Chapter 53
But those last few seconds!Not only are the eye sockets fully opened, not only are black and white distinct, but the pupils are sharply closed, and emit an indescribable and unbelievable glow. I can only call him "the most concentrated aura of life"!At this time, there was only a sound of crying in front of the bed. The daughter-in-law was calling mother, the grandson was calling grandmother, the servants were vying to call the old lady, and several immature great-grandchildren were also yelling madly at his wife...but the old lady finally opened her eyes. , as if saying a wordless farewell to her dear flesh and blood, we were all weeping to the end, she also comforted her, and she went away in peace.In a few seconds, the black shadow of death had moved onto the old man's face, suppressing the splendor of life. Her last exhalation was like a blister bursting, and the lightning flashed out. Everything ceased.

eleven
I was filled with the wonder of the dead image, and at the same time I had to take care of my sick mother, who was wailing sexually and rolling on the floor, but I couldn't cry myself; Parents and children burst into tears, and I heard the yelling and screaming like mad tears. Not only did I not have a sympathetic reaction, but I reached a super-emotional, quiet, and subtle artistic conception. I imagined that my grandmother had left The body and the world, wearing a snow-white robe, slowly ascending to the sky, I just want to kneel silently in the dust, praise her life's merits, and praise her life's death.This is my vision!We inland people do not have such a purely religious thought; their assumption is that no matter whether the person who dies is a virtuous old man, an innocent child, or a heinous murderer, there is always a case at the moment of death. The ghosts of impermanence, ghosts who touch the wall, bull-headed horse-faced, and red-haired fangs, etc. come to the door, holding chains and shackles, to arrest ghosts and bring them to justice.So burning paper and silk is a way to calm their violence, and the final cry is a helpless farewell.This may be the reality of most dying moments, but we cannot assume that all souls are exempt from this humiliation.For example, the death of our ancestral lady, I can only imagine her ascending to the sky, and her kind avatar crying like that. Although it is impossible to restrain oneself, I always think it is better to lie down and weep or pray. Silent, more affectionate, more reasonable.

When reason is developed, emotion loses its natural intensity; from the perspective of world-weariness, tears are as empty and meaningless as laughter.But regardless of world-weariness, I don't believe that the development of reason will hinder the natural emotion; if education is really effective, I think the effectiveness is to exploit the irrational "emotional function", but it will never damage the innocence He might shed fewer tears than the average person, but when he did cry, his tears were the tears that should be shed.I am also a person who sheds less tears as I become more intelligent, but this time I really cried several times.One time I cried with my aunt, who never recovered after giving birth, so my grandmother's illness was kept hidden from her until the morning after my grandmother passed away.She was ill, and she hadn't got out of the sedan chair yet, I could already hear her weeping, I felt a burst of sadness for a while, and when she got out of the sedan chair and let out the sound, I couldn't help but sigh in the room.Once again, I cried with my grandmother's maidservant.She is 11 years younger than my grandmother. She is 73 years old and is already a white-haired woman. She also came to cry for her "Miss". She was the only person who saw my grandmother's flowers and candles. When she cried, I cried too .

Then there was crying with my father.I always feel that when a person with a great body moves his emotions, his moving power is greater than that of ordinary people.When I saw my father crying, I couldn't help crying along with him.But the few times that moved me the most were when he fell on the bed alone, weeping repeatedly, calling mother, like a child, and I felt the most passionate sadness, like waves rising and falling in his great heart , I feel that the relationship between mother and child is indeed the origin and conclusion of all emotions. When the shade of love is lost, it seems that the career of a lifetime suddenly has no foundation, and all the happiness can not fill up the only defect; so he When I cried, I really cried too.

But is my grandmother really dead?Her body yes.But she is immortal.The poet Bryant said:

So live, that when thy summons comes to join the innumerable caravan, which moves to that mysterious r-ealm where each one takes his chamber in the silent halls of death, then go not, like the quarry slave at nigbt scourged to his dungeon, but sustained and soothed.
By an unfaltering truth, approach thy grave like one that wraps the drapery of his couch, about him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.
If we lived responsibly and without shame, we approach our grave in peace, without the gnaw of shame or regret in our soul.Life is from birth to death, like Brande’s metaphor, it’s really a group of travelers going on in the endless desert. As long as your conscience is settled, you won’t be afraid of nightmares when you lie down in the tent at night.

My grandmother, in that old-fashioned environment, came to our house for 59 years. It was like a long-term hard labor. How could she have a day of leisure, not to mention the marriage of her children, she was the daily necessities of the family, sweeping the floor and mopping the table, That matter is not on the mind of the 80-year-old man sooner or later!My uncle is nearly 60 years old, but his daily diet is almost completely managed by his grandmother. If the newborn great-grandson has a fever and cough, the old lady can't sleep well at night; It cannot be described in words, her deep kindness is really all-encompassing and all-encompassing.But even though her body and mind have toiled all her life, her reward is the supreme peace of soul; her comfort is in her children and grandchildren. There will always be a smile.

