Sadness begins with your name

Chapter 39 Guilt Can't Replace Love
Waking up the next day with a splitting headache, I lay on the big bed in Lin Beifeng's bedroom, wearing only a floral silk pajamas.Turning over lazily, I opened the curtains, the snow outside stopped, and the warm sunlight spilled on the quilt through the window.There was a photo of Lin Beifeng on the bedside table. He looked about eighteen or nineteen years old, with a white T-shirt, blue jeans, a guitar in his arms, and a silly grin.Next to it is my photo, because I have never taken a photo with him, so I compulsively chose a photo of myself and put it next to his.

The familiar room seemed to still have his familiar aura. If I hadn't been fully awake, I would have thought that the bedroom door might be pushed open at any moment, and Lin Beifeng stuck his head in, calling me kindly: "Little pig!" Pig, get up!"

I couldn't help but feel a pain in my heart when I thought of this, I buried my head under the quilt again, and suddenly heard someone ringing the doorbell.

He ran to open the door, but it was Xiao Zhang, Cheng Shanan's driver.He put a clothing paper bag and a hot KFC breakfast in my hand, and said, "The clothes have been washed, and the breakfast Mr. Cheng asked me to buy is also here. Ms. Bo, take it easy."

"Where is he now?" I quickly asked after taking the things.

"It's downstairs. But I'm going back to the company for a meeting soon. Mr. Cheng asked me to tell Miss Bo to have a good rest."

After Xiao Zhang left, I went back to the room and hesitated for a long time before calling Cheng Shanan.

"Last night...you helped me change my clothes?" I bit my lips, and my face turned red when I asked.

His voice was calm: "Yes. But don't worry, I can't see it anyway."

"Then we didn't have much..." My heart was pounding. In fact, I was very scared and regretful. If something happened to him after drinking accidentally, I would have to jump off the building.

He smiled softly: "Bosha, I like you, so I will respect you more than anyone else."

When Jiang Chenxi called, I was taking a hot bath in the bathroom of Lin Beifeng's house. I wanted to wake up completely and sort out the messy relationship situation.

The bell kept ringing, and I had no choice but to step out of the bathtub and run barefoot to answer the phone.

He said, can we meet up?

"I'll say it again, Mr. Jiang, I'm really not interested in you." After I finished speaking, I was about to put down the phone.

He still smiled nonchalantly at the other end: "It's okay to talk about Ye Weiyang. You should be interested in her, isn't she your rival in love? Oh, but maybe, you care more about the second ancestor of the Cheng family?"

I was so angry that he held down his jumping chest, "Tell me, what exactly do you want?"

Seeing that I was really angry, he finally put away his smile, "Ye Weiyang and I have already broken up, now, she should be in Hangzhou."

The most worrying thing still happened.Lin Beifeng and Ye Weiyang are both in Hangzhou.That is their hometown, where there are memories of their childhood sweethearts.Even if I am strong enough to participate in his present and future, I will never be able to return to his past.

I ran out of ideas, hung up the phone and curled up on the floor.The sky that had just cleared up for a while became cloudy again, and after a while, fine snow drifted down from the sky again.

After dialing out the familiar 11-digit number, I pressed the hands-free button and waited for his reply.The long, monotonous beep continues until "The person you dialed is temporarily unavailable."

I thought, why we never failed to get through his calls when we were in good hands a few days ago, but just when something went wrong, his cell phone would frequently stop answering.

Is it noisy on the street?Or is it inconvenient to pick up with Ye Weiyang?I picked up the phone and threw it hard on the sofa.

Immediately I got dressed and went downstairs, walked half a street and finally found a train ticket agency. Even the station tickets to Hangzhou that day were sold out, and there were no sleeper berths within three days. I waited in line for a long time before I bought one. A ticket for a hard seat at five o'clock in the morning the next day.

It was already afternoon, I was dizzy after not eating anything all day, and I felt very bleak when walking on the road with the train ticket in my pocket.In such a big city, with so many people around, I don't have a single person I can rely on, or a nest to live in.Just like a bird flying on the edge of the city, it is alone, screaming in distress, unable to find the warm nest.

After I went back, I cooked a pack of instant noodles for myself, and fell asleep on the sofa without washing the pot after eating.

