Eloquence Psychological Manipulation: Improving Language Ability and Improving the Quality of Life

Chapter 21 Psychological Manipulation Techniques in Negotiations: Every Word Makes the Other Party Powerless to Fight Back (1)
Whether it is the battlefield, the shopping mall, the workplace, or the love field, you will face negotiation situations from time to time.Negotiations are not only applicable to important occasions and important events. Negotiations can be seen everywhere in life. As long as there are disputes, there will be negotiations.There is no doubt that both sides of the negotiation want to win, but how to win is the key to the problem.A master negotiator not only needs sharp language, but more importantly, makes these languages ​​a sharp weapon to directly attack the other party's psychology, so that the other party is helpless in this psychological warfare of language.

1. To be able to speak, one must first be able to listen

Listen carefully to the other party's speech, and pay attention to the other party's way of expressing language, repeated sentences, tone of voice, tone, etc. These are clues to discover the other party's thoughts, wishes and needs.

A person's talk or narrative contains many meanings in many cases.If you want to understand the meaning of the other party accurately, only if you are good at listening can you capture information that is beneficial to you from the other party's words.

In negotiations, it is also very important to closely observe the changes in the attitude of the other party.Often the other party's body movements, gestures, blinks, facial expressions, and even coughs can express multiple meanings.Sometimes negotiators consciously use these instead of words, especially when words are not permitted or appropriate.For example, coughing is sometimes a sign of nervousness, sometimes it is used to conceal a lie, and other times it expresses doubt and surprise.But, at a particular moment, an act has more than one meaning.This requires the negotiator to identify the other party's attitude by associating it with his speech and behavior.

In the negotiation, you can also listen carefully to the other party's conversation by cleverly asking questions, speaking and listening to the voice, so as to figure out the needs of the other party, and then formulate your own negotiation strategy without losing the opportunity.

1. Ask smart questions.Questions are often used in negotiations as a way to understand the other party's needs and grasp the other party's psychology.In the eloquent discussion of the other party, using questions can effectively control the direction of the conversation at any time and encourage the other party to express their views.The skills of negotiation questions are mainly reflected in "what to ask", "when to ask" and "how to ask".

(1) What to ask.You should ask questions that can attract the attention of others, so as to promote the smooth progress of the negotiation; the questions you ask should be able to obtain the information you need, and use this to find out the details of the other party; This is to control the direction of the other party's thinking; you should ask questions that are sufficient to guide the other party to draw conclusions, so as to achieve your own goals; ask questions that you know the answer to, so that you can prove the honesty and credibility of the other party.

(2) When to ask.At the beginning of the negotiation, in order to show politeness and respect, you should ask the other party's consent before asking questions, especially when you are facing an unfamiliar opponent.When the other party has not finished answering the previous question, don't rush to ask another question.For important questions, you should imagine the answers that the other party may give in advance, and design countermeasures for different answers before asking questions.Conscientiously summarize the experience of each negotiation, anticipate the questions that the other party may ask in the next round of negotiations, and ask questions after making sufficient preparations.

(3) How to ask.Under normal circumstances, do not ask questions that are hostile or threatening; do not ask questions about doubting the other party's sincerity; do not ask questions about showing off yourself or showing your superiority.Starting with broad issues and moving to specific ones will help shorten communication time and improve negotiation efficiency.For questions that the other party has not answered completely, be patient and continue to ask and try to design the next question based on the answer to the previous question.Have the courage to ask questions that the other party deliberately avoids, but when asking such sensitive questions, you should explain the reason for asking.If possible, questions should be structured so that they can be answered in the affirmative or in the negative.A series of such questions can get your opponent into the habit of answering positively or negatively.

2. Speak and listen.As the saying goes, "Listen to the sound of gongs and drums, listen to the sound of speaking".The same should be true in negotiations.Listen carefully to every word the other party says, pay attention to the other party's wording, expression and tone of choice, and even the tone of speech. This is an important way to explore the needs of the other party.

Any statement can contain at least two meanings.Roughly speaking, some formulations seem to be self-contradictory on the surface, but under certain conditions and within a certain range, you will find its deep meaning.

In negotiations, opponents often use verbal camouflage to show their sincerity and confuse the public.You must be wary of this trick of duplicity.

During the negotiation process, you can often hear the other party say "By the way...".The speaker is trying to give the impression that what he is about to say has just come to mind.But, nine times out of ten, it was this incidental incident, which he casually brought up as a gesture, was the most important thing.Therefore, in the face of this situation, we should usually understand the words of the other party from the negative side, such as "to be honest", "to be honest", "to be frank..." and "to be sincere..." to open Huatou, which just means that he is neither "frank", nor "honest", nor "sincere".

