You are the april day of the world

Chapter 48 Appendix 2: Letters ([-])
If I were to pick between "overwhelming emotion" and "deadly emotionless," I'd have no problem picking the top one, whether for myself or for someone else.

The basic meaning of life is to be able to experience emotions.To be able to experience emotion requires wisdom and thought to understand that emotion separately - one's own or someone else's!If you can express what you have experienced and understood in words—whether it is religion or philosophy, poetry, novels, or sociology papers—(who cares about those)—it will make others have a little more life Meaning, maybe that’s all meaning—no matter how civilized a person is, or where he or she is proficient in astronomy and geography, this aspect of human nature is still the same, and the main thing that remains the same is the key to life.

(Weighing some smiles or frowning impressions, galloping and contemplating on boundless personnel and affairs is a kind of life) Forget it!Second brother, don't abuse yourself too much, come to me when you have time, let's spend some time discussing it, and you can tell me a little more about the situation.I spent [-] hours thinking about how I was so negative and so miserable, and the person who made me miserable was also suffering like hell on the train to Shanghai, and had already sent me two telegrams A letter, isn't this a tragedy of "human nature"?That person was the second brother Liang who said he didn't like to care about human nature the most!
Huiyin, you must talk to Lao Jin, he is really understanding, objective, sympathetic and understanding of human nature, although he himself does not necessarily mention his history.

two

Second brother:

I owe you a letter for too long!Now the first thing I want to tell you is that we are all in the same distance again.Everyone broke up so abruptly and bleakly at that time, and now the scattered ones seem to gather again.Everything turned out to be very strange, and I have been confused in various ways for two months.The more I look at things, the more anxious my heart becomes. I am not surprised that I don’t have the excitement of the young people’s war of resistance, because I understand a little better than many people that I did not fight the war, and my life is too far away from the front line. Still without losing its usual function, some of the saddest things have been observed.My heart is sometimes like a medicine jar.

Since you left, a lot of things have happened to us at the Peking Academy that worried us, and it took two or three weeks (I can’t remember how long) before we were able to escape. In the end, I was sick, but I didn’t say anything , I went to the hospital for an examination before leaving, and the result was a serious warning from the doctor—but the warning was a warning, my life is up to God.On the eve of my departure, I stayed until 03:30 in the middle of the night, and left home at [-]:[-] am the next morning. I just felt that I was forced to get out of Beizongbu Hutong, got into the car and fell down.It doesn't matter if you leave everything behind, the saddest thing is that many friends seem to let go of their hearts and go away. Mrs. Duan Gong and Mrs. Gong Chao live in my house. I really can't say the parting. It seems that I left them so cruelly on purpose. Zhaohe is also a person who makes me really do not know what to do, but I just can't make it in time to go to Beicheng to see her.I can't wait to squeeze all the wives and children left behind in Peking and go to Tianjin.But I also know that Tianjin is even more inexplicable, and life is expensive. The situation of the train in Pingjin was changing every day at that time, and no one can guarantee what kind of tricks will be played.

This is the story of the past, and there is no way to talk about it now. Since then, we have really traveled a lot.From the Marco Polo Bridge Incident to the present, we have traveled all the railways in China!The most important ones are from Beiping to Tianjin, and from Jinan to Zhengzhou.With the luggage and the child in the care of the old mother, from Tianjin to Changsha, I got on and off the boat a total of [-] times, and went in and out of the hotel twelve times.

Now that the rear is back, we are nothing more than an irremediable liability to our wartime nation.At the same time we seem to feel that much of the power available to us is wasted here for lack of better organization on all sides to make the best use of it.The excitement of our first arrival, reality has become habitual sadness.What's worse is seeing many troops passing by these days, from their food and clothing to everything else. I think the word "ashamed" is too simple, so I have no words to tell you what I feel in my heart.

