learn to speak, learn etiquette

Chapter 2 Basic training for learning to speak (1)
[-]. If you want to speak, you must first overcome your fear
In life, many people have a strong ability to use language in some small scenes, but once they come to a big scene, they will be afraid, which affects their own image.We should believe that there are many famous speakers and rhetoricians in the world, and they have all had fear, but they dared to fight against failure.

The British realist dramatist George Bernard Shaw is famous for his humorous speech ability.Few people may know that when he first arrived in London at the age of 20, he was ashamed to meet people and very timid.If someone invites him to be a guest, he always lingers in front of the door for a long time anxiously, and dare not ring the doorbell directly.Once a friend invited him to a debate meeting of the Society of Scholars.At the meeting, he stood up with a very nervous heart and gave his first speech in his life.When he finished speaking, he was ridiculed by others. He felt that he had acted as a complete fool and suffered great humiliation, but he did not lose heart.Since then, he has given public speeches every week, and people can often see him making impassioned speeches in markets, schools, parks, docks... in halls crowded with three or four thousand listeners or in basements with only a few people.Someone once did statistics. In 12 years, his speeches reached more than 1000 times.

Just as George Bernard Shaw made his first speech at the debate meeting of the Academy of Scholars, fear and stage fright are common phenomena before his debut.Even the first speeches of many great orators are not always satisfactory, and there are even very embarrassing and confusing scenes.When Zetkin, an outstanding female activist in the international labor movement, gave a speech for the first time, although she had already made meticulous preparations, as soon as she took the stage, "all the words of prediction slipped out of my mind, and my brain appeared blank."When Mrs. Indira Gandhi appeared on the stage for the first time, she was so frightened that she couldn’t even make a sound. She didn’t know what she said, but an audience member said: "She is not talking, but crying." She ended her speech amidst a roar of laughter.The British politician Louis George said that when he made a public lecture for the first time, his tongue was against the roof of his mouth, and he could not utter a word.When former U.S. President Ford first entered the political arena, he stuttered and stuttered. People sounded very uncomfortable. Some people jokingly called him a "stuttering athlete".

The above-mentioned orators became eloquent just after defeating defeat.

There was a saying in the West: "Poets are born, orators are made."The only way to develop guts in a speaker is to practice it.Diligent practice can be practiced alone, in front of a mirror, in front of real objects, or you can ask someone to teach you, and you must seize every opportunity to practice.At lectures, strive to speak, and take the initiative to speak in formal occasions, both among "big friends" and among "little friends".Hard work pays off, and in the long run, you will be able to exercise your courage, make your speech well-organized, articulate, and expressive, so that it will produce a strong effect that is exciting and shocking.For example:
Qiu Qifang, a young woman who won the first prize in the Shanghai Reading Speech Competition, had no expression on her face when she gave a speech for the first time, just like a middle school student endorsing a book.Later, she vowed to practice oratory skills. For many days and nights, she said to the table, talked to the mirror, and practiced with a tape recorder. She asked her brother who joined the amateur drama troupe to listen, and invited her classmates and teachers to teach. Her throat became hoarse, and she continued to study tirelessly until the people next to her could memorize the article by heart.She said with deep understanding: "The luck of the Chinese women's volleyball team lies in their tons of sweat; the luck of mathematics geniuses lies in their dozens of sacks of manuscripts; the luck of famous writers lies in his thousands of In ten thousand sleepless nights." "Frozen three feet, not a day's cold."Finally, she also became the lucky one—out of hundreds of speakers, she beat the pack and came out on top.Speech masters at all times and in all over the world have been so strict with themselves all their lives, worked hard, and finally mastered superb speech skills.

Friends, don't just envy the eloquence of those successful and outstanding speakers, what is more worthy of praise is their perseverance.If you want to develop eloquence like a tongue, you have to hone your eloquence step by step.

[-]. The most important thing is to speak clearly
It takes a lot of tempering for a person to have good eloquence, but the most basic step is to understand the words first.But to do this, some skills are needed.

1 sentence is short and precise
Language stretches linearly while speaking.When speaking, the sounds appear one by one.As the speech progresses, the voices are connected into strings, and the meaning and emotion expressed by the speaker are gradually presented and passed on.Therefore, the listener must mobilize the memory and analyzer of the human brain to understand the words.If the sentence is too long, the listener will not be able to understand what you said.Therefore, the sentences should be shorter when we speak.

