Your loneliness is more moving than this world

Chapter 11 The Bad Boys of East Street (4)
Among the crowd at the Tuanjiehu Station of the subway, Gao Yu walked forward with his head held high.I took off the mask and called her name over and over again, but she walked further and further away amidst the noise.I broke through the crowd, rushed out of the station, and ran down the street.Looking at the city in front of me, I feel that I have never been so tired in my life. There are some things that I am destined not to get, and even if I get them, it is just a deception.

At the end of the year, in Niucheng, Gao Lei once again called everyone for dinner.In order to celebrate the fifth anniversary of the establishment of the Classmates Association, and also to celebrate his promotion, he made an unprecedented scale.During the dinner, I saw all the old classmates who could be named, as well as some small officials and businessmen who had dealt with Fengyue. They raised their glasses and shouted my name like they did before, and I responded with a familiar smile.

Gao Lei soon got drunk, stood up with his arms around me, and said loudly to the people at several tables: "My brother, Guo Xiaoyu, is an elite in Beijing's media circle. Ask around in Niucheng's art circle. Is there anyone you don't know?" He, let me tell you, he is promising, he is...promising! He will definitely be better than you guys in the future, hahahaha."

That day, I also got drunk and stood on a chair reciting Byron's poems in front of a dozen men and women.I suddenly realized that I had made a mistake, and when I was about to close it, I stopped in mid-air, and the crowd applauded. I laughed and climbed down, and the crowd continued to applaud. I slammed my head into the wall next to the door, spit out blood clots, and there was an uproar around me. .

In the cold wind, Gao Lei took me to the side of the road and reached out to stop the passing taxis. None of the drivers dared to stop. Gao Lei stretched his neck and cursed them with the most vulgar words. He scolded back under the glass window.I was dying, slumped to the ground, silently enjoying the gaze and ridicule of passers-by, like a baby in the mud, like a humiliated scum, like a little person destined to be ignored for a lifetime.

After New Years, I cleared out my phone book and ignored a single number from Cowtown.Gao Lei noticed something, and left me a message on the Internet, and I replied pretentiously until he was disheartened.He found Mingming, and said angrily: "You tell Xiaoyu, no matter how he looks at me, I will always treat him as a buddy, and please remember, I, Gao Lei, will always be the most successful one in our Dongda Street painting class." "He said from the bottom of his heart, these words moved me very much, it at least proved that Gao Lei is sincere to me, but I can't be sincere to him, I don't have his ability to control sincerity and hypocrisy at the same time.

I haven't seen him for three years.In the past three years, he would occasionally say a few words to me on the Internet, but they were just simple greetings in life, and did not involve topics such as human relations, status, and money.In the past three years, I have subverted myself, changed my job, changed my residence, grew my hair long, wore Martin boots, and started to be that charming literary youth again.

Some people say that men between the ages of 20 and 30 are invisible men, which means that these ten years are the golden period for men to grow up. The so-called "small change in three years, big change in five years", almost every change It will affect their three views.This is also the age when it is easy to start and end. When a person has the ability to live independently, he will inevitably yearn for the independence of personality. This is like the poor people who are full of food and thank the system, while the rich people are more greedy for freedom and power. .Both born in the 20s, Gao Lei and Mingming and I have huge differences in outlook on life. The root of this difference lies in our backgrounds, and it also lies in our different understanding of the era we live in.In the city, Mingming and I have long abandoned the way of thinking of our parents, but Gao Lei is the inheritor of the culture of his parents who stick to the original place. As a representative of bureaucrats in the post-planned economy era, his career and economics have dominated his life. There is nothing better than this, the value and even the ideal.I often think that Gao Lei's temperament may be more in line with a certain past era of this country. At that time, politics was the ultimate career of men, power was the sexiest symbol of men, businessmen were politicians' stewards, and art was a tool for entertainment. , Even a woman is just a female machine that continues the blood and takes care of the family, so he should never understand his sister's rebellion, obvious prejudices, and my sighs and sighs to him time and time again.

