if there is no tomorrow

Chapter 11
I walked down two crowded streets heading to Formosa Steakhouse for lunch.Had a steak at this restaurant once when we were in a relationship with my ex-wife and the bill almost blew me away, but the beef was damn good.Later, my ex-wife wanted to eat it again. I reasoned that the steak tasted like plastic, and my ex-wife scolded me for being stingy and stupid. The many "posthumous titles" given by my ex-wife finally settled down to "wasteless".I still couldn't figure out the combination of western food and those strange names. In order to avoid embarrassment, I ordered the most expensive Wang Pin Collection set meal.The steak was ordered very well done, the waiter smiled wryly and said, "The well done steak is too old to bite."

I said, "The sauced beef is twenty-five, how can you bite into it?"

The waiter stopped arguing and turned to order the menu.

My cell phone rang, and it was the hospice website calling, saying they were verifying my diagnosis and would get back to me as soon as possible.I specifically emphasized that the intended caring person must be Luan Bingran, but the other party hesitated and said, "You are still in a state where you can take care of yourself. Do you need the intended caring person to intervene so early?"

In fact, at this moment, I no longer feel that the other party is a liar, because a liar will not have so many questions.I said that now I rely entirely on my tenacious willpower to persist in taking care of myself in life, and it is only a moment to collapse.I said again: "I want to feel the warmth of the world before my consciousness blurs."

The waiter who set the tableware gave me a wary look, as if he was wary of my sudden transformation.I smiled at her very gentlemanly, and she handed me a glass of red wine, saying that she would invite me to taste this year's new product.I said, "If you drink first, you won't be able to eat anything."

"This is an aperitif before dinner," said the waiter.

Beijing in winter is completely shrouded in the dust of modern industry.In another ten years, the people in this city will probably suffer from claustrophobia. It may be a pity for God to leave this smog-wrapped city earlier.I walked the streets of Beijing for the second time, looking at passers-by with eyes full of pity, they were all me yesterday.The phone ringing interrupted my obsession. A sexy female voice offered to sell me a feng shui cemetery. In the past two months, I have received countless calls to sell cemeteries. also sell.I went into a toy store on the side of the road and picked out the most expensive Transformers for my son.I was also in this toy store half a year ago. My son wanted a Tyrannosaurus Rex. I thought it was too expensive and didn’t buy it. My son rolled around and broke four toys in the store. I lost 620 yuan, but the Tyrannosaurus rex was only 260 yuan. piece.I walked out of the toy store with the most expensive Transformer in my arms, and went back to buy another Transformer that was exactly the same.

When I walked to the door of the house, it should be said that I walked to the door of my ex-wife's house. I habitually fumbled for the keys in my pocket, only to realize that I had given the keys to my ex-wife.I hesitated to knock on the door, tried to adjust and warned myself: This is not my home anymore.

It was my son who opened the door. He saw the Transformer in my arms more excited than seeing me. He called me Dad perfunctorily, and took the Transformer away without giving me a chance to hug him.The eyes of my ex-wife showed excitement that I had never seen before. She pointed at my bald head and opened her mouth wide open, as if she was shocked by my new image.She turned her body and let me sit in the room.I lifted my feet up so she could see my "NB" casual shoes, and I said, "It's inconvenient to take off your shoes, so I won't go in."

The ex-wife's heart, liver, spleen, lungs and kidneys were all on her face, and she immediately showed a disappointed look. I don't know if this is the effect I want.But I know very well that my heart is filled with the pride of a winner, an emotion I have never felt before.The ex-wife was a little embarrassed, and she asked, "Why do you want to buy two of the same toy?"

I said, "I also bought one for your pig-headed nephew, so that the two children won't fight over the toy."

Under the disappointment and anticipation of my ex-wife, I walked into the elevator.I really hope that the distance from the door to the elevator is longer and longer.I have received too many disdainful looks, if, from the beginning to the end, I am so eagerly looking forward to it, I would rather the distance is from the earth to Mars.

I went back to the rented house and spent the afternoon looking up information on pancreatic cancer.In fact, I have checked it countless times in the past two months. The incidence rate of pancreatic cancer, the symptoms of pancreatic cancer, the treatment of pancreatic cancer... What shocked me the most was the description of some pancreatic cancer patients about the symptoms of advanced stage. Torture is comparable to purgatory.

