Your loneliness is more moving than this world

Chapter 28 Sister's War

1.
The elder sister and Ban Hua are best friends, and later the two sisters fell out and fought.Ban Hua was very athletic, grabbed my sister's hair, slapped her on the cheek, and greeted my mother.With her head pressed down, the elder sister cried and greeted Banhua's mother.She had long lost control, but she was holding on to a lock of Banhua's hair to defend her last bit of dignity.The children watched the excitement and booed, but none of them came to persuade them.My sister's nose was bleeding from the blow, and blood and tears dripped down her loose hair.Banhua was tired from beating, greeted my mother, and let go of her hand. My sister wiped her face, walked back to her seat slowly, lay down, and cried loudly.

In a sense, the hand-to-hand fight between her sister and Bai Fumei was a portrayal of half of her life, and she was completely defeated.It is said that she has been born with a bad image. In late autumn, everything decays; she is a sheep, which is taboo for women;Grandma looked at the umbilical cord on the ground and murmured: "God, bless this girl to live."

When my sister was six and a half years old, she had a bone spur on her left temple, which made it difficult for doctors from all over the world.The bone spur of my sister, like a demon possessed, tortured her so much that she couldn't sleep at night, her eyes were black and she was panting. Finally, when the family members kowtowed in despair, she broke away from her mother, ran to the yard, and fell headlong on the stove. On the fire platform, two bright red blood clots spurted out.Mother screamed and ran out. She slowly got up from the stove, wiped her face and turned around and said, "Mom, I seem to be fine."

The older sister who survived went to school with other children. Compared with the endless quarrels between poor and poor couples, she obviously prefers school, or all her happiness comes from school.她的长相和成绩毫不起眼，可她爱那个地方，爱老师的点名，爱书本扉页的芳香，爱伙伴的嬉闹，直到肩臂三道杠的班花因为一把铅笔刀把她揍得稀里哗啦， Only then did she realize that the school didn't actually love her as much as she imagined.

In 1993, my sister was 14 years old, and she went to the countryside to welcome her first love.Even her first love is tragic. He is the dream lover of girls in all grades, and even the boyfriend of Banhua.This boy who looks exactly like Lin Zhiying likes to form cliques and fight. Every time there is a fight, there are hundreds of people watching behind him, and the dust rises. "Jimmy Lin" won the fight. He held his head high and walked through the crowd without looking sideways. The crowd followed closely behind him. He suddenly tossed his hair, and several girls in the crowd lost their focus.

A hero like "Lin Zhiying" usually cannot avoid the fate of being expelled. After the class flower exam, he also left the village. The two picked a good day and got engaged with firecrackers. "Zhiying"'s father is a shuttle bus driver. He is the same age as my father. , I’ll find someone to withdraw the marriage right away.” Father patted Daxi’s shoulder lightly and said, “Fart your ass.”

At night, there was a power outage, and my father comforted his daughter by candlelight, saying, "Forget it, girl, let's go to school well, and there will be better things in the future." My sister bowed her head and wept. I felt sorry for her, but I couldn't go to comfort her. Because I am only ten years old.

2.
In 1996, my father was laid off from the work unit and couldn't find a good job. My mother went to work in the industrial area from dawn to dusk to earn a living for the four of us.As the head of the family, the mother had the idea of ​​not allowing her daughter who failed the exam to repeat her studies. Seeing that the two children were grown up, she couldn't do what she wanted.The elder sister wanted to continue her studies, and she firmly believed that only by firmly grasping the path of going to school can she win her family background, and that only a high degree of education and a decent job can restore the last trace of dignity in her life.With tears in her eyes, she went to beg relatives one by one, and only then did she have the opportunity to go to high school.

A girl from a poor family has books to read and is already content, never daring to yearn for what other peers yearn for or have.My elder sister has passed the age of cardamom, and she has grown up gracefully, attracting a lot of boys to covet her. Her girlfriends have boyfriends in private, but she dare not fall in love. Without the courage to accept the gaze of boys, she became more and more indifferent in the day-to-day poverty and low self-esteem.

"Wang Yali!" Maomao from the science class yelled loudly on the second floor, but Wang Yali didn't answer, and walked forward with her head down.Her heart was beating wildly, and beads of sweat were oozing from her forehead. She couldn't tell whether this feeling was disgust or anxiety, just like she couldn't understand that hot and restless summer. "Wang Yali!" Maomao continued to shout at the top of his voice, the floor began to stir, girls snickered, boys chimed in, and some even whistled.Wang Yali couldn't bear it anymore, stepped on the love letter on the ground, looked up and said: "Call your mother!" The floor became more restless, the girls laughed, and the boys booed collectively. Now it's time to show timidity, and he blushed The face, the expression is stupid and stiff, I don't know how to end it.

