The Complete Works of Xu Zhimo's Classical Prose

Chapter 55
"Love Eyebrow Letters: Letters" Selection

Xiaoman:

This is really too miserable, how can I not feel bad about loving you?If your deep grievances were written into a novel, it would definitely make thousands of sympathetic readers shed tears. What's more, I am in the most embarrassing and embarrassing position today. Sad?It's really too miserable, my dear, what sin did you do in your previous life, that you are required to suffer such cruel retribution in this life?Breaking off a flower for no reason is a cruel act, let alone ruining a most beautiful, pure and lovely soul.It’s so hard, you’re surrounded by iron walls, even if you have wings, it’s hard to fly, heck, watching a pure white and beautiful young sheep let the butcher with a savage face ravage and murder her with a sharp knife There were quite a few spectators standing nearby, the owner of the sheep might be included, not only did not feel pity, but praised the butcher's methods, as if they were all greedy to share the delicious lamb!Cough, this is simply unimaginable. I have heard many real and imaginary tragic stories, but my love, what you are going through now has never been thought of by anyone, and who has the courage to write it?I would advise you to read Hardy’s Jude The Obscure earlier. You must sympathize with the woman Sue in that book. The results written by Hardy are unbearable to read, but you have to understand the author’s meaning, and you will have a chance in the future. I will tell you in detail.

Cough, I really don't know when the day of your grievance will be!There is really no one who can understand you, forget it if you don’t understand, a group of people will definitely blame you, bah, shit ethics, shit family, shit society, fuck you, the sun shines in the blue sky for nothing , The water in the blood vessels of this group of people is all cold!I can now tell you with confidence, as long as there is blood in my chest, you will have my sympathy and help; I will boldly accept your love, cherish your love, and keep your love forever. Grace can also emit a ray of light from my spirit, and this light is all yours, so use it as much as you can!If you can find some nourishment and warmth in my personality, it is all yours, so try your best!When I first heard people slandering you, I declared to them enthusiastically, I said, listen, I didn’t know her before, and I had no right to speak for her, but now that I know her, I absolutely defend her, I Dare to say that if a woman's heart has ever been pure, hers is one. (Her heart is as pure and unsoiled as any women's heart can be; and her soul as noble.) Now it's a level higher, you listen to the difference, before I seemed to stand taller, my eyes were down Look, at that time, my feelings of pity for you, pity for you and love for you came down to you obliquely. Gradually, I felt that my view was wrong. I shouldn’t stand higher than you, and I could only look at you. .I stood directly opposite you, the light of my tears exchanged with the light of your tears, your spirituality gradually melted into mine, and I also realized a new influence just like you, It has been carried out in all directions in my personality; now I dare not even look up, I have realized the truth of your noble soul from your distress and tragic emotions, this is the reflection of God's divine light, myself I can't help but lower down, now I can only raise my head to offer you my limited true feelings and true love, and declare my surprise and praise.Yes, brave, courageous, what are you afraid of?Of course the future is bright, if not, let him have it.A soul can sometimes go on a journey into the darkest hell, but a little divine light is always lit in the center of the soul itself And you ain't sure you've found your true home, your longing, your dreams come true ?Come, let this great union of souls destroy all obstacles and create all values. Go forward without hesitation!

What do you want to tell me, tell me as much as you can, like a river, try to give its accumulation to the boundless sea, like a cheerful sunflower, revealing her secrets petal by petal to the warm sunshine.You want my consolation, of course you have my consolation, as long as I have it, I can give it to you; I can give you whatever you want, I just want you to do what you said, "Fight On", even if fate tells you to win in the end Before you met the inescapable death, my love, then you died, because death is success, it is victory.Everything is with me, and everything is with love.At the same time, the direction of your efforts must be clearly recognized by yourself, and there is no room for any ambiguity. There are concessions and sacrifices, but everything has a limit and an end; a rare flower like you is by no means for a couple who don't understand Parents, a husband who didn't understand came at the sacrifice.You are responsible to God, you are responsible to yourself, and especially to your newfound love, and your sacrifices in the past have been enough, and you can't afford to waste a second of your golden time so easily.Relationships in the human world are relative, and there is a reason for applying for a job. The soul must be saved, and the body cannot be humiliated forever, because even the body also contains spirituality.