Experts have studied the best-selling novels and pointed out that the average sentence length of them is about twelve characters.Speaking sentences should be shorter, because the speech is fleeting and cannot be read repeatedly like reading.Short sentences are easy to speak, save effort to sound, and are attractive.

2 There must be pauses in speaking

After one layer of meaning is finished, there is a slight pause, so that the listeners can appreciate and sort it out before continuing.Otherwise, the listener will be confused.

3 Every sentence expresses a meaning

This is a writing principle of The New York Times, and it is even more applicable to speaking.The meaning of a sentence is too complicated, and the listener has to work hard to think and explain it, which adds another layer of obstacles to communication.To speak clearly, the sentences must be concise.

The question is that simple meanings or emotions are naturally easy to express with one sentence and one meaning, but can complex and subtle meanings, emotions, and atmospheres also be expressed?It is generally possible.

4 Talking requires logic
Before the speech begins, the speaker needs to sort out the content to be said a little bit, according to certain clues, the relationship between characters, time, place, and location... the listener will understand clearly after listening.Stringing up the words and sorting out the order, there are some clues: A. Time; B.The development process of things; C the relationship between characters; D.Orientation; E logical relationship.Which clue to choose to organize the content of the speech depends on the needs of the speaker.But generally there is always a base point, and then develop clues along this base point.

[-]. Concise and simple, the most conducive to communication

In social communication, in order to receive good results, the social language should be concise and concise, so that the listener can obtain more useful information in a short period of time.On the other hand, endless empty talk and meaningless words will inevitably waste people's time; the language should also strive to be popular and easy to understand. If the listener's ability to accept is ignored, and obscure language is used, it is often neither friendly nor difficult for the other party. Accepted, it backfired.

At present, the people have a lot of opinions on the unhealthy style of holding long meetings of some leading departments, and they even gave it the nickname "marathon meeting".Before the meeting, the topic was not clear, the center of the meeting was not prominent, and the discussion of the problem was not marginal, as if he could not show his level without a long speech.Such meetings are extremely ineffective!

"Words don't talk too much, but expressing ideas leads to spirit."Speech should not be bothersome and precise, and every word is sarcasm, concise and powerful, which can make people not lose interest.Redundant words, nagging and long-winded, pointless, will be annoying.Many speech masters cherish their words like gold, and leave precious chapters in their concise words, becoming a typical example of "the words of eloquent speakers".

The shortest presidential inaugural address, the first is Washington's 1873 address, only 135 words.

Lincoln's famous Gettysburg Address consisted of only ten sentences, and his speech was focused and delivered in one go.

On July 1984, 7, the 17-year-old new French Prime Minister Laurent Fabius delivered a speech that was surprisingly short, with only two sentences: "The task of the new government is to modernize the country and unite the French people. This asks everyone to remain calm and show determination. Thank you everyone." The wording is tactful and the content is insightful.

The speech masters mentioned above are all extraordinary in their ability to control language.Lincoln's speech was 600 words, and it took less than 3 minutes from the stage to the stage, but it won the endless applause of 15000 audiences and caused a sensation throughout the country.The newspaper commented at that time: "This short and concise speech is a priceless treasure. It has deep feelings, concentrated thoughts, and concise diction. Every word and sentence is very simple and elegant. The writing is flawless and completely beyond people's expectations."

In addition to being concise and concise, the language should also be easy to understand, otherwise it is very likely that the expected effect will not be achieved, and even a joke will be made.One night, a certain scholar was bitten by a scorpion. He shook his head and shouted: "Good wife, burn the silver lamp quickly, Ruffal is attacked by poisonous insects!" Bookish and anxious, he had to shout: "Old woman, turn on the lamp quickly, the scorpion is biting me." This joke is a satire for those who are good at biting words and don't pay attention to colloquialism.The next one satirizes those who speak sourly and sourly.

