To communicate is to speak well

Chapter 12 Expressing precise intentions in precise language (2)
The great Russian critical realist writer Tolstoy praised the people as "everyone" of language.The "genius" of language does exist among the masses.For example, we often use adverbs of degree—“special” when we speak, such as “excellent”, “extra beautiful”, “extra positive”, “extra red”, “extra fragrant”, “extra good”…there are countless.Usually, the daily life language used by the broad masses is even more surprising, rich and colorful, lively and moving, all of which are what we usually pay attention to.

2. Expand knowledge

Poor knowledge is an important reason for poor language, especially poor vocabulary.If Cao Xueqin, the author of "A Dream of Red Mansions", had no corresponding vocabulary to describe the rules of Jia's family, the etiquette inside and outside, Wang Xifeng's pungent, capable, and vicious character would be difficult to describe vividly; if Shi Nai, the author of "Water Margin", An didn't know the activities of the rivers and lakes, and all kinds of formulas for pulling the strings of opening tea houses, collecting children, talking about customs, and taking advantage of the fire, so it was impossible for him to portray the godly wife Wang Ganniang vividly and vividly.Nowadays, people like to use the word "explosion" to describe the rapid growth of a certain aspect, such as: information explosion, knowledge explosion, population explosion, etc.Over the years of reform and opening up, new words have appeared overwhelmingly, which is dizzying and has the potential to "explode".In his article "Language Changes under the Tide of Reform and Opening Up", Mr. Li Yuming, a researcher in linguistics, gave many examples as follows:
Transportation: buses, taxis, taxis, and noodles;
Correspondence: postal express, mobile phone;

Commerce and trade: flea market, talent market, information market, Sunday night market, leather bag company, down-to-earth;

Clothing: jeans, cultural shirts, bat shirts, casual shirts, mini skirts, three-point style, fashion show;
Entertainment: disco, break dancing, veneer dancing, karaoke, rock music, laser movies, closed-circuit television;
Education: TV University, Night University, Letter University, Weipei, Five University Students, Self-financed Students, Postdoctoral, University without Walls, Diploma Craze, Lost Students, Hope Project;
Others: special economic zones, foreign-funded enterprises, second jobs, fired squids, suspension without pay, wage earners, foreign girls, sauna baths, repairing the Great Wall, computer matchmaker...

Not only that, but there are even some formats that are particularly capable of generating words, such as "×× fan", "×× hot", "×× king", "mini ××", etc. A large number of words can be generated by using these formats.These words are either imported from abroad, or created in fashion, or revived from old words.Some words, such as AA system, B-ultrasound, BB machine, T-shirts, karaoke, Chinese characters and foreign words are mixed, even dictionary experts are confused by them, and do not know how to put them in the dictionary.

Words are the most sensitive reactors of social life, and the explosion of new words reflects the endless emergence of new things, the rapid development of our society in the tide of reform, and the rapid changes we are living in today's open torrent. Words should be mastered in time and learned to use.

3. Read classics
Everyone is familiar with the experience saying that "if you are familiar with three hundred Tang poems, you will be able to chant poems if you don't know how to write poems".Here, it tells people that if they want to improve their speaking skills, they should read more classics. "Thousands of poor books are often recited secretly", if you chant them, you can understand them and generate strong interest.If you get familiar with the subtleties of language, you will arouse your sensitive feelings; if you get familiar with the wonderful pen of famous works, you will get a rich vocabulary.It is not a fantasy that beautiful language will come to you when you speak and speak by yourself.As long as we devote ourselves to studying hard, remembering and thinking diligently, pondering the taste, and persevering, we will be able to taste the mellow taste.If you use it repeatedly and learn it continuously, over time you will be able to do what Guo Moruo said: "Find the law when you can't find it, and seek other things when you have the law."

Master the Art of Asking a Little
In communication, we must learn to ask others questions frequently.Questions play an important role in promoting communication, obtaining information, and understanding each other.A person who is good at asking questions can not only grasp the process of the conversation and control the direction of the conversation, but also open the heart of the other party and stir the heartstrings of the other party.

In order for the question to achieve its intended purpose, the following must be done:
(1) General questions.According to the analysis of sociologists, any question is applicable to the general questioning method.This way of asking questions can mobilize the enthusiasm of the other party to answer and satisfy the other party's desire for praise and affirmation.It will be more effective if you use the general questioning method with an approving smile.