A few days ago I was anxious about the situation on the Jinpu line, and then I was anxious about the situation in "North Jin"—the real "North Jin" at that time—from Daying to Fanzhidai County, Ningwu Yuanping, Shuo County, Yanmen We are very familiar with the road in Xin County, Nao County, and we have made old friends on the road from the north of Yangmingbao to Datong. All we know about the defense in that area is "eggs" in the week after Lu Bian. .I don't believe what kind of "remarkable" defensive work I was able to catch up with later, and Old Xier's army was so cowardly and shameless, why didn't it make me jump so anxiously!Well, things are different now, thank God, but the enthusiasm for watching the battle report is sinful.If we tighten our imagination a bit further: it is so cold... (not to mention anything else!) Under what circumstances did the soldiers live or die!We've worn cotton over there three months ago!So all day long, I really don't know what to think. Enthusiasm in the rear is a sin, and if you are not enthusiastic, wouldn't it be even more sinful?Second brother, what do you think, how should we live so that we can settle this conscience that has not yet died out?

We can’t talk about the cause of the Taiping period (archaeology) now. It is the most appropriate way to maintain it from death under the method of extreme inspection, and to restore it after the war.Personal life is already very bitter, but not so bitter that it is "unbearable".I am a woman, so of course I immediately became a typical example of pure "dross". I rented two rooms for cooking, taking classes, doing laundry, and making beds. Every day passed like a revolving lantern.A few air raid warnings came in the middle, and life was extremely full.Note: I had housing problems as soon as I arrived, and suffered from diarrhea at the same time, so I rented two rooms upstairs from a family in a very sloppy manner.Just next to the train station, the train can be said to pass under my window!Therefore, the air raids were not good, and they mostly took shelter in temporary universities (acquaintances still met more often, and Jin Fu was still "tall").Literature and art, ideals, are like looking at the rainbow at the Wulong Pavilion in Beihai. They are accidental encounters in the past, and the reality is only a bunch of contradictory realities in your hands.

Talking too much, and messy, just like my old way.Second brother, what are you actually doing? Write me a letter when you have time. (When I was in Hankou, I knew you were across the river, so I couldn’t come to see you.) When I looked back at Yanmen in Changsha, I didn’t know how sad I was. I arrived in Kunming soon or early, and the long-distance bus took about seven or eight days. It is already cold and the autumn air is chilling. The road is not easy to travel, or go to Chongqing and then to Chengdu.Now because of the air raid siren, I can't leave the old or young ones for a day. It's really painful mentally, and the daily operations are also quite threatening to my body.

Huiyin in Changsha

three

Second brother:

In the dark, parting under the iron canopy of the station is very refreshing, especially when the people leaving have not found a parking space, and there are no lights on the car, and those who are delivered are holding umbrellas. A black patch reflects the muddy puddle, and the station is full of soldiers—those who marched to the front line, and those who were injured and drove back to the rear!That night represented quite the darkest underside of the days we had been living--the days that had not faded at all on the surface.

The rain in Changsha in the past ten days symbolizes all the moldy, desolate and bewildered life.

The never-ending haze blocked the sky above, leaving behind strings of unpleasant rain that continued to flow like a leak, and the people in the room froze into smaller and incompetent little animals, shrinking their necks and only thinking about it. Time is running out, dragging his half-dormant soul.After I received your first letter, I had a fever and a cold again. This time, I lay in bed with cold or fever, and the life was unimaginably miserable, but I was still hanging like this, which made people feel helpless. urgent.If there is a sky, and the sky has a purpose, I really want him to tell me something clearly, for example, whether a person like me needs to live, and if not, isn't this hanging life a luxury?For example, a person who is very energetic and likes to struggle to survive, why does he need lung disease? If it is necessary, many longings for health are a luxury for her. Is it best not to have it?Died in the rain in Changsha, although the death was too cold, if the result is the same after running to Kunming, so what?Yesterday, my husband and I planned to go to Kunming. If we go now, we are afraid that there will be more problems due to snow and rain. If the funds are not successful, it would be inappropriate for the whole family to wander there with that little money. It is best to wait for some news from the fund.

