To communicate is to speak well

Chapter 20 Humorous Conversation: Those who can talk must be good at humor (1)
People with humorous language are often very popular in social circles.The people who make the most connections are often those with a great sense of humor.It can be said that the role of humor in communication is multifaceted. Humor can be used to deal with problems that are difficult to deal with by conventional ways of thinking; it can deftly resolve conflicts; Subtle and penetrating sarcasm; can be used to help oneself out of embarrassment and so on.

learn to use humor
American psychologist Paul McKee believes that a sense of humor plays a pivotal role in the development of people's social skills.

In January 1979, Deng Xiaoping visited the United States.At that time, US President Carter and his wife held a grand state banquet in Washington to welcome Deng Xiaoping and his wife.Sitting at the same table with the Carters and Deng Xiaopings was Fairbank, an expert on China at Harvard University.Fairbank asked Deng Xiaoping: "Guigeng?" Deng Xiaoping replied: "1 years old." Fairbank said: "I am 75 years old this year." Deng Xiaoping said: "But you still have black hair, and I am already bald." "This proves that You use your brain too much." The two answered wittily, humorously and happily.

Humor is the flash of a person's knowledge, talent, wisdom, and inspiration in language expression. It is an "ability to catch ridiculous or humorous imagination." , malpractice, revealing of contradictory nature and description of some unconventional words and deeds.Humorous language can release our inner tension and pressure and turn it into a relaxed smile.In communication, humorous language is like a lubricant, which can effectively reduce the "coefficient of friction" between people, resolve conflicts and contradictions, and enable us to calmly get rid of possible difficulties in communication.

In social situations, people who talk with humor tend to win, and people who don't have a sense of humor often lose.In social occasions, humorous language can make people quickly open up the communication situation, making the atmosphere relaxed, lively and harmonious.When there is an embarrassing situation where opinions differ, humor and wit can become a buffer in a tense situation, enabling friends and colleagues to get out of embarrassment or eliminate hostility.In addition, humorous and witty language can also be used to implicitly reject the other party's request, or to make a kind of well-intentioned criticism.

Modern people need humorous language, just like fish are to water, trees are to sunlight, and life is to salt.Having a sense of humor and the power of humor is one of the qualities that modern people should possess.

There are many ways to acquire humorous language.First of all, you can use the "interesting way of thinking" to capture the comedy factors in life. "Interesting thinking" is a kind of "misplaced thinking", that is, not thinking according to ordinary people's thinking, but "forking" to the interesting side.Secondly, we must work hard on "instant conception" and master the necessary skills.Humor is a kind of "quick language art", which breaks through the inertial thinking, follows the abnormal principle, thinks quickly, speaks quickly, touches the scene, makes things interesting, unexpected, and reasonable.

For example, a general asked a soldier, "Which country is Marx from?" The soldier thought for a while and said, "French." The general said, "Oh, Marx moved." Of course it is not happy, but this "cha" not only constitutes humor, but also contains criticism and education for soldiers.

Again, pay attention to the flexible use of rhetorical techniques.Extreme exaggeration, abnormal metaphors, smooth metonymy, implicit irony, as well as comparison, personification, transference, connection, and duality can all constitute humor.

Finally, pay attention to collecting materials.Our life is rich and colorful, providing a lot of interesting materials, and many of these materials have entered our memory warehouse unconsciously. If we can be "caring people", we will enrich our language materials.

Humor is inseparable from its own wisdom

Humor is the product of wisdom, which can reflect the level of wisdom and promote physical and mental health.

One day, the famous poet Heine was writing at his desk.Suddenly, someone knocked on the door, and it turned out that a servant delivered a postal package.The sender was Heine's friend Mr. Meir.Heine felt a little tired from intense writing and upset when people interrupted his flow of writing.He impatiently opened the mailbag, which was covered with layers of paper.He tore layer after layer, and finally came up with a small note.A few short words were written on the note: "Dear Heine, I am healthy and happy! With my best regards. Your Meir." Despite Heine's impatience, the joke was amused. He was very happy and his tiredness disappeared instantly.After adjusting his mood, he decided to play a joke on his friend.

A few days later, Mr. Meir received a package from Heine.The parcel was so heavy that he could not carry it home, so he hired a porter to carry it home for him.When he got home, Meir opened the package that puzzled him.He was surprised to find that there was a big stone inside.On the stone was a note that read: "Dear Meir! This stone fell from my heart after reading your letter and knowing that you are healthy and happy. I am sending it to you forever Remember my love for you."

Humor can also ease the tension in communication and avoid many unnecessary conflicts.

The poet Goethe once walked in the park and happened to meet a politician who had attacked him on a path.The other party said hostilely: "I never give way to a fool." Goethe immediately replied: "And I am the opposite." After speaking, he immediately gave way to the side of the road.