When I woke up, it was pitch black, and the hands of the clock with luminous light on the wall pointed to three o'clock.I got up immediately, packed two pieces of clothes and simple toiletries, locked the door and went downstairs.

The temperature in the middle of the night was bitingly cold. I stood on the side of the road and waited until my hands and feet were almost numb before I hailed a taxi.At five o'clock sharp, I boarded the train from Beijing to Hangzhou, and in a dozen hours, I could see Lin Beifeng.

When the phone ringing woke me up, I was having a dream. In the dream, Lin Beifeng and Ye Weiyang were walking in front holding hands, and I followed behind them, calling his name pitifully.But they walked faster and faster, and gradually I couldn't even see their backs.The whole world turned black and gray, but the sky in the distance was distorted red like a flame. It swirled and moved towards me, blocking my mouth and throat, and I was about to suffocate...

"Hey, wake up! Don't sleep in the car, be careful not to be stolen." The patrolling marshal pushed me awake, and I opened my eyes with tears still on my face.On the opposite side, an old woman with a kind face looked at me softly and said, "Girl, dreams are always reversed, don't cry."

I wiped my tears and hummed, picked up the phone, but it belonged to Ye Weiyang.

She asked me, "Is North Wind with you?"

I was stunned, and it took me a long time to answer: "What do you mean? Shouldn't I be with you? Ye Weiyang, stop pretending, is it interesting?"

She cried out in surprise: "What are you talking about, Bao Sha? I have an urgent matter with Lin Beifeng, about his aunt in his hometown, please let him answer the phone."

Are they not together?
"Aren't you in Hangzhou?"

"Oh, I'm not here, I'm in Beijing. Since he's not here, I'll hang up." Ye Weiyang hung up the phone in a hurry, I was stupid again.Can anyone tell me what's going on, am I too stupid, or is someone playing tricks on me?
The train was about to arrive in Xuzhou, so I had no choice but to call Lin Beifeng to verify. Unexpectedly, the phone was turned off this time, and I couldn't contact him at all.This is the tragedy of modern life, when communication tools are cut off, all connections between people are suddenly lost.

He was dubious about Ye Weiyang's words, and was considering whether to get off at Xuzhou Station, when Cheng Shanan's phone call came in suddenly, and he said: "Is there anything going on today? I have a few concert tickets, don't you like Andy Lau very much? Remember when I also I took you there, but before the concert started, you ran away alone..."

"Cheng Shanan." I interrupted him, "Can you do me a favor?"

It is my great sorrow to be ignorant in life.I can only ask Cheng Shanan to help me go to Lin Beifeng's house to see if he has come back.

He was silent for a while, and said, "Okay. Then be careful by yourself, and I will notify you immediately if there is any news."

Half an hour later, the train stopped at Xuzhou Station for 2 minutes. I called Cheng Shanan with the luggage I had prepared. After ringing for a long time, I finally got through. There was a quarrel between men.

"Who are you to her!"

"Get out of my house..."

The roar was full of strong anger, and it was mixed with the sound of objects breaking. I don't know what happened on the other end, but I clearly recognized Lin Beifeng's voice.

Sure enough, he was in Beijing.

It was bumpy and dusty all the way, and it was eight or nine in the evening when I returned to Beijing. When I walked out of the train station, the snow had disappeared, and the gray sky covered the complexity and heaviness of the city.

The last call he received before the phone battery died was from Jiang Chenxi. He said, your two boyfriends had a fight, one was at the hospital and the other was at the police station.Which one are you going to see first?
The sentence "Your two boyfriends are fighting" seemed familiar, I was standing on the busy street with my luggage, and suddenly remembered that I had said this sentence to Ye Weiyang.How ironic, I laughed at myself, and said to Jiang Chenxi on the other end of the phone: "Don't gloat over there. Since you care so much about my affairs, come pick me up at the train station. I'm very tired."

I was so tired that I sat down on the curb and couldn't get up again. I hugged my bag containing money and mobile phone, leaned against a lamppost, and fell asleep with my head down up.

This sleep is rare and sweet these days, and I didn't even have a dream.I just felt that the wind was very strong and the air was very cold at first, but then somehow, it was like walking into a heated room, my whole body was warm, and there seemed to be light music lingering in my ears.

