To communicate is to speak well

Chapter 24 Convincing people with reason: Convincing people with reason (2)
Common ways to persuade others
Knowing the importance of persuasion and some basic principles to be followed in persuasion, here are some commonly used methods to persuade others.

1. Be good at seizing favorable opportunities

A person's psychological state is the reflection of objective reality in the mind, and external stimuli will cause people's psychological changes, which will lead to people's psychological fluctuations.At this time, people often have strong emotional reactions and feel uneasy, especially young people, whose emotions are more turbulent, easily impulsive, with more emotion than reason.Once the tide of emotion overflows the dam of reason, he will take excessive actions driven by passion, and regret it afterwards.If you seize the moment when the emotions fluctuate strongly but have not yet led to abnormal behavior, you can persuade and guide them, and state your gains and losses, and the other party will be shocked, regain their rationality, and wake up.And if persuasion is carried out prematurely, the other party will think that it is nervous or fabricated out of nothing; if the persuasion and education are carried out after the situation has passed, it is easy to be regarded by the other party as "an afterthought" or "an afterthought".These can not receive good results.To seize the best opportunity, one must be good at persuading and educating people in a timely manner when people's thoughts and emotions are prone to change or problems may arise.

Generally speaking, when people are faced with job transfers, graduation assignments, family events, marriage setbacks, promotion and salary increases, accidents, housing assignments, children's employment, etc., they are prone to thought fluctuations and uneasy emotions. good time.As for whether the timing of persuasion is appropriate, it can be judged by observing the emotional performance of the other party.If the other person is calm, or showing signs of emotional calm, this is often a good time to persuade.If we find that the other party shows resentment and antagonism, we should not only check the way and method of the conversation, or whether our own views and attitudes are correct, but also consider whether the timing of the conversation is ripe, so that the conversation can be terminated in time to avoid adverse consequences.

At this time, we should actively observe and wait patiently; or take appropriate measures to create a favorable opportunity to make the persuasion effective in one fell swoop.In fact, there is no specific standard for the best time we emphasize, but it all depends on our own consideration and grasp of the other party's state of mind and psychological characteristics based on the purpose of persuasion under specific circumstances.As long as we observe carefully, predict accurately and master persuasion skills flexibly, our persuasion work will be just like the "good rain" in Du Fu's poem "knowing the season", "when spring happens", nourishing the hearts of others just right .

2. Step by step, win steadily

One day, Carnegie suddenly received invitations to speak from two research institutions at the same time. For a while, he couldn't decide which invitation to accept.But after negotiating with the two responsible persons separately, he chose the latter.

On the phone, the inviter of the first institution had this to say:

"Please, Mr. Carnegie, don't hesitate to teach me the speaking skills for the company to the managers of small and medium-sized enterprises. Since I don't know the content of your speech, please make up your own mind. The number of people is estimated to be no more than 100. Please take care of everything."

Carnegie believed that the inviter's speech was bland and lacking in enthusiasm, which gave the impression of a work-for-work attitude, which made people feel no enthusiasm and left a rather bad impression on him.

In addition, the other party neither clearly reminded Carnegie of what to do and to what extent, nor did he clearly explain the number of people attending the lecture. How should he be taught how to decide the content of the speech?In this regard, Carnegie naturally did not have a good impression.

And the inviter of another organization said this:
"I would like to ask Mr. Carnegie to teach you some tips to enhance the speaking skills of managers of small and medium-sized enterprises. The participants are all business managers with about 50 employees, and the number of attendees is scheduled to be 70. Because I deeply understand the era of connected minds. It is getting farther and farther away from us, and the traditional bad habit of subordinates looking at the face of their superiors is no longer feasible. Therefore, the main purpose of inviting Mr. to come and give a speech this time is to let all the participants understand the need to express their ideas clearly without words People cannot become excellent management talents. It is hoped that the speech time will be controlled at about two hours, and the content will be locked in three aspects: the necessity of learning speaking skills, the benefits of mastering speaking skills, and the learning methods of speaking skills. I hope to bring An extraordinary speech from everyone. Please take care of everything!"

