is telling me that I can't expect anything, and I can't show my excitement.
Because, he is Shi Beicheng, because, he has a fiancee who is beautiful and beautiful.
I was silent here for a long time before I adjusted my voice and emotions, and asked in a low voice, "What's the matter?"
"Well, can you come out?"
"No." I answered simply and neatly.
"Okay... Excuse me then." After he finished speaking, he hung up.
I hung up the phone and kept beating myself, but at this moment, the phone rang again.
I didn't even look at it, so I picked it up: "I'm sorry, I said I can't..."
"I said Miss Jiu, who is being chased by another handsome guy?" A sweet and greasy voice suddenly came from the other end of the phone, and I knew it was Ji Xiaoqing.
"Oh, Xiaoqing, it's okay." I shook the beer can in my hand, "What's the matter, do you want to call me today?"
"I can't call you if I have nothing to do! I think we haven't got together for a long time, so I miss you."
"Aren't you swaying and waiting to catch your manager every day? How's it going? Is there any progress?"
"Don't talk about it, I'm just annoyed by this, Si Xiangnan is working overtime again, I can't eat and can't sleep, come and save me." She acted coquettishly.
"Coincidentally, I'm also drinking alone, why don't you come out and have a drink or two?"
"Okay, tell me, where?"
I thought about it, and suddenly an idea popped up, "Xiaoqing, shall I call a man?"
"Who is it?" she asked curiously.
"You must be happy, don't say that my sister is not covering you. However, you can just take a look. I just want to satisfy your long-standing girlish heart, but please remember, I am also here to hit you. If you have a girlfriend, you will get married soon."
"Sister, who are you talking about? Who has a girlfriend who will hit me? Besides Bei Cheng, a wealthy second-generation teacher in the jewelry industry, who else can hit me?"
"Okay, it's Shi Beicheng." I said.
It is conceivable how intense the reaction would be. I took the phone away from my ear for a full minute before slowly putting it back to my ear.
"Are you loyal enough? Dress up and come out!"
After I hung up the phone, I called him. He probably didn't expect that I would go back on my word and ask him out for a drink. He agreed without thinking about it.
An hour later, we showed up at the same Yunnan restaurant.
He was the last one to arrive. When he saw me sitting there with Ji Xiaoqing, he could see that he was suddenly dissatisfied, but he didn't say much. He sat down after a brief self-introduction. opposite.
Xiaoqing has been staring at him exaggeratedly, playing with her coquettish curly hair for a while, and stroking her thin and long nails for a while.
"I've heard about you a long time ago, Mr. Shi. As expected, I'm even more handsome than in the photo!" She frankly expressed her appreciation, while I just looked at the menu silently.
Listening to her chattering non-stop, but Shi Beicheng just responded in a low-key manner, I pushed her the menu: "Quickly stop talking, order first."
"I'm whatever you want, whatever you want, why don't you ask Mr. Shi what he likes to eat!" She pushed the menu to him again.
It took me a long time to finally order the dishes. I got up and went to the bathroom, and asked Xiaoqing, "Are you going?"
"I'm not going, I'm chatting with Mr. Shi."
"Okay, then I'll go by myself."
Because I just accidentally dripped coffee stains on my clothes, I stood in front of the mirror and looked at them for a long time before I finally felt that they were not so obvious.
When he came out, Shi Beicheng had a very bad expression, as if he suddenly hated me. I pushed the chair away and asked with a smile, "What's wrong? Is the service attitude here not good?"
He didn't speak, took a sip of tea, turned his head and looked out the window, with thick mist in his eyes.
Xiaoqing didn't know why, so she looked at me and didn't know what to do.
This meal was definitely regarded as indigestion, and I finally finished it. I hurriedly paid the bill and said that everyone should go back to rest.
Yes, the meal was very unpleasant.
When we parted, he didn't say see me off, nor did he look at Xiaoqing again.He got into the car and disappeared in a blink of an eye.
I turned my head and asked Xiaoqing: "What did you tell him?"
Xiaoqing wondered: "It's nothing, I just praised him a few words, and then said that I heard your fiancée is very beautiful, and said..."
"What else?"
"Also, I have always liked to read reports about you in magazines. Thanks to Jiuyue this time, in order to fulfill my wish, I will meet you..."
It turned out to be like this.No wonder he was angry, but what am I?I asked him out, even if it was just to satisfy my friend's liking for him, so what.