But today it was sunny, with big blue sky, big white clouds, and beautiful sunshine!I sat on a broken rattan chair, and the rattan chair was placed on the small porch, with quilts and rain boots drying beside me, and I was half relaxed. I stopped thinking about what I should think about for the time being, and thought about other interesting things. Things: Like almost 20 years ago, I sat alone in a large study and watched the rain, which was constant rain in England.My father went to a meeting of the Swiss League of Nations, and I could smell beef kidney and bacon fried in the kitchen upstairs and downstairs, and at night I was sitting alone in the big dining room (with a very dim light) (with two legs hanging off the ground and braids that just dropped to the shoulders), eating alone while biting his fingers and crying - so bored that I can't stop crying!Ideally, I always hope that there will be a little romance in life, or that someone will knock on the door and walk in and sit across from me and talk to me, or sit with me upstairs by the fire and tell me stories. The most important thing is to have Individuals are coming to love me.I'm living the dreams all girls dream about.But in reality it just rained and rained and I never knew a boyfriend, never a romantic intelligent person came up to play with me--never actually met anyone who was as romantic as I imagined characters, but also added a lot of personnel disputes.

Talking too far, I just said that the sky is sunny again, but why did I turn to rain again?Terrible!I'm a little hungry, I can't smell fried beef kidney and bacon, and I can't think about Britain or what happened [-] years ago, the League of Nations or other things!
I just read your second letter. When I talked about Dad’s speech, he talked very lively at that time. He never thought that paying attention to the little daily pain of the daughter who is close to him can show that he really understands it better than that kind of speech. The importance of those issues.Now that I am a nanny (mother) myself, I would not under any circumstances trade a single corner of my bitter experience for one of his then-beautiful words, no matter how witty it may be!Maybe it's because I'm more honest than him, maybe I'm a little less humorous than him!
It's been a long time, I haven't written a long letter, such a messy and unsystematic essay, I wrote so much last night, who knows what I just drank, it's really cold at the moment, everyone in the room is asleep, the temperature is only 51 degrees , maybe this is the reason!

Write a letter about Yuanling and other ideas to Kunming tomorrow morning!

Another letter was received. We can think about Yuanling. The large-scale immigration to Kunming is still a big suspense. It seems that if there is no plan, we will stay in Changsha for the winter because of no plan. However, I still have to write you a more specific reply about everything, and this letter will be sent to the post today to save you from worrying about it.

Yesterday old Zhang Junmai came here, everything about this person is still extremely "chaotic" (I don't call it naive), the world's affairs are all very meaningless, we dream of some wonderful perfections, but the result is only pessimistic and sighing everywhere.I really admire some people who still speak big words all day long, and support their very irrelevant selves, so that others want to cry!
Huiyin in a hurry
November [-]-[-]

four

Second brother:

I decided to go to Kunming in order to actively prepare for my departure. I originally bought a two-day ticket, but later because Sicheng waited for Mr. Zhou Jimei, the ticket was refunded. When I went to buy it, even the [-]th ticket was sold out, so I had to buy the [-]th ticket. .

Arrived at Yuanling at noon today.I lived in Guanzhuang last night.When the scenery along the way is beautiful and majestic, we think of your second brother's affectionate love for these green, deep and shallow hills arranged in the sky, the emerald green water and the slightly naive artificial embellishments in between, and feel a kind of pleasure.The weather couldn't have been better.I said that if it weren't for the sadness and sadness in my heart during this war period, this trip would have been built for countless generations.

Someone said last night that it might be a bandit, which made us a little flustered. We lived in a small hotel with lights shining like beans, and the breeze shook the trees outside. We couldn't help feeling a special emotion. In fact, we arrived very safely. Jing area.

When I came to Yuanling today, the scenery is getting more and more beautiful. Sometimes I doubt that there is someone like Cuicui there!Yuanling City is also very interesting, I love it very much.Your brother's house is very unique and elegant on the hill. It turns out that your family is sensitive and delicate.Sicheng and I brought two children to look for him, and accidentally saw your third younger brother, who came back from the front, the main character in Shen Congwen's novel "Border Town"—a handsome boatman girl.

