The Complete Works of Xu Zhimo's Classical Prose

Chapter 54
Uncle He is gone, but for you, Uncle He, I never shed tears.I don’t know why these days, it’s hard to laugh, and it’s hard to cry.Your death is of course our grief, but when we think about the bleak life in this world, there is nothing to be attached to, so we can hide away as soon as possible, who said that it must not be enviable luck?Besides, I've gotten used to seeing death in recent years, and I don't find it scary anymore.Terrible is this troubled world: snakes and scorpions are under our feet, sneaking in the streets, thunderbolts are above our heads, and nightmares are all around us.In this great maze, the most rare thing is forgetting; only in brief forgetting can we have the chance to recover the freedom of breathing and the joy of mind.Who said that death is not a state of eternal forgetting?Who said that the tomb is not the entrance to true liberation?

But whatever you think about it, the separation between life and death is a helpless fact after all, the dead cannot be resurrected, and the living cannot visit the other side of the grave.To explore the vast sea, we must be partners, and to march in the desert we must be companions; when we come to the world to be human, in the final analysis, we are not just looking for a few friends who can share weal and woe. This life is sometimes more dangerous than the extreme sea. , more desolate than the desert, if it weren't for the sympathy of Youyu, I would not dare to move forward, Shuhe is really one of us.His temperament is unbelievably gentle: "a very talkative old man"; but whenever he discusses things, he absolutely disagrees. When he is vigorous, his arguments are like chaotic springs after rain in the mountains and valleys. Stones can't hold it down, creepers can't cover it.Who doesn't remember his perpetually cold voice, his perpetually unbalanced shoulders, his strangely impassioned expression?In his article "Liu Shuhe", Tong Bo talked about how he argued with Fu Mengzhen when he was abroad, and sometimes even he "unavoidable to join their team" who "doesn't talk too much".These three "great sages", who are often dressed in poor clothes and wear everything in their shoes, have taken advantage of Plato, Rousseau and Spencer's delusional power to deceive them many times in a small room lit by kerosene lamps in the back alleys in the southeast corner of London. Sue an empty stomach, at least the three of them agree on this point!But Tomber forgot to tell us about his special mood every time he joined the battle group, and I think I should fill in for him.I just used Chaotic Spring to compare Lao Lao, but I should say that he is a wildfire, the flame head is going obliquely; Fu Mengzhen, needless to say, is even more wild fire, more rampant, the flame head is coming obliquely; As soon as they went and came, there were conflicts that could not be handed over.When they were at their worst, a cut of cold water was thrown down their heads, and the two wildfires were startled, and they went back for a while.That cut of cold water is Tong Bo; he is famous for pouring cold water.

Ah, those old days!Dream marks on the pillow, distant mountains in the autumn mist.At this time, I remembered the scene when I first crossed the Pacific Ocean and the Atlantic Ocean.Uncle and I went to the United States on the same ship, and we were not acquainted at that time. Later, we met almost every day in New York for a year, but the most unforgettable thing was the time when I crossed the Atlantic with him.At that time, I was fascinated by Nietzsche, and my mouth was that set of bloody words.

I seem to have followed Zarathustra to the peak of philosophy, the fresh air of the high altitude is in my lungs, and the colorful life lies before my eyes. On the day when the boat passed the Bay of Besgais, the weather suddenly changed: Layers of black clouds like rock flakes piled up on the top of the ship, without leaking a trace of skylight, and the sea turned over. There was a high mountain here, and a deep valley there. The wind came from the side of the ship, and there was a heavy rainstorm like an iron stalk, and the ship was tilted left and right.At this time, my uncle and I were walking back and forth on the watery deck, we were literally rolling, what a strong vibration!All of a sudden, thunder and lightning also came, thousands of golden snakes were flying in the ashen clouds, the waves and thunder shook into a commotion, and the sinister majesty of the Atlantic Ocean was revealed in this storm. "Life", I pointed out to my uncle at that time. He said, "Sometimes it's more dangerous than this. Do we have the guts to go in?" The scene that day made our conversation more exciting. From the wind to the wind, from the afternoon to the night, I clearly remember that the two of us had a deep debate. forgotten everything.

