if there is no tomorrow

Chapter 22
At one o'clock at noon, we got the room card of the presidential suite of the five-star hotel. It is said that a black president of a small African country had just lived in this room.Luan Bingran and I spent a whole afternoon adorning the presidential suite, and pulled a black banner in the living room with eight white regular scripts: Farewell to Mr. Yu Huanshui.I also drew up an elegiac couplet for myself: a coward from ancient times, who dares to live his life with inaction; a bald man all his life, helplessly facing the afterlife.

The courier company sent three boxes of candles, all of which were white, and Luan Bingran arranged the three boxes of candles in perfect order throughout the living room. I felt absurd as if I were decorating a mourning hall for myself.Luan Bingran's original idea was to invite a wedding host to host the farewell party. The host would control the atmosphere. If the atmosphere was too sad, the host could tell a joke; if the atmosphere was too cheerful, the host could be sensational.I denied Luan Bingran's idea, I think this is my place and should not be controlled by an irrelevant host.In the past two and a half months, I have experienced the most ups and downs in my life. From the initial fear, grievance, and resentment to the subsequent bearing, acceptance, and enjoyment, I feel that I can use a normal heart to look at the inevitable death .However, the so-called enjoyment is only that night in the cave.Since breaking the jar, I have shown courage that I have never had in my life, and my illusory love for Luan Bingran has inspired my mediocre wisdom. In the palm of the hand.At that moment, I felt that I was a god, not a human being.Now that I am already a god, why bother with the world.Including Luan Bingran, the love she gave me was too fast, and she left even more urgently.In fact, Luan Bingran and I really have no basis for falling in love. She is young, beautiful, fashionable, and a returnee. Even if I hide all my shortcomings, I can't get around it in the end.I should be thankful that the two of us have no foundation to love each other. If we really love each other, the next thing is to say goodbye to each other, which is too cruel for a young girl.

I didn't go to Donglaishun to eat boiled mutton with everyone, mainly because I was worried that everyone would see me as a dying person and couldn't eat it.After finishing the decoration of the presidential suite, Luan Bingran hurried to Donglaishun, where everyone who participated in the farewell party gathered, including my father.My father arrived in Beijing last night. He took the same plane as my elementary school teacher Duan Cuixiang and Fa Xiaozhang Tiehui.Luan Bingran drove a second-hand Jetta to pick him up at the airport, arranged Teacher Duan and Zhang Tiehui at a budget hotel called Super 8, and then sent my father to my ex-wife's house because my father wanted to see his grandson.But my father stayed at his ex-wife's house for less than 10 minutes, so he called me and said he was going to stay in a hotel. I asked my father why, and my father hesitated and said it was inconvenient.I had no choice but to call Luan Bingran and ask her to drive to my ex-wife's house to pick up my father and send him to Super 8.

I went to a small Sichuan restaurant outside the hotel alone, ordered a Maoxuewang, and ate two bowls of Dandan noodles, which made me sweat.At the end of the day, I went to a barbershop on purpose in the morning to shave my head bald.Luan Bingran also accompanied me to a suit shop. It was too late to make a tailor-made suit, so I picked out a suit that still fit.This suit cost nearly 6000 yuan, and I paid for it myself, because the charity only gave [-] yuan.I also gave Luan Bingran a suicide note, because I decided to donate all the money I couldn't spend after my death to the charity. I also donated my corneas and entrusted the charity to find suitable recipients.Luan Bingran said that their charity association has only accepted donations, not organ donations. She needs to consult the charity association's lawyer before she can give me an answer.

The boiled mutton was finished quickly, and it took only an hour before and after.Luan Bingran called me and said he would arrive at the hotel in 10 minutes.I also just entered the room. I lit all the white candles in the living room, then went to the bedroom to change into a suit, and quietly waited for my relatives and friends.

The first person to enter the room was my father, his eyes were cloudy and his steps were slightly shambling.It has been eight years since my mother passed away. The old couple have a deep relationship, and my father insists on supporting him alone.In the third year after my mother passed away, I tried to persuade my father to find another wife. My father said: "Your mother likes to be quiet. I'm afraid that if someone else comes to the house, she will disturb her..."

