Your loneliness is more moving than this world

Chapter 30 Girl, girl (2)
She glanced at me again and said, "Have you noticed that every time we meet and chat, there will always be some very sophisticated words, such as 'man', 'woman', 'wenqing', 'science student', etc. We are actually used to it Look at things from your own perspective and standpoint.” I said, “It’s human nature, everyone is used to self-protection.” She said, “And we always like to attack each other’s lives, I scold you for art, you scold me for ignorance " I laughed and said, "Don't make it so ugly, we are discussing academically, academically." She said, "But it's no wonder we women, who told you men to be false and unreliable , who knows which of your words is true and which is false?" I said: "No, right? Where have you seen such an honest person like me? Generally, when men pursue women, they deliberately exaggerate their own advantages and cover up their own strengths. I have told you how many shortcomings I have.” She said, “By the way, how is the girl you were talking to recently? It’s just your college classmate.” I said, “What are you talking to me about? girl? Don’t talk nonsense, she and I are just old classmates meeting for dinner, she has a boyfriend, and now she’s back to her hometown to get married.” She said, “Didn’t she chase you all the time? Did she give up so soon?” I said: "She had a crush on me when she was in college, but I didn't say yes at that time, and I haven't seen her for more than six years. After meeting, she told me directly that she has a new boyfriend and is going back to get married soon. Ah, this is a special trip. counterattack."

"You too, why do you keep staring at your peers?" She said, "Isn't your current situation attractive to a 20-year-old girl?" I said, "I must find someone who has a common language." She Said: "Haha, you expect leftover women like us to have a common language with you, right?" How can you like this?" She said: "Oh, this is just slander, please don't think of us leftover women so horrible? If we want a house and a registered permanent residence, we should find someone with such conditions sooner. When a man is married, is it still my turn to show you? We are all kind and righteous girls (girls), okay?" I said, "Okay, you are all kind and righteous girls, we are all ruthless Unrighteous stinking man, let's do it... It's not easy for men, please be more considerate. You said that it is so difficult for a boy like us who came from the bottom, with no ammunition behind him, thousands of troops in front of him, houses, cars , Tickets, career, family, children, how much will this matter in the future?” She said: “You men will take care of your career and family, and you will make money? I hate you boys talking like this, family and children It will be our women's job in the future, okay? Don't just talk about men earning money. This society gives us women more opportunities to earn money, or does it give you men more opportunities to earn money? If the opportunities are equal, we can use them Do you want to make money? Ah, you don’t make much money, and you still complain that we women want this and that. Do you think you are the old man in a costume movie? We have to serve you for free?” I said, “You Don't worry, I didn't mean that." She said, "That's what you mean."

I said: "Actually, I can understand some girls' material requirements. After all, as you said, this society gives women relatively few career opportunities. In addition to the fierce competition for survival, women are generally more insecure than men. Chinese people’s understanding of security is mostly material things, or money.” She said, “Oh, don’t talk like that in the future, do you know that some women will misunderstand you and think you’re the only one? They are materialistic people. If we women are all about money, only the rich have wives in the world, and there are more than one wives. How can anyone be willing to reproduce human beings with you?” I said, “Haha, well, I don’t Talking nonsense."

She said: "Do you hate those girls who didn't want you before?" I said: "It's not hating. It's just that I don't have enough weight." She said, "Well, this is what a man should say. Do you know? You are usually very good, but you like to say something when you are in a hurry, accusing others, messing around. offending people." I said, "Two hundred and five has its own benefits, at least the self-comforting skills are first-class." She said, "So what?" I said, "Two hundred and five stumbled, and I can always find a thousand ways to comfort myself. For example, if we don’t have money to take a shower, then we can tell ourselves that everyone is born with dirt.” She said, “Are you idealistic?” I said, “Forget it.”

She said: "Do you really not believe in love, do you feel that love is fake? You seem to have written something similar on the Internet." I said: "Where is it? You don't know how much I worship love. I just don't have much love for marriage. Trust, maybe it has something to do with my origin. I once thought that marriage was an outdated thing, a method used by leaders in human history to better control population resources and social ethics, and it was against human nature.” She said : "Your point of view is a typical irresponsible Wenqing point of view. It is simply standing up and talking without back pain. If there is no marriage system, then so many people in our country will have to mess up. How many illegitimate children must there be?" No one to support, how many orphans and widows have no one to support? Among other things, wedding companies and real estate developers will have to starve to death. So you literary youths cannot participate in politics, and you all wish that China will be like the United States in the 20s , be a hippie, free your personality, take drugs, pick up girls, listen to rock music all day long, and don’t care about other people’s lives.” I said, “Don’t change the subject, I’m talking about my personal opinions in the past. Everyone according to their own wishes It is very good to allocate life, just like people who are engaged in sales use several mobile phones, they are also friends, there are business friends, there are bosom friends; People with a blue face, a spare tire, and a meal ticket are all considered the wisdom of modern people; there are also those singles, DINKs who don’t want children, etc., all live according to their own wishes. You can say that they have Is it wrong?"