One day, a teacher from a middle school in a certain village went to visit his home, and happened to encounter the student's home full of guests.Seeing that he came at an untimely time, he repeatedly apologized to the parents: "Please forgive me for taking the liberty! Please forgive me for taking the liberty!" The parents of the students were stunned, and the next day, they made a special trip to the school to ask the principal to comment: "Yesterday was my sister's big day. A certain teacher at the school said to me shamelessly: "Please Xu's younger sister" and asked me to betroth my younger sister to him. I think he is a "flower maniac". "The principal knew that this teacher had a decent style of work and was responsible for his work. He felt strange, so he immediately Check with him and explain to the parents.Parents blame themselves for their low level of education, so confused.The teacher was ashamed and annoyed, unable to laugh or cry. The disturbance was caused by his impolite language.

Spoken language is transmitted to the brain through the ears, because words have homonyms and polysemy, if you use obscure words, it will inevitably affect the listening effect, and the cultural literacy of the audience is very different, so it should be "low or high." "So speaking to the masses should be clear and easy to understand.There is a big difference between oral language and written language. Some people use written language too much in speech instead of spoken language, which makes people feel very uncomfortable.For example, when a young man described his feelings when he heard his mother being persecuted to death in a speech, he said: "My heart was filled with sorrowful waves, and my eyes were like twin springs, filled with crystal clear tears. In the end, I The two lines of tears fell like broken pearls." The speaker on the stage cried bitterly, but there was a burst of laughter from the audience.Naturally, such a speech was unsuccessful.The reason for its failure is that he does not pay attention to the actual effect of language, but blindly pursues the beauty of form.

Social language needs to be expressed in the "vernacular" that both the speaker and the listener are used to and of common interest, so that it is easy to communicate feelings and ideas.If you pursue magnificence and novelty and are overly polished, the listener will think that this is showing off your literary talent, so they will enter your speech with one ear and exit with the other.No matter how beautiful the words are, they have little power.Therefore, the use of language is just like what Lu Xun said: "Have true meaning, don't whitewash, less artificial, and don't show off."

Su Dongpo has quite subtle insights on the use of language: "When you see words, you must respond to the majestic weather and gorgeous colors when you are young; as you get older and mature, it will become flat; it is not flat, but extremely gorgeous." We The pursuit of concise, concise and easy-to-understand language should be regarded as the basic skill of learning to speak, and training and learning should be continuously strengthened.

[-]. Pay more attention to language taboos
In the old days, there were many taboo characters in Chinese characters, especially the names of emperors.These taboos have a strong feudal and autocratic color, and some are even cruel and reactionary.

Although the feudal dross in taboos such as titles and names have been eliminated now, some titles or customs that have been passed down to this day are still taboo for people to get used to. Although they still have a certain feudal color, for the sake of politeness and respect for others, they should be Attention.This phenomenon can only gradually change and die out with the development of culture, the popularization of science and the progress of society.For example, when we take a fisherman's boat, the boatman is especially afraid to say "Chen" and "Fan", because it is a homonym of "Shen" and "Fan". Another example is that we are used to calling unmarried girls "Girl". Calling a young girl a girl in Changde area is considered to be molesting a woman, because "girl" there is a good name for "wife".The old man in Tianjin calls the young girl "big sister", but the girl feels at ease. You will be surprised, and you will despise the girl and blame the old man in your heart.But as long as you understand more, you will understand that this is a polite address used by the local people. Tianjin people generally call people by the juniors and children.If someone thinks this kind of taboo is backward and uncivilized, and insists on trying to change it, I am afraid it will not have any good effect.

my country is a big country with a long history, with many etiquettes and "taboos".If you don't pay attention to it and don't avoid taboos, even if you don't say it on purpose, it will easily be offensive and affect the effect of social interaction.

When using language for communication, some language taboos must be paid attention to.For example, if there is a "bald head" among friends, you can't always say "bald head" or "bald head" to others.If there is a visitor at home who is short and fat, you can't say "short" or "fat", otherwise it will hurt the person's self-esteem.In speech, obscene words and unhealthy mantras should be tabooed.When you see a young woman, you should generally not ask her age or whether she is married.It is disgusting to directly ask other people's resume, salary income, family property and other private life questions.Never say proud words or things to those who are in a melancholy mood.If the other party has made mistakes or has some kind of defect, avoid irritating words when talking.Don't ask questions that others are unwilling to answer, and don't get to the bottom of it. If you touch it, you should immediately apologize or change the subject subtly.