In a word: the time has come, you have to Assert your own personality.Your heart is too soft, this is the reason why you will suffer for the rest of your life, but you can’t be too vague in the future, because the soul and the body cannot be absolutely separated, otherwise why would Nora have to abandon her home and say goodbye to her forever? Sons and daughters, re-enter the slim world?What she is doing is the dignity of her own personality and spirit, and insults and ravages should not be tolerated.Don't be busy and take your time, don't be pessimistic, don't have to be world-weary, as long as you make up your mind to move forward, you will never go too far, there are people waiting for you in front of you.

For future letters, you have to keep them well, they may be useful in the future, when you are redressing your grievances, but you must not leak them for the time being, absolutely!

摩

March [-], [-]
Longlong:

My heart is broken, if I don't give you a good letter tonight, if I don't show you my heart, I don't deserve to love you, and I don't deserve your love.My little dragon, this is really uncomfortable, I don’t want anything else now, I only want me to suffer with you, your heart hurts just now, I just gritted my teeth and closed my eyes to endure it for you, dragon Ah, let the begging ghost in your blood come to find me, let me see you suffer like this, all my thoughts have turned to ashes!It is true that you are suffering from fresh food, who should I blame?
Parting is of course the main reason for your drinking tonight. I only blamed myself for not paying attention and causing you to suffer like this. But when I think about your suffering, it is clearly not all the suffering of drunkenness. If you don’t drink tonight, I will be quite I have to bite the bullet and say goodbye to you, will you be comfortable then?When I turn back and suffer persecution, will it be better than the suffering of drunkenness?Cough, you're right, it's best to get drunk and finish the job, if you don't die, you have to be drunk, how much drunk you can vent freely, isn't it better than being bored in your heart?So when I think of you suffering anyway, my heart hardens.I only hate that you shouldn't have kept so many people drinking together. If there are too many people, it will be bad. If you and I drink together, then we will get drunk together, and we will die together if we want to die. Drunk is also one, and death is also one. We need to cry to let the tears become together, to let the heartbeat make our chests close together, this is not to realize the bliss we desire in the extreme suffering, to enter the realm of great liberation from the gate of intoxication, as long as our souls are synthesized Oneness, does not this satisfy our highest desires?
Ah my dragon, are you fast asleep by now?Are you breathing well?Is your soul at peace for a while?Do you know that your love is talking to you in the middle of the night with tears in his eyes, missing you, loving you, comforting you, and loving you?I hate it so much, the diaphragm on this layer is really all diaphragms, it seems that you are drowning in the water and struggling to die, but they throw tiles and stones to save you, I hate it so much!The power of this wine is not strong enough, just now I was standing by the side and I was fully prepared, I know that my Longer's heart is only crying "I'm cold, I want his hot chest to cuddle me, it hurts , I want mine to hold me, I’m tired, I want to get the rest and comfort I want most in his arms!” But in fact, I can only stand by and watch, and I will be affected by a little help. People interfered, saying "Don't bother, it's none of your business, please go to rest early, she doesn't care about you!"