I ripped off my clothes annoyed, and patted Xiao Qing on the shoulder: "Forget it, what he likes, you can see this time! The man you miss every day is actually just such a stinky skin."
"No way! Only after I met him did I realize that this thing really should only exist in the sky, but in the world..." She crossed her hands on her chest, full of nympho.
I laughed out loud, this thing, yes, this thing!
"Okay, I've seen you, let's go home."
I looked up at the night sky in Beijing, only to find that it was the same as Milan, it was pitch black and I couldn't see the stars.
It has been several months since I came back to Beijing, and I suddenly miss my dad a little bit.
So I called my aunt at night, and she said, everything is fine with Dad.
I thought about it and said, go see him next week.Then hung up.
Yes, without thought, without soul, without worry, without unhappiness, what could be bad?
If he was awake and knew that his wife never missed him, that his daughter was abandoned by her boyfriend who had been in love for four years in a foreign land, and that his daughter had a one-night stand with a strange man who had a girlfriend, wouldn't he be very sad?
Will he no longer believe in so-called love?
Even if I don't believe it, how can he believe it.
But even so, even if I came home drunk in the middle of the night, I still got up early the next day, took a shower, put on delicate makeup, and went to work brightly.
It turns out that life is like this, hardship, poverty, fatigue, and running around.
I thought that during those few years in Milan, I was at ease. I didn’t need money from my family or go out to earn money. I could buy whatever I wanted, wear whatever I wanted, and drive whatever car I wanted. It's just attached to a rich man.
Now that man is gone and left me, I have to live hard alone.
Even late money can't be deducted.
When I saw Ou Yao while waiting for the elevator, he asked me what was going on with Katie, and I said, "Very well, I didn't expect their design director to be Mr. Shi's fiancée. It's really rare."
"Yes." He said with a smile: "Speaking of which, the relationship between the two of them is rare. In our circle, they are the perfect couple that everyone marvels at."
"Really?" I teased with a wry smile, "What about Mr. Ou? Why haven't I heard about your girlfriend? As a big shot like you, there are so few gossips."
At this moment, the elevator came, and the inseparable assistant behind him hurriedly pushed everyone away and invited us in.
He smiled, "I'm too busy with business, and I don't have time to care about feelings."
"There are very few successful men like you," I said.
"Actually, Jiuyue, you don't have to speak to me so politely, just call me Ou Yao from now on."
"How can it be!" I stuck out my tongue in fright, and fiddled with my hair embarrassingly: "It's my general manager, and I'm going to be called Mr. Ou, and I can't break the rules of superiors and subordinates."
"However, I felt awkward when I heard you yelling 'Mr. Ou' one after another."
I was embarrassed: "Besides, you are older than me, how can I have the nerve to call Ou Yao directly."
He smiled and didn't force it. At this time, the elevator arrived and we walked out together, but suddenly we heard an excited scream: "Jiuyue! Ou Yao!"
I turned around and looked in surprise, and found that it was my college classmate Linda, who introduced me to the design job for Ouyao Company.
"Why are you here?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'm here to attend a meeting. Is there any cooperation with your company?" She took my hand affectionately and looked at Ou Yao: "How is it? Did Young Master Ou bully our little beauty Jiuyue?"
"Are you kidding? He took too much care of me. Speaking of which, I am very, very grateful to you, Linda. Without you, he wouldn't have taken care of me, a fool like this." I replied.
"Hey, I haven't seen you for a few days, and you're just so glib. Society really hurts people!"
Ou Yao looked at our closeness, hurriedly ordered a few words to his assistant, then turned to us and said, "Why, let's have dinner tonight? It's hard to get together once."
"Okay, okay! I haven't seen Jiuyue for a long time. The last time I saw Fu Heng, he was holding a bird woman who was so coquettish and dying. I asked him in front of her if Jiuyue took you Dumped——Jiuyue, what happened to you guys?"
I felt a pain in my heart, but I just said lightly: "It's okay, it's over."
"Huh?" She said in disbelief, "If you say it's all right?"
"Yeah, he's married, what else can he do if he doesn't know, let's go, I'll clean up and go eat."
After I finished speaking, I hurriedly fled the scene. I don't want to hear any more news about him. I think my injury has healed.Really, I was just a little bit hurt, not obsessed with it.