November 24

Published in "Morning Post Fifth Anniversary Supplement" on December 1923, 12

old man
It seems that your death is beyond doubt, Mr. Zongmeng, although your family has not been able to recover your remains to this day.When the first news came, I just didn't believe it, it was too abrupt, too absurd, and too unreasonable.I have dreamed several times that you survived, and narrated the whole story of your adventures, what vivid dreams!But now, in the courtyard where the Chinese eucalyptus tree has withered its green branches, the "old man" is no longer heard; it is really gone, and the white couplets on the walls seem to be sighing in the breeze.In the past thirty or forty days, I have cried that you have your family members, sisters, and relatives, and mourned your personal friendship; it is a pity that you have your political friends and countless domestic scholars who love the emperor.Zhimo is a young friend of yours who forgets his age.I'm not here to report your achievements, nor to describe your words and deeds; I'm not here to add tears to your last tragic change.

The soul is back!Holding a smile in the middle of a windy night at this time, there are only two things in my heart: one is your humorous and natural charm, and the other is the brothers and sisters who lost their parents when they were young. They, when you are here, That breath is not your concern, even now, it is expected that your wandering ghost will often play by their side.When we meet each other in normal times, I admire your witty words, and I often listen to them with a smile on my face, not letting my clumsiness confuse your charm, but after that, I hate this ruthless barrier between life and death, I don't have that kind of happiness anymore!Just treat it as if you were in front of me, just to while away the long night of chatting, I think you won't get bored if I tell you some trivial things at this time.

Let's talk about your siblings first.You know that I can get along well with children. Every time I go to your house, a group of four or five of them, including Xiaowu with the darkest eyes, hug me like a wave, hold my hand, and cling to me. My head, ask this, ask that; when I want to leave, they are in a hurry, those who snatch hats, those who lock the door, those who plead with their voices, you have also seen my embarrassment.Since your bad news arrived, the poor children, from less than four years old to 11 years old, understand the meaning of life and death, but seeing the serious expressions of the adults, they are also in a daze, and they stand in front of others like wooden chickens. froze.One day I heard that they were discussing in private that they wanted to organize a team of boy scouts and rush out of Shanhaiguan to avenge their father!

One morning when "Guan" reported falsely, I was at your house.All of a sudden, there was a loud noise from the outer courtyard, and a group of children cheered loudly, surrounded by a man holding an electronic paper, and rushed into the upper room like a charge.Sure enough, it was a great victory, and it should be celebrated: "Daddy is fine"! "Daddy is fine"!Hui's safety telegram was sent immediately to save her from worrying.Fuzhou electricity was also sent to save them trekking.But this joyful scenery is destined to live in less than three days, and the news that comes next will be completely wiped out!
The princes who sent you with you back then have confirmed your dead letter.That night, your flesh and blood walked into your bedroom one by one, and each sat down in silence, ah, the most embarrassing silence for a while, thousands of painful thoughts in everyone's heart, in this silent darkness Tragic, agitated, turbulent, ups and downs.The poor children also gathered together in tears, cuddling each other, half understanding the seriousness of the situation.In an instant, the silence was broken, and a loud wail was launched. Do you listen to the sorrow of the flesh and blood, Mr. Zong Meng, that night there was half a yellow moon slanting towards the desolation of the White Pagoda in Beihai?
I know you can't forget this group of childish siblings.When I went to your house the night before, I saw little four and little five somersaulting in front of the coffin, just as they often performed in front of you when you were there. "Where's your father?"I grabbed them and asked. "Father is dead", they replied gigglingly, Xiao Wu put his arms around Xiao Si, and the whole body rolled into a pile again!Their future upbringing is the only problem behind you Speaking of this, I can't help but think of the last few conversations you had before you left Beijing.Political life, you say, is not only enough but boring.These 50 years are considered to be the end. From next year, you plan to say goodbye to common fate and teach your children in person. With this pure heart, you can learn your calligraphy. Spend another 20 years to polish your artistic genius; your articles are not weak at first, but what you want is not a writing that is equivalent to your life, you only want to share your life's experience, and turn it into three or two articles that are not easy to fade.This is a kind of awareness for you; when you first met in foreign countries in the early years, you often boasted about your political talent, that is, when you fled to Tianjin a few years ago, you thought you had a lot of hope for the future, until recently the political situation is strange. Change, you are tired of introspection, and seriously want to restore your life as a scholar.From the very beginning, I was amazed by your unique appearance, and even more surprised by your unique conversation, so I did not appreciate your enthusiasm for politics. How many times have I persuaded you to return to the voyage as soon as possible, to lead the spirit of this new era, and to jointly discover the future of literature and art? New soil.That is to say, when Teguer came the year before last, your enthusiasm did not let us young people; your half-millionaire acting on the stage, and your tireless spirit gave us a lot of encouragement!