Hmph, you don't have to worry about me!I feel uncomfortable, you probably feel it too!
Just now you yelled one after another, "I'm not drunk, I'm just uncomfortable, it's just a bitter heart," your words pierced my heart like a steel awl: anger, anger, hatred, and anxiety are like tides It seemed to surge into my chest; at that time, I felt that I was not afraid of anything, and my courage was as high as the sky. As long as you say a word, I will do anything!For you, I abandoned everything just my duty; for you, what life and reputation do I care about?Really, if you had just said half a sentence with color on the edge, it would be hard to say that the fate of you and me has already changed the direction at this moment!
How beautiful you are, my little dragon after drunkenness, your pale color and calm eyebrows remind me of your description when you were finally liberated, it makes me feel a shock of persecution, praise and worship, it makes me feel a kind of shock This perfect and harmonious dragon, my love, in the future you will say goodbye to the mundane world forever, you can’t live without me by your nearest side, your last breath must clearly tell the world who your heart is, your love is Whose, whose soul is yours!Dragon, you should know how much I love you, you possess my love, my spirit, my flesh, my "whole body", always spinning beside my love, entangled forever, really Dragon Dragon, you have excited my infatuation.Don’t be afraid when I say it, sometimes I really want to drag you to die with sympathy, to realize perfect love in the solitude of absolute death, to seek the only light in the universal darkness cough, if you have tonight With a cup of poison nearby, you and I may already be in the Land of Elysium.It's strange to say, I really don't love this form of life, I just want a companion, and I'd like to rest in peace when I have a companion; Longlong, haven't you promised to be my permanent companion?I can't let go of you, my heart, you are mine, you are the only achievement in my life, you are my life, my poem; you are completely mine, every cell is mine You have to say Half a word told Tianlei to kill me and finish the job.

I'm leaving in a dozen hours, leaving you behind, you blame me for being cruel, don't you?I also believe that I have to harden my heart this time, and you also understand that I am going back this time to be my spiritual and intellectual "San Na Tu Jin". If I benefit, you will benefit. I have to pay more attention here. During this period, you have to work harder. I believe that your courage this time is your chance to test and prove your courage. Although I am gone, my heart will not leave you. You must know that there is an invisible spirit between me and you Line, each other's joys and sorrows will be connected from now on, believe it or not? (You don’t have a colorful phoenix or two flying wings, but you have a tacit understanding.) I don’t need to tell you anymore. You already have a direction to work hard. I predict that you will succeed. If you charge forward this time, you will be successful even if you die!With me here, Aaron, be bold, go forward, don't let each other down, goodbye!

摩

March [-] at [-] a.m.

Xiaoman:

Last night in Manzhouli, I was greeted by Feng Dingyi, he also knows you, the difficulty is finally over, but I was still cautious all the way in case the "Mr.I arrived in Chita at [-] o'clock this afternoon, and friends came to greet me. The international traffic is really not bad. I am very lucky, and I have a big room by myself, which is very comfortable.I closed my eyes and thought, if I had a honeymoon with "her" one day, this Siberia wouldn't be bad; what's the cold weather?It's enough to be hot in the heart!Diet on the road is a bit troublesome. I had nothing to eat from last night to this afternoon. I feel sad that there is no tea in my tea bucket. I was really hungry last night, and I couldn’t find anything to eat when I searched the box. I only had the can of Fujian meat floss that Chen Bosheng gave me to serve. Me, but the dry bundles can't be eaten.Thinking about it, I blame you for not buying me some green fruits; I didn't have to change into my pajamas when I went to bed, and I have to blame you for being out of your mind for a few days, and it was useless at all.But I don't blame you in any way, you know, I just say so.

There is an Italian in the same car who is very interesting and can be talked about.His beard is much more hairy than yours. When he smokes, I am always afraid that he will catch fire. There are several Germans, who are much more stupid, and two Chinese (students), which are irrelevant.Anglo-American legal entities have none.In six days, I will arrive in Moscow, and I still want to go to Petersburg!It's a pity this time, I knew Siberia was so easy to go, so I sorted out a bag and put Xiaoman in it, wouldn't it be good?No kidding, how will you live these few days after I'm gone?I miss you all the time, please hurry up and write a letter to England, if I don’t have your letter when I arrive in England, then I will really complain.When will you move back home? Since you have decided to move, it is better to move as soon as possible. The house should be tidy, so that you can study and do things at ease.How are you doing these days?Sana Tujin must be eaten uninterrupted, remember my words!Is the heartbeat still coming?I would like you to tell me any little things.If you can write a few novels with peace of mind, no matter whether it is good or bad, I will definitely win a prize. Those are the people you met. Do you want to see the play?You have to tell me when you wake up in the morning.I want to write a letter to the "Morning News", but I am always worried. It is not easy to write on the train, and I am too lazy to write a letter from home. May I ask for your kindness, and often tell me the situation in my guest, and write letters to Kip, Zhejiang Mr. Shi Xushenru.Speaking of which, I forgot a book of Jin Dongxin plum blossoms before I left. His plum blossoms are so beautiful. If you don’t believe me, let me draw a few of them for you to see.