She said: "Then what about the forced marriage in your family? Will you marry for the sake of getting married? Are you dating me because of the forced marriage in your family? Let me tell you, if you want to because of this, I don't want to see you." I said: " My family has been forced into marriage for five years. I want to start early, and I still need to stay for such a long time? But when you talk about forced marriage, I am really worried that I will not be able to stand it in the end. How can I resist so much alone? The traditional forces of the country?" She said: "Then what should I do? Are you going to admit it? Go back to your hometown, marry a little village girl, and give birth to a few fat babies for your parents?" I said: "You are not kind, the village What's wrong with my aunt? There are good people in village aunts too. Besides, I'm a man, and at worst I put my career first, so who can I live with? Isn't Hu Shi such an avant-garde genius, arranged marriages, and lived a lifetime with a woman with small feet? But having said that, you are different, you are a girl, I am desperate about this, you can’t be desperate, marriage is too important to a woman, you can’t just throw all your eggs in one fist and marry someone for any reason.” She said: “Then you think I should find What kind of man to marry?" I said, "Find someone you like." She said, "You said that, but you didn't say it, who would spend the rest of their life with a man they hate?" I said, "No If you want a standard, then find an honest man. This is how I understand that a man can have all kinds of flaws, but he must be honest, because he is hypocritical in front of you today, and he can deceive you without any scruples tomorrow. You look at a man , You have to think about him thoroughly, so that you will greatly reduce the probability of causing disasters in the future. The so-called women's marriage does not seek surprises, but seeks no disasters. A mediocre success is already a success. When there are disasters, women will easily suffer. "

She became serious and said, "I won't lie to you. In the past two years, I have also been forced to marry by my family. It made me a little nervous, but I am still very idealistic emotionally. As a result, I am becoming less and less confident now. , Even my brother said that the kind of man I was looking for could not appear, and I was quite entangled." I said: "There is no need to tangle, your conditions are good, at least better than ours? Look at you, long The income is not bad, and my family is also a middle class in the city, my parents are educated, and I have received a very good higher education." She said: "You are not bad either, you can analyze life well and plan your career well. I am well-organized, and I can also deal with forced marriages by my family, which I can’t do.” I said, “Hey, how can it be as easy as you say? There are too many things to care about, and the strength is less.”

I pointed to the lights and vehicles in the distance and said, "Look, there are many people who are not as good as you." She said, "Why should I compare with people who are not as good as me?"

Twilight engulfed the entire factory area, and tourists from galleries and shops came out one after another, men and women, having fun on the snow.Infected by the crowd nearby, I leaned over and kneaded two big snowballs, and said, "Do you want to play a game of hitting apples? You put this on your head, stand over there, and let me throw one, and you can't hide, and you can't throw it accurately." Count me as the loser." She widened her eyes and said, "Why don't you say you stand over there and let me throw you, what kind of broken game are you?" I said, "This game has a romantic allusion." She said, "Go You, there is a fart story." I stood up straight and said, "Do you still remember the Italian football star Baggio I told you about? When he was in school, many girls had a crush on him. He didn't know which one to choose, so he shot it with a football. The way to choose the apple is to put the apple on the girl's head, and Baggio kicks the ball. Whoever hits the apple safely will be his girlfriend. Many girls dare not hit the apple, and the only one who hits the apple is the apple on the girl's head. Hit by football safety, this girl is the senior that Baggio has always had a crush on, and later became Baggio's wife." She retched with a smile and said, "It's disgusting, I've never seen you so shameless."

