marriage to pregnancy

Chapter 151
After a while, Yan Qingyu reached out and pointed to the next article:
[After calming down, I also thought about starting over!It's a pity that God's will tricks people...I actually found out that I was pregnant!It's hard to describe the feeling of being a first-time mother, joy, fear and conflict!I thought about killing the child, but in the end I still couldn't bear it!That is a life. I have always longed to have a home, a home of my own, and a child!I like children, even if he comes at the wrong time!However, he actually denied it, and he actually asked me to abort the child!In an instant, the motherhood in my bones was actually stimulated, so strong, I was very angry!So impulsive...I would rather die than want to protect my child!
At that moment, I hated him even more!
An irresponsible man is a failure in my eyes!
The appearance of grandpa made everything turn around!Since I was a child, I have no mother, and my father never kissed me. I know a child’s desire for complete fatherly love and motherly love, so subconsciously, I still want to give my child a complete home, even if it’s just a formal perfection!In the end, I compromised...

He came to pick me up in person, which was beyond my expectation, but his attitude was very indifferent. I knew he was very reluctant. For a moment, I regretted it... Entering Yan's house, facing the pain of Xincheng, thinking quietly Hatred, his indifference...I suddenly had a very strong premonition that the days to come would be difficult, and in fact...it was indeed the case! 】

Sighing slightly, Yan Qingyu only left three words in the comment area: "I'm sorry..."

Then there is a long string of ellipses!
[Grandpa told me about Qingyu's past, saying that he was a good man worthy of women's love!At that moment, I was skeptical!But I firmly remember this sentence!Because of what my grandfather said, I began to want to know this man.Because he gave me a sense of sympathy and sympathy for each other. Listening to his story is like seeing myself.He, in fact, like me, is also a person without childhood!Or to be more precise, in our childhood, there was no happiness, only the torment of actively or passively striving towards a certain goal, like a person in prison, working hard every day, counting the days and waiting for the hope...Suddenly, I I feel that in this family, he is alone and very lonely. I want to stand by his side and give him the warmth that I also want...]

Seeing this, Yan Qingyu couldn't help but redden his eyes.He has never seriously understood her past. In fact, she is also a poor woman who has no worries about food and clothing but lacks love, but he only knows how to hurt her!Unfortunately, he knew it too late.

Yan Qingyu read the short article several times, choked up sorely, but couldn't keep a word out.

[When grandpa is here, he always comes home on time.Entering Yan’s house for the first time, it was a day that left a deep impression on me. This night, he helped me pick up vegetables, eight-treasure chicken rolls... I was moved only for a moment, and then I wanted to cry without tears, because he picked up an overflowing bowl for me. Big bowl...I couldn't eat it at all...Thanks to my grandpa for saving the siege...At the dinner table, I felt the pain of my heart, and I felt uncomfortable...But I understand that long-term pain is worse than short-term pain!I don’t know if it’s because Daddy protected me so well and gave me too much conservative education since I was a child. Even though I have studied abroad, I’m actually still a traditional woman in my heart, and I even have a kind of inexplicable desire to live from one to the next. The final old-fashioned idea, even if this man is not my ideal person, I still want to try... Unfortunately, God didn't follow my wishes, and when I returned to the room, he seemed to be a different person, he became cold, I also followed the ups and downs of tension...That night, it was the first time we shared the same bed, because I was not used to it...I fell asleep in the middle of the night...Unexpectedly, I slept very deeply, but I don’t know where I offended He, he treats me suddenly becomes very cold and bad...I'm a little depressed...]

With all the past events, Yan Qingyu seemed to be able to imagine her pouting her mouth and thinking hard, and Yan Qingyu couldn't help but snorted lightly: "Silly woman!"

Then clearly typed these three words!