In addition, the change in attitude of the other party should be analyzed in terms of what he said, not what he said.For example, when the atmosphere is harmonious, familiar opponents often call each other by their first names. If they suddenly change to their surname or title, it means that the atmosphere is getting tense, and sometimes it even means that the negotiation has reached a deadlock.

2. Leave enough behind, don't say nothing
The negotiation process is also a process of fighting wits and competitions, which will be affected by many factors such as people's thoughts and emotions, the content of the negotiation, the surrounding environment, etc. Therefore, the negotiation process is generally complicated and changeable. normal thing.Therefore, in the negotiation, especially at the beginning, you must pay attention to your words and leave room for them.That is to say, when you talk to others, you should try to avoid talking deadly, be flexible, let alone say "full of words", so as to leave room for yourself to advance and retreat freely.Otherwise, it will be easy to put yourself in a passive position.

The use of vague language is an important method of leaving room often used in negotiations.Fuzzy language has high flexibility and strong adaptability.During the negotiation process, if it is impossible to make an accurate judgment on some complex arguments or unexpected things, then you can use vague language to avoid the edge, so as to gain time to conduct necessary research and formulate relevant policies. countermeasures.If it is some requests and questions that are difficult to answer at once, you can say something like: "We will answer you as soon as possible." "Let's think about it again." "I will reply you in the next few days." "One moment" and "the last few days" are flexible and leave room to avoid blindly reacting and falling into a passive situation.

Today, with the increasing development of the commodity economy, it has long been common for enterprises to compete with each other in the process of product sales and raw material purchase.Therefore, every enterprise must face the problem of choosing the target.In this process, the negotiation has added the function of "detector". At this time, it is more important to leave room for speech. It can make the enterprise move forward and retreat freely, so as to obtain greater benefits.

The latest winter clothes designed by a clothing company in a certain city are novel and unique, and they are very popular as soon as they go on the market.Therefore, the company decided to purchase another batch of raw materials for mass production.The news spread like wildfire, and soon salesmen from several wool spinning mills in the city and other places came to the company to negotiate business.The company first sent general staff from the purchasing department to contact them.During the negotiation process, on the one hand, you can have a general understanding of the situation of each factory, and don’t make a decision for the time being. Instead, I will tell the company leaders what you mean. As long as the quality of the raw materials provided is reliable and the price is reasonable, I think it should be Will be considered" to answer.Through negotiations, one of them was finally determined on the basis of finding out the situation and repeated weighing. The raw materials are of high quality and low price, and this alone has made the company a great profit.

Negotiation is a complex process.If negotiation is called an art, then it is a comprehensive art.The art of using language is only an important part of the overall art of negotiation. To succeed in a negotiation, it must also rely on the negotiator's own profound knowledge, flexible and sober mind, keen insight, and decisive ability to handle affairs And other qualities.

3. Stand on the other side's side to effectively achieve a win-win situation

Of course, as some people know, not all negotiations indicate that both parties have different needs. In many cases, the interests of both parties are often the same. If one party gets more, the other party will inevitably get less. At this time, how to achieve a win-win situation for both parties?
This requires us to take the initiative to care about the interests of the other party while pursuing our own interests, and to be more considerate of the other party, in exchange for sincere cooperation between the two parties.Any negotiator with a strategic vision knows that when negotiating, he must not be too greedy, and must not try to take the last penny on the negotiating table.Maybe you will think that you have won, but if the other party feels that you have defeated him, will it be of any benefit to your long-term development in the future?The last penny left on the negotiating table is extremely expensive, and you may have to sacrifice more for it at any time.So leave the last penny on the negotiating table, and even take the initiative to care about the interests of the other party, so that the other party feels that he is also a winner. This kind of negotiation can achieve a win-win situation.

Dale Carnegie once had such negotiations.For a while, Dale Carnegie rented a ballroom in a New York hotel for ten days every quarter to hold lectures.Later, the restaurant suddenly offered to triple the rent.At this time, the tickets for the lecture had already been sent out, and it was impossible to change the venue, but of course Dale Carnegie was unwilling to pay such a high rent, so he negotiated with the hotel manager.

Dale Carnegie said: "I was shocked to hear that you want to raise the rent. But I understand you very well, because your duty is to make more profits for the hotel. If you must raise the rent, let us take it." Take a piece of paper and write down all the advantages and disadvantages it brings you."

