To communicate is to speak well

Chapter 25 Convincing people with reason: Convincing people with reason (3)
5. The pressing strategy of "making progress"

After persuading the other party to accept a smaller request, there is a greater possibility of persuading him to accept a larger request.Psychologists call this persuasion method of gradually approaching the goal "threshold technique".Just like you want to enter a house, but you are afraid of being rejected by the owner, first persuade the owner to let your foot step on the threshold; then persuade him to let your foot step into the threshold; It is not difficult for you to enter the house.This is actually a "squeeze an inch" strategy.

Using this technique in real life can be very effective.For example, if a parent asks a child who loves to sleep late to get up early, it is easy to do it by letting him get up half an hour earlier every day. After he develops the habit, ask him to get up half an hour earlier.And if you make him an hour earlier at once, it will be more difficult.This is actually a step-by-step method of persuasion.

Sometimes, the opposite technique works as well.It is to first make a big request, and then make a smaller request.This greatly increases the likelihood of acceptance compared to directly making a smaller request.This method is often used by those small traders.We all have the experience that the seller first asks for a high price, and then bargains with the buyer. When he lowers the price, the buyer thinks that he has retreated, so he accepts the price.In fact, he still carried out the transaction according to his intention, but satisfied both parties.

The conditions under which the "threshold technique" and its opposite technique work are different.When a larger request is followed immediately by a smaller request with a clear connection to the larger request, the reverse technique is more effective.And when the two requirements have nothing to do with each other, the "threshold technique" will work.

Practical Tips for Persuading Others

The mistake some people often make when persuading others is that they think of several reasons first, and then argue with the other party; some people stand on the standpoint of the elders and teach others what to do.In this way, it is tantamount to pushing the other party to the wrong side first, so the effect is often not good.There are many techniques of persuading people, the following are more practical and simple.

1. Motivate him with noble motives
Under normal circumstances, everyone advocates noble morality and a decent style of work, and has at least a minimum of political awareness and principles of life.Therefore, when persuading others to change their views, an effective way is to motivate him with noble motives.For example, what benefits will it bring to the country and the company, or what benefits will it bring to the family and children, or what impact will it have on its own prestige, and so on.This can often inspire him well and let him do what he should do.

2. Influence him with warm feelings
When persuading a person, he is most worried about being hurt, so he first builds a wall in his mind.In this case, no matter how reasonable you are, he will not listen.The most effective way to solve this kind of mentality is to treat him with a sincere attitude and full of enthusiasm. When persuading him, we must use enthusiastic feelings to influence him, so that he can be moved from the heart, so as to change his attitude .

3. Prompt him to change by exchanging information

Practice has proved that holding different opinions is often caused by having different information.Some people don’t have enough knowledge and don’t understand certain issues; some people are used to old practices and don’t understand new ones; some people have heard misinformation and misunderstood certain things; and so on.In this case, as long as the information can be conveyed to him, he will realize that his behavior is not as good as he originally imagined, and then he will adopt the persuader's new proposition.

4. Stimulate his willingness to take the initiative to change

The most effective way to get someone to do anything willingly is not to talk about what you need, but to talk about what he needs and teach him how to get it.Therefore, some people say: "Arouse the other party's eager desire, the person who can do this, the world will be with him; the person who can't, will be alone for the rest of his life."

Probing someone's point of view and creating in him a need for something doesn't mean manipulating him into doing something that's good for you and not good for him, but making him do something that's good for him , and at the same time conform to your ideas.There are two links to master here: one is to persuade people to put themselves in the shoes of the problem, and to treat other people's affairs as mutually beneficial to each other; The idea is his own idea, so he will like it, and he will be more active and active.

5. Prompt him to change in an indirect way

When persuading people, if his mistakes are directly pointed out, he will often take the defensive and try to defend himself.Therefore, it is best to let him know where he should improve in an indirect way, so as to achieve the purpose of making him change.The so-called indirect methods are diverse, such as turning accusations into caring, persuading with figurative metaphors, avoiding substantive issues to talk about related matters, talking about other people's or their own mistakes to enlighten him, and asking questions in the form of suggestions ,etc.This requires the persuader to use it creatively according to the actual situation.

