learn to speak, learn etiquette

Chapter 10 Learning to Speak Humorously (3)
Once upon a time there was a poor man named Ren Wang.The magistrates believed that the homonym of Renwang was "Renwang", and reported to the emperor if he violated a big taboo.The emperor thought to himself: "I am the king of people, how can you be called 'king of people'?" He ordered the local officials to arrest the poor man and send him to the capital.The emperor asked the reason and knew that he did not commit the crime intentionally, so he did not convict him, and said to the poor man, "I will add a little bit to your name and call it Renyu!" After the man thanked him, he changed it to "Renyu" host".It was reported by the magistrate again.

The emperor arrested the poor man for the second time, and Longyan said angrily, "Why did you change your name to benevolent master? I am the master, and you want to be the master? You are impatient!"

The poor man said: "The Holy One, calm down. You are the lord, and I am your subject. If you give me a little, I should put it on my head, but how can I put it in my waist?"

One can tell at a glance that this story lacks any basis in reality and is purely fabricated by the storyteller.You see, the emperor has such a huge power, he manages a lot of affairs, approves documents, and meets foreign guests, so he has no time to talk to ordinary people; besides, in ancient times, transportation was inconvenient, and traveling to and from the capital must be a sum of money Not a small expense, where can I get reimbursed?Naturally, the emperor could not report to him, nor could the magistrate, because he was not high enough.Did you go to Beijing at your own expense?impossible.This kid Nioh is a poor man, how can he afford it.Well, we don't have to fight a lawsuit over its authenticity.As a word game, the taste of language in it is still available for us to taste.Niwang expressed his respect to the emperor, put this "point" on his head, and became the "lord"; his explanations further showed that he was a great and good citizen.This is to add a certain part to the original word to create humor.There are also those who detract a certain part on the basis of the original words to create humor, because they are far from modern life, so I will not give examples.

10 split words mixed method
First divide a word into several words, and then put them together to understand.

Jiao Fang was a Jinshi during Ming Yingzong's time. He was a high-ranking official in the court for many years.

One day, he found his colleague Li Dongyang and asked him to tell his fortune.Li Dongyang looked left and right, looked at his long face, and couldn't help smiling secretly: "I look at the left side of my lord, it looks like Ma Shangshu; and at the right side of my lord, it looks like Lu Shilang. Such high positions as Shangshu' and 'Lu Shilang'!" Jiao Fang was quite happy when he heard it at first; but his entourage told him: "The word 'horse' on the left and the word 'Lu' on the right together form the word for 'donkey'. Ah!" Only then did Jiao Fang realize that she had been tricked by Li Dongyang.

The ancient literati, who wrote poems as essays, mostly talked about gentleness and honesty, and they never forgot to carry forward this spirit when they joked.Li Dongyang's swearing is so subtle and elegant, people without any knowledge really can't hear it, thanks to Jiao Fang who is still a Jinshi, he can't even hear people scolding him, it can be seen that Jiao Fang is also a demon king with no education.It should be pointed out that modern people have to make some adjustments for learning from this joke, because now the Chinese characters are simplified, "马" and "hu" form the word "donkey", while "ma" and "Lu" cannot be combined to form the word "donkey".

11 Lenovo Derivation Method
It is to use the literal similarity of Chinese characters to evolve the meaning of words by means of replacement, substitution, and involvement.

Ji Xiaolan, a scholar in the Qing Dynasty, was very knowledgeable, and he was also good at answering questions with wit and humor.