Mao Mao deserved to be scolded, his two voices made Wang Yali famous, and also broke the heart of Wang Yali's best best friend.The whole liberal arts class knew that Cheng Mo had a crush on Maomao, but Maomao threw a paper airplane at others in public, so Cheng Mo had to apply for a change of dormitory, and he didn't have the courage to see Wang Yali again.

When the results of the college entrance examination came out, my sister failed, and the score only passed the admission line of the local Xingtai College.Cheng Mo stays to repeat his studies, determined to apply for the same university as Mao Mao.The sister's other best friend, Ge Qing, was admitted to Peking University and became famous. Four years later, she lived in the party school and skyrocketed.

A few years later, Cheng Mo wrote a long email to his sister, the content of which was unknown.A few years later, Cheng Mo and Maomao divorced in Shijiazhuang, and she had to entrust someone to sue and go through the formalities alone, because her husband ran away with one of her female students.My sister said to me: "Cheng Mo is very pitiful. She has given so much, but Mao Mao has never loved her."

I went back to my hometown to help fellow villagers build a new house, and met the legendary "Jimmy Lin" on the construction site.It's a pity that "Zhiying" will have vicissitudes, so she is no longer young.He dragged a body weighing two hundred catties and came, looked at me, wanted to say something, but didn't know where to start, so he just handed me a cigarette. "Zhiying" started a shuttle bus to pick up her father's happy class. Banhua's wife worked as a private teacher in a village primary school. The family lived a trivial life in the countryside. There are too many stories in the world, but there is actually no winner.

3.
Ge Qing once said to me: "Except for money, nothing can trouble your sister. This woman is too tough."

But she happened to be a girl from a poor family, money was her heart disease, money was her nightmare, she went to college as she wished, but she couldn't escape the number one enemy in life.It was the most difficult time for the family. My younger brother was also in high school, but only one person in the family was working.In order not to let her younger brother borrow money to study, she spent all her extracurricular time on part-time jobs, tutoring, washing dishes, and distributing leaflets. Even so, her name still appeared in the school’s reminder column with other poor students. She didn't dare to look at that board. She was the only president of the student union in Xingtai University's history who owed tuition fees and loan interest.

She became extroverted, with a capable style and harsh words. She rode a second-hand bicycle and ran around in every corner of the city.She was reluctant to go to the cafeteria to eat, so she wrote a simple nutritious recipe and nailed it to the bedside.She cuts her own hair and messes up the hairstyles of all the girls in the same dormitory.She believes in an old creed: "People are afraid of doing things, and things are afraid of people doing things." Perhaps because she has experienced too much indifference, she believes in her own strength and no longer accepts others' charity easily.After finishing the tutoring, the other parent said that the child's father is the director of the Municipal Personnel Bureau, and she can help in which school he wants to teach after graduation. She told him that after graduation, he only wants to take the national civil service exam.

At the stop sign, she helped me carry my bag, patted the dust on my trousers and said, "Remember, kid, in a family like ours, it's not easy to go to school, study hard, everything is fake, only what you learn Stuff is real."

The love affair in the university is open, she has no mind and no time, the juniors in the student union have a crush on her and dare not confess it, it seems that any weak-minded boy will lose his courage in front of her.At her cousin's wedding, her cousin's husband fell in love with her at first sight. She declined, but she was not reconciled. Every half month, she would go back to Xingtai to visit her family, and she would visit her sister.At the school gate, my sister said: "What are you doing here?" Roududu said: "It's okay, go home, let's see you by the way." My sister said: "Go home." Roududu said: "Yes." So For several years, tirelessly.

I asked Wang Yali why she chose Roududu?Wang Yali told a story.By the way, this roududu can be regarded as the second generation of officials, his parents both eat imperial food, he graduated from technical secondary school, couldn't find a job, and he didn't want to get the reputation of being an old man like other children of the government, so he went to the capital with my cousin-in-law in a rage Working as a security guard with a monthly salary of [-], food, housing and uniforms, worked for five years, and came back with [-] in cash. The chubby mother was in pain and angry, so she beat her son on the spot.