6. Improve the other party's "expectation" psychology
Whether the persuaded person accepts the opinion is often related to his expectations of the persuader.If the persuader has high prestige, has always been reliable in his words and deeds, or has a good relationship with himself and feels trustworthy, he is more willing to accept his opinions.On the contrary, there is a kind of repulsive psychology.Therefore, people should pay attention to communicating more with others and establish deep relationships with them, so that they can become active and powerful when persuading.

finally gain trust
Former Bank of America President Clausen said he had experienced a severe test.In order to motivate employees, he once put forward an idea: if the company's performance improves in the next year, each employee will receive 10 company stocks.As soon as the decision was announced, an anonymous letter was mailed to him: "Here you go again. Promise, promise, promise, tomorrow, tomorrow, always tomorrow. What the hell can we get 'today'?" This anonymous letter brought a heavy mental burden to Clausen, because he didn't know who sent the letter. He felt that everyone was watching him for a whole year, and he was on guard every day. , dare not have the slightest slack.A year later, the employee actually received the stock, and he received another anonymous letter: "You really kept your promise." Clausen said: "I was like a released prisoner at this time, and I really felt relaxed and free. "

Before the second anonymous letter came, Clausen was going through a crisis of confidence.Because employees lack trust in management, the message from management is not convincing.Although for the employees, they must maintain superficial obedience for their jobs, but the employees have a "wait and see" attitude in their hearts.Some people are indifferent, while others are full of complaints.The submissive is not creative, and the active worker may only be working for himself, looking for another job at the first opportunity.A leader is in an embarrassing position if he cannot earn the trust of the people to carry out a plan.When accepting a new plan, employees must rediscover their role positioning and sense of competence. At this time, the leader is the director, and he must guide employees into the role.

To do this, coercion not only won't work, it can be counterproductive, and if the leader is impatient, it can screw up at any time.

The key to persuasion is reason
The most persuasive way we can persuade others is to emphasize the biggest and most crucial reasons.

Years ago, Napoleon Hill was invited to speak to the inmates of the Ohio State Penitentiary.As soon as he stood on the podium, he immediately saw that one of the audience in front of him was a friend he had known ten years ago—Mr. D, who was a successful businessman before.

After Napoleon finished his speech, he met with Mr. D. After talking, he found out that he was sentenced to 20 years in prison for forging documents.After hearing his story, Napoleon said: "I will get you out of here within 60 days."

With a wry smile on his face, Mr. D replied: "Hill, I admire your spirit, but I deeply doubt your judgment. Do you know that at least 20 influential people have used their I tried every means I knew to get me released. But it has never been successful. This is impossible!"

Presumably because Mr. D's last words—"It is impossible"—had challenged Napoleon, and he decided to prove to Mr. D. that it could be done.

Napoleon returned to New York City and begged his wife to pack their bags for an indeterminate stay in Columbus, home of the Ohio State Penitentiary.

Napoleon had a "definite goal" in mind, and that goal was to get Mr. D out of the Ohio State Penitentiary.He never doubted that he could get Mr. D released.He and his wife came to Columbus and bought a high-end residence, as if they were going to live permanently.

The next day, Napoleon went to visit the governor of Ohio and made clear to him the purpose of his visit.

Napoleon put it this way:

"Mr. Governor, I have come to ask you to order the release of Mr. D. from the Ohio State Penitentiary. I have good cause, and I beg you to release him. I want you to set him free immediately, and for that reason I am prepared to stay here, Waiting for his release, however long it takes. While serving his sentence, Mr. D has introduced a correspondence course in the Ohio State Penitentiary, and of course you know this: He has impacted 2518 of the 1728 inmates in the Ohio State Penitentiary People, they all took this correspondence course. He has managed to obtain enough textbooks and course materials to enable these prisoners to follow the lessons. Amazingly, he has done so without costing the state a penny. The prison's The warden and administrators told me that he has been careful to follow the rules of the prison. Of course, a person who can influence more than 1700 prisoners to study hard is definitely not a bad guy. I am here to ask you to release Mr. D , because I want you to appoint him to be the head of a prison school that will give the 16 inmates in the remaining prisons in the United States a great opportunity to learn to be good. I am ready to take full responsibility for him when he gets out. This is My request. But before you give me an answer, I want you to know that I don't understand that if you release him and you decide to run for re-election, it could cost you a lot of votes."