[I have never met such a bad man!I flattered him, and he didn't appreciate it, but he still... bullied me in that way!I have been in love with Xincheng for so long, and he has never kissed me... But he always doesn't ask, just directly... He and Xincheng are completely different men!Xincheng respected me very much and never dared to act rashly.But he is domineering and powerful!Like a born king, he can take whatever he wants at any time, as if I should listen to him, but he actually treats women as playthings and wants me to be mentally prepared? !I hate it when he talks to me like that, like I'm just there for him to play with... I'm so pissed off!But he is such a charming man, even a bit enchanting!Before you know it, you can make people surrender!In other words, he is really capable, and in a blink of an eye, he can also make me smile... Men are not bad, women don't love. For the first time, I deeply realized the profound meaning of this sentence from him.He is not a good person, but my heart was moved, and I still clearly understood what he was like...

Weird, isn't it?Even I wondered myself...

After my grandfather left, the peaceful life ended. My belly grew bigger day by day, but he reverted to his old ways, hugged left and right, and even worsened... He left me alone in Yan's house, completely ignoring my position, I have thought about my feelings, he is romantic and happy, and he rarely comes home, but I have to face my first love every day, avoid pain, endure his sister's cynicism from time to time, and endure his lace scandal...I live a good life It was very hard and uncomfortable...I began to question my choice, especially after knowing...and Song Fangfei—this special woman exists....】

I have long forgotten that I have done such a bad thing. At this moment, feeling the grievance and sadness of Mo Wan at that time, Yan Qingyu felt more and more that he was an asshole. Yu wrote a promise:
"Old things will never happen again..."

[I remember that during the first pregnancy checkup, every pregnant woman was accompanied by someone, even if it wasn't her husband, they were relatives and friends, but I was alone!I have never felt so pitiful in my life, but at that moment, I was so weak that I wanted to cry... On that day, I will never forget it. On the screen in the square, I saw the "loved woman" he once said - Song Fangfei , a dazzling and glamorous star!I feel very lost, but Xincheng's appearance and love evokes my memories. At that moment, I was shaken, but I know that I can no longer linger, and I can no longer hurt him!I chose this path, and for the sake of my child, I rejected him again!I feel that I am very cheap and pitiful, too pitiful to deserve sympathy!As the saying goes, a poor person must have something to hate. At that moment, even I despised and spurned myself... But at that moment, indeed, there was nothing more important than the child in my belly... That night, he came back after not coming in for a long time... But because of Yan Sijing's unreasonable provocation, he misunderstood me and Xincheng, but I chose not to explain...Because I didn't think it was necessary, maybe I was also jealous and angry, After all, he has been with Song Fangfei for many days, and he has never confessed to me. Moreover, he has never cared about me since he was pregnant until the first check-up... That night, he got very angry. It also pushed me, I was in so much pain, I thought I was going to lose my child... Fortunately when I woke up, the child was still there, my child... really uplifting!His indifference made me chill for a while!That day, he forced me to make a choice, Chuhe Hanjie, only choose one, no matter what the reason, I finally chose him... That day, he said a word, I will never forget it!He said... I am his!I don't know, does this possessive words also have an element of liking? !But these words were deeply imprinted on my heart... After that day, perhaps because I was injured, I also frightened him. For a long time, he treated me...much gentler...I am very happy, really I'm very happy... At least, I know, he doesn't care about this child at all..】

I didn't expect her to be so easily satisfied. Thinking of his negligence towards her in the past and avoidance of her pregnancy, Yan Qingyu's regret is self-evident. Those missing experiences are also regrets that he will never come back to in his life!Without hesitation, he left a sincere reply:

"I have always loved our child... I am also very nervous about you. After that time, I have studied a lot of pregnancy books, but...you don't know it..."

Recalling the distance the two had traveled, Yan Qingyu realized how much he had missed.

Open the photo album, and it is classified according to the date. It is full of photos of the son. From birth to full moon to one year old, it records all the little things about the child. Clicking the mouse, reminiscing about the process of the child's growth, Yan Qingyu's heart is throbbing. Bleeding profusely, it is said that men do not shed tears lightly, but at this moment, he couldn't stop the tears streaming down his face.

There were images of Mo Wan and the child in his mind, and there were too many images of children he had never seen before. For a moment, Yan Qingyu's hand holding the mouse trembled slightly with excitement——

This night, Yan Qingyu spent most of the sad night in a few diaries and photos of the child. In the end, he didn't go back to the room, so he turned on the computer and slept in the bed where she and the baby had slept. -Come on, in sleep, it is still filled with everything about her and the baby...