摩

March [-]

Xiaoman:

I haven't sent you a letter for several days, but I'm really homesick these days.Every night (or during the day) as soon as I close my eyes and return to Beijing, any strange tricks will appear in my dreams.Man, the exile in Siberia was really hard. I was motion sick, reading was uncomfortable, writing was even more annoying, the air in the car was bad, and the food was unpalatable. Why bother?The people in the same car were either bringing their families or going home. They stayed in the car for a day, and they were one day closer to home. I am the only fool who willingly left the warm and lively Beijing to complain in this desolate realm!

When I arrive in Berlin a week later, I have to deal with her again. Although I am hard-spoken, my heart is unavoidably tired.Xiaoman, you understand, don't you?As a result, Berlin has become another uninteresting difficulty, so I always have to go to Italy to wait for the old man before I can muster up the interest to play; but when I am single, my interest is limited. If I came out a year ago, My heart is different, back then it was a decisive decision, no more than this time, my body and mind were separated, and my dream and soul were not at peace.

But Man, don't worry, I will never be discouraged, let alone regret, the education of this European tour is indispensable, and it is nothing to suffer a little, it is not what it should be.You know that I don't have such an unshakable genius. My writing life for the past two years was almost forced out. If it weren't for the hardships in private and the bumps in my life, who knows if there is music in my soul?Anle is harmful, like my recent life in Beijing is unacceptable. If my life in the Crescent Society continues, within two years, Xu Zhimo will be degenerate, and there will be no light on the tip of my pen. , if there is no fresh beating in my heart, then I will be finished "disappearing everyone"!At that time, I must be ashamed of myself, and I will no longer dare to mislead someone's confidant, and even fool around in the political arena, with kiln coal all over my face, that's called making a fool of myself!We must know that depravity requires genius, and many people are not even qualified for depravity.I am confident that I am enough, so it is more dangerous.So I pulled myself together, and this time I came out to clear my mind and make up for my education. Besides, those who love me and expect me to become talented all seem to be my benefactors and creditors. I am really grateful and afraid of them !Xiaoman, you have to do your best to help me look up to the clear sky, and prevent me from slipping and falling into the abyss, from which I cannot be saved.Xiaoman, you know that I absolutely don't envy glory, fame and wealth, I just want to be worthy of myself.

In the future, my life after returning to China is indeed a problem. According to my own ideals, I simply want to leave Beijing. You don’t know how much I love the tranquility of the mountains and forests.The year before last I was in the mountains of my hometown, and when I was in Lushan Mountain last year, my spirit was fresh and active every day.Creation is a supreme joy, not to mention that it flows naturally like a mountain stream. As long as I produce a short poem a day, I will be satisfied.So I really hope to live in West Lake Mountain (closer to home) after returning to Europe.But there must be one condition, at least one person must accompany me.The year before last, Hu Shi was recovering from illness in Yanxia Cave, and his cousin was with him. I said they lived like gods; I was very envious of them at the time.This kind of living in a quiet place in the mountains and forests with a good friend is my ideal happiness, and it is also a necessary life to cultivate and preserve a poet's soul. Do you think so, Xiaoman?
My friends are like Zimei, although they love me very much, but they don’t understand me. They expect me to do a little business, such as asking me to run a newspaper, etc., but how can they know the desire of my soul?I really want to, they will never look at it.Among the boyfriends, Zhang Pengchun is the only one who really expects me. Among the girlfriends, Shuhua is my comrade, but now I only hope that "she" can be my partner, give me comfort, and give me happiness, except for the vastness of "her". The earth calls me and asks who is going?

(End of this chapter)