Roududu won, and he impressed Wang Yali with his incredible persistence and outrageous frugality. Wang Yali persuaded her mother to marry him in a grand manner without asking for a cent of the gift money.But in the eyes of most people, Wang Yali's marriage is full of speculation. She was admitted as a civil servant in the unit where Roududu's parents work. Although she was No. 100 in the written test among more than 1 applicants, her parents-in-law still came forward during the interview. Helped a lot.

On the day of the graduation group photo, someone came to the school gate, and my sister and cousin went out to meet him.Maomao told his sister that he was going to marry Cheng Mo, and hoped that her sister would come to their wedding in their hometown on the weekend. The sister said that there would be a big exam on the weekend, and she would definitely not be able to go.Mao Mao suddenly stopped the car in the distance, stood up, closed the car door, and shouted loudly to the sky: "Wang Yali!" Then got into the car and left without looking back.The cousin said: "Who is this guy, why is he so funny?" The elder sister wiped her face and said with a smile: "A silly boy."

4.
After joining the workforce, the older sister took over from her mother and took charge of the family's finances.At the end of each year, she prepared a few pages of family financial statements for me. I never read them once. Frugal, but far tougher and authoritarian than my mother back then, she strictly controlled the family’s expenses, so my brother-in-law refused most of the dinner parties, my father cried to me on the phone that there was no money for playing mahjong, and Nini carved on the door “Mom doesn’t love I, she doesn't know that I love her so much" a few words.Two families, eight people, almost acted according to her face.

Wearing a police uniform, she walked through the old streets of her hometown with a strong aura, accepting the greetings and praises of every elder at every alley.More and more folks came to visit, and the mother proudly showed off to the folks that this was bought by the daughter, that was bought by the daughter, and everything was bought by the daughter.Her father was beaten after drinking, and she led a group of police officers from the police station to rush to the other party's house and make trouble until the other party apologized.People from her hometown went to the prison to find her accommodation, and she abruptly returned the shopping card they gave her. She always maintained a victorious attitude in front of the people from her hometown.

In 2007, I graduated from university and went to Beijing to make a living without permission. She took a clear-cut stand on the side of my parents and fought against me. She forced me to go home to work, to return to my household registration, to go on a blind date, and to buy salt after the nuclear power plant explosion in Japan. In a hurry, she said: "Buy a fart! You can be considered a national cadre regardless of your age. You have been educated by the party and the people for many years, and this is the only awareness you have." Ah, everyone buys it, why don’t you buy it?”

In 2012, this woman suddenly became much gentler. Maybe it was years of hard work that drained her last trace of fat and domineering.Occasionally, after a failed quarrel with me, she would say sadly: "Look, am I a bit old? Recently, Nini always jokes that I forget things. I also have white hair on my head. Is menopause coming soon? ?” I said, “No, no, you’re only 34, and your menopause is early.” She said, “When will you get married!”

When Nini was eight years old, the whole family had dinner in the yard.The father said that he had a big wedding a few days ago, and the evening scene of the big wedding was bleak. The old couple was not welcomed by the daughter-in-law and was driven to live in a nursing home. The nursing home was in disrepair, with broken windows and leaks, but no one helped to repair it.I asked Nini's mother by the way: "What would have happened if you had won the fight with Banhua back then?" She said, "Back then there was only one child, so I knew nothing."

Wang Yali took her daughter to send me to the train station as usual, and she kept nagging while driving: "Yes, our family was poor at that time, and we suffered a lot of bullying, but after so many years, you can't always look down on your hometown like a child. People. It doesn’t matter if you don’t come back to work, but let me tell you, no matter how many friends you have outside, after all, there is a layer of separation from you in your heart. The affection in the bottom of your heart is something you can't find outside."

After returning to Beijing, I had a dream. I dreamed that my sister was divorced. Her father-in-law, mother-in-law, husband, and daughter all abandoned her, and even lost her job. She turned back into the poor girl who had nowhere to go.I took her to Beijing, helped her find a job, and helped her find a boyfriend.She doesn't want to work, and she has given up on men, so I will support her and guard her for the rest of her life, until she is older than me, until she is more confused than me.I sat on the edge of the bed and fed her. She opened her wrinkles and stared at the old man in front of her while drinking. After staring for a long time, she recognized who I was, and then looked out the window and said, "Damn, it's raining, my mother." Why haven't you come back yet?" When I woke up, I was crying.

I called Wang Yali and said, "Just now you were miserable in your dream." Wang Yali said, "I'm doing well, what a messy dream, when will you get married!"

I pointed to the lights and vehicles in the distance and said, "Look, there are many people who are not as good as you." She said, "Why should I compare with people who are not as good as me?"

(End of this chapter)