Once, Ji Xiaolan felt hot, so she sat shirtless in front of the desk and compiled the "Siku Quanshu". Unexpectedly, Emperor Qianlong suddenly arrived, naked and unable to see him, so Ji Xiaolan hid under the desk.After a long time, Ji Xiaolan thought that the emperor had left, so she asked the book boy, "Has the old man left?" Unexpectedly, the emperor had not left, and when he heard the words, he was furious: "You should be punished for your crime; why do you call me an old man? Tell me the truth, If you can’t say it, you will be executed without pardon!” Although Ji Xiaolan was ashamed, he did not panic, he was very witty, and said in a blink of an eye: “Your Majesty is the Son of Heaven, known as ‘Long Live’, isn’t he old? The Emperor is the head of a country, and all people support him Isn't it the head? 'Zi' is a good name for a man, and the king is 'the proud son of heaven'. A great man in the world is not a son? Therefore, the title of 'old man' and even the most honorable and noble, I hope the emperor will clearly observe." After hearing this, Qianlong said, He couldn't help laughing, exempting him from guilt.

Ji Xiaolan did well in Qianlong's reign. He was knowledgeable about the past and the present, was alert and eloquent, and it was this magic weapon that won the favor of Emperor Qianlong.In this story, "old man" is a disrespectful title, which is dissatisfying to ordinary people, let alone Long Live Emperor.This time, there was a catastrophe, and if he was convicted of deceiving the emperor and sent to prison, he would die unjustly.Ji Xiaolan deserves to be called a language master. In the eyes of ordinary people, he is already at the end of the mountain, but he can successfully climb out of the black hole of language.He used the method of dismantling words to interpret the three characters "old man", which seemed to make Qianlong suddenly enlightened. It turns out that the word "old man" not only has no impolite meaning, but also a word of loyalty.For language masters, words are like a Rubik's cube with infinite changes.

12 The method of cleverly exploiting loopholes
Inducing the other party to misunderstand the semantics in a certain language environment, the comic effect will emerge spontaneously.The polysemy of Chinese words provides many conveniences for the conception of humor, one of which is to use the polysemy of words to cause verbal ambiguity to create humor.The so-called ambiguity method is to use the ambiguity of a certain word or sentence to induce the other party to misunderstand it as semantic A in a certain language environment, but interpret it as semantic B by itself, thus forming a certain comedy scene.

Generally speaking, humor makers often use ambiguous words or sentences to take advantage of others' loopholes to make fun of others.

Humor makers can also intentionally violate Chinese word formation, create ambiguity, make people make unreasonable interpretations, cause absurdity, and cause jokes.

In 1992, in the special program "Chinese Breeze--Finals of the First Foreigner Chinese Knowledge Contest" broadcast by CCTV, the first program required foreign friends participating in the competition to tell a complete story in Chinese within 30 seconds. , Chinese knowledge must be included in the matter.

When it was the turn of an American friend to perform, he picked up the microphone and said smoothly:
"Chinese is the language with the richest vocabulary and the strongest expressive power in the world, but it is the easiest to make jokes if it is not used well." After the opening remarks, he cited an example: "One day, I went to visit a Chinese friend, He asked me to have lunch. I said: Cooking is very troublesome. He said, it’s not a treat, and it’s not troublesome to cook a light meal. troublesome."

His last few words caused the audience to laugh so hard that they couldn't straighten up.

"Banfan" is a noun, and according to the habit of Chinese word formation, it cannot be matched with the adjectives "small" and "big".If "big" or "small" is added in front of "simple meal", the word "bian" no longer means "simple" or "convenient", but becomes shitting and urinating.This American friend who participated must be very good at Chinese grammar. He deliberately violated the word formation of Chinese, and absurdly connected "pianfan" with "piss (rice)" and "shit (rice)", creating ambiguity. Prove the purpose of the topic with materials that make people laugh--if you don't use Chinese well, you can make jokes.

13 Pretending to be precise
There are some ambiguities in life that don’t need to be detailed, such as how many grains of rice you eat every day, how many steps you take every day, etc. It would be ridiculous if these things were counted carefully.Pretending to be precise is to use very precise numbers to express where there is no need for precise calculations, or to make precise divisions where it should be vague.