(2) Select Question.Be selective in asking questions, and don't ask questions that you know the other party can't or won't answer.When you start asking questions, don't limit the scope of the other party's answers, and don't disturb the other party's thinking at will.

(3) Ask sincere questions.Don't pretend to be profound, domineering, and show off your knowledge, but give people the impression of sincerity and trust. Only when a frank and trustworthy psychological induction and conversation atmosphere are formed, can the conversation proceed normally and happily.

(4) Continue to ask questions.If a question does not achieve the purpose of questioning, it is more effective to use continuous questioning.For example, you can continue to ask "how did you think about it" and "why did this happen", or express with appropriate silence that you are waiting for him to answer further, so that the other party can explain what you want to know in more detail in a relaxed atmosphere .

(5) Ask questions according to the time.Asking questions depends on the timing.The timing of speaking is the environment in which to speak.It includes the natural environment, social environment, language environment and psychological environment in which two people live.Generally speaking, when the other party is busy, it is not appropriate to ask irrelevant questions; when the other party is sad or frustrated, do not ask questions that will cause the other party's sadness; talk to doctors, lawyers, etc. in spare time, and do not ask for advice. How to treat any disease or how to deal with any disputes, for such overly specific issues, people are often reluctant to get involved in most cases.Therefore, ask questions as Turgenev said: "Turn your tongue ten times in your mouth before you speak." Only in this way can your questions be answered satisfactorily.

(6) Asking questions according to the person.People are divided into male, female, old and young, with vastly different personalities, different jobs and living environments, different knowledge levels and social experiences, etc. Therefore, questions must be based on the specific situation of the subject.The content and method of asking questions should naturally be different for different objects.

(7) Ask appropriate questions.Questions must be decent and easy for the other party to answer.Whether a question can be answered satisfactorily depends to a large extent on how it is asked.Appropriate questions can make people like to answer knowing that it is difficult.When we need the other party to give a clear answer without ambiguity, it is an ideal way to ask appropriate questions.

(8) Inducing questions.This way of asking questions can subtly induce the other party to speak their minds, and it is also a "detour" strategy.

In short, asking questions is the golden key to open the other party's topic.Questions should be vivid and appropriate, and should not be mechanically applied.Asking questions is the main thing, explaining the problem is secondary, and explaining the problem is only for asking questions.

Master the Art of Answering a Little
Experienced talkers can immediately think and choose the best answer plan after receiving the other party's question.When answering the other party's questions, you should keep a calm mind and not be controlled by the questioner. You can answer the questions as soon as you are able to answer them, and you can find ways to avoid them if you don't want to answer them.

There are several ways to answer questions:
(1) Answer the questions.This is the most common way to answer.If the answer is not targeted, it will leave a very bad impression on the people, and it will affect the communication at the worst.Therefore, you must concentrate when listening to people, and your answers must be targeted.

(2) Answer the question.Clever use of the other party's questions can receive good results when answering questions.If you imitate and borrow the tone and words in the question, and use an unexpected answer method to answer, it is an ideal way to deal with the question.

(3) Set the answer.Sometimes the other party's questions may be so vague, absurd or even stupid that it is difficult for us to answer them.At this time, we can analyze clearly and answer by setting conditions.

(4) Reverse the answer.When answering a question, if the word order of the other party is reversed, it may become a sentence pattern with a completely different meaning from the original question sentence. If it is used well, it will be very effective.

(5) Answer humorously.In the process of communication, if some questions cannot be answered directly but cannot be avoided, you can answer them in a humorous way, which can have a good effect.

(6) Answer politely.In communication, there will be some things that make it inconvenient for people to speak directly. Therefore, for some questions, you can answer them tactfully, so that the answer is tactful and polite.

(7) Induced answers.The so-called induced answer is to try to induce the other party to ask questions according to their own thinking.

(8) Answer vaguely.Answering questions requires conciseness and precision, but there is another situation in practical applications, that is, it is not convenient to speak too clearly, and at this time, flexible and vague answers are required.

(9) Conversion answer.This method is to deliberately change the topic that you don't want to touch, and answer it with another fundamentally different content.Generally speaking, this method must be natural, so that the changed topic has a certain connection with the original topic as much as possible, and at the same time it must be timely.To switch, you must seize the opportunity, find the right excuse, and replace the other party's topic with a new topic before it is fully developed.

In communication, ask questions cleverly and answer cleverly.A witty answer is a state of high-level language art, which can enable you to be successful in interpersonal communication.

(End of this chapter)