To communicate is to speak well

Chapter 26 Saying No Cleverly: Rejecting Others Is an Art (1)
A great man once said: The most difficult thing in the world is to say "no" to others.When facing other people’s requests, people often fall into a dilemma: if they refuse others, they are afraid of offending them, and if they ask for something in the future, they will definitely not give face; Principle, put yourself in a bad situation.In fact, as long as you master the art of rejecting others, you will avoid this dilemma and handle things perfectly.

Listen before rejecting others
When your colleague makes a request to you, he usually has some troubles or worries in his heart, such as worrying about whether you will refuse immediately, or whether you will show him face.

Therefore, before you decide to refuse, you must first listen to what he has to say.A better way is to ask the other party to explain their situation and needs more clearly, and then consider whether or how to help him.Then show him that you understand his difficulty, as you would if you were in the same situation.

Listening can make the other person feel respected, and when you tactfully express your rejection position, it can also prevent him from feeling hurt or making people feel that you are dealing with it.If your refusal is due to excessive workload, listening can allow you to clearly define whether the other party's request is your job and whether it is included in your current focus.Perhaps after you listen carefully to his request, you will find that assisting him can help you improve your work ability and experience.At this time, under the principle of doing a good job at the present job, sacrificing a little of your leisure time to assist the other party will be helpful to your career.

Another advantage of listening is that although you reject him, you can advise him on how to use an appropriate solution to his situation.If you can put forward effective suggestions or alternatives, the other party will also appreciate you, and even find more appropriate support under your guidance to achieve twice the result with half the effort.

In addition to offering alternative suggestions when refusing, take the initiative to care about the other party's situation after a period of time.Sometimes rejection is a long process, and the other party will make the same request from time to time.If you can turn passive into active care for the other party, and let the other party understand your difficulties and position, you can reduce the embarrassment and impact of rejection.Rejection requires not only skill, but also patience and care from the heart.If it is perfunctory, the other party can see it.In this way, it will make people feel that you are not a sincere person, which is very harmful to relationships.

In short, as long as you say "no" sincerely, the other party will definitely understand your difficulties.

Learn to Say No to Others Effortlessly

1. Say “no” with procrastination

A woman wants to date you.She asks you on the phone:

"Go dancing at eight o'clock tonight, will you?"

You can answer: "Let's make another appointment tomorrow, and I'll call you then."

Your colleague asks you to go fishing on Sunday, and you don't want to go, you can answer like this:

"Actually, I'm a fishing fan, but since I got married, my wife confiscated me on Sundays!"

2. Say “no” with silence

When someone asks: "Do you like Alain Delon?" You don't like it in your heart. At this time, you don't have to express your opinion, or just laugh it off, and others will understand.

A friend you don't know very well invites you to a party and sends an invitation, but you don't have to reply.It speaks for itself, you are not willing to participate in such activities.

3. Say “no” with avoidance

You and your friend went to see a bad martial arts movie. When you get out of the theater, your friend asks, "What did you think of this movie?" You can answer, "I prefer more lyrical movies."

You have a fever but don't want to tell your friend lest he worry.And the friend asked with concern: "Are you not feeling well?" You said: "It doesn't matter, the weather is not very good today."

4. Say “no” with vagueness

When diplomats encounter questions they do not want to answer or are unwilling to answer, they always use one sentence to prevaricate: "No comment." In life, when we are temporarily unable to say "yes or no", this sentence can also be used talk.There are also some words that can be used to prevaricate others, such as: "God knows." "The truth will tell you." "Well...it's hard to say."

5. Say "no" with rhetorical questions

You talk about national affairs with others.When someone asks, "Do you think prices are growing too fast?" you can answer, "So do you think prices are growing too slowly?"

Your lover asks, "Do you hate me?" You can answer, "Do you think I hate you?"

6. Say "no" with excuses

For example, a guest asks a hotel clerk to change his room. At this time, he can say: "I'm sorry, it's up to the manager on duty to decide. He's not here now."