****
In the next few days, the computers Mo Wan used, the [logs] and [photos] in the space became Yan Qingyu's indispensable spiritual food.

He didn't give up on tracking down the whereabouts of the two of them, and knew that they were still alive, but the final answer given to him by the housekeeper was that she took the child to America.And before he came here, he had searched New York almost all over. He knew that she was hiding from him on purpose, and all he could do was to pay attention to all the people and things related to her, keep looking, keep waiting.

On this day, Yan Qingyu returned to the room, rinsed it briefly, and then sat next to the computer again.Habitually clicked in, the pop-up page suddenly changed to a [Login] page, throwing away the towel in his hand, Yan Qingyu panicked instantly.

Why do I need a 'password' all of a sudden?

Subconsciously, Yan Qingyu entered Mo Wan's birthday, wrong!Then, he tried the child's birthday!Still not right!Finally, he tried his own birthday too!All kinds of combinations are always wrong!
More than 20 minutes have passed, and Yan Qingyu has been inputting the 'password' and 'verification code' without giving up!
Still unable to log in, Yan Qingyu began to feel a little irritable. Suddenly, Lai Xinrou's words appeared in his mind, and Yan Qingyu tried it casually, love0405. Generally, it hurts a little...

Night, I really love him!
Every time Yan Qingyu thinks of this, the pain seems to stop breathing...

After a while, he moved the mouse to [Log] to continue the unfinished 'Journey of Memories':
[Birthday, for everyone, is more or less special.From childhood to adulthood, my birthday, and more, was spent with Uncle Liu. Daddy would give me a birthday present every year, but he didn’t know. In fact, what I wanted was not a gift, but him to accompany me live together.This year's birthday is very special...I want to spend it with him, but he is going on a business trip. I reminded him, but he didn't realize it...I know he probably didn't take me to heart at all...At that moment, I was humbled to the bottom of the line Me, but I don’t want to be humbled anymore... He is a dazzling successful man with a sense of superiority in his bones. In fact, I am also a woman who wants to be strong. I have reached the limit to curry favor with a man like this...Looking at him Surrounded by all kinds of beauties, occasionally I feel inferior, and from time to time, I also want to rebound... He left, leaving indifferently, but I didn't say anything...

With him, I no longer feel like myself...A lot of times, even I hate myself...

But what a charming man he was!Even if he is bad, there are very few men in this world who can compare to him!The most important thing is that when he is gentle, he will make people sink from heart to heart!

On my birthday, I went out lonely, but unexpectedly, he came back!

That night, he was very angry and treated me badly... But I'm sure, the moment I saw him, my mood was shocked and joyful!I don't know if it's a tacit understanding, but the gift he gave me is actually the guardian spirit of the constellation that I want most!He was very disdainful, and said it was a sample!I know, that's not it!Suddenly, I realized that he might... just have a bad mouth!

At that moment, I suddenly had an intuition that our meeting was destined, it was fate from heaven!I'm a woman, so I trust my instincts...

Once again, after struggling, I still willingly chose to stay by his side...]

Seeing this, Yan Qingyu couldn't help sighing slightly:
In fact, like her, he also wants to have someone he cares about to accompany him on his birthday, but after Mommy died, he didn't even eat the birthday cake... I remember accidentally seeing her and Yan Xincheng celebrating their birthday on the road , he just wanted to tear up that scene. In fact, he was not only angry, but also envious and jealous. He wanted to be the protagonist of that scene!

With a bitter smile, he could only swallow a thousand kinds of bitter wine and taste in his stomach!

【Your birthday, I will never forget it again!From now on, every year, I will live for you...]