Gao Lei got married, I didn't go back to see him, I just sent a gift.He said on the phone: "Everyone in Beijing has been notified. I don't know who can come back. When you see Mingming, remember to ask them for me." When you are busy, the bidding meeting of TV stations and portal websites is only once a year, and all companies are eager to work overtime, so you should not expect too much." He said: "Xiaoyu, you were right before, our generation People, there will always be a day when we part ways, and it’s normal to be like this.” I said, “Don’t say that, we are still friends, but the paths we take are different for the time being. Not only you, but now I There are fewer and fewer old classmates to contact, but I believe there will be a day when we will meet again." He said: "Okay, it's settled like this, remember to help me and ask again."

None of the old classmates expressed that they would go back to Niucheng to attend Gao Lei's wedding. Their excuses were similar to mine, and they all used the word "busy".I even suspected that these people were complaining about my notice. Fatty Yuan said obviously with malicious intentions: "Are you going?" I said: "No, I am in charge of our company's bidding project." "Ha, If you go to the bidding meeting, shall we be free?" Fatty Yuan turned around and said, "Everyone judge, hey, is this considered unfair competition?" Other people in the office laughed along with Fatty Yuan, and I picked up my bag Said: "I'm just asking for Gao Lei, I don't expect you to go back, see you at the bidding meeting, everyone."

"You have been in touch with Gao Lei, right?" Fatty Yuan asked from behind me.I stopped and looked at the floor beneath my feet.Fatty Yuan continued to ask: "How much does he earn a month over there now? Wouldn't it be 4000 yuan? Didn't the country say that high salaries are needed to support honesty?" The office burst into laughter again.

There was a muffled bang, and the elevator on the nineteenth floor began to sink, and my heart was extremely cold at the same time.Gao Lei is really outdated. Today, he is no longer the king on the playing cards. He is just a local official who earns his living by his salary.I have clearly said that people in big cities generally have a "big city" mentality. To put it bluntly, it is a sense of geographical superiority. With the change of the environment and the accumulation of capital, even outsiders will gradually despise their origin.He said that this is also a kind of progress. Although the consequence of this kind of progress is likely to be gradually lost in rootlessness, even if lost, no one will miss the past.Nostalgia for the past only means today's inaction and timidity about the future.

So I have no right to blame Fatty Yuan and the people around him, because I, like them, are ruthless people. I was ruthless, and I am still ruthless now.

What happened later was told to me by a female classmate working in Beijing. I was sitting in the office with my head buzzing, and I immediately called the police to confirm the authenticity of the news.When the policeman heard Gao Lei's name, he immediately cursed out of righteous indignation: "What else is there to say about such a shameful thing? It's really shameful for a cadre of an administrative agency to collude with black businessmen to buy and seize by force. He didn't take the lead, but he already I knew something was wrong, and I rushed to get involved, half of the black merchants involved are from his jurisdiction, do you think he is innocent?"

Obviously, I learned the whole story early in the morning. Unlike the police, he said with a hint of old school subjectivity: "Gao Lei did commit a crime, but it wasn't necessarily intentional. Everyone has known him for so many years. When will we meet?" Has he been reckless? He was involved in such a big case, he was either deceived or forced to do so, the main culprits are his boss and several developers, and the investigation results have not said what money he took from this project." Ming Ming handed over Gave me a lighter, sat back in my seat and continued: "Actually, he didn't need to do this at all. He just wanted to save face. After he was fired from public office, he didn't want to be a tainted witness, and he didn't want to accept investigations. Think about it, he's used to it. Who can bear such a big somersault all at once? Adding to his love of drinking, he can't think about it for a while. Now, his father is sick, his wife is just pregnant with a child, and the family is all supported by him. What will we do in the future? "

Mingming disagreed to go back to Niucheng to visit, and said: "The case has not been settled yet, and the Disciplinary Committee is still at his house. What are you going to do, looking for trouble?" I said: "We are not in their system, and we have not committed any crimes. Is it okay to go and see your friends? Someone is in charge of this?" Mingming said: "Now there is a lot of chaos over there, they are all selling out others to protect themselves, don't forget, you and the people in their unit have also partnered to resell alcohol. He asked the secretary to close the door, got up and walked over and said, "Don't be foolish, even if you used to do legitimate business with him, it's different now. Why should we go back? Go and plead with the Commission for Discipline Inspection for his father, or Going to see a joke about his family? Gao Yu didn’t go back, why are you so active? Oh, you now regard Gao Lei as a friend, so why have you been there in the past few years? Have you ever returned to Niucheng?” I said: “ Guo Ximing, is what you are talking about human?” Ming Ming said, “I won’t speak human language anymore, what’s the matter!”