You go to the street with your wife, and your wife sees a beautiful dress and wants to buy it, you can pat the clothes bag:

"Oops, I forgot my wallet."

Someone wants to talk to you, you look at your watch: "I'm sorry, I have to attend a meeting, can you do it another day?"

7. Say “no” politely

When someone gives you a gift and you can’t accept it, you can politely refuse it: one is to say polite words; the other is to express that you are flattered and afraid to accept it;

8. Say “no” kindly

A writer wants to make friends with a professor.The writer said enthusiastically: "I invite you to dinner tonight, do you have time?" Unfortunately, the professor is busy preparing the lecture notes for the academic report, so he really has no time.So he smiled affectionately and said apologetically, "I'm very honored for your invitation, but I'm busy preparing the lecture and I really can't get away. I'm very sorry." The professor was very happy to be invited, but refused. Sometimes very polite, and so straightforward.

9. Say “no” to things

A salesman from a paper mill went to a certain unit to sell paper.The salesman approached the familiar Director of General Affairs and begged him to place an order.The director of the general affairs department said politely: "I'm really sorry, our unit has signed a long-term purchase contract with a certain state-owned paper mill, and the unit stipulates that it will no longer buy paper from any other unit. I should also follow the regulations." Because the general affairs department The long talk is "any unit", not just for this paper mill.

When we are ashamed to say "no", please use the above methods appropriately.However, when dealing with major affairs, there must be no ambiguity, and you should clearly say "no".But when a friend sincerely asks for help, you can’t use the method of saying “no” to deal with it. You should try your best to help.

The art of tactfully rejecting others

If someone wants something from you, but you can't agree to it for various reasons, it's not good to just say "no" or "it can't be done", for fear of hurting the other person's self-esteem; Speak against your will, but don’t want to directly refute the other party; if you don’t understand the other party’s behavior, you want to reveal your inner truth, but you don’t want to express it too directly, so as not to irritate the other party. In social activities, learn to refuse subtly and tactfully, and say "no" according to different situations.

1. to speak out
Outspokenness is a sign of trust in people and a sign of a close relationship with the other party.However, in most cases, the blunt speech cannot receive the expected effect due to harshness.In this case, when you want to refuse, stop or oppose certain requests and behaviors of the other party, you can refuse on the pretext of non-personal reasons, so that the other party can easily accept it.

For example: a salesman from a newspaper comes to ask you to subscribe to their newspaper, but you don’t want to subscribe, you can politely say: "Thank you. Your service is very considerate, but my family has already subscribed to several other newspapers." , please understand."

2. Repeated complaints
When others violate your rights, you should stand up for your rights, insist on your opinions without being impatient or shouting, and you should learn to express your opinions effectively and repeatedly in a conflict situation.

For example: You go to the store to buy something, and because there are too many people shopping, the salesperson gives you ten yuan less change in the rush.You complained to the salesperson that the salesperson had caused a dispute because he couldn't remember clearly.At this point, repeat in a calm voice how you were underpaid until the problem is resolved.The following conversation between a clerk and a buyer is a good example.

Buyer: Miss, give me ten yuan less change.

Clerk: No way, we always pay with one hand and pay with the other.

Buyer: I'm sure you always do this, but you did give me ten dollars less in change.

Clerk: Do you have an invoice?

Buyer: Yes, (takes out the invoice) Look, there is a difference of ten yuan.

Clerk: (Looking at the invoice) What you bought here are two pairs of children's boots.

Buyer: That’s right, if you do the math, it’s ten yuan short.

Clerk: Have you checked your pocket?Did it fall somewhere?
Buyer: No, I didn't move the place.I have no more money in my pocket.

Clerk: We can't pay now, we will pay when the store is about to close, can you come over?
Buyer: Well, I'm sure you'll find it.

3. Responding to ambiguity
If for some reason you are unwilling or inconvenient to tell your true thoughts to the other party, you can use vague language to deal with it.

Example: In a hospital, a patient with a serious illness asks the doctor, "Is my illness serious and is there any hope of recovery?"