"Are you awake?" Slowly opened his eyes, just in time to see a man's side face, he was holding the steering wheel, with a smug smile on his handsome face: "Now you can choose to go to the hospital or the police station, or follow me Walk."

I gave him a weak look, straightened up from the passenger seat, "Go to the hospital."

"Don't you ask who was knocked down? Sure enough, a bowl of water is fair." He turned his head and looked at me with a little meaning in his eyes: "But feelings are often unfair. You love Whoever wins wins, and everyone else loses."

"You talk less nonsense." Although what he said had some truth, my mind would not change.He stopped talking, stepped on the accelerator, and the BMW accelerated forward, making me dizzy and almost throw up.

It was almost late at night when I arrived at the hospital. After passing through the noisy inpatient department, he led me all the way to a newly built building in the hospital, which is where the advanced wards and special care wards are located.

"Don't you ask who's inside?" When he got on the elevator, he lowered his head and asked me, paying special attention to my expression.

I lowered my head and didn't want to say a word. After half a minute of silence, the elevator door opened with a ding, and I walked out. I saw many people in black suits standing in the corridor.

When they got closer, it wasn't difficult to see the small company logo embroidered on the chests of these people's clothes, and some of them greeted Jiang Chenxi softly when they saw them.

"These are all from the Central Group. Cheng's parents are career-oriented, and the son is hospitalized and sent to take care of the staff."

In any case, Cheng Shanan was a blind man, but Lin Beifeng actually injured him, I really didn't know what to say, my chest was full of certain emotions, angry and guilty.

Jiang Chenxi's communication skills are good, but within a few minutes he settled the escort outside the ward.

Cheng Shanan was lying on the hospital bed, with white gauze wrapped around his forehead, and a plaster cast on his left elbow was hung on his chest.I stood quietly at the head of the bed, not daring to wake him who was sleeping soundly.

Jiang Chenxi said in a low voice, "Actually, it wasn't Lin Beifeng who hit him. He has bad eyesight. The two of them were fighting at the door, and they might have accidentally fallen down the stairs."

I turned my head and asked, "How do you know so clearly?"

He stood by the window sill, lifted the blue curtains and looked at the night outside, heaved a sigh: "It's snowing again." After a pause, he turned his face and looked at me with a faint smile: "Because I was also at the scene. When Young Master Cheng looked for Lin Beifeng, I went too."

Although I don't know the depth of friendship between Cheng Shanan and him, maybe, Jiang Chenxi has Jiang Chenxi's way.I took a few deep breaths and said to him, "Can you go out for a while? I want to be alone with him."

"OK. I'll wait for you outside." He shrugged his shoulders, lowered the curtain, and turned to go out.

I don't know if Cheng Shanan is asleep, but I still decided to have a chat with him. It's been a long time since I've spoken to anyone.From the age of 14 to the present, the time has been fragmented, and I can't even remember a period of time that was particularly complete and bright.Except for the time with Lin Beifeng.But that was too short-lived, those beautiful things, rare as platinum diamonds, looked beautiful, but they were too expensive, and they were accidentally broken when they were held in their hands.

I sat down with my back against the edge of the bed, feeling extremely exhausted physically.I started talking about it when I was 14. I said Cheng Shanan, do you still remember when we first met?You are a famous ruffian king, and I am a rebellious girl. You threw a note in class and the teacher hit me with a chalk tip.You kept stabbing me with the tip of a compass, how bad you were then.However, you suffered a lot because of me. I quarreled with my math teacher, and you slapped her for me. When I went home, your father beat you to pieces... I will remember your kindness.

I don't know if it's still snowing outside the window, but the surrounding area is very quiet, and the lights in the ward cast faintly, the atmosphere is very suitable for nostalgia, some old times.

The next paragraph is what I don't want to mention, but I have to touch and face it.

Because I ran into Ning Qinglan and Lin Yuehe, I ran away in anger, and forced you to take me to play billiards. I never imagined that from that day on, your life lost its light, and I became a sinner, a person who will never be forgiven own sinner.

I murmured, and when I mentioned this, my heart was as sad as a knife. I buried my head in my knees and cried while talking.

"Cheng Shanan, I'm really really sorry." I sobbed, but I didn't realize that he had already woken up on the bed behind me and was listening quietly.

