You are the april day of the world

Chapter 47 Appendix 1: Letters ([-])
To Hu Shi

一
Mr. Shizhi:

You may be surprised by this abrupt letter, but I beg your pardon. It is only a natural influence that the news of your arrival in America reached the ears of a spiritual exile.

My longing for Beijing for more than two years and the recent cruel experience have given me a lot of trouble and pain.I think you will be able to forgive me for my enthusiasm for your beauty.I would like to see you, and I would like to hear the voice and news of Beijing that I am obsessed with. Don’t you think it’s too much?
New York is so near, do I have any hope of welcoming you to Philadelphia?Columbia must be very busy speaking, I wonder if I can walk around on weekends?
Are you free on the third or fourth weekend at the end of February, because at that time Peng School’s new education conference will ask (me) to find a Chinese speaker (speaker).If Mr. Hu can come and pay, can he agree to be the speaker that night?Originally, this would be extremely unimportant and should not be too much work, just because it allows us to meet and talk, so I wrote to ask.

If you are too busy at the end of the month to come to pay, please let me know so that the association can be notified earlier (Dr.G.
President H. Mirznich).I may be able to visit in New York sometime.

It's very inappropriate to interrupt so abruptly, but—forgive me.

Huiyin in Philadelphia on February [-]
Mr. Ershizhi:

I really don't know how to thank you for this visit (visit)!On Friday, I saw that you either talked or gave speeches from morning to night. It was really hard work.Early the next morning, I thought you were on your way to Huajing again, and I was really tired for you.I hope you can take a rest in Huajing calmly.

Everyone who listened to the lecture that day was overjoyed.After that dinner, I only felt a thousand emotions.I didn't thank you.If you want to say thank you, the word "thank you" is really too light to reach my gratitude.A little education will make you work hard for three days, really!

Your visit fee gave me several levels of comfort. To be honest, when I wrote to invite you, I was a little afraid of being abrupt, and even after meeting you that day, I still felt a little uncomfortable.But your old friend's sincere and warm words immediately put me at ease (let me rest assured).

Everything you talked about that day—religion, human affairs, education, and politics—I will never forget, especially "human affairs";If there is still something to talk about and ask, let them go, don't talk, don't ask.

"Let the past be the past" is a ready-made saying of Zhimo.

I will not be able to come to New York until you return to China. If I stay in the United States for another year, we will not see each other for another year and a half.Mr. Shizhi, I wish you all the best happiness and health.When I went back, I saw my friends waiting for me. Please tell Zhimo, I have had enough of loneliness and disappointment in the past three years, and now I can find comfort and satisfaction in loneliness and disappointment.Tell him that I absolutely do not blame him, I only hope that he will forgive me for all the ignorance in the past.But Lu Yuan is isolated, misunderstandings are inevitable, and he should forgive me.I went through all his old letters yesterday.I really understand the old Zhimo now, but I don’t need to mention the past now, I just want to remember it forever.

As you said, experience is valuable, but valuable experience is all gained through suffering. I really gained a lot of experience in these three years, but it was enough.

After a lot of stimulating environment and psychology, I am getting older as you said.

In other words, you will realize that you have gone from the idealistic phase of youth to the realistic phase of adulthood.Just do it as a human being.

When idealitic dreams stop, many vanities can be cured.This is not a good thing in the first place.

As a matter of fact, I have nothing to dissatisfy.Now if I can't start my work in China, I will stay abroad and continue to work for another year.Please tell Zhimo again, he is afraid that the United States will spoil me, but in fact it is not always the case. It took me three years to improve my spoilt (spoiled) life in Beijing. If you want to say that there is no "spoilt" person in the world who is more likely to spoil than China, he himself should pay attention.

Tong Bo and his wife prayed for me. If Ms. Shuhua is free, can you send me some photos of the house. I have not seen it since the house was renovated. I have a deep relationship with that house.The sojourner's dream soul often circles Qiongta Snow Pool.There are countless memories of mine in her mother's yard. Although it is hard to look back now, the owners of the house are old friends. I would like to have a few videos as souvenirs.