"Let every life have a dignified curtain call", how does Little White Rabbit let pancreatic cancer patients have a dignified curtain call?What would I be like when I was terminal, wracked with pain like a dog, howling and begging the doctor for a shot of morphine?According to the data, the duration of most advanced patients is three months to one year. During this time period, if I don’t go to the hospital to be slaughtered, I have to think of a surefire plan.According to some family members of patients on the Internet, the price of pethidine on the black market is as high as 200 yuan a piece. I have to save this money, lest I lose my dignity at the last moment.My luck has never been good enough, so I tentatively set the period from the onset to the end of my death as half a year. If I inject one dose of Demerol every day, it will cost 6000 yuan. ten thousand yuan.In the past two days, nearly 5 yuan has been squandered, and there is 2 yuan left in the account, but this 4 yuan is the money I plan to enjoy the last time of my life in style.I'm just addicted to Chic and can't stop halfway.Save your money for suffering, but live like a slave when you can enjoy it?However, the pain of the last moment is also a lice on the bald man's head-obviously.Where else can I turn into money?I have no house, no car, no insurance, no stocks, no antiques, no jewelry, I own nothing but my body.By the way, I still have a body, can I sell the organs in my body?Aren't there many organizations that secretly sell human organs in society?I tried to search for "human organ trading" on the Internet, and the search results made me very excited. Not only were the buyers enthusiastic, but the prices were also high.Although the sale of human organs is illegal, the more illegal it is, the more profitable it is, just like drug trafficking.I wrote down a bunch of QQ numbers on paper, and began to try to contact and sell myself.Finally, a guy named "The Man Who Helps Justice" got in touch with me:
"Hello there!"

"Hello there!"

"what's up?"

"I want to sell my organs."

"you?"

"I."

"Sell what?"

"All sold."

"Want to die?"

"Sooner or later, I will die, I want to consume in advance."

The people who supported justice gave me a thumbs up, and then said: "Human organ trading is illegal."

I said, "I know, if I donate it to the hospital, the hospital will take me apart and sell me to others."

"Are you a jerk?"

"I'm not."

"Then report your name and ID information to me."

I said, "I can't reveal my personal information."

"You don't want to live anymore, what's the use of personal information."

I thought about it, so I took a picture of my ID card with my mobile phone and uploaded it to the people who helped justice.After a long time, the people in Kuangfu Justice replied to me, saying that there was no problem with my identity information, and asked me to leave my mobile phone number, saying that they would contact me. How did "they" check my ID card information? "They" wouldn't be the police, would they?So what if I'm the police, I'm not selling human organs, I'm selling myself.It's like I'm a prostitute who runs a single gang, not a gang that organizes prostitution. Even if I am caught by the police, at most I will be fined and educated.

At ten o'clock in the morning the next day, I received a call from the person who helped justice, and asked me to meet at the east gate of Juntai Department Store in Xidan at exactly eleven o'clock.I purposely put on my sunglasses and found a hat to put on, fearing that the police were really baiting me.I arrived at the east gate of Juntai Department Store as promised, and I wandered around for 10 minutes, but no one came to strike up a conversation.I dialed the mobile phone of the person who helped justice, and before I could speak, the person who helped justice asked me, is that you wearing a red baseball cap and black sunglasses?I said yes, and looked around. There were a few people with mobile phones who were in a hurry, and no one seemed to be a supporter of justice.

The people who helped justice told me to go north without stopping until I reached Lingjing Alley, and they didn't allow me to hang up my phone.My heart suddenly became tense, and I felt a bit like a spy of the CIA. I didn't expect the underworld to play such a high-end game now.The person who helped justice kept talking to me. When I walked to Lingjing Alley, he asked me to enter the subway, then take the subway for two stops, get off at Ping’anli Station, get out of Exit B, and walk west all the way to the entrance of Ping’an Hospital. , let me stand at the door and wait.

I stood at the entrance of the hospital and waited for about a quarter of an hour. Three registered "scalpers" came over and asked me if I wanted an expert number.The cell phone rang, and it was the people who supported the justice. They told me to continue walking 200 meters to the west and enter a KFC store.I found the KFC shop anxiously, and just as I walked into the shop and sat down, a small man wearing sunglasses came over, nodded at me, and sat opposite me.I asked him, "Are you someone who supports justice?"

The little man said yes, and he asked me what I was going to sell?When will it be sold?What price?I said: "Sell everything, follow your market conditions, first quote me a purchase price, and I'll see if it's suitable."