Although this incident reflected the arrogance and rudeness of politicians and Goethe's magnanimity, but more importantly, Goethe's humorous answer, although only five words, showed his tact and ingenuity in retaliation, and it also made people who met on narrow roads feel happy. A pair of "enemies" avoided an unnecessary conflict, which fully demonstrated Goethe's wisdom and elegance.

Shakespeare said: "Humor is the flash of wisdom." Wisdom is associated with humor.In communication, to use humor skills, you need to have a certain amount of wisdom. It is difficult for a person with little talent, frivolous behavior, and ignorance to develop a sense of humor.Specifically, the conditions for producing humor should at least include the following aspects: extensive knowledge and profound social experience, keen insight and imagination, noble and elegant demeanor and optimistic and relaxed mood, good cultural accomplishment and language expression ability.

If a person has an understanding of ancient and modern times, China and foreign countries, the world, local customs, etc., and has a strong ability to control language, then it is easy to speak vividly, lively and interesting.Looking at the famous humor masters in ancient and modern China and abroad, they are often masters of language.Humor is not artificial, but spontaneous.Someone said with deep feeling: "I didn't intend to tell a joke, and the joke came out of my mouth naturally." The reasoning just illustrates this point.

principles of humor
1. Humor must express sincerity

Friendly humor can express the sincere friendship between people, can communicate the soul, shorten the distance between people, fill the gap between people, and it is an indispensable thing to establish a good relationship with others .Especially when a person wants to express his inner dissatisfaction, if he can use humorous language, others will hear it better.Humor can be very persuasive when one needs to change someone's attitude from negative to positive.When the relationship between one person and another is tense, even at the critical moment, humor can make each other calmly get rid of unpleasant situations or resolve contradictions.

One day, Bernard Shaw, a famous British writer, was knocked to the ground by a daredevil riding a bicycle while walking on the street. Fortunately, he was not injured, it was just a false alarm.The rider hurriedly helped him up and apologized repeatedly, but Bernard Shaw said regretfully: "You are out of luck, sir, if you kill me, you will be famous all over the world!"

This quip by Shaw freed both him and the perpetrator from an unpleasant, tense situation, and allowed the accident to be handled amicably.Bernard Shaw's humor not only left an unforgettable impression on the other party, but also gave people friendship and tolerance.

Once, George Bernard Shaw had a spinal problem and went to the hospital for an examination.The doctor said to George Bernard Shaw: "One way is to take a bone from other parts of your body to replace the broken vertebra." He added: "This operation is very difficult. We have never done it before." Obviously, the doctor It means that the cost of this operation is different.If Bernard Shaw argued with the doctor, or expressed dissatisfaction or disappointment, he would be on the opposite side of the doctor.The result of confrontation will not only bring embarrassment to both parties, but also affect the cooperation and treatment effect of both parties.However, after listening to the doctor's introduction, Bernard Shaw smiled faintly and said, "Okay! But please tell me, how much do you plan to pay me for the surgical trial?"

A very difficult issue, which was handled extremely skillfully by George Bernard Shaw, avoiding unpleasant disputes between the two parties.

2. Humor should pay attention to the occasion

Humor is known as one of the important magic weapons for modern people to conduct themselves in the world, and it is also the standard used to measure a person's eloquence and even wisdom.Many people are trying to make themselves a humorous person and a person with a sense of humor. However, humor should pay attention to the occasion and object, and grasp a certain scale, and must not be mechanically copied.The most unacceptable thing is to say everything humorously, regardless of the occasion, regardless of the object, which makes everyone very annoying and makes yourself the laughing stock of others.Abusing humor may dilute your real work achievements, and the gains outweigh the losses.The right attitude is to think of humor as MSG—a little tasteful, a lot disgusting.

Humor regardless of the occasion can only backfire.For example, the boss is in a meeting and is speaking to the employees on the stage, but you suddenly say a few funny words at this time. Although everyone is amused by your humor, the boss will think you are an undisciplined and lack of manners. And self-cultivation, you will leave a bad impression in the mind of the boss.For another example, the boss and the staff gather together and say some humorous words to amuse them, but you lead this kind of humor "astray"-say some indecent words, of course the boss will think you are a daredevil who does not know what to do.

Also, take your time when using humor.Playing humor also requires "materials"-specific occasions, situations, etc. These are like opportunities, which can be encountered but not sought. The key lies in whether you can adapt to the situation.If you use humor for the sake of humor, it will appear blunt, inappropriate, and nondescript. Not only cannot it become a "lubricant" in communication, but it may increase the "coefficient of friction" in communication, which requires special attention.