No, you are not an "old man"; you are at least one of us youngsters.In your spirit, we can't see the gray hair on the sideburns, and we can't see the traces of 50 years of time; yours is still the "easy" style in the story of "Spring Marks" 30 to [-] years ago. It is your most proud famous sentence, but who would have thought that it would be "Bai Xue buried Huadian in Liaoyuan"!
Who said you are not the successor of Junfang?It's a pity that I didn't remember your swaying voice at that time, which was full of epigrams and humor like a bud. At this time, the memory is just like the flying shadows in the distance of the sky and the sea, which can no longer be recognized clearly.You often call yourself a misanthrope.Sure enough, this world, this human condition, can withstand your sharp rational dissection and pickiness?Your sharpness, some people say, is where you suffer the most in your life.But what you hate is hypocrisy, hypocrisy, obstinacy, and Xiangyuan's face, isn't that right?Who has your boldness, who has your suaveness, who has your humor?Even if your sharpness is exposed, it is by no means completely applied to others, why do you let yourself go?Treat yourself the same as you treat others, you have no tolerance or taboo.This is difficult enough, in this day where everything is pretentious.There is no second person, except you, who can give me such a crisp and clear talk.There is no second person among my predecessors, except you, who can make me feel such a spirit of no "attachment" and no "self".

The most pitiful thing is Huihui who is far away overseas. She, you once told me, is your only confidant; you, she also told me, is her only confidant.You father and daughter are not ordinary father and daughter. "Being the father of a talented daughter", you once said, "is not an easy blessing. You have to lower your family's seniority and first seek to achieve friendship and understanding."

Hui Hui, needless to say, you are the only one she admires all her life. In her life's ideal plan, which thing is so clever that she won't let her own old father?But now, it's pitiful, everything has become a dream, separated by thousands of miles, how can her weak heart bear this heavy misery!Who should make it up for the flaws she has suffered all day long?Bless her, you ignorant ghost, Mr. Zongmeng, give her health, give her happiness, especially give her the spiritual art of art, and at the same time support her younger siblings, and jointly increase the reputation of Xuechi Shuangwang!

15 Crescent Club
Originally published as "Morning News Supplement" on April 1926, 2, included in "Self-Dissected Essays"

hang Liu Shuhe

I have always kept no photos on my desk.There are two of them in this month, facing my seat, only the two of them look at me and write each night, and think with me; occasionally I hear a crisp sound in the yard, sometimes it’s a bug, sometimes it’s a leaf blown by the wind , sometimes, I imagine, news from our dear departed ones blown from the other side of the grave.

The one with me is young, and the other is "old": the young is my Peter who died in Berlin in March, and the old is our beloved Liu Shuhe, "Old Lao".Peter sat on his small leather chair, squeezed his mouth tightly, and opened a pair of beautiful eyes, as if he was in a hurry to ask his mother to give him candy, what a lively expression!But on the blank space on his right shoulder, these lines of small characters are clearly inscribed: "My little Peter, I was not blessed to see you when you were here, but this lovely shadow of yours should be with me for the rest of my life." A few visible mustaches on the upper lip, sitting bowed in the satin jacket he often wears, are firmly in his eyes and kindly on his mouth.

let me see.One day when I invited him to dinner, he called and said he was sick and could not come. By the way, he mentioned my Peter on the phone. (Peter, who was an infant, and Uncle He also met in Berlin.) He said that my eulogy for children was not bad; some people have always looked down on my pen and ink, and he said that this time they also quite appreciated it.At this time, I still clearly remember his cold and sandy voice when he turned on the power that day!I replied to him at the time and said thank you for your praise, but I felt miserable, because at the same time, I couldn't forget the price of that article, which was my own beloved son.A few days later Shizhi said, "Lao Lao is sick, and his condition is not good. I went to see him just now, and he said that Shizhi's days are numbered." He lived in Pi Zongshi at that time. home.The last time I saw him, he was in the hospital.His look is really bad, I told people when I came out, his disease is called Shiwen in traditional Chinese medicine, and I clearly recognize it, the dull light in his eyes, the astringency on his face, my cousin Shen Shuwei a year ago On my deathbed I have seen terrible realizations, symptoms that eat away at life.Poor little widowed old man, there is no tender nurse before his sick bed; I joked with him: "At least having a wife is better than not having a wife in the midst of illness and suffering. Old man, don't you feel sad that you can't renew sooner?" I fed him that day He couldn't move for dinner, but when I said good-bye to him, I couldn't bear his unreported state. (Single friends in other places, this is a relevant lesson, start a family soon, don’t be too picky; you will only know the misery of not having a wife when you are laid flat on the sick bed! too late.)
(End of this chapter)

Tap the screen to use advanced tools Tip: You can use left and right keyboard keys to browse between chapters.

You'll Also Like