To communicate is to speak well

Chapter 23 Convincing people with reason: Convincing people with reason

Chapter 23 Convincing people with reason: Convincing people with reason (1)
In life and work, people cannot think the same way.In the work space where new strategies are promoted and new methods and technologies are introduced, it is inevitable that various inconsistencies will turn into heated debates or conflicts. What we need to do at this time is not to quarrel, but to be reasonable and convince people with reason .

persuasion is different from arguing

Persuasion is different from arguments and quarrels in that persuasion is not combative or confrontational.In trying to persuade those who disagree with us, we should treat them not as opponents or enemies, but as equal partners; not to make them obey, but to make them accept what is good for them but for various reasons. Something I haven't understood yet.Persuasion is a peaceful enterprise, and even if there is a quarrel, the "winning" party must live in peace with the "losing" party.Once the value of this "peaceful coexistence" is considered, it is by no means the best policy to defeat the opponent in language.

People who don't consider the interests of the other party and blindly engage in arguments will be controlled by a kind of anxiety, and there will be an extreme mentality of living past today and not caring about tomorrow, but tomorrow will always come, so what should we do then?

When the American scientist and politician Benjamin Franklin was still a young man who was not deeply involved in the world, someone who cared about him said to him: "Benjamin, you are really hopeless. You always rudely punish those who disagree with you. Insults, so that they have to fight back as hard as they can. Your friends think they are happier if you are not around them. You know too much, so they feel that they have nothing to say to you." This statement It played a role in alerting Franklin. He wrote in his autobiography: "From then on, I made a rule that I no longer directly oppose and hurt others, and I will not state my own opinions too much. If someone makes a certain claim, and I think is wrong, and I no longer argue with them rudely. Instead, I start by finding specific instances where the other side might be right as well, but in the present circumstances, these views 'seem' to be wrong." Result , Franklin found that the situation had a miraculous change: "After such a change, I found that I benefited a lot. When talking with others, the atmosphere seemed pleasant. Because I adopted a modest attitude, when others accepted my opinion There are no arguments; if I'm wrong, I'm not humiliated by attacking me; and in 'I'm right, someone else is wrong' situations, it's easier to persuade the other side to agree with me." Franklin thus embarked on a road to success, making his wisdom recognized by more and more people.His thoughts have also influenced generations of Americans before and after his death, and he has also become a generation of historical greats.

Persuasion, or real persuasion, is to form the inner obedience effect of the persuaded.The difference between it and the threat of power is that the persuader thinks he is equal to the person being persuaded, and the person being persuaded has the freedom to have a certain point of view, opinion, attitude and adopt a certain behavior.Different from the confirmed obedience formed by exchange and charm, in the process of forming internal obedience, the persuader may not have any charm or interest attraction at all, and the reason why the persuaded obey is not because of the persuader. The information provided by the persuader is truly valuable, and it plays a role in modifying or changing the way of perception, understanding and interpretation of the persuaded, so that the internalized obedient finally adopts a new way of responding and behaving to the things around him.

principles for persuading others to follow
Persuasion is a form of interpersonal influence, which is expressed by the persuader to make the object of persuasion understand and accept his point of view through conversation.When we interact with other people, especially strangers, we have certain goals to achieve.And these purposes more or less require the other party to accept and believe in themselves.Therefore, the art of persuasion is indispensable in communication.In the process of persuading others, certain principles must also be followed.

The first principle is to move with emotion.Successfully approaching the persuaded and making them feel willing to obey persuasion is the basis for successfully changing other people's attitudes.Humans are rational animals, but they often act irrationally.In a sense, human behavior is influenced by external thoughts or suggestions.For example, in daily life, people will list a certain brand as the best brand without thinking, which is because of the influence of external factors.This tells us that if we want to persuade others, we must be moved with emotion and understand with reason.

People all need to be respected and loved, and everyone wants to be respected and loved by others.When people are cared about, they will feel grateful, and it is easy to listen to opinions and suggestions.Persuasion is not coercion.People like to freely control their own activities, rather than obeying the command of others and being at the mercy of others.There is a "confrontation theory" in psychology, so forcing someone to do something will make him feel that his autonomy has been hurt, thus arousing opposing emotions.In view of the existence of this kind of psychology, when persuading others, we should try our best to use a discussion tone to protect the self-esteem of the other party, which is also conducive to achieving good persuasion results.

In addition, when we talk to people, we use language skillfully to create a certain emotional environment, which also helps to persuade others.

The second principle is to eliminate the defensiveness of others.When dealing with strangers, both parties will have a certain degree of alertness, and this psychological state will affect both parties to communicate freely.Therefore, eliminating the state of alert and letting people relax is the first problem to be solved.When the person you are communicating with has a stubborn opinion, it is often difficult to express your point of view straightforwardly. When encountering this situation, it is best to adopt "detour tactics".