This is not self-deception, I have forgotten him, and all my tender feelings about Fu Heng have been completely wiped out by that man named Shi Beicheng.
We enjoyed this meal very much. Xiaoqing and Xiangnan were called, plus Ou Yao and Linda. Trying to put on the appearance of a "professional lady".
I drank a lot of wine, and it was far from enough.
As if I suppressed some unspeakable emotions in my heart, I kept talking, laughing and drinking that night.
"Xiaoyue, is there something unhappy about you?" Finally, Xiangnan couldn't help asking me.
"No! What can I be unhappy about? I'm so busy with work that I wish I had 48 hours a day. How can I have time to be unhappy?"
"You can't lie to me." Xiangnan looked at me deeply.
This dead woman is always so self-righteous, thinking that only she can see through all my emotions.
But—but she was right.Except for her, there is probably no one who understands my habits so well. Only she knows that I always tell the happier jokes when I am sadder, the sadder I am, the crazier I am.
I slowly picked up a piece of boiled fish, flicked off the peppercorns on it, put it in my mouth, looked at her with my eyes bent, and said with great enjoyment: "Mmm! It's delicious!"
"I'm asking you! Don't interrupt, is there something unpleasant?" She turned to look at Linda: "Did you tell her about Fu Heng?"
Linda nodded: "Tell me a little bit."
"No wonder, I said Jiuyue, you have to look forward, don't be like a resentful woman all day long, thinking about the trivial things in the past."
Ou Yao listened all the time, and when he heard this, he suddenly asked Xiangnan: "May I ask, the Fu Heng you mentioned bullied Jiuyue?"
"Of course, who else but him." Xiangnan took a sip of strong wine, as if wishing to kill that kid.
"Why do I feel that we, Jiuyue, have a new love..." Xiaoqing spoke suddenly, her eyes rolling.
"Who?" Xiangnan and Linda stared at her curiously at the same time, waiting for her latest gossip.
"It's just..." She glanced at me cautiously, and I didn't show any expression, because I didn't expect her to think of him at all.
"Who is it?" Xiangnan asked.
"My dream teacher, Bei Cheng!" She slapped the table angrily, and then turned her eyes on me: "You loose woman, no matter how I think about it when I go back that day, I feel that he left because of what I said later. It's not easy, you and him! You snatch my man!"
"what?"
Everyone was stunned for a while, including me.
I quickly took a sip of my wine, pretending to be relaxed: "Are you kidding me, Ji Xiaoqing, I told you that he has a girlfriend, you can't eat it yourself, and framed me."
However, even though I pretended to explain it nonchalantly, they still didn't quite believe it. I raised my head and took a peek at Ou Yao. His expression was weird, and the chopsticks paused for a moment, but he didn't say anything.
I don't want my boss to think that I'm a woman who only knows how to mess with men and women, and doesn't care about serious work at all.
After dinner, Ou Yao sent me home.I got in the car and kept thinking on the way whether I should explain Xiaoqing's "destructive" personal attack on me. Just as I was thinking about it, he said, "Jiuyue."
"Huh?" I turned my gaze back to his face from the car window, his profile is really pretty.
"Some things, I don't know if I should tell you." He looked ahead and said in a low voice.
"Say it, say what you want, I am your subordinate, no matter what dissatisfaction you have with me, or what you want me to improve, I will definitely do it!" I said with a smile.
"Not these."
"What's that?" I asked curiously.
"If it's possible...or...is it possible..." He struggled to think of words, "Can you spend more time with me for dinner?"
"What?" I didn't understand what he meant.But my heart was in a mess.
"I like your casualness very much. I feel very comfortable eating and working with you without restraint and pressure at all."
"Boss Ou..."
"Call me Ou Yao."
"No." I said seriously: "Mr. Ou, I also like working in your company and doing the designs I like, but it's only limited to this."
"Is it because of Bei Cheng?" His voice was almost inaudible, but I still heard it.
I really want to deny it, but somehow, this ungerminated feeling is suppressed in my heart, and no one can tell it. It seems that I will collapse after a long time. After hesitating for a long time, I actually admitted to him frankly: "Yes .”
If possible, I really want to lower my heart to the dust.I didn't even admit it to myself, but I easily said it in front of this man.
A sudden brake, the car stopped.His hands rested on the steering wheel for a long time.
