Mind Reading: The Terrible Psychology 2

Chapter 4 Are you aware of your dark side? (3)
Even so, while learning useful knowledge during the growth process, as I said before, I will also learn the sense of powerlessness of learning such as "no matter what you do, it is useless, just hard work is not enough".The reason why I am not self-motivated is because I fell into this "hell trap".

Therefore, I think that even if you always maintain your intrinsic motivation (refer to P10), you should also pay attention to rewarding yourself when you achieve your goals, prepare some specific "candy", and master the secret of saving yourself from hell.

Point: Reward yourself for your hard work.

13. Unable to generate sympathy, is it because I am cold-blooded?
Keywords: compassion, cold blood
Some people brazenly say "I am a cold-blooded person" and "I will not sympathize with others".But is it so?I don't think anyone can say with certainty that, since birth, he has never once felt friendly toward another person, never once felt sympathetic to another.

When words such as "cold" and "warm" are used to describe people's hearts, they are only talking about differences in degree, not the absolute value that can be measured with a thermometer.These words should only show whether you are indifferent or enthusiastic compared with someone.

No matter who you are, you will feel sympathy for those who are in a more miserable situation than yourself. When you see beautiful flowers, you will naturally think "so beautiful", laugh when you encounter interesting things, and cry when you encounter sad things.Human beings are originally emotional animals, but the degree of emotion cannot be measured, and the level of emotion cannot be compared.

In other words, whether empathy is deep or shallow is extremely subjective.Even if you think you are very cold, you may be far more sympathetic than others, and there are things that people around you respect and say "that is a warm-hearted person".

For example, a female employee in the company was severely criticized by her boss and ran to the tea room to cry loudly. Most of her colleagues went to comfort her, but some were labeled as "cold" by the people around her because she did not comfort her.However, being reprimanded by the boss is always accompanied by a corresponding reason. If you are criticized for no reason, then rather than comfort, what you should do is to protest to the boss together.Those who can accompany them to protest are the ones who can really be rated as enthusiastic people.

Anyone who thinks they are cold is actually the type who will not be shaken by a little thing, and pays too much attention to such things as "Are you cold?"Although in the eyes of those around you, you may appear calm and calm, and even easily cause some negative misunderstandings, but there is no need to worry about whether you are a "cold-blooded person who does not sympathize with others".

In this world, there are no useless people or people who are not needed by others.There are nosy people and cool people; there are challenging people and calm people.No matter what kind of character people are, they all undertake the important task of maintaining balance in life and work.

Point: You are not cold-blooded, just calm.

14. Do you blindly envy others?

Keywords: envy, dream

It is very natural to feel envious when facing someone who is better than yourself.The other party may be a distant existence like a dream, or it may exist nearby, as long as you work harder, you can catch up.

Ask the children about their future dreams, and the answers often include "professional baseball player", "soccer player", and "movie star", etc., but this is a description of the future dream ten or twenty years from now.In psychology, this is called a long-term goal.

On the other hand, triggered by the promotion of a colleague around me, I also rushed in this direction, set it as a goal in half a year or a year, and continued to work hard towards this goal every day.This is called a near-term goal.

When it comes to goals, most people tend to think of long-term goals more easily-what they want to become in the future.If you only have this goal in your heart, you will put everything in the position of distant existence, blindly envy successful people, and as a result, you will not be able to generate any motivation at all. "Let's do it tomorrow", like this, mentally start cutting corners.

If you want to arouse the feeling of "I also want to catch up", it is not enough to have longing.

What matters is what you want to be ten years from now, and what you should be doing in a week to get there.Continue to work like this, that is, let the long-term goals be combined with the short-term goals.

Mr. Ishikawa, a professional golfer, and Mr. Ichiro, a professional baseball player, do not only have the vague goal of "becoming a world-class player", but break it down into "confirming the results of a week's training and diet therapy every week. "Such near-term goals.By using this method, I don’t think it’s too much to say that I’m able to maintain my mental strength that won’t be defeated, and I’m still active on the sports field.

Point: Work hard today for your dreams in the future.