The so-called roundabout tactic is to divert the opponent's attention away from his sensitive issues, make a detour, and then return to the main topic.This can dispel the other party's wariness and prevent the conversation from falling into a deadlock.

Carnegie once warned people: "When talking with people and wanting the other party to accept your point of view, do not first discuss the issues that the two sides do not agree with, but first emphasize and repeatedly emphasize the things that both sides agree with. Let the other party say 'yes' right at the beginning. ', rather than asking the other person to say 'no' in the first place."

Psychological research has found that when people say "no", his whole body, including body and spirit, is in a state of obvious contraction, which often makes him reject anyone's opinion.At the same time, when the word "no" is spoken, people are unwilling to repent.Even if he clearly realizes that he has made a mistake, he will find all kinds of reasons to justify himself, and even belittle the other party's point of view, because some kind of self-esteem is at work.

After understanding this truth, when persuading the other party, try not to let the other party say the word "no", or let him temporarily forget his point of view.Let the other party say "yes" as much as possible. At this time, he is relaxed and easier to accept other people's opinions, at least he will not easily oppose it, but will weigh it first.And once the word "yes" is said, he will not easily deny it.Therefore, use this psychological effect to make the other party accept your opinion.

The third principle is to have rigorous logic.Persuasion is persuasion, not persuasion, and it is always necessary to present facts and reason to demonstrate.The strength of the argument depends largely on the logic of the discourse.Rigorous and powerful logic usually makes the other party unable to refute, and can even play a role in making the other party self-convincing.

The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates often used logical reductio absurdum to make his students realize the error of the original point of view.He asked some questions for students to talk about their own views, and constantly added questions to induce students to gradually push the wrong premises to absurd conclusions, and then guide students to follow the correct logical thinking and lead to their own views step by step.This method has aroused the interest of social psychologists, and on this basis, a kind of persuasion technique - logical induction method has gradually been formed.

This method is to clarify the attitude of the other party before persuasion, and then find some facts that are contrary to this attitude and the other party has to admit to ask questions, so that the other party is in a dilemma. Deny the facts in front of you.Since the facts cannot be denied, you can only change your original point of view.Such logical induction achieves the purpose of persuasion.

Must find the best breakthrough point
"Persuasion" is a common phenomenon in life.People live in this world with different experiences, different personalities, different knowledge, and different majors. The corresponding mentality, interests, and attitudes towards people and things are of course also different.

"There are a thousand Hamlets in the hearts of a thousand readers." On the one hand, this shows the complexity of the artistic image of Hamlet in Shakespeare's plays, and on the other hand, it also shows the huge differences between people.Therefore, persuasion has played an important role in people's communication since ancient times. For example, Confucius traveled around the world and talked about etiquette, and Su Qin and Zhang Yi joined forces among the seven countries, leaving many good stories through the ages.

As the era enters the 21st century, persuasion has become the key to establishing harmonious interpersonal relationships.Persuasion is an art, and it is a concrete manifestation of a person's comprehensive quality.For some authoritative speeches or proven insights, people naturally do not talk about self-convincing, but in daily life, if you want to persuade someone because of something, you must master some persuasive skills and rules to improve the efficiency of persuasion.As the saying goes: "Know yourself and know the enemy, and you will win every battle." If you want to find the best breakthrough point to persuade others in the fastest time, you can try the following methods.

1. Understand the other person's personality
People with different personalities have different ways of accepting other people's opinions and degrees of sensitivity.Such as: Is it a person with an impatient personality, or a person with a steady personality;Once you understand the other person's personality, you can persuade him in a targeted manner according to his personality characteristics.

2. Understand each other's strengths

A person's strengths are the areas he is most familiar with, understands, and understands most.For example, some people are more familiar with army life, some people are more familiar with rural life; some people are good at literature and art, some people are good at sports;

When persuading people, we should start with the strengths of the other party. There are three main reasons: first, we can talk with him; Third, you can use his strengths as an advantage to persuade him. For example, a articulate and sociable person can say when assigning him to do sales work: "You have a rare talent in this area compared to others. This is to give full play to your talent." The best opportunity for potential ability.” This kind of talk is not only well-founded, but also can show the trust of the leader in him, and can also arouse his interest in the new job.

3. Understand each other's interests

Some people like painting, some people like music, some people like reading books, others like playing chess, raising birds, collecting stamps, calligraphy, writing, etc. Everyone likes to engage in and talk about the things they are most interested in.Starting from here, opening his "talking box", and then persuading him, it will be easier to achieve the purpose of persuasion.

4. Know what the other person thinks

It is by no means accidental that a person insists on an idea, there must be his reasons, and the reasons he speaks are generally in line with his own interests or human nature.But this is often not what he wants to insist on, he is just unwilling to admit it, or it is difficult to say it.If the persuader can really understand his "difficulties", he can persuasion in a targeted manner.