Isn't today's domestic situation just another change in the Atlantic Ocean?Do we have the guts to go in?It is rare to be one of the few traveling companions who can share weal and woe; Shuhe, you are one of us, how can you bid farewell to us forever without waiting for Langjing?Shuhe, speaking of his body, has long been a weak person; but if a weak body can contain a strong spirit, Shuhe is an example.Shuhe had no enemies during his lifetime, he could not have enemies; but he had his own objects he could not tolerate: he hated confused thoughts, he hated dirty personnel.He doesn't fight easily; but when he decides to attack the enemy, he is the last one to turn back.Uncle He, I stepped onto the deck in the wind and rain again today, and I can't help but regret my mate's vacant seat!

October [-]

Originally published as "Morning News Supplement" on April 1925, 10, included in "Self-Dissected Essays"

Home virtue
Jiade has lived in our house for more than ten years.When he first arrived, he was considered a strong man with a bare mouth, not a single white hair on his head, and he never felt tired when he carried a heavy load to the station.

He always said "I'll come!" whenever he had a heavy job. He really deserved it.It's different now.When someone asked him, "Jia De, what's wrong with you, your hair is all white?" He replied, "People are always getting old. I'm 58 this year. When will my hair be gray?" The mustache is also in bloom.

He can be regarded as our family's "worker", but according to my mother, he doesn't get paid except for food and housing.It's not that our family doesn't give it to him, it's that he doesn't want it.Don't start at the head. "I'm going to eat and live," he said.I remember one or two times when I gave him money for carrying my luggage to the station, he stared wide-eyed and said, "What do you do with the money?"

I thought it was too little for him, so I exchanged a few cents for one dollar and gave it to him, but he still protested louder, "What do you give me the money for?"It's useless for you to say anything, because he has his reason.Whoever eats the meal should do things for that family, what do you give me money for?
But he doesn't mean not to charge money.Other people in the town come to ask him to help when there are funerals or happy events, and if they are done, they will give him a reward or something, and he will accept it. "I 'touched' money again today," he reported to his partner Xinxin when he got home.He also has another kind of ability, which is almost specialized, and that is called "Song of Praise".Whoever made a vow to ask the gods had to use his rough voice, which was not round, to sing rhythmic and stagnant verses in praise of various gods.Kuixing, Patriarch Chunyang, Emperor Guan, and Old Mother Lishan all deserve his praise.When we were children, we loved to watch God. First, it was lively and the hall was brightly lit. Second, it was an excuse not to go to bed until late at night. Third, we could listen to Jiade's divine songs.The instrument stopped and he sang, and then he started to sing again after singing.He couldn't hear what he sang, the only thing he could distinguish was the word "Lang Liu Yuan", because almost every time he sang there must be "Lang Liu Yuan".

The tone of his singing seems to be lingering on the ceiling of the hall, and it is evenly sprinkled on you like a warm drizzle. Anyway, listening to Xinxing feels comfortable, and when the heart is comfortable, the small eyes are closed. In this way, it is very easy to fall asleep on the body of Mom or Grandma.When I wake up in bed tomorrow, I still have Jiade's round and sweet waves around my ears.

Jiade sang the divine song and thought he would definitely get the money, and he would not hesitate, but what he valued more was the piece of sacrificial meat that he should get.Meat that is either too fat or too lean satisfies him: "Meat has to be like a piece of meat," he says.

"Jiade, sing some divine songs," we often ask him to sing at home, but he always replies with a straight face, "The divine songs are for God," although he sometimes feels happy or depressed. He often wanders around his circle in a low voice when he is doing manual work with his head.

I heard that he has not sung in recent years.He pretended that he forgot, but he really thought that his voice was dry and he couldn't sing as smoothly as before, so he decided not to show his shame in front of God anymore.

He actually does a lot in my house.Every day at dawn he got up from his tattered bed.He was the one who opened the heavy doors, and he was the one who closed them most of the time at night.Sometimes he helps cook porridge and rice when the old lady doesn't join hands.It's his job to pick up luggage, it's his job to give gifts, it's his job to chop firewood.Recently, because his father often burns sandalwood by himself, he chops less firewood and more sandalwood.I often see sitting straddling a bench wearing a pair of cupronickel-rimmed reading glasses with my back slender. "How much did you pay for your mirror, Jiade?" "Two dimes," he said without looking up.

He also manages the "garden" behind our house.Vegetables, all kinds, are grown by him.Watering every day, picking off the scorched leaves, and picking when the kitchen is needed are all his affairs.

