Eloquence Psychological Manipulation: Improving Language Ability and Improving the Quality of Life

Chapter 32 Family Manipulation: Adding Language to Life (3)
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law seems to be the most difficult relationship in the world, because if you are not a mother and daughter but you have to call your mother, and you have a family without blood, there will be more or less psychological obstacles to each other.However, after all, you have a relationship, and you even have to live together every day.Instead of allowing yourself to passively sulk, take the initiative to improve your relationship.This requires you to be sweeter at ordinary times, and to say more compliments and heart-warming words, such as "Mom, your cooking is delicious!" I know, so you worked so hard back then!" You can even say some weak words to let her know that you have no intention of encroaching on her territory and depriving her of her sovereignty, and that she is still the most "supreme" hostess in the family, so that she can let go of her arrogance. Your hostility and grudge make the whole family live in peace and harmony.

8. Speak the words to the heart of the mother-in-law

As the saying goes, a son-in-law is half a son, how to treat the half son well is not an easy task.There is a popular saying among the people: "The more a mother-in-law looks at her son-in-law, the more satisfied she becomes." Of course, this does not mean that all mother-in-laws are more satisfied with all son-in-laws. It depends on how your son-in-law does.To be a good son-in-law who really makes his father-in-law and mother-in-law more and more satisfied, it is not enough to rely on actions blindly, and it will be icing on the cake only by speaking well.Please learn from the following effective techniques that can speak eloquently and please your father-in-law and mother-in-law.

1. The pulse must be accurate.Zhang Tao has been living in his wife's house since his marriage.In order to please his mother-in-law, he always took the initiative to do housework, but he still couldn't see his mother-in-law's good face.After a long time, he found that whenever he talked about something new happening outside, his mother-in-law was very interested and often "probing to the bottom".So he began to pay attention to all kinds of news. Every day after returning home from get off work, he looked for opportunities to report to his mother-in-law.From then on, the mother-in-law always greeted him with a smile when she saw him come back.Sometimes before he could speak, the mother-in-law would rush to ask: "What's new today, tell me quickly." If someone came to visit, she would "replay the news" to the family and proudly said: : "Our family, Zhang Tao, knows a lot of news. I don't go out every day, but I know the world's affairs!"

It can be seen that to win the favor of the mother-in-law is not something that can be recognized through hard work and stupidity, and it is also an indispensable skill to do what she likes.

2. You must be aware of whether you are warm or cold.After Wang Yang got married, he was always scolded by his mother-in-law because he had no time to take care of the family.Unfortunately, it didn't take long for my mother-in-law to suffer from hemiplegia and couldn't get out of bed. She always lamented that it was useless to live.Taking advantage of the opportunity of returning home, Wang Yang not only brought water and medicine to his mother-in-law, but also patiently persuaded her to recover from her illness: "Mom, don't think about it. As the saying goes, there are unpredictable things in the sky, and people have good and bad fortunes. Eat five grains Miscellaneous grains, everyone will inevitably get sick. When you get sick, it depends on whether you can resist it. You have always been strong, how can you let this little disease scare you? Besides, now that medicine is so advanced, your disease is not at all What a big problem." His words were like a good medicine, and the spirit of the mother-in-law improved a lot, and after a few months, she was able to get out of bed and walk around.She said to everyone: "It is my good son-in-law who gives me Shunxin Pills every day, and my illness is cured so quickly."

3. You must say what you feel at ease.One day, Xie Hui and his wife had a quarrel over a trivial matter. Xie Hui couldn't say no to his wife, so he said, "Okay, I can't say no to you. You are just like your mother, and you are always reasonable." This sentence happened to be heard by the mother-in-law who was cooking in the kitchen. The old lady was furious, pointed at Xie Qiang and asked loudly: "I don't care why you two are arguing, but both of us are 'normal', so I have to argue with you, please tell me clearly, how do I 'often' Is it reasonable?" Xie Hui felt that something was wrong, so he said with a smile on his face: "Mom, don't get me wrong, 'Chang Youli' is not a bad word, I'm just praising your daughter. Reasonable, your daughter and my wife are very reasonable in everything they do, and don’t they all learn from your old man? So I can only say with admiration that she is just as “reasonable” as you.” He said Then he said mysteriously to the old man: "To tell you the truth, I learned this sentence from my father. Because I, like my father, always 'unreasonable' in front of my wife." Xie Hui said The words made the old lady's anger disappear, she pointed to Xie Hui and said, "Your mouth can really bring the dead back to life." A turmoil disappeared in an instant.