"Boss Ou..." I called him.
"Why?" he asked, "Why him?"
So, that night, I sat in his car and gently told him about the acquaintance of Shi Beicheng and I in Milan.
"You can't like him." He said, "You know, he has a fiancée who has been in love for many years."
"I know." I whispered: "So, I will sort out my mood, maybe this is not love, but just a momentary infatuation."
God, what am I talking about, "obsession"?
I was thinking about him, I actually missed him every minute and every second!
Thinking of this, I can't wait to see him in the next second, I opened the car door, and quickly got out of the car: "Mr. Ou, I'm sorry, I'm glad you took care of me. I'm very grateful to you, even grateful to you, really. I'm sorry !"
After finishing speaking, I hurried to the other side of the road, it was a red light, I picked up the phone in my pocket, and when the "beep" sound came to mind, I could clearly feel my heartbeat.
It seemed like a century had passed before the other party finally picked up.
"Hi, I'm Jiuyue, I want to see you." I couldn't calm down my shortness of breath.
He paused for a few seconds and said, "Where are you?"
I said the address.Then wrapped in a coat, squatting there, holding the phone and burying his head in his body.
I don't know how long it took, but I felt the sound of footsteps in front of me. I raised my head slightly, and what hit my eyes was a full black coat.
He leaned down and gently lifted me up.
I already have a height of 168, but standing in front of him, I can only reach his broad shoulders.
He is so tall, so tall, so handsome.
He appeared at my most vulnerable moment, at my most embarrassing moment, on the streets of Milan where I cried so hard that night.
Possess me when I'm totally drunk.Then leave without a word.
However, after a few months, separated by two countries, I was able to meet him again.
Even though I clearly understand that we have no possibility of love, no possible ending of staying together.
Even if I try to resist, try to calm myself, and try to be indifferent to my expression and voice.
However, at this moment of the night, when I honestly expressed my heart to Ou Yao, I completely collapsed.
I held on to his black coat tightly, even if he had a fiancée, even if he was a dandy, I still wanted to ask him if he liked me or not.
He looked at me, his eyes were slightly red, he also tightly held my hand holding his coat, and called my name in a trembling voice: "Xiaoyue."
I never thought that love would be so turbulent when it came, it beat my heart hard, as if as soon as I closed my eyes, I would be dizzy with beauty.
He lowered his head and kissed me earnestly, from the eyebrows, to the tip of the nose, and then to the earlobe...
His breath softly and warmly enveloped my whole nerves, and touching tears flowed from the corners of my eyes.
However, none of us thought about it, all this completely reflected in Ou Yao's eyes.He was in the car at the other end, lighting a cigarette, watching our deep kiss with a tense face.
It was already 11 o'clock when I woke up the next day.
I stood on the sunny balcony and called Ou Yao.
"Mr. Ou, I'm sorry. I'm not feeling well today, so I'm taking a sick day. If you have anything to do, call me at any time."
The other end said without any emotion: "Okay."
I wanted to say something more, but after all I didn't know how to speak, so I had to say goodbye and hung up.
"What to eat?" He suddenly hugged my waist from behind, and the familiar smell on his body made me so sweet that I was going crazy.
I turned around, spread my arms around his neck, looked at him quietly, and didn't speak.
"Why, do you want me to cook it for you?" He lowered his head and gently stroked my forehead with his thin lips.
"You will?" I asked, but my mood became uncontrollable in an instant.
He was about to answer when he noticed my lonely expression.
"What are you thinking?"
I was wondering, do you make breakfast for her every day?
However, I didn't ask, I just shook my head and looked at him with a smile.
"Never understand what you're thinking." He poked the tip of my nose. "Tell me, what do you think about every day? When did you start—uh—thinking about me?"
When I saw that he was also shy, I couldn't help laughing.
This big man looks really cute now.
Yeah, when did I start thinking about him?I don't even know myself, I don't know when it started, my mind is full of him.
His deep and magnetic voice, his resolute and stern face, his tall body, and the faint smell of cigarettes on his body.All make me nostalgic.
Even including the slightly raised corners of his mouth when he looked at Mu Linxi, so soft and doting, I couldn't tell whether I was envious or jealous, or, the pain in my heart gripped me until I couldn't breathe.
If you don't drink, you can't sleep all night.
Watching Shu Qi in the film that day said with a numb face: I have been torn to pieces.