He has healed up and can walk with a cane, and they treated us so well (everyone has a bit of a personality like yours).We were overjoyed, but they were a little embarrassed that they were bothered too much.Although I spent half a day sitting and chatting on the porch upstairs, I really felt infinitely cordial.The scenery of Yuanling, the city of Yuanling, and the characters of Yuanling are a very complete memory in our hearts. I would like to go back to Yuanling again. No matter when, the best thing is of course after the war!
When it comes to war, don't be too pessimistic. We may have to endure hardships, but we must fight to the point where we can turn around.People like us are too useless, maybe we will die or be eliminated, but there is always another way. Our Chinese country has progressed and made it better, and we will strive for a new situation. We will no longer be oppressed with our heads down. , sometimes it is difficult for us to be optimistic based on the facts, but when we look at the big picture and hold on to our confidence, I believe that all of us are fundamentally optimistic, right?
Everyone is deeply worried about parting this time!I don't know what will happen next?When will we meet?

As long as we have faith, we will meet again.

Unlimited homely feeling, because we are in your hometown.

Hui Yin
Kunming Address: Mr. Wang Ganyu, Yunnan University
五

Second brother:

There are too many things to deal with. Although there are many new savings in the emotional aspect, it is impossible to clear them up for a while (this year is not the time to clear up emotions). Since the arrival of Kunming came 39 days after leaving Changsha, there are also many stories in between. commemorative.

Our days are still like a revolving lantern, although the white clouds in Kunming are leisurely scattered in the blue sky.The oppression of life seems to carry more weight now than ever.I asked myself what would be left at the end of my 30s. If the opportunity was better, what would I say or do? This kind of question seems to have no answer when I ask it at this time—I I believe that I am a complete failure, and I don’t need to worry too much about myself—so I have nothing to say about my friends—now most people are most concerned about my body.There is really no need to worry about the body of an organization that has been damaged in many ways. I feel a little sympathy for the vehicles used on the Guizhou-Yunnan highway. Being a person in China is the same as riding a car in China. , someone pulls you over and pushes you over to climb the long hillside. If you become more sensible and struggle a little, you may not be able to climb the mountain and cross the mountain panting for breath, and you will reach your last moment.

No, I don’t make this analogy well. It gives you the impression that I’m busy serving all day and have a lot of hard work to do. In fact, that’s not the case, although Sicheng and I declare that we are willing to We are obliged to work for the government or other public agencies, and until now people still don’t ask us to do serious work, and now we are only busy with some odd jobs entrusted by private individuals. If they are willing to give us some practical work For the remuneration, our life can be a little more stable, and it’s better to do other valuable things when we take some time away, but it’s not the case, so I still have to find other ways to pay the high rent in Kunming. In the end, I accepted the teaching career again. I climbed the hill four times a week and walked long distances to Yunda University to teach English at 23 o'clock. Last month, I earned more than [-] yuan in French currency. On the one hand, it was spent yesterday for a tape measure that is most indispensable to us. Buy it for [-] yuan!

Until now, I still don't quite understand that we came to Kunming to do business, to "walk the rivers and lakes"

Or be a "social liar" - because of the status of the old lady of the Liang family, people often praise this stupid couple, so we often have some lavish entertainment that requires us to deal with it with a smile - this seems to be a complaint, but in fact it is also Not necessarily, in fact, emotion and conscience are not evenly balanced!Talking to some students in the aviation graduation class yesterday, I almost burst into tears. I am [-]% grateful and sympathetic to these young people. On the one hand, there is a photo of the chairman general on the wall of our rented house. One glance, that’s enough talking—I’m not going to talk about it now—every morning, those passionate people practice speed, repelling and fighting over us, and all the people below are still a bit particular about eating and drinking. Sicheng can’t drink, I can’t play cards, and neither of them can Tobacco, in terms of being a human being, I am already very ashamed!Now Kunming is full of talents, all kinds of people have it, the dignitaries of Yunnan, the clothing of Hong Kong, the style of Nanjing, the foreign money of the Republic of China, all of them describe life [-] points. I am sorry for those young people who are adventurous in the sky, let alone others. .Now we know a lot of poor friends who have come, and there are naturally many people who feel the same.

(End of this chapter)