Carnegie clearly felt that the inviter of this institution was bright, capable and full of confidence, and he completely conveyed his enthusiasm to himself without reservation.More importantly, the other party answered all the questions before he asked any questions.Therefore, in Carnegie's mind, the scene of being on the podium immediately appeared, and he was able to imagine the expressions of the participants and what he should say.Obviously, this kind of invitation can bring good impression to the invitees.

Obviously, persuading people takes a certain skill.The most important of these is to follow certain steps.Just like marching and fighting, only by step by step can we win steadily, and it is easy to form an overwhelming momentum.

(1) Attract the other party's attention and interest.In order to make the other party agree with your point of view, you must attract and persuade the other party to focus on the topic you set.Use words such as "what do you think of such a thing" and "this is absolutely useful to you" to divert his attention and make him willing and interested to listen.

(2) Express your thoughts clearly.Knowing and expressing one's thoughts clearly is the first element of successful persuasion.Whether the other party is willing to listen to your ideas and plans depends on how skillfully you use your language skills.

Be precise and specific about what you want to express.For example, "In this way, won't it be greatly improved?", etc., you need to go deeper into the topic so that the other party can fully understand it.In order to make your description more vivid, it is necessary to quote some metaphors and examples to deepen the impression of the listener.Appropriate citations of metaphors and examples can make concrete impressions, make abstract and obscure truths easy to understand, and even make your subject more definite or well-known.In this way, you can smoothly make the other party have a vivid impression in your mind.The speed of speaking, the volume of voice, the level of intonation, the length of pauses, and the clarity of articulation cannot be ignored.

In addition to language, you must also assist with appropriate facial expressions and body language.

(3) Move with emotion.Only by accurately figuring out the psychology of the other party before persuasion can we move people's hearts.Through what you said, find out whether the other party likes and is satisfied with this topic, and then take advantage of the situation to move or lure him to benefit, and tell him, "If you do what I say, it will definitely save time and money, and it will be beautiful and elegant. , and there is a market..." to keep stimulating his desire until he is eager to try.

Generally speaking, people's thinking and actions are controlled by consciousness, and no matter how others or the outside world suggest or force them, they may not be able to make them change.Therefore, those who want to convince others with eloquence must realize that the protagonist of persuasion is not themselves but the other party.In other words, the purpose of persuasion is to use the strength of the other party to serve oneself, not to overwhelm the other party.Therefore, we must conquer each other from the depths of our feelings.

(4) Prompt specific practices.After the previous preparations are done, you can tell the other party how to take action.You have to let the other party understand what he should do, how best to do it, and so on.At this point, the other party will often happily do what you say.

3. Adopt the method of spot osmosis
Sometimes persuading others should adopt the method of bit by bit penetration, and gradually achieve the purpose of persuasion.

(1) Know what the other person thinks.If you want the other party to agree with you, you must first try to understand the other party's ideas and sources of evidence.A very good manager once said: "If the client is very good at talking, then I have the hope of successfully persuading the other party, because the other party has already spoken [-]% of the words, and I only need to speak [-]% of the words." In fact, In order to convince the other party, most people try their best to speak vigorously. After [-]% of the talk, only [-]% is left for the client to "refute".How can you successfully persuade the other party in this way?Therefore, try to change the original speaking role into an obedient one, to understand the other party's thoughts, opinions, and the source or evidence of their thoughts. This is the most important thing.

(2) Accept the other party's ideas, and let the other party accept you at the same time.If the other party opposes your new proposal because he is still reluctant to give up on his original idea, and his idea still has merit, then the best way at this time is to accept his idea first and stand on the sidelines. Think about the problem from the position of the other party, and it is best to be able to say what the other party wants to say.Why do you want to do this?Because, when a person's idea is completely rejected by others, it is very likely that in order to maintain his dignity or cannot swallow this breath, he will insist on his own opinion more stubbornly and reject new proposals from opponents.If you get down to this point when persuading others, you have little hope of success.