The doctor replied: "Your illness is indeed serious, but after treatment, you can rest assured that you will recover slowly."

"It will get better slowly" here is vague language.It's hard to tell how long this "slowly" is, but it gives the patient hope and is a great comfort to the patient.

4. Respond with enthusiasm
Make it clear that you want to meet the other party's request and express sympathy, but in fact you have more than enough energy, so please forgive the other party instead of directly refusing.This can also receive good results.

For example: Customers request the telecommunications bureau to install local residential telephones. Due to the shortage of supply, they cannot satisfy all of them, but they cannot refuse the customer's request.When answering, express sympathy and say enthusiastically:

"It is our responsibility to meet the requirements of customers. However, due to the current shortage of lines, all of them cannot be resolved. We are creating conditions. Please wait patiently."

5. Side escape obliquely

Give evasive answers to the questions raised by the other party, instead of directly denying the unsatisfactory questions raised by the other party.

For example: Your classmate asks you: "So-and-so's novel is written very well, what do you think?"

You can answer something like: "It's okay, but I prefer a certain novel by a certain author."

For another example, on Sunday, your wife said: "Shall we go to the theater today?" But you don't want to go, you can say: "How about going to the movies?" agree with you.

Say “no” boldly when it matters

In social life, we often encounter unreasonable requests from some people. If we want to say "no" without offending others, it is indeed a difficult task, even a luxury.However, when we face some people's unreasonable troubles, especially when we face the bad habits of the times, we must take a clear stand, categorically reject them, and boldly say "no".

Former U.S. President Taft once told such a story that happened to him:

"A woman in Washington, whose husband was politically powerful, asked me to put her son in a position. She kept making requests of me, and asked several members of both houses to speak for her. However, what she asked for her son was a position as Secretary of the President and in charge of consulting the two houses of Congress. This position can only be filled by people with certain professional knowledge. Her son is really not qualified for this position, so I later A person was sent to take over. She was greatly disappointed by this, and wrote me at once, saying that I was ignorant of the world, and that she had tried to persuade the representatives of a certain state to agree with my proposal. A certain important act, she helped me like this, and I only needed to raise my hand to fulfill her wish, but in the end I let her down."

"When I received her letter, I put the letter on hold for two days before writing a reply calmly. I first expressed my sympathy to her, saying that as a mother, I was very disappointed when I encountered such a thing; It is not up to me to decide who to employ, because for technical talents, I can only listen to the recommendation of the head of the department; in the end, she said something that her son can do a good job in the current position. This letter finally calmed her down, after which she sent me a short note apologizing for what was said in the previous letter."

"The person I appointed didn't take over right away, so a few days later I got another letter signed by her husband, but in exactly the same handwriting as the previous letter. It said his wife Worrying about her son's position became sick, and the doctor diagnosed it as a serious stomach problem. If she is to recover, it is best to withdraw the person appointed earlier and replace her with her son."

"Therefore, I wrote back another letter to her 'husband', saying that I hope the doctor's diagnosis is wrong, and at the same time, I sympathize with him for worrying about his wife's illness. As for withdrawing the person appointed last time, that is an order that changes day and night. , is practically impossible.”

"Shortly after this, the person I appointed arrived. Two days later, I held a concert at the White House, and the first couple of guests to the meeting were the woman and her husband."

In the above example, Taft refused many times in a row, and each time he refused, he gave the woman a lot of sympathy and understanding, so after the incident, they can still maintain good and even Better relationships.This was undoubtedly due to Taft's appropriate handling of the matter and his concise but affectionate refusal.Therefore, when we reject certain things in social interaction, we should not say a lot of reasons for the rejection. If something is not good, it is not good. It is the best policy to simply state the reasons and then reject it with affection.

Some people say that if you want to really understand a person, please pay attention to the way he rejects others, this is the whole of a person. "No" not only reflects a person's temperament, but also interprets a person's standard of conduct.It is a state to boldly say "no" at the critical moment when you should say "no".

(End of this chapter)