When I was crying, he raised his hand probably to comfort me. At this time, I cried and said: "But Cheng Shanan, guilt can't replace love. I will try my best to repay you and make up for you, but I'm sorry...I love Lin Beifeng is the one who loves him. In this life, he can only be alone."

"I see, Bosha."

A soft male voice rang in my ears, and I looked up to see the smile on his face and the tears in his eyes.His right hand was on the back of my hand, and his tone was very sad: "I really hope that time can go back to eight years ago. We were so happy together at that time, and I only wanted to be good to you at that time. At that time, you I haven't met Lin Beifeng yet."

At that time, his eyes were not blinded by me.I thought sadly, maybe I should repay him with a promise of my body and take care of him for the rest of my life.But unfortunately, I met Lin Beifeng, and then fell into a lifetime.

"I believe that in this world, there must be a girl worthy of your love and better treatment for her. Cheng Shanan, thank you and I'm sorry."

I slowly withdrew my hand from his clenched right hand, and then stood up, "Everything owed is on me. Cheng Shanan, believe me, one day, I will repay you and repay you." He Shaking his head gently, "No..."

"I'm sorry Cheng Shanan. Now, I'm going to find him. Because I'm afraid that it will be too late. I want to hold on to the love I've been waiting for for 8 years. I will never let anyone snatch him away."

I rushed out of the ward with big strides, I was running in the corridor, Jiang Chenxi, who was smoking in some corner, ran out, pulled out the cigarette from his mouth and shouted at me: "Where are you going? Wait for me."

I told Jiang Chenxi that I was going to find Lin Beifeng, and he said yes, Lin Beifeng is squatting at the police station.Soon after Cheng Shanan fell down the stairs and was taken to the hospital, the Cheng family called the police.If you don't redeem him, he might stay there for half a month.

I urged him to drive quickly, Jiang Chenxi yawned, turned his head and looked at me with a weary smile: "Do you know it's urgent now? Don't worry, he stays there, he can't run away even if he wants to."

The white BMW roared and galloped on the streets late at night, and the intricate overpass lights in the distance converged into a bright light in my sight. I opened the car window, and a gust of cold wind came in with snowflakes and rushed into my eyes.

He immediately closed the window, "Silly you, it's so cold outside."

"A little dizzy." I said softly.

He glanced at me, slowed down the speed of the car, and said with some reproach in his tone: "It's caused by not having a good rest. It's really an eye-opener to meet a girl like you... a muscle, let's admit it." He said in a hurry, the car Driving on the overpass, he said again: "I heard that you have been in love with the same person for eight years? Oh, really, the War of Resistance should be won."

"My love has not yet won. At least, there is a possibility of losing at any time." I tilted my head on the backrest and murmured, "By the way, did you and Wei Young really break up?" Thinking of this question, I sat down again. straight.

"Yeah." Seeing his sloppy look without the slightest hint of sadness, I curled my lips and said, "You haven't taken her seriously at all, have you? Playboy! Frivolous!"

He turned his head and grinned happily: "I'm not being frivolous to you. Why are you angry? Besides, she has never given me her sincerity. The two of them are acting on the spot, so it's best to get together and get away."

If I didn't need a driver in the middle of the night, I would have gotten out of the car and stayed away from this person.Tried to dial Lin Beifeng's cell phone again, but the phone you dialed was still turned off.

Jiang Chenxi said, "Can I answer your phone at the police station? Just kidding."

I ignored him, put away my phone, and silently looked at the road ahead and the scattered snowflakes in the sky.

The car stopped at the gate of the police station, I took a few deep breaths, and said to myself silently: Take him home, explain everything clearly, from now on, love each other well.

There were only two policemen on duty in the office of the police station. As soon as I entered, a skinny little policeman asked, "What's the matter with you?"

"My boyfriend is here, I want to take him back." I fixedly looked at the little policeman.Jiang Chenxi hurriedly added an explanation: "She means to come for bail. This person is called Lin Beifeng. He was arrested for beating someone."

"Oh, let me check." The little policeman sat in front of the computer and searched in one of their internal systems, and then said, "It has been released."

"It was released?" We asked in surprise at the same time, "Who is the bailee?"

The little policeman looked at the computer again, and said, "Ye Weiyang."

(End of this chapter)