Emotion and reason can be said to be in opposition.Now late at night, I couldn't help being emotional again, so I wrote such a long letter unreasonably, wasting your time and disturbing your spirit.Mr. Shizhi, I have to apologize again.After returning to China, if you have a chance, please give me a few words in your free time. I can't help being afraid that I will be expelled from the army for a year and a half.

Mrs. Hu said hello to me, and hope to see you when I come to Beijing in the future.

I wish you safe travel
Huiyin sent from Philadelphia
March [-]

three

Mr. Shizhi:

When Zhimo left, he ordered to buy embroidery goods for Bell and his wife, and asked Mr. to take them to Yenching University, and here they are.His nostalgia for KM went straight to her sister, which can really express the oriental color of affection and kindness, with a smile.

Dajia has just returned to the north, and he has not yet met, feeling disappointed.Chi Riyu and his wife should come to learn together.

Huiyin
four

Mr. Shizhi:

I wrote a letter in the afternoon, and I am enclosing it today. I think historians will not blame me for such a letter. I am straightforward and quick-tempered, and I hate people who are petty and mean-spirited and tell nonsense the most.This time because of Shu Hua's nonsense, he was really confused.

If I didn't know that Gongchao saw Zhimo's diary, I wouldn't know that Shuhua would have it.Unexpectedly, many days later, when she asked her to borrow it, she said, "I can't find it everywhere", "It has not been checked in the painting and calligraphy box for many years".It's chilling!I didn't know her before, had no feelings for her, didn't have any reason, and didn't think highly of her.Later, because she was married to Tong Bo, and she had works such as "Send a Car", I felt that maybe I looked down on people, so I greeted her with humility and sincerity. I never expected that she is such a person!It's chilling.

Zhimo often said: "Shuhua is very stingy." I always said: "Really? Be careful, don't offend her."

Although it is common for women to be stingy, a well-known scholar like her should also learn to be generous.

Now no matter who cuts out the diary, it is a fact that one of the paragraphs is missing. Before she made a frank statement and explained those nonsense, she would always be suspicious. (Zhimo himself can’t tear it up, Xiaoman can still ask.) As for me, when I think about that diary, I think it’s a place where women are stingy or curious, but this psychology is too human (human), and I don’t think so. ashamed.

To be honest, I will not be proud of the poet's flattery, nor will I be ashamed of being in love.I will always be "me", being complimented by poets will not increase my beauty and strength, and there is nothing to be ashamed of having an unfortunate and tortuous old history. (I just want to read that diary. It is a kind of satisfaction for me, to satisfy my curiosity, to reflect on this strange world, and to remember old friends.) I think this incident is really unfortunate from the perspective of personnel, and from the perspective of spirit. Perhaps it is the reason why Zhimo became a poet, but also gave me a lot of help in personality, knowledge and cultivation. Zhimo in a way (from a certain aspect) does not regret that he has this painful history. I think my life is at least not too much. It’s not a bad thing to fall into ordinary satisfaction, Zhimo has alerted me, he has become a kind of stimulus in my life, or hate, or anger, or happy or sorry (lucky or regrettable), Either sad or painful, I don't regret it, I don't proud (proud) of my stubbornness, and I don't feel ashamed.

My education is old, I can't make a new person, I just want "worthy" people - parents, husband (someone who loves me and treats me very well), son, family, etc. Later, I had to be worthy of another person who loved me, and my own temperament made it very difficult for me sometimes.In the past few years, it was easy to be worthy of him or not--now it turns out that maybe I am not worthy of anyone, how wronged you are!
I myself have reached a certain age, and I have not achieved much, and I see fewer and fewer opportunities——I am an excited type, accomplish things by sudden inspiration and master stroke (I am an excited type, do things by sudden inspiration and magical strokes), not because I can learn things slowly People who practice slowly.Now my health is not good, and the burden of daily life is also heavy, I am really afraid that I will live a mediocre life from now on, and live my life as a wife and child!I can't help feeling sad.