4. Don't be stingy with the key words.Mrs. Li had only one daughter, and she moved to live with her daughter after her husband died.It was okay at first, but then my daughter was laid off, and she couldn't find a job for a while, and the whole family lived on the salary of the son-in-law alone.Children have to spend money to go to school, and the elderly have to spend money to see a doctor.The daughter was in a bad mood because of this, and often lost her temper at home. Mrs. Li felt wronged and said: "If I have a son, I won't drag you down." The daughter said anxiously: "Mom, don't say such things. OK?"

When the son-in-law heard this, he hurriedly said to his mother-in-law affectionately: "Mom, you are wrong to think this way. There is a saying that 'one son-in-law is half a son'. Now times have changed, and men and women are equal. It should be 'one son-in-law and one son'." 'Yes. You think, from now on, you will be an only child, so son-in-law and son will be the same. Don't treat me as an outsider, you old man. From the day I get married, I will treat you as my own mother. Don't you think it's disgusting? Is this my son?" A few words made Mrs. Li burst into tears.She took out the money from the sale of the house from the box, handed it to her son-in-law, and said, "I have been blessed for several lifetimes to meet such a good person as you! I originally saved the money for my retirement, I am relieved to have such a good son-in-law as you."

In short, in life, use sweet words to please your father-in-law and mother-in-law, and use practical actions to solve their problems, so that while they love their daughters, they like you more as a "talking" son-in-law.

9. Please stop "nagging" for the sake of family happiness

A happy family needs countless words to maintain emotions every day, and nagging is definitely not included in these words.Nagging is a very bad habit, and this bad habit is increasingly becoming the monopoly of married women.Dr. Lavis Terman, a famous psychologist, conducted a detailed survey on 1500 couples. The survey results showed that almost without exception, husbands regard nagging and pickiness as the worst shortcoming of their wives.And it is this defect that is the chief culprit in the destruction of family happiness.

After marriage, many wives hope to make their husbands more perfect through their own efforts, hoping that they will perfect themselves according to their own standards.This kind of psychology makes them develop the habit of being picky. They try to remind their husbands to correct their bad habits through language.However, various results show that not only did nagging fail to make their husbands act according to their own will, but it aroused the resentment of husbands, making them more and more bored and hated themselves, and even led to the breakdown of marriage in serious cases. There is no way to talk about it.

A salesman liked his job so much that he thought he could succeed through hard work.However, his wife didn't think so. She thought that being a salesman was a very humble job with no future. She wanted her husband to switch to a more promising career, but the husband was very persistent.So she became very mean and critical.Whenever the husband comes home after a hard day, hoping to get a word of comfort and encouragement from his wife, the wife always says sarcastically: "My sales genius, today's business is good! Praise by name, or being reprimanded by the manager for poor business? By the way, I think you should know that we should pay the rent in two days."

This kind of dialogue lasted for several years. Although he had to listen to his wife's nagging with sarcasm every day, the husband still worked very hard on his own sales work.The husband later became the executive vice president of a well-known company.Don't think that this is the wife's nagging as a spur.On the contrary, he had divorced his wife long before he achieved these brilliant achievements.Because he said that his wife's nagging almost ruined his entire life, she destroyed his self-confidence and dignity every day, and made him almost give up his career.He was really fed up, so he chose to divorce to cleanse his ears.After that, it took a long time for him to wake up from his wife's nagging nightmare, re-establish his enthusiasm and confidence in the sales business, and finally achieved success step by step.

It can be seen that whether a husband can be successful has nothing to do with his wife's nagging, and nagging has no use other than acting as a destroyer of happiness.Whether a husband can correct his bad habits and become a successful person depends on the encouragement and support of his wife.Any verbal attacks and lessons will make a "face-saving" man feel rebellious, so that he subconsciously resists his wife's words and does not follow their requirements.If nagging becomes a habit, it will seriously damage your image and status in the mind of your husband, making him feel that you are becoming more and more odious, and finally leave you at all costs.

Nagging does not bring happiness to people. This principle is no exception, regardless of age, race, or identity.Although every couple will quarrel in their married life, mentally sound people can usually tolerate the negative effects of such infrequent quarrels without causing emotional rifts, but nagging is An uninterrupted and unrelaxed form appears in life, and the pressure it brings to people is continuous, leaving no room for relief and breathing in the mind, and it will wear down the patience and spirit of the nagging party, thus It is reasonable to destroy the happiness of maintaining a marriage, and the breakdown of the marriage is also reasonable.

One of the main reasons men leave their families is because of their wives' nagging, a lawyer who settles civil suits once pointed out.Many wives are uninterruptedly and slowly digging the grave of their marriage.Therefore, some people say that there are many vicious ways to destroy the beautiful love of human beings, and among these methods that can successfully kill love and happiness, nagging is the most effective one.So, if you want to maintain the happiness of your own family, please stop nagging.