He also grows flowers, including roses, camellias, roses, red plums and wintersweets, cannas, peaches, plums, non-flowering orchids, sunflowers, crab claw chrysanthemums, and phoenixes that can be used to dye nails. Xian, there are cockscombs that are several times larger than cockscombs.He has a lot to say about each kind of flower: the spleen of the flower, the stomach of the flower, the color of the flower, this and that of the flower.Plum blossoms have single and double petals, orchids have meaty and plain hearts, and camellias have home and wild. These simple but interesting knowledge were taught by him when we were young.He is admirably knowledgeable.He can not only read and write, but also give lectures, which are much more interesting than those taught by the teachers in the school.We like his talk about Master Yue in Yue Chuan the most.Master Yue was born, Master Yue passed away, Dongchuang incident happened, there are three words that constitute an unjust prison, Yue Lei went to the grave, and Zhuxian Town Eight Great Hammers, needless to mention the hustle and bustle.

He made us laugh, he made us cry, he made us anxious, but he couldn't make us fall asleep anymore. That's where all the gentlemen in the school are better than him.

I don't know who passed it on to him, but we all believe that Jiade once taught in the village.Perhaps it is true, knowledge like his is not one of the best in the village.But he didn't recognize it himself.I asked him again recently, but he still didn't recognize it.I asked him what books he read at the beginning.His reply surprised me.He said that the books I read are beyond your reach.Then you have to ask for advice, and it is good to gain insight.He didn't talk about reading, he said reading.

What he read at the beginning were hundreds of surnames, thousand-character prose, prodigy poems, and what else?And wine books.What? "The wine book," he said.What is a wine book?You don't know the wine book, he said with a smile, the wine book is a book that teaches people how to drink wine.Does such a book really exist?He doesn't lie, but he's never been a teacher.He is now dictating people to chant sutras.He can recite a lot of scriptures, from the "Heart Sutra" to the "Diamond Sutra", and he can memorize them by heart.

It is a recent thing for him to learn to chant Buddhist scriptures.Three years earlier, he was ill and had a fever.He told people one day that he was afraid that he would not get better, his body seemed to be floating in the ocean, and his head was so scattered that there was no side, he said.He didn't worry about death at all, let alone fear.There is an old woman in the family, he is worried, and he doesn't care about other wives.A man must die, he said.Sure enough, he fainted for a while, and three or four of his companions stood by his bed.When he woke up, he said to himself, "It's a pity that I haven't recited Buddha's name and eaten fast in this life. I think I can only wait for the next life." After saying this, he closed his eyes again as if he was faintly reciting Buddha's name.Afterwards, he thought that this sentence saved his life, because he got better again.Since then he has been on a vegan diet and started reciting scriptures, and now he has to do his homework sooner or later.

Didn't I say that he has been in our family for more than ten years? He used to work as an errand in a small school.He was there when I was a student.I also remember one of his colleagues, called Shorty Xiao Er, who was surprisingly short, and was born with the face of a Xiao Er.Jiade was used by the principal to enter.At the beginning, his salary was [-] Wen per month, and then it was increased by [-] Wen every year until his regular salary of [-] Wen was not small.The dwarf Xiao Er didn't think he had read any wine books, but he liked to drink a glass or two, so he didn't drink any more than Jiade had read the wine books.Xiao Er gets drunk and goes to bed without losing his temper when he returns to school. He has to do his job with family morality.Later, the dwarf Xiaoer found out because he stole school supplies and went outside to exchange money.Jiade also left the school soon, but he was for another reason.His is to resign automatically, because the principal who used him to enter is no longer the principal, so he does not want to continue to do it.One day he entrusted a squire to our house and said that he wanted to live in our house without saying anything else.Since then, Jiade has lived in our house for a long time.