15. Are you bored with the self who can't see the future?

Keywords: paint the future
There is such a set of lines in the old movie "Casablanca":
Woman: Where did you go yesterday?

Man: I have long forgotten what happened so early.

Woman: Can we meet tonight?

Man: Who knows what happened so late.

What a crisp conversation.Because the movie is set in World War II, these words also have the reality of "even the fate of a few hours is unknown".If you talk like this today, it's hard for a woman to slap her across the face immediately, because we live in a peaceful world.

So, if you were asked to picture your future self, how many years would you think of?And, can you clearly picture your future?Regarding these two questions, I am afraid that most people will feel very vague, and they have not considered what "future images" to depict at the beginning.

I was only told to "write about my future self" when I was a primary school student.At that time, I wrote about myself who would be engaged in various careers in the future as if in a dream.Before we know it, we stop thinking about these things and are not even sure where we will be in a year.

Faced with this situation, a boss taught me: "This is not acceptable. You must portray yourself in ten or 20 years and work hard." However, what will I become in ten years? Even if you can't describe it, it's natural.Even though I was able to describe my dreams when I was a child, in fact, to put it bluntly, it was just a distant dream of becoming an "excellent adult".As far as being able to see the image of the future without any mistakes, I am afraid that it can only be done at the time of death.

Having said that, although it is a vague matter, if you can't see what happens next, you will probably feel uneasy.Let’s think about tomorrow first, one month later if possible, one year later if we work hard, and if we have ambitions and desires, try to think about ourselves three years later.Even if it does not produce a clear image, it can roughly depict a vague self.If you can affirm this imaginary posture of yourself, then work towards the nearest goal first.If you can move in the direction you want to go, then you can relieve your anxiety about the future.

It is probably very rare for someone who can clearly draw an image of himself ten years from now, and make great strides towards this image.Instead of worrying about this distant image that you can't draw, why not imagine yourself standing in the not-too-distant future that you can imagine.

Point: Try to describe your dream three years from now.

16. How did past failures happen again?

Keywords: failure analysis, success

From birth to death, how many times will human beings fail?If you count all the big failures and small failures, it will swell to a huge number in the end.This is generally the case, and anyone who says "I have never failed a single time growing up" is sure to be accused of lying.

I think no matter who wants to avoid failure, people are trying their best not to fail.But even trying fails because what we are doing is not done by machines but by people.

We can learn a lot from one failure.Based on the experience we have learned, we should not fail the second time.Obviously it should be like this, but we can also see people who say "Isn't this the same mistake again" and are timid.This is because these people take the cave called "failure" too big.Although these people have learned how to avoid caves, they cannot use their experience and courage.

If you have neither the wisdom to avoid the cave, nor the courage to jump over the cave, then there is only a "bang", and you will fail again.It's not enough to just tremblingly let thinking go down a blind alley.Because if you fail twice, you should get twice the learning effect.

When it fails, people will definitely ask themselves "why".A psychologist named Weiner proposed that the reasons for failure should be roughly divided into four categories, namely "luck", "difficulty of subject", "effort and method" and "talent".For those who have failed many times, it is easy to attribute the cause to "talent", but this will not help yourself.If you feel depressed and think "I don't have this talent, I can't do it anyway", then you won't even have the energy to challenge again.

Because of this, let's attribute the reason to "bad luck" or "it's just that the exam is too difficult" for the time being, and let the mood calm down first, which is the most important thing.In order to maintain mental health, it is not a bad thing to find some excuses.There is nothing worse than blaming yourself.

Then, wait until the mood is more or less relaxed, and then change the way of introspection a little.For example, "Maybe you should try harder", or "Think about other methods", so as to generate the motivation to move forward.

Like the term "failology," no failure is completely useless.The important thing is to find out the "value of failure that was hard-won" and use it the next time you do something.Ordinary failures can become sharp weapons after re-correction, whether it is the failure of a broken relationship, the failure of an exam, or the failure of a marriage.The learning effect of failure must be connected with success.

Point: Analyzing failure is the first step towards success.

(End of this chapter)