Mr. Vic Dunahy, Governor of Ohio, clenched his fists and his broad jaw showed determination.He said: "If that's what you're asking of Mr. D, I'll let him go, even if it costs me 5000 votes..."

This persuasion work was easily completed, and the whole process took no more than 5 minutes.

Three days later, the governor signed the pardon, Mr. D walked out of the prison gate, and he was free again.

The reason why Napoleon was able to successfully persuade the governor was inseparable from his careful consideration and careful arrangements.Napoleon learned in advance that Mr. D behaved well in prison and provided good service to 1728 prisoners.When he founded the world's first prison correspondence school, he also forged himself a key to the prison gates.That being the case, why couldn't the other big men who asked for Mr. D's release succeed in getting Mr. D released?They failed mainly because they asked the governor for insufficient reasons.The reasons they used to ask the governor to pardon Mr. D were either that his parents were famous people or that he was a college graduate and he was not a bad person.They failed to provide the governor of Ohio with sufficient motivation to convince himself that he had good reasons to sign the pardon.

Before meeting the governor, Napoleon studied all the facts and imagined himself as the governor himself, and figured out what kind of speech would move him the most if he was really the governor. .He never mentioned that he had famous parents, nor did he mention his previous friendship with him, nor did he mention that he was someone worthy of our help.All of these things can be used as the best reasons for asking him to be released on bail, but they don't make much sense when compared with the larger and more meaningful reasons below.The larger and more meaningful reason was that his release would be of great help to another 16 prisoners, since his release would give them the benefits of the correspondence school he had founded.Therefore, Napoleon succeeded by relying on this biggest and most crucial reason.

Convince people with reason, be reasonable
Some words have an obvious purpose, such as persuasion, persuasion, comfort, heart-to-heart, explanation, etc.In order to achieve such a goal, the most effective means is to convince people with reason and reason, so that such conversations will be effective.The ancients said that where there is sincerity, gold and stone are opened.In interpersonal communication, each other's emotions interact and influence each other. Only when the emotions are connected and the hearts are close, can the words resonate and play a role in the other party's soul.Therefore, in order to reason with the other party, one must first understand the other party's psychological and emotional needs, consider from the other party's perspective, approach and communicate in thought and emotion, and produce the "insider effect" before reasoning can be effective.

Of course, to reason with emotion, it is important to find out the emotional "breakthrough" of the other party.Guiguzi, the originator of the pre-Qin strategists, once said: "The benevolent man is light on goods (property), and he should not be tempted for profit, but can be spent; , be clear with reason, not to be deceived with sincerity, but to show reason and make meritorious service.” That is to say, we must grasp the most touching part of the other party’s psychology and emotion, and combine “reason and reason” with the other party’s personality, situation, and thoughts. and other factors are closely connected, affirming interests, satisfying its highest emotional value needs, and making it heart-wrenching.Moreover, in the process of reasoning, one must be good at adapting to changes in the other party's emotional thinking, and make the best use of the situation.For example, follow the other party's various doubts and eliminate them layer by layer; approve their reasonable opinions in a timely manner; plan to assist them according to their dilemmas; offer strategies to deal with them based on what they hate.This kind of emotional reasoning method can usually achieve very good results.

Combining convincing people with emotion and convincing them with reasoning will make the spring wind turn into rain and moisten things silently.Only when you understand it with reason and move it with emotion can you achieve your own goals when communicating with others.

(End of this chapter)