I threw a snowball towards the chimney far away, looked at the falling snowball and said, "Have you ever thought about what is the source of stress for people of our age?" She said, "Didn't you say that before?" Is it the pressure caused by responsibility, I agree with your point of view.” I threw a second snowball and said: “Responsibility is one aspect, the most important thing is that we are too competitive with ourselves, and we always feel that we must We will have no regrets when we are young, and this kind of emotion has aggravated our mental pressure." She said: "According to what you mean, you don't care about anything, you don't fight for anything, you are heartless and live a simple life. There is no pressure, right?” I said, “That’s right, that’s what it means, and I only figured it out in the past two years. There are some things that you’ve been pursuing for many years, so what if you finally get them? ?Everything has flaws, and every dream has loopholes. Actually, we should all be more casual, so that we can be happy." She said, "Okay, then let me ask you a casual question, do you love me?" I looked back at her: "Huh?"

"Ah what, I'm asking you if you love me." She said, "Let's see if you're telling the truth." I rubbed my face, picked my eyes, and said, "I guess I like it, saying love is a bit big. Counting this time, we have only met four times in total, can you believe me when I say I love you?" She said, "I knew you would say that." I said, "You are asking a trap question, If I want to say I love you, you must say, 'You used to answer other girls so happily before'; if I say I don't love you, you will say, 'Look, even you admit that you dated me because of the forced marriage at home. '. I can see your scheming at a glance." She said: "Ha, I just asked casually, and you have even pulled out your scheming, which one of us has scheming?" I said, "Then you love Me? I’m asking you.” She said: “I don’t want to answer.” I said: “It’s okay, you can answer, I’m just asking casually.” She said: “Oh, that’s fine, can’t I apologize? Let’s skip this topic.” I said, “Look, you don’t even have the courage to answer, and you still laugh at me.” She said, “Well, tell me, do you say I love you or not? I’ll let you tell. "I said, "I don't like it." She said, "How come?" I said, "Have you heard of the hot pot theory? It means that a girl like you wants to have a big meal, but there is only one hot pot restaurant nearby. It’s not that hot pot is bad, but it’s not your ideal dish after all.” She said, “What do you mean, you’re that hot pot?” I said, “Yes, I’ve seen this for a long time, we’ll get to know each other soon It’s been a year, and every time I propose to formally establish a relationship, you get entangled and get emotional, and you clearly agree, but you are not reconciled. Every time we quarrel because of this, we cut off contact, and after a few months, you take the initiative again Come out and talk to me, tell me, what am I not a hot pot in your eyes? Saying hot pot sounds good, but if it sounds bad, it’s a spare tire." She shouted: "Wangdandan, don't always judge others so subjectively. Is it? I just said to skip this topic. Are you finished? You treat yourself as a spare tire, and you insist on putting shit on my head. Who do you think you are, and what right do you have to say that about others? Ah, I treat you as a spare tire, so what do you treat me as? I'm not even a hotpot in your heart."

I bent over and tore off a tissue to wipe her face, calling myself an asshole over and over again.She sat on the bench and tried her best to squeeze her tears, but after 2 minutes, she finally couldn't squeeze them out.I said: "Okay, it's dinner time, go out and eat something." She said: "Eat a fart." I said: "There is no fart here." She said: "Sell a fart." I Said: "You said you were hungry half an hour ago, go now, okay?" She said: "I'm full." I said: "You have to eat when you are full. There’s so much gas in my stomach, how can I push it out if I don’t have some food?” She let out a chuckle and said, “Get lost.” I smiled and helped her up and said, “Okay, okay, get up, It’s past six o’clock, and there aren’t many restaurants on the streets around here, and they will be full in a while, and even the seats will be gone.” She said, “Then you are not allowed to mess up again.” I said, “If I mess up again, you just use chopsticks Throw me into the hot pot."

She said: "Did you make up such a silly joke just because we had a hot pot appointment yesterday? Or did you make it up long ago to anger me?" I said, "In heaven, absolutely It's made up now, but I didn't expect you to see it through so soon, it's a little stupid, a little incompetent, next time I'll make up some sheep and scorpion barbecue for Your Highness." She said: "Actually, I really don't like it. You are the one who eats hot pot. You always say that you can follow your mother’s taste, and you don’t eat anything fishy, ​​spicy, or sour. So what can you eat? You can’t eat this, you can’t eat that, you’re tired of living Not tired? For a person like you, you deserve it if you are exhausted."

The snow was still falling, and the road in front of us became smooth again, and even the 798 behind him seemed no longer so worried, because at this time it was no different from the outside world.

At the end of Qianjing Hutong, I came across a pair of yellow and green socks. I stared at them for a long time, and couldn’t help crying when I left. They looked so familiar, and I couldn’t remember who had worn them before. Someone I've ever loved?They walked on the wind in these bright socks like a burnt-out flame.

(End of this chapter)