The beauty of self-deprecating

If you are laughing at yourself, who would strongly object?American sociologist Mike Swell said: "Before others laugh at you, laugh at yourself first." You might as well regard "yourself" as the object of ridicule, which can not only eliminate tension and anxiety, but also improve yourself self-cultivation.When it comes to Lincoln, he is probably No. 1 in terms of "humor and self-deprecating".He often makes fun of himself, especially his appearance.

Once, while walking leisurely in the forest, he met a woman who was chopping wood.Lincoln first opened the conversation: "Sometimes, I feel like an ugly person." "You are the ugliest person I have ever seen, but at least you can stay at home and not go out!" The woman Say. "I don't have two faces. If I had, I would never use this one!"

It is not easy for a person to admit his "shortcomings".However, you must know that human beings always have imperfections. If you admit your shortcomings frankly, you can turn your "shortcomings" into your unique characteristics!

The British writer Justa East is a big fat man. Because of his "large size", he is often inconvenient to move.But like Romulus, he is not ashamed of being short, and "may he be a dwarf forever and ever", and he is not ashamed of being fat.He once said to a friend: "I'm three times the kinder man. Whenever I give up my seat on a bus, it's enough for three ladies." High self-confidence.

When in a very embarrassing situation, the humor produced by witty self-deprecation is a good way to get out of the embarrassment, and it is also a magic weapon to show the charm of personality.At the same time, it can also give the other party a sense of relaxation, making the communication atmosphere more harmonious, and more conducive to the smooth progress of communication activities.The famous Chinese painting master Zhang Daqian once toasted Peking Opera artist Mei Lanfang at a banquet and said: "Mr. Mei, you are a gentleman—use your mouth, I am a villain—hands." Here, according to the characteristics of his work, Zhang Daqian, Self-deprecatingly referring to himself as a "villain", immediately enlivened the atmosphere of the banquet.

humor skills you need to master

There are people who are born with a sense of humor who will always know how to make things more interesting, but there are also people who are acquired humor.Let's discuss in detail some methods and techniques for becoming humorous.

1. Contrast
Contrast is the basic device of generating humor.Contrast refers to the comparison of two (or more than two) irrelevant (or even completely opposite) things that have no historical or conventional relationship with each other to reveal their differences, that is, discordant factors .In humor, the more obvious the difference between the two sides of the comparison, the more appropriate the timing and media selection of the comparison, the stronger the degree of dissonance caused by the comparison, and the deeper the viewer's understanding of the difference between the two sides. The humorous artistic conception is more intriguing.

2. Transplant
Transplantation is one of the main techniques of humor, that is, to move the plot or language that appears to be very natural and harmonious in a certain occasion to another completely different occasion, so that it can be combined with the new environment beyond people's normal assumptions and reasonable expectations. Various contradictions, thus producing a humorous effect.Transplantation includes plot transplantation and language transplantation.

3. upside down

Inversion is one of the main techniques of humorous conflicts, that is, under certain conditions, the relationship between characters, such as origin, precedence, size, and superiority, is changed, thereby creating a comic scene with strong humor.Sometimes a change of word order can have the same humorous effect.The reversal of the relationship between characters can be expressed as the dislocation of father and son, husband and wife, elder and child, male and female, master and servant, etc., forming a new relationship that is contrary to the traditional concept followed by people, which is extremely absurd and dramatic, and even humorous plots appear. and ending.

4. Homophonic pun
Homophonic pun is a rhetorical format commonly used in humorous language intersection techniques, that is, using the homophonic or near-sounding conditions of words to form double meanings, so that the literal meaning and the actual meaning are inharmoniously intertwined.Homophonic puns use voice as a link to connect two irrelevant meanings, allowing viewers to comprehend the artist's sense of humor through association.

common way to create humor
1. Use exaggeration for effect

Unlimited exaggeration of the facts, resulting in an extremely incongruous comic effect, is one of the effective ways to generate humor.

Mark Twain once took a train to give a lecture at a university.Because there was not much time left for the lecture, he was very anxious, but the train was moving slowly, so the humorist came up with a way to vent his grievances.When the conductor came to check the tickets, Mark Twain handed him a child ticket.The train conductor was also very humorous, looked carefully at him deliberately, and said, "It's really interesting, I can't see that you are still a child." The humorist replied: "I am not a child now, but I was a child when I bought the train ticket. The train is moving too slowly."

It is true that trains go slowly, but not so slowly that a child grows into a man.Here is the unlimited exaggeration of the slowness, which produces a special humorous effect, which is hilarious.

Sometimes, in order to get rid of unnecessary entanglement, you can deliberately bluff and use exaggerated facts and contradictions between the status quo to form humor to achieve the desired purpose.

(End of this chapter)