Dale Carnegie took a piece of paper and drew a line in the middle, writing "Pros" on the left and "Cons" on the right.On Leigh's side he wrote "Dance Hall, For Rent", and then he said: "If the ballroom is free, it can be rented out for dances or conferences, which is very beneficial. The profits these events bring to you It is much higher than the income rented to me for lectures."

"So, let's consider the downsides again. First you don't get more money from me, you get less. But you're canceling that income because I can't afford you to ask price, and if you insist on increasing the rent, I will have to give lectures elsewhere."

"Secondly, there is another disadvantage for you. I give lectures and attract many knowledgeable and cultured people to your restaurant, which in itself is good free advertising. Even if you spend five thousand dollars in various Advertisements in big newspapers may not necessarily attract more people to come here than my lectures, isn't this a very valuable thing for you?"

Dale Carnegie wrote down the pros and cons and gave it to the manager of the hotel, saying: "I hope you can think about it carefully, weigh the pros and cons, and then tell me your final decision." The next day, the hotel manager told him Said that he promised to increase the rent by 1.5 times instead of [-] times.

In this example, Dale Carnegie has been talking about the interests of the other party from the standpoint of the other party and discussing how to benefit the other party. In the end, he not only successfully realized his goal of reducing rent, but also made the other party feel that he had also gained a lot of benefits from it. They willingly make a deal with themselves.In this matter, Dale Carnegie accepted to increase the rent by 1.5 times, instead of refusing to make any concessions at all, he also left something for the other party on the negotiating table, thus winning the final success of the negotiation.

4. Understand the negotiating partner and speak to the other party's heart
Life is inseparable from language expression, and work is even more inseparable from language communication. A person's language ability largely determines whether he can become the ultimate winner.

Taking language communication in business negotiations as an example, let's see how we can speak to the heart of others.

In fact, any activity runs through many details of life. If you pay attention to understand and understand the interests of the other party, and then speak in a targeted manner, the negotiation will be easy to succeed.

This is the first time that Adamson has been alone to discuss business with clients since he started working.When he arrived at the client, Adamson was introduced to the manager, Mr. Eastman, by the manager's secretary.Adamson did not immediately discuss business with Eastman, but said: "Mr. Eastman, while I was waiting for you, I took a close look at your office. I have been doing interior carpentry for a long time. But I have never seen such an exquisitely decorated office."

Eastman's eyes lit up, and he said, "It's not that you reminded me, I'm going to forget about it. This office was designed by myself, and I was very satisfied when it was first built, but after getting busy, it has been several weeks , I haven’t had time to appreciate this room carefully.”

Adamson walked to the wall, wiped the board with his hand, and said, "This should be English oak, right? Italian oak doesn't have such a good texture."

"Yes," Eastman walked up to Adamson happily and said, "That is oak imported from England. I have a friend who specializes in oak, and he made a special trip to England to order the goods for me."

Eastman was in a great mood, and he showed Adamson a careful tour of his office with great enthusiasm.

Eastman introduced all the decorations in his office to Adamson one by one, from wood to color, then from color to proportion, from proportion to craftsmanship and price, and finally carried out his design process A detailed introduction.Throughout the process, Adamson listened with a smile and interest.Until the end, Eastman actually told Adamson emotionally about the miserable life he experienced in his teenage years, how he and his mother struggled in poverty, and even explained the whole process of his invention of the Kodak camera and his plan to make his own Part of the property is donated to the society...

Adamson expressed his sincere appreciation for this.

In fact, when he first arrived here, the secretary had already reminded Adamson that the conversation should not exceed 5 minutes.As a result, Adamson and Eastman talked enthusiastically, time passed little by little, and it was noon in a blink of an eye.

Eastman said to Adamson: "I bought some chairs when I went to Japan a few days ago, and I plan to re-oil them myself. Are you interested in watching my painting performance? Then go to my house , we have lunch, and then you can see my painting skills."

So, after lunch, Eastman began painting those chairs one by one in front of Adamson, proud of them.

Neither had spoken about business until Adamson said goodbye.But in the end, Adamson not only got a lot of orders, but also forged a deep friendship with Eastman.

Do you feel that Adamson's business is doing too well?Think about it carefully, this is also a matter of course.Had Adamson opened his mouth to discuss business as soon as he walked into Eastman's office, things might not have gone so smoothly, and the possibility of being kicked out might not even be ruled out.

(End of this chapter)