After a long time, Yan Qingyu left a sentence before opening the next one:
[He wants to accompany me to the maternity check-up? !I was shocked when I heard the news!I never dared to expect such a day, without warning... the surprise he gave always makes people... so caught off guard!Maybe it's because it's too rare, or maybe it's because it's too unexpected... Every time, I will never forget it!
I will never forget that day!All the way, he held my hand, his hand was big, clean and warm... I remember someone said that God created man and woman, and gave man a pair of big hands just to let him protect women, and he , and indeed gave her an unprecedented sense of security...Looking up at his tall back, at that moment, I really felt at ease, and wanted to be held by him like that for the rest of my life...At the door, he put the scarf around my neck , the tone is still the same cold and smelly, but he took me, and he slowed down. At that moment, I knew that he was a careful man, and my heart was warm... He didn't know, I was sending him off to take care of him. I chose a low-necked sweater because of the necklace, and I chose a low-necked sweater... The sky is snowing, and I am very afraid of the cold, but I also like winter very much, because that season will bring two people and two hearts closer together, and make me feel When it's warm, winter is really a very suitable season for love...]

Yan Qingyu didn't have any impression of this kind of insignificant matter. At this moment, he was shocked to realize how negligent and cruel he was to her.No one knows better than him how indifferent that family is, but he only wants revenge and never considers her situation. He is so hateful!She is so kind, so hard-working, and so easy to satisfy. What ate his brain at that time, how could he bear to be so cruel to an innocent woman? !And she was still pregnant with his child? !
Scratching his hair, Yan Qingyu wished to turn back time and start all over again.

Gently closing his eyes, Yan Qingyu tapped a few words:

"True love has no seasons and is always fresh! Don't pray to God to turn back time, just pray to God not to be so cruel, to give me another chance to continue love... no matter how long, I am willing to wait..."

[Some people say that having a child is equivalent to being a human again!I didn't believe it before, but the moment I gave birth, I believed it.My aunt said, I gave birth for more than ten hours, but I felt like I had experienced a long century.Lying on the hospital bed in the delivery room, I felt heart-piercing pain!My ears were buzzing, but I couldn't hear anything. I was yelling and cursing crazily, and my throat was so hoarse that it started to hurt. At that moment, I hated the man who made me pregnant, hated him for making me so miserable I wish I could cut him into pieces, I swear, I will never give birth to a man again in my life... Those ten hours, I can’t describe it, it’s like walking through purgatory!
But the moment I heard the child crying, my heart suddenly softened, and I suddenly felt that everything was worth it. When I opened my eyes in a daze, I saw the little life with a slightly wrinkled face beside me, At that moment, another idea changed into my mind, as long as he was safe and sound, I would be happy to do whatever he asked me to... My life child was born again...

I recovered quickly after the natural delivery, and I only stayed in the hospital for seven days. He became a father, but during this period, he never showed up... I couldn't help asking my aunt, who said he had called me back to ask me Baby... Actually, I know, she is just comforting me... At that moment, holding the baby, I feel that our mother and child are the most pitiful people in the world!
If there is a next life, I hope that I will be a man, and I will cherish the woman who is willing to bear children for me... It's a pity that men don't understand, it is a blessing that has been cultivated for several lifetimes to find such a woman who has no complaints or regrets ! 】

For a moment, Yan Qingyu was shocked by the despair in Mo Wan's words, his body froze, and he could not help feeling chills from the soles of his feet.If he hadn't read her diary, he really wouldn't have known that she had suffered so much. He had always thought...that was a natural accusation of a woman...as simple as eating and drinking water!
When she was about to give birth, he didn't know it, but he was inexplicably timid, and even deliberately avoided everything about her.Because of having a child, he is not only a man, but also a father.His past experience and his mother's dying words made him extremely confused and melancholy, and even for a long time, he was like falling into a colorful fog, unable to get out no matter what, he was so confused that he didn't know how to meet and face it.He had never been afraid of anything, and during that period of time, he had the idea of ​​escaping for the first time.

It's just that he didn't expect...his momentary retreat would cause her such great harm!
Every time he reads the diary, he feels the same, but also inexplicably sad.

For a long time, Yan Qingyu didn't move.

Then, he pointed to the next chapter again.

【Baby’s full moon banquet is scheduled for April [-]th, which happens to be the day after his birthday. At that moment, I knew that no one would remember to celebrate his birthday... At that moment, I sympathized with him, and even felt that he was very pitiful. It’s obvious that he has a family, but it’s the same as not having one. I empathize with him. I vaguely see his desire for a birthday. I can’t help but want to celebrate his birthday...