When my father saw me, he took two steps forward, grabbed one of my arms with both hands, and two lines of turbid tears flowed from his turbid eyes, neither crystal nor clear.In fact, I am looking forward to my father hugging me. This is what I have been looking forward to since I was a child, because people who look as ugly as me generally lack a sense of security in their hearts.In college, I read several books on psychology, saying that humans, like monkeys, sometimes experience "skin hunger" and that hugs between loved ones can offset the lack of security.So I wonder why Chinese people refuse to hug their relatives?When I went back to Sichuan in the summer vacation of my junior year, I made up my mind to hug my shriveled mother when I entered the door, but when I entered, what I saw was the portrait of my mother hanging in the living room.My father didn't explain too much why my mother didn't notify me of her death. He just said lightly: "A forty-ton truck ran over me, and even the human figure was gone. I'm afraid you won't be able to bear it if you see it."

I missed my mother who hugged me, and I didn't want to miss my father again. I hugged my father tightly, but unexpectedly, my father started crying in my arms like a child.At this time, I suddenly understood that my father also needs my hug.Luan Bingran and my ex-wife came up to help my father to sit down. At this moment, I suddenly felt relaxed all over. Could this be the precursor of the cancer cell attack?It shouldn't be wrong, this kind of relaxed feeling comes from the bottom of my heart, and it is a kind of psychological release. Could it be that my father's hug has recharged me?

Next, the relatives and friends who entered the living room shook hands with me one by one. Luan Bingran turned on the stereo in real time, and it was a soft and soothing old song "Farewell": I will send you to the side of the road, and your kindness will never be forgotten. Bright, across mountains and rivers forever.Sending you to the tree, how many intimate words in my heart...

In such an environment, the person who came up to shake my hand should say something like "sorrow and change", but I am the "victim", so it is obviously inappropriate to say this to me.Wei Dangjun shook my hand and said, "Brother, have a good journey!"

I said, "Let's go, let's go."

Zhao Juemin shook my hand and said, "Take care! Old Yu."

I said, "Take care and take care."

Liang Anni held my hand and said, "How precious!"

I said, "Treasure, treasure."

Wu Antong also came, and he held my hand and said, "Is there any mistake? Look at you, you have not yet reached the end of your lifespan, and you have at least three or fifty years to live. This...how do you say this... Ugh!"

I said, "Unless you lend me three or fifty years."

Duan Cuixiang, my elementary school teacher, cried like a tearful person. She held my arm and said, "This is my first time flying by plane, and I've had a good time with you. You are the most promising student I have taught."

I said, "I'm also the student you beat up the most."

My little boy Zhang Tiehammer cried so much that his eyes were red and swollen. He lightly patted my shoulder and said, "I am a fairy, do you want me to go back and find you a witch doctor? The blind child has died twice. It was the witch doctor who saved his life."

I said, "I'm a fucking atheist and witch doctors don't work for me."

Lu Fumeng shook my hand and said, "We brothers have been together for so many years, and I have bullied you a lot. After you leave, you won't come back to pester me, will you?"

I said: "You have done so much to me, I will knock on your door every night from now on, and I will sit on your toilet and sleep on your bed."

Jack and Rose came up and the three of us hugged and Jack said, "That's cool, dude!"

Ruth said: "Jack said that when he died, he would also hold a farewell party for himself."

I said, "Don't worry, there will be such a day."

My ex-wife is in a much better state than the previous few days. She didn't shake my hand or grab my arm. She walked up to me with her son and said, "Is there anything else you need me to do?"

I said, "Take care of my son, he's a genius."

My son was not in a daze today, he came up and hugged my thigh and asked, "Dad, where are you going?"

I said, "I'm going back to Mars."

Song Yuanyuan, the female college classmate I had a crush on, didn't come. Luan Bingran said that she had to think about it, and then there was no more.It doesn't matter if she doesn't come, she probably doesn't remember having a classmate like me, because after I became bald, I never attended a class reunion.The previous class reunions were all show shows for those who became officials or made a fortune. It was no different from when I was in college, and I didn't have the opportunity to speak at all.At the class reunion before, I went to toast Song Yuanyuan cheaply, and Song Yuanyuan held up a teacup and said to me: "Waiter, change me a cup of hot water, my stomach feels uncomfortable."

Under Luan Bingran's guidance, all relatives and friends sat down one by one.Luan Bingran glanced at me, and I walked to the single sofa in the middle and sat down.Everyone looked at me in unison, I cleared my throat, and said in a calm tone: "I have never been hypocritical in my life, and this time I am not hypocritical. I invite everyone to my farewell meeting today, explaining that You are all the most important people in my short life. When I speak next, whether it is light or serious, I hope everyone will not interrupt me, because that is the real trace you left in my heart .”