The people outside rushed in to try to persuade him, Xiao Ning stopped Mingming, and Fatty Yuan and others blocked me, so I pushed Fatty Yuan away and said, "Go away!" Pointing to their faces, he said, "Did Gao Lei do anything wrong to you back then? Before your company came to Beijing, which one of you didn't receive benefits from him? Now you don't even dare to look at him. It's so majestic!"

…………

I can understand the silence of the old classmates. Their silence at least on the surface reveals the so-called rationality and maturity. Like me, they were all friends of Gao Lei, and some of them have been friends with Gao Lei for longer than me. , I left Gao Lei at the beginning because I hated that circle, and they left Gao Lei because they no longer needed a friend like Gao Lei.

Gao Lei died, he dressed neatly, drank strong wine, smashed the bottle, walked to the balcony, the sun was shining on his fat cheeks, he was still the lofty general, but he never drew out his knife, and there was no one behind him. A follower.

6. The most successful people
On the East Street of Niucheng, every alley is so clear, every small shop is so peaceful, it seems like a venerable who is free from reincarnation, quietly filtering the noise of the world.It watched the children come, watched the children leave, watched the children grow up, and watched them leave again. It didn't say a word, but it left a thousand words.

The art teacher blew smoke rings, pointed to the fan paintings on the wall and said, "Look at these pictures, they are very similar to your style back then." I said, "The paintings are better than ours at that time." He said, "No It must be something, and now these kids can’t draw anymore.” The rest bell rang, and the students put down their drawing boards and cheered around to call the senior. The art teacher frowned and said, “Can you talk? The senior, the senior, is Brother Yu. "I smiled and smoked some boys, and said to them: "We people haven't painted for many years. If I sit here now, I'm afraid I can't even get a tune. But you should be lucky , Our painting class has always been the best in Niucheng. Follow the teacher carefully. Learning this will not only help you get into college, but also improve your taste and thinking ability." The art teacher said: "It's no use telling them these things now. No, they just want to go to college."

Gao Yu called and asked, "When are you coming to see my dad?" I said, "When Mingming comes back, we make an appointment to go together. I have to meet some old friends here first." She sighed and said: " Okay." I said, "What's the matter with you?" She said, "It's okay, remember to call me when you come."

The police resumed the status of the head of the classmate association, and booked a room at the Dongdajie Hotel early to welcome all the people who rushed back from other places to celebrate New Year's Day.It will be half an hour late tomorrow, and he will become the focus of everyone's attention as soon as he arrives. His company is getting bigger and bigger, and more and more old classmates are looking forward to getting to know him again.As one of the representatives in Beijing, I was forced to sit at the same table with several people from Mingming Company, and I was still a little awkward with each other.As the elders took their seats, these people became hypocritically polite and rose to toast one after another. In return, I recited a few lines of Byron's poems to them, which made everyone present laugh.After Mingming finished laughing, he leaned into my ear and said, "You are really spoiled."

Gao Yu's father recovered well after the operation, but he couldn't open his mouth to speak yet. When he saw Mingming and me coming in, he nodded with a smile.I leaned down and said, "Old man, do you still remember us?" He continued to nod.Gao Yu laughed beside him and said, "He's just pretending, he's been confused all day, almost didn't even recognize me."

In the evening, there was a heavy snowfall in Niucheng, and Mingming took Gao Yu and me to the restaurant opened by his uncle near the hospital for dinner. During this time, I went out to answer the phone, but when I came back, I found that Mingming had finished eating early. He wiped his mouth and said, "I have to Let's go first, the mother-in-law's train will arrive soon, and I have to go home to take my daughter-in-law with me." Gao Yu said: "Don't be in a hurry, drive slowly on this kind of day, your daughter-in-law is healthy now. Mingming nodded and said, "En."