Numerically pretentious:

A statistician who had never taken care of his own children reluctantly agreed to take care of four young and active children when his wife was out shopping one Saturday afternoon.When his wife came home, he handed her a note which read:

“擦眼泪11次；系鞋带15次；给每个孩子吹玩具气球各5次；每个气球的平均寿命10秒钟；警告孩子不要横穿马路26次；孩子坚持要穿过马路26次；我还想再过这样的星期六零次。”

A statistician is precise, because without precision his scientific research cannot be carried out.However, "precise" has become his habitual action and his occupational disease. Therefore, it is very uncoordinated and ridiculous to conduct accurate statistics even on "non-scientific issues" such as watching children. up.

Bill violated the system and went to get a haircut during working hours, but happened to be discovered by the manager.

The manager said, "I saw you getting a haircut during work."

"Yes, sir," Bill said quietly, "but the hair grows at work."

"Not all of them," said the manager. "Some hair comes from long hours."

"Sir, you are right." Bill said politely, "so I only cut off the part of the working hours, and left the part of the spare time on the head!"

Bill must be a slack and loose person in normal times, but he was very rigorous and delicate in this debate.The manager's eloquence is really not very good.Bill said that hair grows during working hours, which was a sophistry. The manager did not point out the fallacy in time, but followed the fallacy, saying that some people have long working hours.At this moment, Bill caught the conversation. Bill used this reasoning to fine-tune the division: some hairs are long in working hours, and others are long in spare time. Keep it all.Bill defends himself by dividing his hair into those who work long hours and those who have long spare time, with subtle wit and humor.

14. Layer-by-layer expansion method

To expand layer by layer is to repeat similar words and events many times, each time getting closer to the gist, and the last repetition points out the essential problem of the object, causing laughter.

what's on top

The father taught his son how to read, and when he taught the word "heaven", in order to deepen the child's impression, he asked: "What is on the top of your head?" The son thought for a while and said: "Hair."

"And above the hair?" "The roof."

"What about the roof?" "The tiles."

The father got angry and slapped the table and said, "Idiot! Take a good look, what else is there?"

The son was so frightened that he cried "wow", and whimpered, "And...the birds are flying..."

what is most needed

Jiang Qing brazenly asked the common people: "What do you need most after I come to power?" The common people replied in unison: "What we need most is moso bamboo."

"Why do you only need moso bamboo?"

"Hitting baskets and sharpening chopsticks!"

"What are you doing?" "Begging!"

cat died

Once upon a time, there was a young master of a rich man who claimed to be good at observing and making judgments, and he was able to predict things like a god.Whenever a servant reported something to him, the servant only said a word, but he stopped him and didn't allow him to continue speaking. He would analyze the content of the servant's unspoken words by himself.He said, this is "knowing what it is, you must know why it is".Therefore, he set a rule for the servants: they are not allowed to report the situation directly, otherwise they will be beaten.

One day, the young master was studying in the study, when he saw a servant running in with sweating profusely and in a panic, he asked, "What's the matter, so flustered?" The servant was out of breath while wiping his sweat. He replied: "Young, young master, big, big things are not good!" When the young master heard this, he asked in surprise: "Quickly tell me! What happened?" The servant said: "The cat in the house died." The young master listened , "Pu Chi" laughed: "I thought it was such a big deal! If the cat died, just throw it away, and a trivial matter is worth making a fuss about?" After finishing speaking, he still lowered his head and continued to read.

After reading a page of the book, he looked up and saw the servant still standing there, so he asked, "How did the cat die?" The servant replied, "It died from eating dead horse meat." "Oh! Then the cat died." How did you die?" "I died from exhaustion in the horse-drawn water."

The young master was very puzzled and asked: "What is the use of drawing so much water in the house?" "Fire fighting." The young master was shocked: "So there is a fire in the house? How did it cause the fire?" "Burning paper for your mother, I accidentally set the house on fire. When the young master heard this, his expression changed in shock, and he asked angrily, "How did my mother die?" "When your father died, your mother was so sad that she cried herself to death."