Thinking of Zhima's inspiring friendship and love (inspiring friendship and love) this summer is very sad for me.

I miss him a lot these days, but if he is still alive, I am afraid I will not be able to change him.Very unlikely in fact.Maybe that's why I don't love him enough, a proof that I love my present home above all else.Zhimo also admitted this.

Huiyin
January 20, [-]

五

Mr. Shizhi:

I haven't heard from you for many days, and I wanted to come over and talk to you, and clear up some bits and pieces to be discussed.Always can't do it.A few days ago, people felt that they could not move much because of their illness. After a few days and nights, two or three engineering patterns made people feel sleepy and exhausted.

From last week to now, I went to Xiehe for a few days to check my body. The news was terrible. The doctor and Sicheng frowned again. It seems that my illness has progressed a little bit, and the doctor is still discussing how to deal with me.

The physical condition is like this, the mood is not good, and there are many things that need to be done. I really hope that I can have a meeting in the near future, so as to summarize Zhimo's diaries.

This time, some of the diaries you brought from Kip have not yet been seen. Can you let me read them as soon as possible and make a whole survey with other parts?
According to my opinion, the original English texts of these diaries are not very good. They are very young, and they will have a lot of subsidies for "complete biography" with him in the future. Printing them out alone is of little value in English literature. At least in the two books I saw, the writing was far from his later works (letters), and all the people involved were alive, which was extremely inconvenient, and it was only a matter of storage and preservation for the time being.

Among Zhimo's works, almost all the poems have been printed, and prose and letters are probably the most important issues at present. I wonder if anyone has dealt with this matter recently? "Biography" or not, I believe that Zhimo's lovely personality will always shine brightly in people's memory, and there is no need to rush for the time being.At most, slowly collect materials for future convenience.

A few days ago, Mr. ES Bernett came to visit and said that Mrs. Richard had a letter saying that the old friends of Cambridge Zhimo really wanted his two articles on "Cambridge" to be translated into English and sent to them for publication in two magazines.

The Richards would like to translate for me nearby.I read those two articles and couldn't help sweating a lot of shame.You know those two things are two of his best prose.What good English do I have to translate them.On the one hand, because I am also a person who loves Cam River and has special feelings for the scenery of Cambridge in late spring in the UK, I seem to want to "work hard" and "try" (both are good words from my husband), and some old people in Cambridge I also know a few friends, and I seem to understand all the things quoted in his article... However, if Mr. knows someone who can do his work justice rendering into really charming English They become really elegant English), it is still best to ask someone to translate that thing quickly and send it to Richards.

When the body is poor, the sad color will be deep again.I've been very sad these days.what to do

Has Congwen left, and is there a chance to see you again.

Xiangmei came north again, but she hasn't seen her yet.Nanking seemed to be in danger every day, too bad.Sizhong's 88th division has opened on the front line of Nanjing Xiaguan, and the country is "difficult" even more "difficult"

It's urgent, how can I live this day!
Sir, I have been busy thinking about it these two days, please give me a call if I can see you in two days.

Mrs. Hu has recovered from her cold.If it wasn't for the trouble with Xiehe, I would have come to the "Research Institute".Now just waiting for Xiehe's will, if you don't go to the hospital, you have to go up the mountain.

this question
put on
Farewell to Huiyin
Sicheng sent a message of greetings, he was even more busy
To Shen Congwenyi
Second brother:

Things in the world are so weird that you can't think of. When your letter came, I was holding my head in my hands and suffering from the pain of self-hatred and self-harm.During the [-] hours, I went back and forth, rationally and objectively, and went through the details of many disputes, pains, struggles, hopes, and decadences several times. On the one hand, I started to observe the facts, and on the other hand, I analyzed my personality and emotional history. , other people's personality and emotional history, two or more people's mutual life, emotion and history, I only feel a kind of sadness, disappointment, and I am not interested in being disappointed in my life.I feel that people like me should die; less suffering for myself and others!This may be a temporary emotion, and I hope it will get better in a while.