Gao Yu and I sent Mingming to the car. He opened the door and stopped. I said, "Fart your fart." He said, "I know that the person who called you just now is a policeman. He is very suspicious, just because Our branch here deals with the government of the development zone, and he has been making troubles for several of our managers, and he will ask you about things in the future, so please ignore him.” I smiled and said, “Okay, I’m better than him, don’t worry Come on, drive slowly."

Gao Yu put his hands in his pockets, looked at Xinxue at his feet while walking, and said, "The person he mentioned to me the most in the past two years is you, and he talked a lot about you." I said, "I am still different from him after all, When we were in school, we had conflicts, and later we got mixed up in society, and we had different values, so it was not easy to get along, but strictly speaking, he was not wrong, I was too hypocritical." Gao Yu said: "He said You are hypocritical, you also said that you are a good person, at least you will not lie to your friends from the bottom of your heart. He said that I am not a good person, hehe, we have been fighting since we were young, especially after my parents divorced. Dare to care.” I said, “What are your plans for the future? Do you want to stay in Niucheng?” Gao Yu said, “My dad is terminally ill with cancer. No matter how well he recovers, he won’t have many days left. Let’s live with him. My brother She jumped off the building and died. My sister-in-law is young and will remarry sooner or later. I want to fight for the custody of this child. After she gives birth, no matter whether it is a boy or a girl, I will find a way to stay. After all, this child is also surnamed Gao. My father is gone, and there is my brother When my child is with me, it is also considered a family.”

Under the street lamp, she looked at me and said, "Do you think I'm a little old?" I looked at her and found that she was indeed not as beautiful as before. Her skin began to roughen, her facial contours began to become stiff, bags under the eyes and crow's feet It is also becoming more and more obvious.I said, "You're not old, you've just grown up." She hugged me and started crying.

Mingming's company was targeted by a listed company. He kicked out all the Niucheng people in the company except Xiaoning in one go, accepted the acquisition at a high price, and became a rich man with a net worth of hundreds of millions.He invited me to work in his company again, saying that he needs at least two trustworthy people in front of outsiders. I told him that I am happy for his current achievements, but I really don't want to be in the media anymore.

After the training for clients, I went back to Beijing to report on my work, and the wine merchant went with me in a special car.Mingming and Xiaoning came out with their wives to see each other off. Xiaoning's wife handed me the package in her hand and said, "Go back and give this to your girlfriend. Before I came back, she kept arguing with me that she wanted to eat our hometown's food." Xiao Ning’s mother specially made the candy ring for you all afternoon.” I took it over and said to Xiao Ning, “Thank our mother for me.” Xiao Ning nodded with her eyes closed.Mingming said: "I'm going to stay in Niucheng for a while, and I'll talk about it when I settle down here. I told my assistant in Beijing to come to your company to find you this week with a complete plan. In addition..." He turned to the side and looked at his wife, who obviously smiled and said, "I want you to name the child. The doctor my dad helped find said it was twins after examination, so you have time to help us think of a literary name." A little name, and when these two children grow up, let them go to Dongda Street to study art."

On the main road of the development zone, I leaned against the half-opened window of the back seat to rest my mind. The wine merchant kept nagging his accumulated gossip in the passenger car. He pointed to a neon sign and said, "Look, look, this is the place where you used to be." The deputy head of the district surnamed Cai collects money here, and the common people call him Taishi Cai, who was double-regulated last year and saved half of his life’s money, all of which was lost in one fell swoop.” The city of Niu under the night was chilly, and I started I can't tell whether the hazy sound in the distance is the sound of a car or a human voice. They are entangled together, and they are far and near in my ears, and they are inseparable, like the tide of reluctant to part.

The winter of that year was surprisingly long, and it snowed heavily from the first day of the Lunar New Year to the eighth day of the Lunar New Year. People took advantage of the sunny days to clean up the snow on the roof and in the yard.Before the Lantern Festival, another snow fell, this time more violent than the last few times. The finger-sized snowflakes drove the wind from the north and danced wildly in every corner of Niucheng.

(End of this chapter)