I feel that if I continue to entangle with him like this, I will be injured like Shu Qi by the tools attached to the vigorous love.
But, why did it come to this point.
I pressed against his chest, closed my eyes, and just thought, well, since this is the case, then tear me apart.For this moment of stability, I would rather be torn apart piece by piece.
"I wanted to make myself more handsome. So I tried to look tolerant."
At night, in front of the computer, I quietly typed out such sentences on my Weibo.
Since that day last time, we have been in contact every day, but he rarely comes to me.
I know that when he is rational, he can't ignore Mu Linxi.
So I was very generous and didn't ask him for anything, and I always obeyed his control.
He said, Xiaoyue, come out for dinner.
I would dress myself up and wait for him 200 meters from the downstairs of the company after get off work. When he arrived, I got into the car gently, always avoiding being seen by acquaintances.
It's not without expectations, but he never gave me too many surprises, always silently.
On Sunday, he called early in the morning, his voice was hoarse and tired, as if he hadn't slept all night: "Are you free today?"
I thought about it, and I agreed to see my father today.So, hesitantly said: "Not today."
"Really?" He was slightly disappointed, but he had no choice but to say, "Well, call me when you're free."
"Ah."
I hung up the phone silently, got up and looked at the clock on the wall, it was only seven o'clock.
He never gets up so early.
However, I didn't think too much about it. I got up and washed as fast as I could. Half an hour later, I asked the driver to stop at the entrance of a nearby bank.
Holding a passbook with a green cover in his hand, he counted for a long time, and the deposit was only so small.
I think of the sentence I read in the book: No matter how much you have in a small town, you can only squander, and no matter how little you can live.
After queuing for a long time, it was my turn. I took half of the money, wrapped it in an envelope, and packed it up to go to that cold big house in the outskirts of the city.
But as soon as he came out, he bumped into her.At this moment, she is laughing and standing shoulder to shoulder with a man who is much taller than her. From the back view, she is not Shi Beicheng.
My heart thumped, and I couldn't tell what it was like.
I thought to myself that maybe I was thinking too much, nothing, nothing.
When he turned around, he saw her gracefully hiding in the car under his arms, and that car was not Shi Beicheng's car either.
When I went to the suburbs, I felt mixed feelings in the car. I felt sorry for him, but also doubted whether his heart for me was true for a moment.
I wondered if he knew about it a long time ago, that's why every time the word "marriage" was mentioned, he had serious hesitation, and that's why he called me early this morning, with a sleepy and hoarse voice.
My aunt was already waiting at the gate of the community. I got out of the car and saw her from a distance, so I smiled and waved.
In three steps and two steps, she walked in front of her with a big bag and a small bag. When she saw me, her eyes were moist.
"Aunt Chen, where is my father?"
"In the house." She took my hand, took my bag, and went upstairs.
I can't remember how long I haven't seen him. It seems that since I went abroad, I have been avoiding coming back and avoiding reminding myself of these things.I always feel that there are many things, as long as I don’t think about it, it’s fine. If I don’t want to, my heart won’t hurt, and I won’t feel how difficult life is.
But in the past few months of work, it seems that I have grown up suddenly, and I know that some things don't exist as long as I escape.
I followed my aunt up to the sixth floor, and she opened the door with the key. The room was full of the smell of medicine, but it was clean and tidy.
"Aunt Chen, thank you for taking care of my dad so hard."
"This is what I should, go now, he must miss you very much." She held my hand and shook it firmly again.
Dad's room is in the sunny one. I walked over, put the daily necessities and nutritional products by the bed, bent down, and looked at him.
The stubble of the beard is light and not very long. I think my aunt will shave him every few days.
"Dad." I stroked his thinner and older face, "I'm back."
Even though I endured it and tried my best to endure it, when the word "Dad" was just uttered, tears flowed down my face in an instant.But what should I do? I thought it was me who was strong, but in the end I found that it was fate that was weak.
"Dad, you're still asleep." I whispered in his ear, his eyes were lifeless looking at the roof, as if he didn't feel my presence.
In just a few years, my dad has aged so much, and all the anger in my life has disappeared. I can't even remember the high-spirited British appearance of my dad when I was a child.
At that time, I clamored for a rag doll that every girl had, but he insisted on buying me a long curly white puppy that could bark. He said, "Look, knock it, and it will bark three times." .”