When the young master heard this, he was furious and shouted: "Obviously my parents are dead, why do you still have to make such a big circle?"

The servant said, "If I make it clear, won't I be beaten?"

15 positive and negative contrast method
This is to compare two languages, thoughts and actions, one positive and one negative or one good and one bad; , eliciting laughter.

different occasions
factory.Old Wang: "Xiao Zhang..." Xiao Zhang: "Oh, Master Wang!"

home.Brother: "Who is your master?" Xiao Zhang: "Here, the surname is Wang."

on the way.Classmate: "Who is your master?" Xiao Zhang: "Hi, old man Wang."

one left:
When Lao Wang found out that his son was lying, he shouted a lesson: "Remember, you are not allowed to tell lies in the future!"

At this time, Xiao Zhang from the same office outside the door shouted: "Old Wang, listen to the report in the auditorium tonight." Lao Wang immediately lay down on the bed, and whispered to his son: "Quick, go and tell Uncle Xiao Zhang, Dad! I'm sick, I'm going to take a leave of absence from the meeting."

Huang Ren Back Saddle
At noon one day before liberation, Li Er came to the door of doctor Huang Ren's house and knocked lightly three times. "Who is it?" Following a man's voice like a broken gong, the door opened a crack, and a bald head poked out from the crack, asking coldly, "Who are you looking for?"

"Are you Mr. Huang?"

"Ah."

"Mr. Huang, let me ask you to see my mother."

"Oh!"

Huang Ren's two small eyes began to look Li Er up and down, seeing Li Er's dark skin, ragged clothes, and bare feet, he thought: This is Zhao Kuangyin's weapon - a poor man!He smiled at Li Erguai, and said: "My medical knowledge is not very good, so I should hire another expert!" After finishing speaking, he closed the door with a "pong".Seeing Huang Ren's air, Li Er gritted his teeth and glared at the two closed black doors angrily, before leaving for a while.

Early the next morning, Li Er came again.He raised his right hand and knocked hard on the door.Huang Ren opened the door and saw that it was the same person who invited him to see a doctor yesterday, but he was dressed differently today, and he was holding a bay red horse with pure coat color, strong legs and big bright eyes.

Li Er said: "Mr. Huang, please see my mother."

Huang Ren's heart brightened, and he hurriedly said: "Young man, let's go quickly, we can't delay seeing a doctor." After speaking, he picked up the medicine box and walked out the door.He came to the horse and was just about to get on the horse when he realized that there was no saddle on the horse's back.

Li Er said apologetically, "It's my fault that I came too hastily and forgot the saddle at home."

"It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, I have it at home." Then he turned and walked into the house, took out a brand new saddle, and helped Li Er to set it up.Then he jumped on the horse, thinking that Zhu Bajie would eat peaches—it was so sweet.He squinted his eyes, thinking triumphantly how to get another sum of money.

After walking village after village, village after village, at noon, Li Er led his horse into a small forest, reined in and shouted, "Here we are."

Huang Ren asked Li Er inexplicably, "Where is your mother?"

Li Er pointed to a new grave and said coldly, "Here it is!"

Li Er said angrily: "Huang Ren, to tell you the truth, my mother died last night. My clothes and this bay red horse were borrowed from my neighbors. If it weren't for it, you wouldn't know it." Here you go." Saying this, he told Huang Ren to dismount, then took off the saddle from the horse and threw it on the ground, "This is yours, I'm sorry." After speaking, he got on the horse and flew out of the woods.

Now, Huang Ren was dumbfounded.I had no choice but to carry a saddle that weighed thirty catties and walk back.At this time, the sun was scorching hot, and Huang Ren was hot, hungry, and tired, sweating all over his body, and the saddle on his back became heavier and heavier.Every time he passed a village, a group of children surrounded him and shouted "crazy".He was very angry and annoyed, and when he returned home, he was seriously ill and almost mourned.

(End of this chapter)