To communicate is to speak well

Chapter 29 Sincere Praise: The Best Way to Communicate (2)
Good compliments generally have the following characteristics:

1. Sincerely
The reason why we praise others is because we think there is something worthy of praise in others, and praise itself is an expression of our admiration and envy for others.Although praise itself has the function of improving interpersonal relationships, this function is only a by-product of praise, not an end in itself.If it is treated as the only purpose, it may generate false praise.For example, if someone wears a new dress and you think it is beautiful, you should praise the dress for its beauty. This kind of praise is sincere.If you don't think the dress is beautiful, but deliberately say it is beautiful in order to please the other party, this is hypocrisy.As for flattering and flattering compliments, that's even more inappropriate.

2. Appropriate
If a friend has achieved something and you say, "It's not easy." He will be pleased when he hears it, because you are affirming that he has made a contribution that no one else has.If you say that this is an "epoch-making great contribution", "opens a new chapter in a certain field", "is a milestone", it will make the person being praised feel uncomfortable, and even cause misunderstanding, I think you are using this to mock him.In fact, you may not mean the slightest bit of cynicism.Why this illusion?It is because your praise is too much.

3. "Light and dark" simultaneously

The so-called "bright" refers to the face-to-face praise; the so-called "dark" refers to the behind-the-scenes praise.Praise is necessary in person, but it is even more necessary to praise behind the scenes.Because unknown praise is often sincere and without any conditions.When it reaches the ears of the person being praised, the psychological favor the other person will undoubtedly gain is much more than when he is praised face to face.There are only face-to-face praises and no behind-the-scenes praises. The motivation for such praises may be somewhat impure.If you praise others in person and speak ill of others behind your back, this is a problem with your character.

4. Pay equal attention to "size"

The so-called "big" refers to outstanding advantages and strengths; the so-called "small" refers to insignificant advantages and strengths.The necessity of praising the former is easier to understand, but some people think it is unnecessary to praise small advantages and small advantages.In fact, in real life, it is impossible for a person to often make impressive achievements; in the music of life, the most contained are often gentle and soft notes.Therefore, we should not turn a blind eye to ordinary trivial matters.As long as it is a good thing, even if it is insignificant, you should also praise a few words.In the pleasant psychological satisfaction, the behavior of the person being praised will be strengthened, and the favorability of you will also increase.Of course, the degree of praise here should be moderate, and making a fuss over a molehill will make people feel insincere.

5. No teasing
In the office of a certain company, employee A usually comes first, and then sweeps the floor, wipes the table and turns on the water.One day, employee B came earlier than A and took the initiative to do what A did.When A came, he said: "You came so early today, it's so rare!"

The problem with this sentence is that the former sentence seems to be praising others, but the latter sentence seems to be teasing others.If the relationship between the two is not too close, such compliments will not have good results.If you put it another way: "You came really early today, have you eaten yet?" This not only compliments others, but also contains caring meaning, which makes people feel very comfortable listening.

Principles that must be followed when praising others

If you don't judge the situation and master certain skills when praising others, even if you are sincere, you will turn a good thing into a bad thing.Therefore, the following principles must be followed before speaking:

1. Sincere
Sincerity is valued by everyone, and it is the most important principle in interpersonal communication.Dr. Carsley, who specializes in the study of social relations in the UK, once said: Most people choose their friends based on whether they are sincere or not.Therefore, when complimenting others, be sure to be sincere.

2. Pay attention to the occasion and be timely

The effect of praise lies in acting on camera, enough is enough.When others plan to do a meaningful thing, the praise at the beginning can motivate the other party to make up their minds to make achievements, the praise in the middle is beneficial to the other party to make persistent efforts, and the praise at the end can affirm their achievements and point out the direction of further efforts, so as to achieve The effect of "praise one, inspire a group".

3. has characteristics
People's quality is divided into high and low, age is different, and it varies from person to person, highlighting personality, and characteristic praise can receive better results than general praise.

4. It is better to praise a person's deeds or contributions than the person himself

When you praise a person's actions or contributions, your approval appears more genuine.And it works best if the other person knows that he really deserves to be admired.Praising behavior is more likely to avoid utilitarianism or prejudice than praising the person.

5. Be informative and specific
In everyday life, there are not many times when people make very remarkable achievements.Therefore, communication should start with specific events, be good at discovering even the slightest strengths of others, and praise them without losing the opportunity.The more detailed and specific the compliment, the more you know the other person, and the more you value his strengths and achievements.

Praise should also have a certain focus

When complimenting others, please refrain from mentioning trivial details that would discount the appreciation.Please focus on the theme of praise, and mainly talk about the other party's achievements.

Without pointing out too much, there may have been some outside factors that made this success easy.For example: "This is indeed a gratifying achievement, but the conditions in all aspects are so favorable, how can I achieve good results..."

Also beware of another misconception that discounted compliments are more authentic and carry more weight.

Don't be smart enough to tell your companions how to do better, even if it is a small matter in life.For example: "The dishes you cook taste really good, everything is good, but the salt in the soup is a little too much..." This kind of discount not only destroys the effect of praise, but also may become the fuse of heated debate.

Sometimes you have to do a comprehensive summary and critique of a piece of work, so praise and criticism are inevitably linked.But in this case, you don't need to discount your excellent grades. You should treat the criticism in the summary as an independent part opposite to the praise, praise more and criticize moderately.

Don't let the other person's modesty undercut the compliment.Some people rarely receive praise, so they are overwhelmed when they are praised; others, when they are praised, want to show that achieving excellent grades is routine for him.The two groups respond almost exactly the same to compliments: "It's nothing special, it's the way it should be, it's my job."

When you hear this kind of answer from the other party, don't keep silent. The silence at this time means that you agree with what he said, as if you were saying to him: "Yes, you are right, why should I praise you? I take back what I just said. if."

You should compliment him again, emphasizing what you think is admirable.You need to repeat what aspects of his performance are particularly important to you, and why you think he is outstanding.

Grasp the scale of praise
There is no absolute right or wrong in the world. It is a kind of wisdom to be able to handle everything well.On the issue of praising others, there is also a phenomenon of different consequences depending on the scale.If it is praised properly, it is a virtue; if it is not praised properly, it will become flattery, which will inevitably be despised.Therefore, it is very important to grasp the proportion of praise.

Compliments win friendships.Praise is like the fragrance of flowers, fragrant and pleasant. Those who can give words of praise to others will be popular, so when getting along with people, the most important thing is to praise.Christianity sings "hymns", and Buddhism sings "burner incense praise", which shows that gods and Buddhas also need to be praised by people, let alone ordinary people?Especially when a person is discouraged, a word of encouragement can bring him back to life; when others are disappointed, a word of praise can make him see the light again.If you want to gain friendship, sincerely praise others, and you will surely get your wish.

Flattery is despised.To be a human being, you must "do good deeds every day". In fact, it is not difficult to do one good deed every day. Praising others is also a good deed.But praise is different from flattery. Flattery is a hypocritical flattery. The so-called "good flattery comes from the heart of wrongdoing."It is not terrible to be criticized, it is terrible to be flattered.Some people praise improperly and become flatterers and flatterers, and they will also be despised by others.Therefore, don't be flattering and flattering, and avoid improper praise.

The biggest difference between praise and flattery lies in the different starting points.Praise is generally in line with the objective reality, while flattery is often exaggerated.In daily communication, more sincere compliments and less flattery will eventually bring you a good reputation.

(End of this chapter)