5. Understand the other person's emotions

Generally speaking, the factors that affect the other party's emotions are as follows: first, the other party's emotions caused by other things before the conversation are still in effect; second, the other party's attention has not been concentrated at the time of the conversation; and attitude.Therefore, before the persuader starts persuading, he should try to understand his thoughts and emotions at that time, which is crucial to the success or failure of persuasion.

All of these can only be targeted and effective persuasion methods can be adopted only after careful study.In addition, there is a lot to learn about each other.Many people are unable to persuade others because they don't study the other party carefully, and they don't study how to express it, so they rush to conclusions, thinking that they "see through others at a glance".This is like those careless doctors who prescribe medicine without knowing the patient's condition, and of course it will not have good results.

To persuade others, start from three aspects

Generally speaking, in order to persuade others, the persuader should start from the following three aspects:

1. Persistence is the most important thing
Mr. Kiyoshi Ichimura, chairman of RIKEN Optical Co., Ltd., wanted to persuade Mr. W to buy the newly invented Yanghua photosensitive paper, but he heard that Mr. W had never been interested in such new technologies and inventions.

When Mr. Kiyoshi Shimura visited Mr. W, he observed carefully and spoke very politely, explaining to him how the blue print should change the photosensitive paper of Yanghua.Once, twice, ..., six times, seven times, visit again and again.One day, Mr. W got impatient and yelled: "If I say no, I won't. It takes a few times for you to understand. Don't contact our cartographer again."

He's angry, proving that he's starting to care about his actions, which is a promising thing.Now that he was already angry, it would be a pity to let his emotions stabilize.So, Mr. Kiyoshi Ichimura went again the next morning.

"I told you yesterday, why are you here again?"

"Well, it was very hard to get scolded yesterday, so I came again." Mr. Kiyoshi Shimura replied with a smile, "Sorry to bother you, goodbye!" Mr. W was stunned for a while, and Mr. Kiyoshi Shimura thought he already had The reaction has achieved a certain effect, so it is temporarily retreating.

He went again early on the third day, "Good morning!" His eyes met, and Mr. W was finally persuaded by Kiyoshi Shimura.

2. Let the facts speak for themselves

When a concept has been in the heart for a long time, it is really difficult for outsiders to change it with words.At this time, the most powerful weapon can be used to convince others.

On June 1961, 6, when Premier Zhou met with Pu Jie's wife Saga Hao, he learned of Saga Hao's concerns.Saga Hao had just arrived in China, and because he was Japanese and the sister-in-law of the Manchukuo Emperor, he was worried about being discriminated against.In order to dispel Saga Hao's worries, Premier Zhou asked three people to accompany him: one was Mrs. Lao She; the other was the wife of Cheng Yanqiu, a famous Peking Opera star;Why invite these three people?Because they are all Manchus.The Prime Minister first introduced the three accompanying guests, and then talked about our party's policies, saying that people of all ethnic groups in China have equal status and will not be discriminated against.If the three Manchus were not present, Sagahiro might not have believed in the Prime Minister, nor would he have dispelled his prejudices and worries with facts as witnesses.

To change a person's prejudice on a matter, one must find a fact that is contrary to his idea, introduce this fact naturally, and when the time is right, explain it, develop it, and make it truly a powerful argument for oneself.It is much more difficult to change one person's prejudice against another, but it can be done in the same way, only it takes longer, more persistence, that is, more accumulation of facts.Let the facts speak and make the speaking voice more powerful.

3. Utilize data
We live in a digital world, and almost everything we see, hear and think every day does not involve numbers.As a result, we may be more or less numb or bored with numbers.In fact, this feeling is very natural, because numbers are just a symbol representing facts, not facts themselves.When using numbers when persuading others, pay attention to the following two essentials.

(1) Don't come up with numbers unless necessary.Throwing too many numbers not only confuses and closes the other person's heart, but also makes the audience think you are impersonal because all you care about is the cold numbers.

(2) Try to inject life into boring numbers, that is, let the facts represented by the numbers become a part of ordinary people's life experience.Only in this way can people feel familiar with numbers and be interested in them.For example, if the first number statement below can be changed to the second statement, its influence will be significantly increased.

A: "If you accept my proposal, the company can save at least 67453750 yuan in expenses every month."

B: "If everyone accepts my proposal, the company can save at least 67453750 yuan in expenses every month; from another perspective, if the saved expenses can be evenly distributed to the company's every employee in the form of salary increases One member, each person’s monthly salary will increase by 3500 yuan!”

(End of this chapter)

Tap the screen to use advanced tools Tip: You can use left and right keyboard keys to browse between chapters.

You'll Also Like