In such a negative and sad situation, I received your letter. Intellectually, although I sympathize with what you told me about your pain (emotional tension), emotionally I envy you for being so positive, so enthusiastic, and so rich. Emotions, at least at the moment compared with mine, my mood is obviously depressed, decadent, passive and useless.Yours is rushing on emotional sharpness!
But at this moment we have a common trouble, that is, it is a pity that time and energy are wasted because of emotional circling.

You want to grasp your rational self, maybe find a smart person to help you sort out your distress or "overwhelming emotions", and try to arrange it properly, you actually found me, I understand, I am often called Disputes of the same kind make left and right wrong, life is in the waves, blindly dealing with dangers, I am so tired that I am anxious for others and worry about myself, and I am sympathetic to myself and unwilling to forgive and let myself go.

But I have a big difference with you: Whenever I am in the overflowing and unrestrained emotions, I feel that I can grasp the meaning of life, even if the behavioral disputes caused by the overflowing and unrestrained emotions are the infiltration of happiness and bitterness. Nature, I'm not sad don't care.I believe that the nature of life itself is contradictory, I just want to live; I have experienced extreme happiness, psychic, transparent, and beautiful happiness that is close to the mythical ideal, and I am willing to pay for this god-given happiness in the future. How many times have you endured in grief, disputes, disappointment, hopelessness, and loneliness, as if waiting for your own blood to scab over the wound!I endured everything silently, silently waiting for the sky to arrange me, without saying a word! (Let me talk about it for your reference)
It doesn't matter what I call extreme, romantic or practical, anyway, my doctrine is to live, life without emotion is simply death!We must experience rich emotions in life, and make ourselves rich, tolerant, tolerant, understanding, and sympathetic to various "human natures", able to understand ourselves, not to criticize ourselves or others, not difficult to do what we can't, and not to blame others. It is difficult for others, let alone fate or God, to see clearly that the world is a dispute caused by a mixture of various human natures, and human nature is just that, which cannot be separated from physical, psychological, environmental habits and congenital traits. !Enlarge the morality, don't judge or cut yourself.If you can’t bear to be willful enough to hurt others, you won’t be able to do willful things at all (if you can, then your cruelty is just a little characteristic of your own personality, and you don’t need to correct it excessively) think When there are too many things to do and they conflict with each other, choose the thing you want to do the most—to make the sacrifice you can’t care about. If you know how to do it, that thing must be inevitable, don't try to blame yourself.

I just mentioned the extreme joy, ectoplasmic, transparent, and beautiful happiness. I don’t know if you feel the same way.I did, and I do not forget my happiness.I think the happiest thing is a flash, a magic burst out in a short period of time - as if two people understand each other thoroughly, a sentence hits your heart, making you feel ten thousand in reason and emotion Extremely satisfied; like being in love, at a time, you and another person other than yourself are extremely happy with each other; like being in love, at that moment, you can see with your eyes, hear with your ears, and feel nothing with your heart It's not beautiful, emotions flow naturally like poetry, and the fragrance of flowers doesn't know why.These are all rare treasures in a lifetime.There are not many people in the world who have that opportunity, and not many who have the natural sensitivity and tenderness to savor the experience, so it is useless to have that opportunity.If there is a mythical real scene like a poetic drama, what if the people involved did not understand the emotion of the poem?Even if there is, it is only a limited number of vulgar moon viewing and flower folding, so what is there to say?Turning it around, the sensitivity to sorrow is also a valuable part of life.At that time, you may have to shed blood and tears, and those scabs that are not despised in your experience after the past. (Speaking now, I temporarily forget that I have been crying for [-] hours from yesterday to tonight, and only fell asleep for three or four hours in the middle. Sigh) It is natural to suffer from love disputes between husband and wife, but that kind of pain is also sandwiched with extremely rich happiness.

The real tragedy is the marriage of indifference and indifference!
(End of this chapter)