I specifically reminded him to come back.I didn't have time to buy a gift. That night, I stayed up until three o'clock just to give him a birthday present. I knit a scarf with my own hands... The next day, I baked a birthday cake for him, but I waited until twelve He didn't come back, I ate all the cakes and longevity noodles by myself...

Later, he came back, smelling of alcohol, and I wanted to say happy birthday to him, but he lost his temper at me and almost raped me... Finally, he fell asleep and I ran away... I was very sad Sad, never want to take the courage to take the second time...]

The day before the baby's full moon feast?his birthday?She knitted a scarf for him?Why didn't he receive it?

Mood ups and downs, ups and downs, joy and sadness, Yan Qingyu only felt that every nerve of his was being touched by her. He still remembered that night when he was drunk, he ordered her to boil it for him when he got up in the morning. Jiutang, on that day, he hugged his son for the first time, that night was the baby's full moon banquet... that night, they had a very unpleasant fight!
A woven scarf that Li Xincheng once regarded as a treasure suddenly appeared in his mind. In an instant, Yan Qingyu seemed to think of something, and couldn't wait to flip it down. Sure enough, as expected:
[Although he didn't give me a title, the baby's full moon banquet was low-key but grand.He took me to meet his friends, and I was very happy... On a very happy day, I wanted to take the opportunity to give him a birthday gift, but unexpectedly, I listened to what I shouldn't have heard!It turns out that the constellation fairy necklace that I have always regarded as a treasure is what Song Fangfei specified!It turned out that I was just her spare tire!At that moment, I was angry!I don't care for things that don't belong to me, no matter how valuable they are!I tore off the necklace and swore I would never wear it again...but I'm still not willing to throw it away...

I went to the yard in a dull manner. The gift I prepared with great care for a long time seemed to be laughing at my stupidity at that moment. I didn't want to give it to him again. I knew that he would not be rare or cherish it!I wanted to throw it away. Coincidentally, Xincheng came back and he liked it very much... Even though it felt inappropriate, he wanted it, so I gave it to him... I felt very sorry for him, and I promised to knit him a scarf that belonged to him. ... At that moment, looking at him, my heart ached!I know that if I had chosen him in the first place, I would be very happy now...

Unfortunately, there is no if in this world!And I don't believe that there are such selfless men in the world who can treat other people's children as well as their own!So, even though I knew that being with him would lead to happiness, I still chose Yan Qingyu... This man is special to me!The entanglement between us is destined to be engraved in my bones in this life. Some things, once they happen, cannot be changed... no matter luck or misfortune! 】

He had never seriously explored the thoughts in Mo Wan's heart before, and he didn't know that she had been so wronged and struggling. At this moment, thinking about the past, Yan Qingyu didn't know whether he should be lucky or sad.

What a trick!

If he had known her true thoughts a long time ago, he would not have done so many stupid things. If he had known her deep love for him, he would have reciprocated her!

At this moment, thinking of the misunderstanding of the two passing each other many times, a ridiculous thought suddenly flashed in Yan Qingyu's mind:

He loves her so much, and loves their children... Could it be... She doesn't know at all what he really thinks about him!

Thinking of all the things that happened between the two of them, the more he thought about it, the more Yan Qingyu felt that his head was bigger and more likely.How could he know her thoughts if he didn't read them from her diary? !As for his thoughts, is she also like him, every time she is either carelessly ignored, or misunderstood...distorted? !

He was very impressed with that scarf. He once thought that she gave it to him, and secretly got jealous, thinking that she would never forget her old love for Yan Xincheng?It also made a lot of sulking about it!So... the scarf was originally intended for him? !
damn it!How much did they miss? !

Why didn't they understand each other's mind earlier, why did they come to this irreversible step today?
Her sweetly smiling face floated in her mind, and the child's giggling laughter rang in her ears, but Yan Qingyu's heart seemed to be stabbed with a knife, and the knife saw blood...

Inadvertently glancing at the date on the lower right corner of the computer, Yan Qingyu's heart skipped a beat:
Soon, it's her birthday again...

(End of this chapter)