He has a home in his own village.There was a mother, a wife, and three sons. The good two died, and the remaining one was bad.According to what my mother told me, his feelings for his wife are extremely bad.But earlier he had to go home after a while, not for his wife, but for his mother.Also because of his mother, he had to be more or less patient with his wife.But thank God, now he doesn't have to, because his mother is dead.He never went home again, and he saved some money and stopped sending it home.His wife is not successful, nor is his son. He has supported his family for more than 30 years, and his son is nearly thirty.Most of the reason he hated his wife was because she was not filial to his mother, which hurt him the most.His wife sometimes came to the town to visit him and asked him for money. He felt a headache when he saw her shadow. He ran away when she came, and he was dumb when she spoke.Once he took his mother out to watch Yingdeng, let her sleep on his own bed, covered him with his own quilt, and laid some rice firewood by the stove to sleep without taking off his clothes.The next day his wife also came and saw him through the crack of the kitchen door smiling and picking a piece of fat meat with chopsticks for his old mother who had lost all her teeth and had a chin.She was crying loudly outside the door.He went over to block the door, gave his mother fatter meat, and told his jokes louder, to amuse his mother and others in the kitchen.In the evening his wife went upstairs to see his mother sleeping in Jiade's own bed, covering him with his own quilt, and when she came back, she cried with him again and he ran out through the back door.

As soon as he saw his mother, he laughed and said nothing that was not funny.His mother was happy to see him, and Joe couldn't stop smiling with his shriveled chin and narrowed eyes, and the kitchen suddenly became full of fun.Looking at the lights at the door at night, Jiade was busy greeting his mother, holding a long bench or a square bench, and standing up with her half in his arms, asking repeatedly if she could see, hiding behind his back and supporting her with both hands. She kept her from blinking, and after watching the lights, he took a bowl to the alley to buy a bowl of big meat noodles and warmed it with a couple of shochu for his mother, and sent her upstairs to sleep after eating. "I want you to spend money again, Jiade," his mother said. "Oh, what is this? I have money!" Jiade recited his recent benefits to his mother. The funeral of the Huang family got three hundred and sixty; It can't be used up, what is this little bit!

The arrival of Jiade's mother is big news.Needless to say, Jiade worked hard on his own, our whole family felt happy.Everyone loves the look of Jan Jiade with his mother, and everyone loves to listen to the sweet conversation between his mother and son.Funny and touching.The old lady in the country, wearing a purple cotton shirt and wearing a bun with ingots, looked at her gray-haired son with great pride in her heart.Even if Jiade became the emperor, she couldn't be happier. "Jia De!" She often screamed, but when Jia De got it, he quickly turned around and asked, "Mother, what do you want?" She just squinted her crepe eyes and smiled sweetly, saying nothing more.

Maybe she forgot what she wanted to say, maybe she just likes to call her son like that, everyone in the room laughs, Jiade laughs, she laughs too, Jiade is in front of her mother, dragging the morning Over half a hundred years old, her body is as lively as a little squirrel, busy making arrangements for her, she is as articulate as a little starling, and the eldest mother is so short that she can't stop screaming.

If Jiade were an emperor, there would never be another empress dowager in the world as blessed as his mother.This is the thinking of Jiade's partners.Look at Jiade and his mother, my mother likes a poetic sentence, it is like going to the mountain tower to see the sun is full of eyes.

Look at Jiade and his mother, an old woman said, I always cry, I never knew that being a human being can be so interesting.Jiade's mother must have cultivated it a few lifetimes ago.

One day, when he came home, his feet were on fire, and it was inconvenient for him to walk, but as soon as he came to his mother, he immediately endured the pain, straightened his body and walked with his legs, as if he was not sick.Jiade, your beard has turned white this year, his mother said. "It's good to be old, but it's good to have a white beard: Ma'am, the older you get, the clearer you are, while my beard gets whiter and healthier." With this gag, he forgot his age and his worries.

His mother died two years ago.The shrouds, including silk and satin, were all prepared by Jiade for her in the town.When the old lady entered the coffin, she brought a gold deposit worth eight qian as a deposit, which was of course a filial act of the family.Since his mother died, he never went home again, and he never paid attention to his wife when she came out.He is a vegetarian now, and he recites scriptures, and he recites them every night for his mother.It is rare in his life to spend a spare bit of money, and once because of the unvirtuousness of his wife and children made him too sad, he "looked away" in a fit of anger.He actually went to the tea shop for three or five days in a row, and bought sesame seed cakes as snacks. He spent a total of 100 yuan, and nothing else was absurd.A few days ago he went upstairs to see my mother, holding his muff, and said hurriedly, "Madam, I'm going to the country." "Okay," my mother said, "you haven't been back for more than two years. ""I saved more than [-] yuan, and I want to see a piece of land to bury my mother." He said.

Originally published in January 1929, "New Moon", Volume 2, Issue 1, included in "Roulette"

(End of this chapter)