I laughed and played in surprise, knocking on its head and clapping my hands in front of it, and it really kept barking.
However, there is still a little regret in my heart, I think, after all, I don't have the dolls that every girl will have.However, the corners of his eyes were still narrowed, because Dad likes it, and because of the stubbornness in his temper, he said, "Even a girl must be strong and independent, don't make dolls all day long, that will make people become weak."
I nodded obediently, and my father laughed and stroked my neat short hair: "Our Xiaoyue is the most obedient."
I like to see him smile like that, with the long dimples on his cheeks.Although I was young at that time, I already knew how to make my father happy, how to please him, and how to get him to spoil me more and more.
I love him so much, more than my mother.
So later, when my mother left him, I desperately thought at that moment, no matter what, I will live with my father.
But, it's really strange, that's how fate played its own tricks on me. I chose my mother in the end, but my extremely handsome father became like this.
30
Dad, I'm sorry, after I left you, I still forgot to be strong and how to live alone.
I forgot your advice, and lived a life of ignorance every day, and even paralyzed myself with alcohol.
Not anymore, now I want to be strong and independent as you said, and live a good life.
"Auntie." I turned my head, and Auntie Chen was standing at the door, looking at us with relief, "Can my dad eat by himself now?"
"Still not," she said, "only with the catheter."
"Oh." I nodded, got up, and took out a thick envelope from my bag: "Auntie, the money is for you and my dad. I believe you will take good care of my dad."
She took it over, "Xiaoyue, you don't have to thank me, I just want to thank you. Without you, my son doesn't know if he can afford to go to college. He will graduate soon, and I tell him every day, After graduation, don't forget sister Xiaoyue's kindness, that child is sensible, I don't even say he is grateful to you."
I smiled wryly: "Do you think I am particularly unfilial?"
"How could you say that!" Aunt Chen shouted quickly, "Without you, I really don't know if your father would have survived until now. You are busy on weekdays, and Auntie knows..."
"No, I'm not busy." I interrupted her, "I just don't want to see him..."
"Then I also understand." She took the lead, "If I were you, maybe I don't want to see him like this, Xiaoyue, don't blame yourself, you are the best daughter, really."
"Really?" I looked at the top of my head, "What is Dad looking at every day? There is no writing on it, but he is so absorbed in looking at it."
"Xiaoyue..." She hesitated, "Did you go to your mother's place after you came back?"
I nodded, "I've seen it."
"Did she ask about your father?"
"No." I shook my head, "Why would she care? She is doing so well now. Apart from shopping for beauty, she just keeps cats and dogs. She looks like a lady, and she can take care of my daughter. Alright."
"Don't say that. No matter how wrong your mother is, it's still your mother. At most, it's because of her unfeeling towards your father. She has fulfilled her mother's responsibility to you. After all, you are her own."
"I know." I looked at my watch and said, "Auntie, let me cook for you today. It's still early. I'll go shopping."
"Yeah good," she said with a smile.
The meal was very rich. I cooked the braised fish that my father used to love most, and some simple western food that I learned in Italy, a dinner combining Chinese and Western food, but there were only me and Aunt Chen at the table.
Dad really has no luck.When my daughter finally grows up and can stretch out her hands to eat and open her mouth without clothes, he can't eat the dishes I cook.
While washing the dishes, Shi Beicheng called and asked me, "Where are you?"
I just felt a surge of blood in my head, and said coldly: "Outside."
"Where is it outside? I'll pick you up."
"why?"
"miss you."
"Didn't she come back?"
I felt a little regretful when I opened my mouth, but the words had already been spoken, and the other end was silent for a long time, and there was no explanation at the end. Only then did I realize how overwhelmed and unreasonable I was when I asked this question.
Even if you know the answer, you have to confirm it again.
How well said the lyrics, I fired a gun hard in my heart, and let everything return to zero in this loud bang.
It's just that the person who shot was not him, but myself.
It may be that I have always been calm, self-restraining, tolerant and generous, so he sternly dropped the phone for this small-minded sentence that I blurted out, and I didn't call again for several days afterwards.
I am also content with the status quo, arriving late for work and working overtime at night.
Seeing me like this, Ou Yao adjusted the working hours for me. As long as I work eight hours a day, it doesn't matter when I come or leave.
(End of this chapter)
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