Visiting patients is something that everyone may encounter. This is entirely out of caring for patients, but we should pay more attention to the taboos of patients, otherwise we will do bad things with good intentions.A young woman went to visit her aunt who had been ill for a long time, and she asked with concern: "How is your appetite?" She didn't want to say a word of greeting, but the patient's face was immediately covered with sadness, and she said worriedly: "Oh, don't talk about it." It's gone."Then there were no words, and the result was an embarrassing situation.It turned out that the patient was very ill, and the most distressing thing was that he could not eat.When visiting a patient, when seeing the patient's haggard face, don't be surprised and ask "Why is your face so ugly?" Otherwise, there will be no other benefit except to increase the patient's ideological burden.Usually talk with people, generally do not involve things such as illness and death.On festive occasions, unlucky words should be avoided.For example, when a girl talks about the funeral when her sister gets married, will everyone feel comfortable listening to it?Although people know that birth, old age, sickness and death are irresistible laws, but from an emotional point of view, it is still taboo to talk about death.When Engels talked about Marx's death in his speech at the grave of Marx, he said: "He fell asleep peacefully in the easy chair! - but he has fallen asleep forever." He left a deep impression on people.In Beijing dialect, "failed to survive", "finally failed to survive" and so on all mean death.

In order to make the conversation smooth and harmonious, we must also pay attention to the taboos of the other party, otherwise it will add setbacks to social interaction.Several young people on a farm went to condolences to a retired old farm worker. There was such a conversation at that time.The young people said: "Your body is really strong. You will live a long life this year?" "79." Then you can be called the runner-up of longevity." "However, XX passed away last year." The old farmer sighed. "Hey, it's your turn this time." Hearing this, the old man who was in the middle of a conversation suddenly changed his face and stopped talking.This is because the words touched the most sensitive issues of the old man, and the old man must have understood that it was his turn to die soon.Although this example is rather extreme, there are still such ignorant young people.Let me give another example. A gay man in a large company was enthusiastic about giving gifts to a gay man to raise money for his marriage. He smiled and asked a female comrade in his unit in his 88s to "partner" her.Unexpectedly, the female comrade burst into tears, and the male comrade was at a loss and was stunned.It turned out that she was not married yet, and she had also been greatly stimulated in love, and other people's celebrations brought back bitter memories of her past.And the person in charge didn't pay attention to avoiding taboos, which hurt her sensitive nerves and made everyone very embarrassed.

In socializing, paying attention to language taboos is a manifestation of respect for others and self-cultivation, and it will also increase the success rate of socializing.

Five, use your brains to win by surprise

How to persuade others?It is a method to have a long talk, talk about it, and move it with emotion; it is also a method to win by surprise, ingeniously instructing people, making people suddenly enlightened and comprehended immediately.

Comrade Ye Jianying once used a surprising method to convince a group of people with a few short sentences.

In 1934, the Central Guard Corps had just been placed under the leadership of the Central Military Commission, and Ye Jianying was in charge.Most of the comrades in the guard regiment were drawn from the combat troops. After being adjusted from the front line of artillery fire, they were generally uneasy. They always felt that it was enough to return to the front line and fight the enemy directly.

Ye Jianying learned about the situation and held a group meeting.At the meeting, he raised his voice and said loudly: "The Central Guard Corps should be renamed, not the Guard Corps, but the Steel Helmet Corps."

This made everyone confused.Then, Ye Jianying slowly explained: "What is the helmet for? The helmet protects the head, and the Central Guard Corps protects the head of the party, so it should be called the helmet regiment. Are you right?"

Everyone suddenly realized, and said in unison: "Yes!"

"Is it okay for a person to have no head?" Ye Jianying asked.

"no!"

"You are all heroes, and you can kill hundreds of devils if you go to the front, but can you beat the devils out without the leadership of the Party Central Committee?"

"cannot!"

With just a few words, the guards' hearts brightened.

Sun Tzu's Art of War pointed out that in fighting the enemy, in addition to attacking from the front, you can also use surprise soldiers that suddenly appear from the side to win the victory.

(End of this chapter)