I picked up the cup to drink water, moistened my throat, and continued: "Needless to say, my father and my son are my closest relatives. It is unfilial for a white-haired man to send a black-haired one. If there is an afterlife, my son must live well and take care of you. As for my son, he is a genius, I firmly believe that. You can't focus on one point because your brain's computing power is too You are too powerful, but you don't know how to use your talent, just like a person who doesn't know martial arts, has opened up the two veins of Ren and Du, and has a deep internal force but doesn't know how to use it. Given time, my son will become a great weapon. I I donated all the little money I had to charity, and I don’t think my son will blame me, because geniuses don’t need inheritances.”

I turned around, looked at my ex-wife and said, "My ex-wife is a good person, kind enough, and a good financial manager. If there is a well-off family for her to take care of, she will be able to manage it very well. It's a pity that I don't know how to make money by nature, which insults the talent of my ex-wife. Find a good man to marry, I only have one request, treat my genius son well."

With tears in her eyes, the ex-wife nodded vigorously, as if to show that she listened to me very much and would immediately find a man for me.Why did my ex-wife nod her head so vigorously? I didn’t have the time to analyze it anymore. My eyes stayed on the face of my primary school teacher Duan Cuixiang. She was an unmarried girl when she was my class teacher. Now he is the principal of an elementary school.I said to Teacher Duan: "Mr. Duan, in fact, I am a genius like my son. When I am not in school, I look forward to going to school every day because I have a strong desire to learn, but I am beaten by you every day. , school became scarier than hell when I was a teenager, and later I became the only student in our class who was admitted to college, and my honest father even asked me to go to your house to thank you, in my father's words, if it wasn't for Teacher Duan Strict discipline on me made it impossible for me to be admitted to college. For many years later, I thought so too. But until one year, I got depression and went to see a psychiatrist, and talked to the doctor about my nightmare time, the doctor Just told me that it was your coach who made me feel insecure, wretched and useless. I invited you to my farewell meeting today, not to complain to you, but because I heard that you have become the principal , I'm worried about the children in my hometown, don't be as useless as me in the future, Teacher Duan."

Zhang Tiechui sat next to Teacher Duan. He looked at me expectantly, and I said to him: "Tiehammer, we both study in the same class from elementary school to junior high school to high school. Over the years, my classmates and I We both thought we were as close as brothers, but then I ran into our high school classmate Guo Huijuan in Beijing, and I realized how much you hate me."

Zhang Tiechui was anxious at the time: "What's the matter?"

I waved my hand at Zhang Tiehui and motioned him to sit down: "I have just stated that no matter what I say tonight, please listen to it. Guo Huijuan will not rush to Beijing to tell a big lie, and she and I are the same I met her by chance on Wangfujing Street, so I chose to trust her. She said that you became my spokesperson in my hometown, announcing how down and out I was, how unlucky I was, how I raped women and went to prison, according to the news you announced , I should still stay in prison now, right? I was really surprised at the time, and then Guo Huijuan gave me the answer, because I was the only one in our class who was admitted to college, so even though I looked wretched, I was the only one in the class Both of the girls in the class gave me glances, including Guo Huijuan. At that time, I wanted to leave my hometown, and I was relatively late in this aspect, so I didn't feel the glances of the two girls in the class. My bad luck was that Because you happen to be chasing after the two class girls, your jealousy has been burning for more than 20 years. The reason why I invited you to Beijing this time is to let you extinguish the jealousy in your heart and live brightly..."

Before I could finish my words, Wu Antong, who was sitting on the sofa, suddenly fell to the ground and fell unconscious instantly.Luan Bingran hurriedly dialed 120 to call for an ambulance, and we hurriedly carried Wu Antong out.While waiting for the elevator in the corridor, I met a fashionable and enchanting woman, smoking a cigarette and making a phone call: "There is an idiot named Yu Huanshui who pretends to be my college classmate and invited me to come to Beijing tonight, and I also booked the presidential suite. My college classmate didn’t call Yu Huanshui at all, he probably wanted to have sex with me, I think he can afford the president’s suit, so he flew to Beijing..."

After Luan Bingran heard this, she wanted to go up and say hello to Song Yuanyuan, so I grabbed her and whispered, "Forget it, I'm not as good as a calamus in her heart."

(End of this chapter)