The little man looked me up and down and said, "Don't you want to live?"

I said, "I want to live, but I have cancer."

The little man asked, "What kind of cancer did you have?"

I said, "It's pancreatic cancer."

The little man took off his sunglasses, revealing a pair of bulging goldfish eyes and said, "What are you kidding me about, if cancer patients can sell it, will the world still be short of organs?"

Hearing what the little man said, I felt a chill in my heart. It turns out that they don't accept organs from cancer patients.The little man was a little excited, cursing, and asked me: "Are you crazy about money? In theory, cancer patients already carry cancer cells in their blood. Selling such organs to others is tantamount to murder. What else do you have?" No professional ethics anymore?!"

I said, "It's not my profession, so it's not professional, and of course it's not professional ethics."

The little man looked annoyed that he had been played on, and as he got up to walk outside, he spilled a Pepsi on a lady's tray.The lady jumped and cursed the little guy for rushing to reincarnate, and jumped a pair of grilled chicken wings on the tray to the ground. She angrily threw the tray on the table where I was sitting, saying that my friend caused it to her Let me compensate for the loss.I had no choice but to take out my wallet, and suddenly someone threw a red hundred-dollar bill into the lady's tray. I looked up, and it turned out that the little man came back.The little man stared into my eyes and said to the shrewd woman, "No more change, get out!"

The little man's posture not only frightened the shrewd lady, but also shocked me. The shrewd lady picked up the banknotes in the tray, and exaggeratedly shook her fat face, trying to win back a little face in her momentum, and then hurried out of the store door .Inspired by the shrewd lady, I looked back at the little man with the same determination and asked him what he wanted to do?The little man said, "Even if you're an unlucky guy with cancer, there's still one thing you can sell."

I said, "I will not sell my soul."

The little man said, "No one likes your soul, but someone needs the windows to your soul."

"Windows to the soul?" I wasn't sure what the little man was going to say.

The little man said, "Sell me your cornea. There are no blood vessels on the cornea. It is the only thing that can be sold in a cancer patient."

I asked the little man, "How much?"

The little man said, "Thirty thousand."

I said: "Even if I have cancer, I will not sell myself cheaply, one hundred thousand."

After some bargaining, my cornea was finally sold at a price of [-].The little man then took me into a van and put on a blindfold for me, saying it was to let me experience the world without corneas.I was anxious at the time and said that I am not selling now.The little man said, "I'm not buying it now either. I'll take you to sign the agreement and get the deposit."

The van drove for a full hour, and I kept feeling the world without corneas. In fact, there is nothing wrong with it. A sober person closes his eyes for a long time, and his thinking becomes clearer and clearer. , Where do you come from, where do you want to go?

I was helped by a small man to walk, and I walked about 200 meters with all kinds of crutches before the blindfold was taken off.It took me a while for my eyes to adjust to the light, and I found myself being brought into a house, which was furnished like a living room in an ordinary home. A middle-aged thin man wearing glasses was sitting on a sofa and was looking me up and down. .The thin man with glasses asked the little man, "Is his cell phone turned off?"

The little guy threw my phone on the couch and said, "Turn it off as soon as I'm on the road."

The thin man with glasses nodded, continued to look at me, and said, "Have you figured it out?"

I said I've thought about it.

The thin man with glasses picked up some A4 papers from the coffee table, handed them to me and said, "Let's sign the contract."

I took the contract and saw that it said "Personal Voluntary Donation of Human Organs Agreement", I said: "I am not donating voluntarily, I am selling it."

The thin man with glasses smiled slightly, picked up a kraft paper envelope from the sofa and threw it to me, saying, "You can't sign the agreement to sell your organs to me. It's a voluntary donation, and I will pay the money."

I opened the brown paper envelope, and there were three wads of money inside, which should be 3 yuan.I was a little anxious and said, "It's settled, it's 6 yuan."

The thin man with glasses said, "It's 6 yuan. After we get the cornea, we'll pay you the remaining half."

I said, "When you get the corneas, I won't be able to spend any more money."

The thin man with glasses said: "This is the rule of our transaction, and the remaining half of the money will be given to your family."

I said, "My family members don't need it. This money is for me to squander before I die."

The thin man with glasses said: "We pay the bill in one lump sum before we die, and we can only pay [-]."

I hesitated and said, "Forty-five thousand is forty-five thousand."

(End of this chapter)