A salesman from a household appliance company sold washing machines door to door. When he went to a family’s house and saw the wife of the family washing clothes with the washing machine, he hurriedly said:
"Oh! This washing machine is too old. It takes a lot of time to use the old washing machine. Ma'am, it's time to replace it with a new one..."

In the end, before the salesman had finished speaking, the lady retorted:

"What are you talking about? This washing machine is very durable. It hasn't broken down yet, and the new one is not necessarily better. I won't buy a new one!"

A few days later, another salesman came to visit.He said:
"This is a nostalgic old washing machine. It is very helpful to my wife because it is durable."

The salesman put himself in the lady's shoes and said what she wanted to say, which made the lady very happy.So she said:
"Yes, it's true. My washing machine has been used for a long time, it's too old, and I want to buy a new one." So the salesman immediately took out the pre-prepared brochures and offered Give her as a reference.

This technique of persuasion was of great help to the salesman, because the wife had already made up her mind to buy a new washing machine.As for whether the salesman can succeed in persuasion, it is undoubtedly certain, but it is only a matter of time.

Being good at observing and using the subtle psychology of the other party is an important factor to help oneself put forward opinions and persuade others.Generally speaking, the reason why the persuaded are worried is mainly because they are afraid of unexpected consequences after "agreeing".If you can gain insight into their psychological crux and take precautions, is there any reason for them not to agree?As for the problems that make the other party feel uneasy or worried, you should think about the solution and the method of explanation in advance. Once the other party asks a question, you can explain it immediately.It can be unsettling if you're not well prepared and ambiguous when you speak.Therefore, you should anticipate in advance a question that may cause the other party to consider; in addition, you should also prepare sufficient information to provide convenience to customers, which is very important.

(3) Clarify the content of persuasion.Sometimes, although you have a full plan, when you explain it to the other party, if the other party cannot fully understand the content, you may immediately deny it.In addition, there is another situation where the other party does not know what we are talking about, but has already adopted an attitude of rejection, as if he will not be persuaded; or he is short-sighted and unwilling to listen.If you encounter the above situations, you must patiently explain each item in order, so that the other party understands our sincerity. This is the problem that must be solved first to persuade such people.For those who do not fully understand what we are talking about, we must not be impulsive, and we must drive the importance and advantages of our new suggestions into his heart at once, so that he can really understand.

4. Use preconceived inducements
Medicine tells us that people who live only under conditions that are conducive to health, although they have a healthy body, lack immunity to certain diseases.In order to avoid bacterial infection and gain resistance, it is necessary to receive some kind of vaccination.That is to accept a small amount of germ infection first and produce antibodies so that when encountering this germ again, there is enough strength to resist it.This is the so-called "immunization" in medicine.

This method can also be used in persuasion.The persuader not only hopes that the other party will accept his point of view, but also hopes that he will no longer be influenced by the opposite thought, and often performs this kind of preventive "injection".

Psychological research shows that if a person holds a certain opinion and has never been attacked, then no defense system will be built around him.When he suddenly encounters a persuasive induction of the opposite meaning, he will feel very fresh, and he will easily lose his original position and change his attitude to adapt to the new point of view.On the contrary, if the person's opinion has been slightly attacked in advance, it has been tempered, and a stronger "fortification" has been built around this point of view in his mind, so that he can withstand more powerful persuasion from others.This is the "inoculation effect".

American social psychologists once conducted such an experiment: the experimenter had to convince the subjects that a certain country would not produce a large number of atomic bombs for at least five years.One group accepted the persuasion without rebuttal.After the other group accepted the persuasion, they were given a slight attack, that is, told them some opposing views.After a while, the opposite persuasion was given to all the subjects.As a result, only 2% of the subjects in the first group maintained their original attitude, while 67% of the subjects in the second group successfully defended their original point of view.

It can be seen that successful persuasion must not only prompt the persuaded to form a certain attitude, but also cultivate his resistance to opposing views in advance.

(End of this chapter)