10. There are some things you can't say to your children

Although the relationship between parents and children is close, you must also pay attention to the way you speak to your children, not casually.Because children and parents are very different in age, experience, psychology, etc., if you don’t pay attention to this point and say something that shouldn’t be said to the child, it will definitely affect the healthy growth of the child.Parents are children's first teachers, and the influence of parents on children is subtle.Therefore, as a parent, you should pay great attention to your wording when talking to your children.

Parents should be taboo when speaking to their children. To sum it up, there are mainly the following points.

1. Avoid saying hurtful words.Some parents are impatient and easily hurt their children.Words such as "Why are you so stupid", "Why are you so worthless", "What's the use of your life" and so on, although they hate iron but steel, but after a long time, the child's body and mind will definitely be traumatized.

"Why don't you look like your sister? She gets full marks in all her homework!" Such words will completely destroy the child's self-esteem.Many parents don't realize that their words upset their children. "Yeah, why can't I be like my sister? Mom and Dad don't like me anymore." His reactions are often: first, to feel that he has been degraded, useless and even has no hope of being liked by his parents again; The elder sister who is loved by everyone; third, she is aggrieved because no one likes her.

So a more appropriate expression is: "I know you are worried that your grades are not as good as your sister's, but you remember: you and your sister have their own strengths. You are both good children of your parents, and you each have your own love. advantage."

2. Avoid saying words that scare children. "If you don't follow me right away, I'll leave you here alone!" Would you really do that?Of course the child hopes you don't take it seriously.Children are most afraid of being alone in a strange place.But maybe he has heard similar threats so many times that he has long turned a deaf ear to them.This kind of argument often happens in public places, and once you lose control, the child wins.A more effective method in this situation is: if he is really out of line, you just pick him up.That way, he'll understand that you don't allow him to mess around in public.

3. Avoid speaking command words.Some parents play prestige in front of their children and don't talk about democracy.Some parents blindly restrict their children, always forbidding their children to do this or that.Impose bans at every turn, such as "You are not allowed to play outside with your classmates after school, you are not allowed to go to his house with your classmates, and you are not allowed to bring your classmates home." "You are not allowed to do anything other than study every day." If the child lives for a long time In command, the child becomes dull and uncreative.

4. Avoid speaking angry words.Some parents vent their anger on their children when something goes wrong.He doesn't give the child a good face, and he doesn't speak well.Children dare not approach, but cannot avoid.For example, "Go away!" "Can you be regarded as dumb if you don't talk?" Sometimes the child asks something, and he says angrily: "Why do you have so many questions? I don't know, don't ask me!" "Don't be old." Ask this and that endlessly, and just stay away!" These angry words that make children feel neglected are something parents should avoid.

5. Avoid insulting words.Some parents don't understand their children's psychology. When they find out that their children have behaved "misconduct", they immediately charge their children with "treason" instead of calmly clarifying the situation. Insults, such as "you shameless little bastard", "little rascal", etc.

Although some parents do not scold in this way, they always have the phenomenon of insinuating, pointing and cursing, which makes the children neither refute nor explain, so they have to endure it aggrievedly.Therefore, parents should be taboo and don't hurt their children's hearts.

6. Avoid complaining.When children make mistakes, they often feel helpless. "How could I do this? I'm so stupid." He was annoyed that he didn't listen to his parents.At this time, the mother said on the sidelines: "I told you that this would happen." In an instant, the child's helplessness turned into self-defense.Out of rebellion against his mother's scornful tone, out of an inferiority complex in which he thought he was stupid, he would justify himself.Either give in in despair or rebel in anger, neither of which is good for a child's development.

A better way to put it is when Mom says, "You tried your way and it didn't work, did you? I'm so sorry for you. That's how I got here."

7. Avoid lying.Some parents don't take their promises to their children seriously.

"Hey, I'll make delicious food and buy beautiful clothes for you tomorrow."

"Study hard, pass the exam and take you to KFC."

These parents often just talk about it, and almost never fulfill it. As time goes by, the children no longer believe it.Such words are worse than the consequences of not saying them.

8. Avoid spoiling words.Some people dote on their children.I often say to my children, "You are mother's heart and soul".Sometimes when children play tricks, as long as the children ask, such parents will respond.Even when I heard the child beating and scolding me, not only was I not angry, but I was also very happy, and said with a smile that the child had grown up.These are easy to cause all kinds of bad habits in children and should be corrected.

Children's psychology is still in the stage of growth and development, and they lack their own awareness of many things.In life, children often make judgments based on the information they receive from their parents, and then gradually form their own world outlook, values, and outlook on life.If parents say something they should not say at this time, they will convey wrong information to their children, which will inevitably affect the healthy growth of children's psychology, and the negative impact will be immeasurable.

Therefore, as a parent, you must first lead by example, always pay attention to your words and deeds, control your emotions, and think twice before speaking, so as not to cause adverse consequences to your children's mental health.

(End of this chapter)